Lucas,1985,Huntsville,Alabama 

These last two months have been tough. Watching the man you love, act like he doesn't care about you. It hurts, no it burns me from the inside out. I didn't just lose a lover, I lost my best friend. Now I didn't have any one left, it was just me and the club house. He hasn't even been back there. Right now I'm sitting by myself at lunch, under a tree. At first everyone questioned why we weren't friends anymore but now everyone's forgotten about me. Which I'm happy about, I'm tired of people reminding me of what happened.

 As I sit there, Caleb walks by with his friends, laughing. When he looks up, I gasp when I see his beaten face. I tell myself that he hurt me, that I shouldn't care. Too bad life, doesn't work that way. Wouldn't it be great if we could tell our heart to stop loving someone and it actually listen. I sit there munching slowly on my apple, when someone plops down next to me. I look over a part of me hoping it's Caleb. When I look next to me, I see it's just Greg. 

" Hey Greg." I say trying to hide my disappointment.

" Hey Lucas." He says smiling sadly at me.

" What are you doing here?" I ask genuinely curious.

" I just wanted to see how your doing." He says, his sad smile turning into a frown. 

" Oh now you care." I say bitterly. 

" I'm sorry Lucas, I just thought you wanted some space." He says with a guilty look on his face. 

"  Don't use that excuse,you've been ignoring me since you fought with Caleb." I mutter angrily. 

" I just thought that you chose him over me." He says looking away nervously. 

" Just because I stayed with him, it didn't mean we couldn't be friends still." I say, with less anger in my voice, too tired to be angry anymore. 

" Do you want the truth?" He asks,his leg thumping nervously. 

" Yes, I don't want any bull shit." I whisper exhausted. 

" I didn't want to stick around to watch Caleb hurt you." He says not even looking me in the eyes.

" If you knew he was going to hurt me, why didn't you warn me?" I ask not really angry, just curious. 

" Be honest Lucas, if I tried to tell you to leave him, would you have listened?" He questioned.

" No, I guess I can see where your coming from." I whisper. He's right, I was so blinded by my love for Caleb that I wouldn't of listened to anyone. Not even my daddy if he was alive. 

" I'm sorry for not being there after he finally chose her over you." He whispers as the bell rings.

" It's fine, I'm used to being left alone." I whisper painfully. 

" You shouldn't be used to something like that." He whispers, staring at me with that ever present depressed smile. 

" Meet at my car after school, we can hang out." He says as we get up.

" I don't know." I say scared of opening up again.

" Please Lucas, I don't like seeing you like this." He pleads as we walk to class.

" Fine, I guess it couldn't hurt" I say deciding to give in

" Thank you." He says stopping at his class room door.

" For what?" I ask confused.

" For giving me another chance." He whispers with a broken smile. 

After this I walk to my class and for the first time in months, I'm kind of happy. It's been a while since I had real human contact. I hung out with mamma sometimes after school, well more like took care of. She never said anything though it was like talking to a zombie. All she did was make weird noises and stare into nothing. Well that wasn't completely true, sometimes she would throw in a scratch here and there. My brother was always drunk so no eligible conversations ever occurred between us. I had plenty of fun conversations with myself though. I could argue and make fun of myself for hours, it was so enjoyable. Sometimes to spice things up, I would play a card game against myself, wow so much excitement. 

After school is finally over, I make my way to Greg's car. On my way there I spot Caleb and his girlfriend on the hood of his car, kissing deeply. I just feel numb as I watch them kiss. They finally stop, and Caleb looks over but his gaze doesn't stop on me. Instead it continues on until he finds what he's looking for. Which turns out to be piss head Micheal and his darling girlfriend. They grin at each other and laugh. I don't even feel angry anymore just hurt. How could he just forget my existence so easily, when we made love to each other no too long ago. I force myself to continue to Greg's car, not wanting to draw any attention to myself.

I spot his red Chevrolet Camaro easily, since he's the only one rich enough at our school to afford such a car. I wait for him almost leaving when I grow impatient. Before I can though, he finally shows up.

" Sorry Mr.Dawson held me up." He says smiling apologetically. 

" You're fine." I mumble.

" Okay, let's go then." He says looking around awkwardly. 

