Rudolph

I didn't know what I was gonna do. I couldn't turn to drinking or bucking like I always had in the past. I had the baby to think of.

Being a parent now changed my world and ended my addictions forever.

I knew what I had to do now: Resign from Santa's sleigh team, go on tour for the first few months of pregnancy to get money for the baby, and sew Hermey's sorry sugarplum.

I was angry to be sure, but so much of me missed him.

But I had to think of myself and the baby. They couldn't have a stupid elf as a dad. Now, they'd have his fine genes but they sure weren't going to have him in his life.

Now I'm almost glad that we never married.

Hermey

I get done with the job. Santa's breath was as smelly as Pillsboury Doughboy's butthole (don't ask me how I know what that smells like), but now it's as fresh as a peppermint queen's kiss.

I really enjoyed listening to me and Rudolph's Christmas album as I worked on Santa's teeth.

My favorite song is, "Rudolph Baby/Hermey Baby," which starts's off with me singing, "Santa Baby... No, it's Rudolph Baby, just slip sable under the tree for me..."

I head into the waiting room to leave the office. There's a smashed jar of Edible Arrangements. Huh.
I pick up a chocolate covered strawberry and stick the whole thing in my mouth. I find a card with my name on it.

I open it.

Inside is a note. It reads:

"Dear Hermey, I didn't know how to tell you this but... I'M EXPECTING!xoxoxo Rudolph."

My heart melts like Frosty in Arizona. I'm going to be a dad! I just have to propose now!

But... Why did Rudolph leave the case just smashed.

I ask the receptionist.

"Sorry Hermey," she says, "He said something about you being a cheater and ran out crying like you broke his heart or something. I hope he doesn't go drinking eggnog again."

I run off. I must find mg love and explain to him that I never cheated!! The gate of our little family is at stake!!!