"I'm so nervous!"

"Girl, you got this. Take a breath," Derek assures me.

I let out a huge puff of air, half expecting fire to come out with these nerves of mine. Luckily, it doesn't. That would not be a great first impression at a new job.

"Can we practice a few more?"

We've been using water as the liquor all afternoon to "make" some of the more popular drinks.

"No time for that. The comedian is here, and the crowd will be here in twenty." Derek says as the door opens, and a tall older woman with curly black hair walks in. She's dressed casually in a graphic tee shirt and torn jeans, but somehow, they look expensive. Maybe it's the way she carries herself. There are two men with her, one in jeans like her and the other in a suit. I wonder if he's her bodyguard. Am I meeting a famous person already?

"Vodka soda, please," she orders as she stands at the bar.

I quickly get to work. It's an easy enough drink, but she makes a face as I pour the vodka into the glass.

"Oh, honey, not the rail vodka. Top shelf, please." She shudders, and Derek chuckles.

"She's new, Rita. You have to tell her." He looks at me and motions to the spendy private-label vodka bottle on the shelf. "That's for Rita. I ordered it, especially for her. She's here every Thursday."

"Oh! I'm so sorry, Rita. I'll know next time," I assure her as I make the drink correctly.

"Don't worry about it, hon. You're doing just fine." She smiles as she takes the drink.

"Can I get you guys anything?"

"No thanks. I'm on duty." The suited guy says in a deep and stifled voice.

So he IS a bodyguard. How cool!

"I'll have one after the set. Maybe you can have one with me... what's your name?" The other guy asks, and I don't miss how his eyes scan my body in a not-very discreet way. He's really good-looking with his high cheekbones and bronzed skin, shiny brown hair falling into his face, just so.

"I'm Rissa."

"Cute name for a cute girl. I'm Will. I represent a few local comedians. You'll see me around, and it looks like I'll be lucky enough to see you around, too." What a line! I nearly laugh, but I know a tip is on the line, so I smile instead.

"Ignore him. He's nothing but trouble," Rita warns me and then looks at Will. "Let's get inside."

She spins off to head into the adjoining room, and her bodyguard and Will follow her.

Look at me go! I just got hit on, and it didn't even phase me. he was hot and full of red flags, too, my usual type.

"Is Rita famous?" I have to ask Derek when they are safely out of earshot.

"Getting there. She's locally famous anyway. She's good. When we get slow later, you can stand by the door and listen in if you want."

"This job is going to be fun!" I grin, feeling a burst of confidence I haven't had in a while.

"Hold that thought." He says as the door opens and people start piling in.

***

"I said I wanted a strawberry margarita, and this is a daiquiri!" A lady snaps from across the bar. I suddenly realize that getting yelled at over the phone is much better.

"I'm so sorry. I'll remake it," I tell her as I fumble with the glass, my cheeks flaming red.

What was I thinking? I can't do this. Derek is swamped trying to help the masses, and I'm making it worse by screwing everything up!

I hurriedly finish the lady's margarita and hand it to her. Then I pour a beer for another customer, and I forget to tilt the mug like Derek showed me, and the entire glass fills with foam running over the sides of it.

The guy waiting for his beer chuckles as the foam gets all over my hands. Yuck. I pretend it's funny and do my best fake laugh, but I am close to crying. I frantically wipe my hands with the bar towel and fill him a new mug. 

"There she is!" A familiar voice calls out, and I look up to see Conner's parents and a pretty young woman, who I recognize as his sister Cami, walking in.

Not now! They'll see what a mess I'm making of my first day! This is horrible!

"Rissa... are you alright?" Nancy asks with a frown as they come closer.

"Yeah..." I attempt to lie but can't when I see her sweet and concerned face. My eyes well up with tears, and I am horrified by them! I can't cry in front of this entire crowd!

"Take a breath and let it out," Nancy says softly but firmly as she approaches the bar, reaching over to take my hand. She squeezes it gently.

I do as she says, and it quells the tears for the moment, but when someone yells, "Can we get service over here already?" I'm about to lose it all over again.