We get in his car and head to his two story house. He tries to make conversation with me but eventually gives up, realizing that I'm not really in the mood. We finally make it to house and we get out and head to his back yard. That's when I remember what almost happened last time in this backyard. I push that thought away, he probably was just curious of what kissing a boy would be like. I knew he was into boys too but he didn't like me. He couldn't, I wasn't attractive not compared to boys like Caleb or Micheal. We sit down on the grass next to his swing set.

" My parents aren't home, so we can go inside and drink if you want." Greg suggests trying to break the tense silence. 

" No I think that's a bad idea." I mutter staring at the clouds.

" Well we need to find something to make you show some type of emotion." He says irritated. 

" Excuse me?!" I exclaim.

" I mean look at you being all mopey, I guess you really are Caleb's bitch." He says rolling his eyes.

" You know what fuck you!" I snap getting up. 

" Wow look, the little country boy is finally standing up for himself." He says with a cocky smirk. 

I turn around at the word country boy, how dare he use those words. I march up to him, feeling a darkness consume me,as I raise my hand and slap hard across the cheek. The sounds echoes loudly across his backyard, and I gasp  as I pull my hand back. 

" I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hit you." I whisper. Feeling shaken up that I had lost control like that. 

" No I'm glad you did it." He whispers, for once looking actually happy. 

" What you're glad I hit you?" I ask giving him a strange look. 

" Yes, that's the first time you've shown emotion in a month." He says his smiling broadening. 

" What do you mean?" I ask, still not completely understanding. 

" Lucas, you've been pretty lifeless these last few weeks,I was worried." Greg says, bringing me to his chest and hugging me. 

 His words make me grimace, I sound like my mother. That's the last person I wanted to be, I knew I had numbed my emotions but I didn't know it was to this extent. Being compared to my druggie mom makes me feel sick. 

" I've been to scared to let myself feel again." I whisper into his chest, hugging him tightly. 

" Well come on, let's get all of those emotions out of you." He says pulling back, a crazy grin on his face. 

" How am I supposed to that?" I ask.

" AHHHHHHHHHH!" He screams catching me off guard.

" What was that?" I ask a little terrified. 

" That my friend is how your going to feel better." He says.

" How in the fuck is that going to make me feel better." I say shooting him an incredulous look.

" Oh come on, just give it a shot." He pouts his big lips at me. 

" Fine, I'll give it one shot." I say with an eye roll.

" Yay!" He exclaims happily.

I take a deep breath and then let it all lose.

" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I scream off the top of my lungs. 

" So how do you feel?" He asks and I think that it actually helped me feel better.

" Well I definitely shout better than you." I say. Actually smiling for the first time since Caleb broke up with me. 

" In your dreams." He snorts.

" Oh yeah, let's see you beat me." I say smirking. 

" AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! He screams while beating on his chest.

" What the fuck, are you a gorilla?" I ask busting out laughing.

" No I'm way to sexy to be gorilla." He says crossing his arms.

" Sure Greg, that's why Jessica broke up with you." I say still laughing.

" Hey, she just couldn't handle me." Greg says holding his hand to his chest with mock offense. 

" Yeah couldn't handle your stupidity." I mutter.

" What did you say?" Greg asks with a dangerous glint in his eyes. 

" Nothing." I say backing away to pool slowly. 

" That didn't sound like nothing." He says following as we near the pool.

" Yeah I know, people who lack brains might not understand." I say with a smirk.

This time he jumps forward,scaring me so I put my hands out and push him towards the pool. He stumbles and falls in what must be freezing water, since it's the end of November .

" Lucas, just wait until I catch you!" He shouts flopping around in the cold water before finally getting out. 

I back slowly away from him as he makes his way over to me, soaking wet. We just stand there in a staring contest, waiting for the other to make the first move. He smirks and moves forward fast, making me take off the other way in a sprint. He chases me and I laugh, feeling alive for the first time in forever. We chase each other around the yard laughing until he finally catches me. Grabbing me by the waist and lifting me in the air, making me squeal. I squirm against him until he finally gets tired and let's me go. We both slide down to the grass and gaze at the sky , talking and laughing until the clouds turn into stars.Maybe, just maybe things will get better.