THE SPAWNS

My Will Power Crumbles

Chapter IX—Lilibeth

© DarknessAndLight

Cole and I ran side by side in the quiet streets, the only sound ringing through my ear being the rhythmical intake of our breathes and the pounding of our steps on the asphalt.

            I wanted to keep up with him. Cole had longer legs than me and an excellent cardio, but the countless hours I spent dancing and running helped me.

            One of the many things I loved about Cole was that he didn’t act like he needed to be careful with me and give me chances. Whenever I went running with Jay-jay he would start by walking fast instead of breaking into a run, trying to spare me too much straining I guess, like I was something he needed to worry about and be careful with. I had to run faster if I wanted him to run with me too.

            Cole didn’t do that. The minute he had stepped out he had sped up to the street and it had taken me a few seconds to catch up with him. It was silly but I loved the way he pushed me, how I always wanted to be a better person with him because he knew I could be and deep down I believed him. And it was silly to think about the things I loved about him when I shouldn’t be thinking that way. I shouldn’t be thinking about those things. I shouldn’t even have gone running with him in the first place.

            “Is everything alright,” Cole inquired looking back at me—as I had been thinking, I had slowed down.

            I made a face and picked up my pace. “Lost in thoughts, sorry.”

            Cole smiled warmly at me but it quickly turned playful. “First to get to the park,” he challenged and broke into a sprint, not even giving me time to get my bearings.

            I immediately sped up, pushing my legs as hard as I could. For a short while, I was neck to neck with him, but of course, he hadn't been giving his hundred percent all the way so he quickened his pace again and doubled me. I stopped running when he did, laughing soundlessly, my hands pressed against my legs, trying to catch my breath. After a few seconds, I pushed my fringe up, took a deep breath and jogged to the park which was only about fifty meters away.

            Cole was doing a little victory dance when I arrived. He had actually lifted his shirt over his face and was running in circles, basically blind—he really had a problem with doing that. There were a few people hanging around that were looking at him weirdly. I wasn’t blaming them. Cole rarely ever fitted in the “normal” pool. I saw a group of girls from my school giving each other little elbow shoves and fanning themselves while looking and pointing at him. Obviously, his little victory dance was clearly showing his very nice form and they were noticing it.

            It angered me. Of course, I knew Cole was good-looking—insanely good-looking—but seeing other people, other girls, acknowledging it made me feel uneasy. But when he was away, back in college, living in dorms, hundreds of miles away from me, dozens of girls, of women, must be recognizing that fact without my knowledge of it. It shouldn’t be affecting me in any way. But it did, and the thought of others did too. There was rarely a time where I did not worry about others, because of course there would be others, why wouldn’t there be any?

            I should want others, for Cole’s sake. But for my sake I hope there would never be any. Unfortunately I also knew that was exactly what I was wishing for Cole—to find a girl, the right girl for him, anyone but me.

            Cole’s voice stopped my gloomy thoughts. “Don’t be such a sore loser Kitten,” he shouted teasingly, running my way. His shirt was off his face now. It was a fair compromise—face or body both were highly note-worthy.

            “I’m not a sore loser, you’re just a bad winner,” I replied, a smile creeping up on my face. 

            “That’s what sore losers say to try to convince others they aren’t,” he taunted, taking a few tentative steps towards me. I knew him enough to know exactly what he was trying to do here. I saw him go for my arm to then trip me with his foot before he had the time to react and I dodged the attack and sprinted away laughing.

            He automatically follow suit, I could hear him calling my name, laughing too. He was catching up fast and before I had time to get far, he was grabbing me around the waist and sweeping me off my feet while I squealed and shrieked and laughed. If it hadn’t been for the laughing I’m sure some people around the park would have come to my aid with all the commotion we were making.

            When Cole finally set me down, I was out of breath but also happy, utterly happy.

            In my run, we had reached the spot with a swing and no one was on it. Cole sat on one of the rubber swing and I on the one next to it, facing the other way. I pushed myself back and forth a little, Cole and I still chuckling now and then.

            After a couple minutes of laughter, Cole talked. “I’m sorry about last night.”

            I looked down at my feet, the heels of my running shoes digging in the dirt. “Don’t worry about it,” I answered in a small voice. I didn’t really want to talk about it.

