THE SPAWNS

In Love With You

Chapter XVIII—Lilibeth

© DarknessAndLight

I pressed my forehead against the hard door and breathe in and out slowly.

What. Is. Wrong. With. Me?

Something must be wrong with me because normal, rational people didn’t go on kissing boys for no reason and didn’t just say they didn’t want to talk about it and shut the door in their faces.

A normal, rational person wouldn’t want to open that door and kiss Cole again. A rational person would know that kissing Cole had been really irrational. I shouldn’t have done it, especially after Dakota’s apparent treat. Was it even legal for me to kiss Cole? No, it wasn’t.

So that question had to be asked again. What was wrong with me?

There was a soft knock on the door. “Lilibeth, please. Open the door. I don’t care what you say. We need to talk about this.”

I breathe again slowly, deeply, trying to clear my head and figure out what was the best way to deal with this. I couldn’t possibly ignore what I had just done, especially since my lips still tingled from the touch, I still had a hard time catching my breath and my heart still beat frantically against my ribcage.

Just ignoring it would have been easier though, ignoring the boy I could hear moving around on the other side of that door. I could imagine him pacing around in circles, running his hand through his hair.

I should have kept my stupid hormones in check.

“Beth, come on, don’t shut me out.” I closed my eyes, hitting my forehead lightly against the door. His voice… if he kept talking like this, sounding heartbroken, I was actually going to open the door. “Does it have anything to do with Dakota? What did she do?”

And that did it—I yanked the door open. It wasn’t because of his heartbroken voice though, it was because I was suddenly very mad.

Those kisses we had just shared, I didn’t want them tainted by his stupid cousin, even if it had been stupid for me to kiss him. Those kisses were just the conclusion to that almost kiss we shared on his bed. It was the result of all those feelings that had been building up between us.

It had absolutely nothing to do with his obnoxious cousin.

And for him to assume that, it angered me.

But what also angered me was the fact that whether I liked it or not, what his cousin had said was true, no matter how much I didn’t want to think about it.

Being with Cole couldn’t work. At least not now. Probably never though.

And just like that I exploded. I didn’t let him say a word, I just took two steps forward and my face must have showed my outrage because Cole backed up, and then pulling at my hair, I all but shouted at him. “Just forget about me! Go out with girls, girls your own age that aren’t damaged and messed up like me! Get yourself a girlfriend! Move on, Cole! I’m not good for you! You should be with someone that makes you happy, someone you don’t worry about every five minutes, you need someone mature that understand you. Someone you aren’t going to get arrested for kissing. You don’t need a messed up kid like me!” I had been trying so hard to not start sobbing that I was basically gasping for breath when I stopped my speech.

And Cole wasn’t having it. “Don’t you get it?” He threw his hands up in the air in exasperation. “God damn it Beth! What do I have to say to you for you to understand!? Isn’t it obvious enough? I don’t want anyone else. I. Want. You!”

And just like that, he had said what I had hoped to hear for so long… but it didn’t matter, because what I had just told him still stood.

“But you can’t have me so forget about me! Leave me alone!” I hissed at him, trying to keep the tears from falling out of my eyes.

“You don’t mean that, I know you Beth. You don’t want me to leave,” Cole answered in a levelled voice.

“It doesn’t matter what I want!” I shouted back. Couldn’t he see this? Didn’t he understand this?

“THEN WHAT DOES!?” he yelled, throwing his arms in the air.

“WHAT’S RIGHT!” I burst, “WHAT’S FUCKING RIGHT COLE! And I’m not right for you!”

I wasn’t the yelling type and even if we had been raising our voice and even if Cole had just been yelling, my answer had surprised the beautiful boy in front of me. It probably wasn’t just my tone of voice though, but also what I had said. How could he not see it though?

“Stop saying that… please, please Beth, don’t say that…” Cole breathed softly.

I blinked a few times, trying to keep my head levelled. It was for the best. Doing this was for the best. Still, I wanted to apologize, to make the blow less painful for him. I didn’t want to hurt him—I was doing this for the exact opposite reason. “Cole… I…”

He stopped me before I could say more. “Please just… I… I love you Beth…”

For a fraction of a second, I almost threw myself in his arms and started to kiss him again. Saying he wanted me had been enough of a blow. Hearing him say that he loved me… it was too much. Just too much. I wiped my eyes before my tears fell out of them. I shook my head, unable to accept his last words. “You don’t…”

“I do…” Cole took a step forward and cupped my cheek with his hand, making me look in his eyes. “God, I do…” he whispered.

I shook my head again and stepped out of his grasp. “Don’t…”

“What are you so scared of?” he added in his soft voice. “Don’t you love me? Or at least feel something for me? When we were kissing just then you can’t possibly tell me you weren’t feeling anything.”

Oh Cole, of course I was. But it doesn’t matter. “Cole, please… just let it go,” I pleaded.

His gaze became cold. “Then, tell me you hate me. Tell me you never want to see me again. Tell me how I feel is petty and meaningless and stupid!”

Deep down, I realized that he expected I wouldn’t be able to say it, but I knew better. Of course I would say it. If it could make him move on more easily, and hurt less, of course I would say it, however painful it would be for me to say. “I hate you! I never want to see you again! How you feel is petty and meaningless and stupid!” I yelled at him, close to sobbing. And he looked like someone had just punched him. He recoiled a little, and left out a surprised breath.