            “I mean it,” he pressed, “sometimes I don’t exactly think thoroughly before I act and all I thought about was that the guy’s been a jerk to you and I really wanted to ruin his car because of it. Well, what I really want is to ruin his face, but I thought starting with the car would be better.”

            “I know why you did it Cole,” I sighed, still looking at my shoes. Because it was his twisted way at being chivalrous—through mischief and destruction of property.

            Fingers slowly tilted my chin up, until I looked in his eyes. “But you’re still the one who’s going to have to deal with it later if he figures it out,” Cole breathed. My own breath caught in my throat.

            I don’t think he knew the effect he had on me. Even right now, just sitting beside him was all it took to make me melt inside. But having him look at me that way… the way papa looked at mama sometimes, it was unsettling, so much more than unsettling actually. It was eerie and surreal. It made me want to recompose gravity laws because surely there was a reason for my gaze to be completely mesmerized by his, his green eyes melting me inside.

            I blinked twice and took a settling breath. “It’s kind of too late for regrets, you know.”

            “Sorry again,” he pressed, not letting go of my chin. My whole body felt like it was heating up all from that simple touch, his warmth flowing through me from his fingertips.

            “I’ll be fine,” I mumbled.

            “I know you will,” he whispered back. He still wasn’t letting go of my chin and I could swear he had moved closer to me. I gripped the metal chains holding my rubber seat, but my hands were getting shaky. He had to let me go. Let me go. I blinked again, and willed to look away.

            Finally, I gazed away and Cole’s hand drop, though almost reluctantly. “So, anyway, what’s up with you?” My eyes narrowed. “Hey, don’t give me those eyes, this is not Jay’s what’s up, it’s Cole’s. I want to know what’s new with you, we haven’t talked in ages,” his voice turned high pitch, the way he only knew how to do, “dish girlfriend, I want to know all about the scandalous life of Miss Lilibeth Kitten Eaton.”

            I shook my head, but couldn’t help smiling a bit. “That’s not my middle name.”

            He snapped his fingers, pointing at me with both his index. “It’s your show name.”

            I rolled my eyes and snorted softly at the same time. “I’m not a stripper.”

            That made him grinned widely. “Well, see, that’s one thing to cross off the list, you haven’t been twirling around a pole. Good to know, what next?”

            I let out a breath and shrugged. “Same old same old. Ballet, piano, violin, and reading. I enrolled in a contemporary dance class. I need to make my own choreography,” I trailed, frowning a bit.

            “What’s with the face,” Cole inquired. “I know that’s something you wanted to be able to do, actually pick your music and routine.”

            “Well,” I shrugged again, “it’s in teams and the people I’m with… it’s just not going the way I was seeing it in my head,” I blurred the end in a rush.

            “Well, they can’t all have you raw talent,” he said and poked me on the side.

            I slapped his hand away. “Stop teasing me!”

            He laughed. “Stop being so cute.”

            I glared a bit. “I’m not a puppy.”

            “Thank Buddha for that,” Cole exclaimed almost in a halleluiah.

            I rolled my eyes at his choice of words. “Buddha has nothing to do with it, it’s just standard biology.” Cole half smiled at me, and he wasn’t touching me anymore but I could still feel his warmth were his fingers had been and I wondered if I would always feel this way with him, I wondered if I would ever be able to feel this way with anyone else, if it was just Cole or it was because he was a boy. And I realized I didn’t want to feel this way with anyone else.

            “Standard biology, hmm,” Cole trailed, his eyes never leaving mine.

            We ran to get back to his house. Maika was already gone, but Jay-jay was impatiently waiting. Just by looking at him I knew he had a new idea for an art project. And when my big brother looked at me, he warned his friend that he shouldn’t be scaring his little sister. Cole just laughed it up. Jayden was still as unobservant as he always had been.

            I didn’t feel frightened to be honest, well maybe just a little, but I felt more elevated than anything, elevated and confused and… lost.

            If I reacted this way and he had just touched my chin and looked at me in the eyes for too long, I couldn’t even imagine how it would feel to press my lips against his… I would probably combust on sight.

            After grabbing my stuff, Jay and I left. I wasn’t even able to look at Cole in the eyes when we said goodbye. I was so hopeless.

            When we got home, my plan was to go straight to my room, drop my things, take a shower and hide in my tree for the rest of the day. I dreaded the confrontation with my father—I just knew he would want to give me a sermon. And I was pretty positive he would be home when I got home.

            I wasn’t wrong.

            “We’re home!” Jay called out when we stepped through the threshold.

            I dodged around my brother and sprinted up the stairs before I could hear any response and closed the door behind me. Quickly, I grabbed a set of changing clothes and opened my door to get to the bathroom.

            I came face to face with my father.

            “Lilibeth…” my father trailed.

            “I already know what you’re going to ask Papa.” I tried to duck under his arm, but he wasn’t letting me go anywhere. I huffed in annoyance at the realization.  

            “Oh you do,” he asked, tauntingly

            “Yes. You’re going to ask me what that was all about at the table last night,” I replied in a rush and tried to duck again. Needless to say I failed.

            He laughed. “Did I ever tell you I love how observant you are?”

            I rolled my eyes. I wasn’t seeing any openings. “Plenty of times Papa.”

            My father crossed his arms over his chest, looking at me with his serious eyes. There was more grey in them when he looked at me that way. “I still want to know what that was all about at the dinner table last night…”

            “Nothing,” I answered hastily.

            He raised his eyebrows. “It didn’t look like nothing to me, and knowing you, I know it wasn’t nothing to you too.”        

            I sighed heavily. Couldn’t my father just drop the matter? I certainly did not need the reminder. “It’s not important Papa.”       

            “Do you like him?”

            That was slightly out of the blue…

            “Of course I like him, everyone likes him, he’s part of our family,” I countered automatically.

            “Not like that, Lily, I didn’t mean like that, do you like him?” I looked down at my feet, my hand closing around my bracelet. My eyes were filling up with tears for no good reason. “I see how he looks at you Lily…”

            And I see it too, I see it and it eats at me, my will power crumbles and all I want is… nothing I want nothing…

            “And how you look at him…” Why did he have to do this to me? Why did he have to remind me? I had just been with him. Of course I knew how he looked at me. I remembered it very clearly. My possibly still red cheeks were proof enough.

            “Can we just let it go,” I breathed, trying to hold in my tears.

            “Lilibeth, it’s okay if you like him. As much as I don’t enjoy the thought of my only daughter starting to date boys, I’d rather it was Cole. I know him and I know he’s a good kid and he’d never hurt you, or do anything inappropriate. He cares too much about you.” I wanted to cover my ears as he talked. I didn’t want to hear this, I didn’t need to hear this. Anything but this. It wasn’t going to happen, ever, I would make sure of it, so why rub it in?

            “Papa, can we just please not talk about this, please,” I pleaded.

            “So you see it but you don’t want to acknowledge it? You’re worse than your mother,” my father replied. I knew he was trying to tease me, but it wasn’t working.

            “In all fairness, I think my mother managed to do fine on her own,” I answered, looking up, and though my eyes were still filled with tears I tried to sound and look angered more than sad and devastated.

            I think he hadn’t anticipated the tears. It unsettled my father a bit. “Oh, it wasn’t all on her own, trust me, she needed a lot of pushing,” he trailed but I was already ducking around him and sprinted straight to the bathroom.

            “Whatever you say,” I replied as I closed the door behind me and locked it. And when the water started to run and would cover any noise, I burst into tears.

            How were you supposed to go on with life like this? How were you supposed to fight those feelings? How were you supposed to go on when it felt like your heart was going to explode with all the love it held?

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A/N: Sorry for the long wait. School and all. Bleh. 

So, hmm, for the title for the next chapter, I want to try something new. I don't have "title worthy" material for it yet. I used to have chapters in advance, but now all I have are bits of future-fuuuuture conversations, so nothing to pull a title for the next chapter out. So, here's what I offer. You guys tell me what you'd like the chapter to be named. Remember that the title is always part of the chapter so don't write anything TOO ridiculous and out of the blue! lol The next chapter is in Jayden's POV, so in your comments, give me what you'd want and the one I prefer or the one that is more fitting will be the grand winner (plus I'll like totally dedicate the chapter to you and seeing as I never dedicated any chapter to anyone, it's like a seriously big thing! ;P LOL)

I think that's all... I should upload "The Headline" next. I'm half-way through the chapter already. 

Anyway, take care everyone! :) And thanks for waiting! :D