“Wow,” he breathed, and he looked at me almost haughtily. “And here I always thought you were the selfless one. You really are selfish Lilibeth.” And with those words, he turned on his heals and walked away.

And this time, I was the one that felt like being punched. Cole never had never said anything even slightly mean to me. He’d tease me to no end, but he’d never point out a flaw like that, with anger in his eyes. Ever.

I had deserved it though, I knew it.

And there was no point for me to run after him and say I didn’t mean anything I had just said, and that I loved him too and that I had never felt more alive then when I had kissed him. Because all of this would have been for nothing. I was still too young for Cole and all sorts of wrong.

Cole still deserved better.

There was no point in running after him, but I did have to get away from here. Without realizing it, I ended up in the music room, sitting in front of the grand piano.

I had no idea what I was playing, I just knew my tears kept hitting the keys and it felt like someone had ripped my heart.

And someone had ripped my heart—I had ripped my own heart.

“Everything’s alright honey?” I was startled to hear my father’s voice and jumped on the bench I was sitting on. Quickly, I tried to wipe away all my tears before he could see I had been crying but it was a lost cause. My father always noticed that kind of thing. Slowly, he walked up to me, and sat beside me on the bench. “What was all that shouting about earlier?”

I shrugged. Papa continued to play the piece I had been playing, and I joined him. “Nothing. Cole was just saying stupid things.” I answered quietly.

“And by stupid things you mean he was telling you he was in love with you?”

My cheek burned bright red and my fingers stilled on the keys. “He’s not in love with me.”

I got a slight shove on my shoulder. “I thought I had showed you how to know when a boy was madly in love with you?”

I left out a loud breath and kept playing. “It doesn’t matter Papa, I told him to move on and forget about me.”

Papa frowned beside me and seemed to think about what he was going to say next for a good minute. “Have I ever told you that your mother wasn’t always madly in love with me?” he finally said softly.

“Yeah, right,” I chuckled humourlessly. I couldn’t see that, imagine that, my mother not loving my father, it was an impossible concept.

“It’s true. Up until senior year your mother didn’t even know my actual name. She thought I was named Drake.” He snorted at the memory. “And she said mean things to me, things to keep me away from her when we were younger and it made me do things, things I regretted over the years. I… dated a lot of girls before your mother because I thought I could never have her and you can’t know how much I regretted it in the long run.”

I frowned. “Why are you telling me this?”

Papa stopped playing and turned, looking at me straight in the eyes. “Don’t say things to Cole that will make him do things he will regret in the long run. And don’t push him away because you’re scared. So what if you guys have to wait a couple years till you can go out? As far as I’m concerned you waiting to date boys is a very good thing.”

“It’s not fair to ask him to wait, you know,” I replied.

“If he really loves you, trust me, he’ll wait.”

I sighed in exasperation. Why didn’t anybody understand why Cole and I just couldn’t work? “It doesn’t matter anyway. He’s not going to wait anymore. I told him not to.”

Papa gave me a I-thought-you-were-smarter-than-that look. “Well, he’s still in the house and as far as I know, he’s not going to go find himself a girlfriend in the next hour. So go fix it.”

I froze for a second. And then I turned back to the keys and started to play again, a little stoically though. “There’s nothing to fix. Things are better this way.”

Papa sighed heavily, but joined me. “You really are as stubborn as your mother.”

“I’m not stubborn, I’m realistic. He and I, it’s just not going to work,” I grumbled.

“I thought Jayden was the unobservant one,” he mumbled beside me.

“Papa,” I groaned

“Lilibeth,” he replied, mimicking my tone.

“You know, a father shouldn’t be telling his daughter to go date boys!” I answered, annoyed.

“Not boys, just one boy and it’s just because he reminds me of myself sometimes. He’s like a second son and I trust him. I know he’s not going to hurt you and I know he genuinely loves you.”

Why was he telling me this? Did I need more reason to be heartbroken and feel like the meanest person in the world?

“I really don’t see why he does…” I whispered, looking down at the piano keys.

“Then I’ve got myself a very blind daughter.” He said softly, lifting my chin with his index to look in his eyes, smiling at me. “Just think about what I said, alright?”

“Alright…”

We kept playing for I don’t know how long after that, my father never saying anything else, until mama finally came into the room to tell us to go to sleep.

Papa gave me a look before we parted to go to our own rooms.

It didn’t matter though, what he thought didn’t matter, only what was right.

It all came down to this—I just didn’t feel like I deserved Cole. I didn’t deserve someone as good as him, and he deserved so much better. That was what was right.

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A/N: Don't kill me! 8D I know I made you guys wait foooooorever and then drop this bomb on you, but hey, you guys know me! I don't destroy things for no reason! It's to build them up more solidly later! ;P

The chapter is dedicated to SilenceInTheShadows who made the lovely cover on the side! Thaaaaanks! :D Also, if you're one of the many peeps who's made me a cover or a banner and I still haven't posted it on the side, you can re-send it to me. I've been getting soooo many messages that i've been having a hard time keeping track of everything! :S

Anyway, as always, thank you SO much for being patient with me. I know the waiting sucks, trust me, and I do wish I was uploading every day too but I've been working too much and just don't have the time for anything! :(