"One at a time," Nancy says in that same tone as she squeezes my hand tighter and then lets it go. It has an instant calming effect on me. "Just help one customer at a time. You go ask what they want, make it, ignore everyone else while you do, and then you go to the next one. It will get easier with each customer."

"I can't... I can't do this. It's too much," I confess.

"Yes, you can, Rissa. We believe in you," Bob says.

"Helloooo! I need a beer. Can you all have your pep talk later?" The person yells out.

"She's coming. Settle down," Cami snaps at him and then looks at me with a reassuring smile. "Conner told me to give you this."

She hands me a little note on a post-it that says, I wish I could be there. I can't wait for the stories. Keep your chin up tonight. If it gets tough, you get tougher. Good Luck, Riss—C.

I nearly well up with tears again. How is the entire family so perfect!?

"One person at a time," Nancy says again. "Go on."

One person at a time. I turn toward the impatient, pissy pants first, and once they're gone, I face the next person, who is much friendlier and only orders wine.

Slowly, I feel myself starting to get into a groove as I do exactly what Nancy said and face one person or group of people to help at a time. Derek is working much faster than me on the other side of the bar, but I'm doing it, and I'm not screwing up, either. After some time, I feel confident enough to chat with the customers and enjoy the ease of small talk while making the drinks.

"What can I get you all?" I ask Conner's family, who are all perched patiently at the bar, for me to get to them.

"Nancy will have a white wine, and I'll have an old fashioned," Bob orders for the both of them.

"Good choice. I think I'm an expert fruit muddler now," I say as I start on Bob's drink.

"Easy on the whiskey for Bob. He gets sleepy," Nancy says, and Bob doesn't disagree with her. They are so cute I can't even.

"Do you want a soda or anything?" I ask Cami as I deliver the drinks to her parents. I recall Conner telling me she's only twenty.

"Sure, a Sprite would be nice. Thanks, Rissa."

"Here you go," I hand it over.

"It's good to meet you finally! I heard a lot about you," Cami says.

She looks so much like Conner with her thick, curly hair, which she pinned in a messy bun. She's wearing high-waisted skinny jeans with a crop top that makes me wish I was twenty again. She paired it with a super cute blazer, a total stunner piece. I glance down over the bar to see that she has finished the look with the perfect ankle boots.

"It's great to meet you, too, Cami. I Love your style. I'm going to need you with me on my next shopping trip."

"Done!" she chirps.

"Maybe Conner's publishing company can pay for it, call it a date," Nancy suggests.

"Good idea!" I agree with a little laugh and then head back to help more customers. The next group all order martinis, which I happen to be an expert at making, so I have a lot of fun shaking and straining them. I'm starting to feel more comfortable behind the bar.

Before I realize it, the crowd has thinned out, and everyone except for Conner's family is mostly gone.

That was so... fast. Damn.

"Holy shit! That was a big rush!" Derek says as he comes over. "Good job, Rissa."

"You didn't see me almost lose my shit," I tell him, and then I look over at Nancy. "Thank you for that. I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't come in."

"You're a strong, smart, and capable woman. You would've gotten past it," Nancy says with a nod of her head as if that settles it.

"I wish I had your confidence in me," I say with a short laugh.

"Conner says he's been seeing your confidence grow more and more," Nancy says, making me blush slightly. "Don't be selling yourself short."

"Oh, stop," I say with a smile. "More drinks?"

"One more round, and then we should get in there. We're missing the jokes Nancy isn't going to get," Bob teases.

I make another round and send them off. I'm so happy they stopped in to support me. I have Conner's note tucked into the back of my jeans, and it's kind of like he's here.

"Those must be your boyfriend's parents, then?" Derek asks.

"Boyfriend?" I whip around and look at him, all confused.

"She said Conner, right? He's not your boyfriend?"

"No. I told you I was taking a break from men."

"Well, yeah, but breaks never last," Derek says.

"This one is," I say with a stubborn jut of my chin. "Conner is my best friend."

"I thought I was your best friend," Derek teases with an exasperated wounded pose as he holds his heart, and I stick my tongue out at him.

"I have a lot of best friends, but he's....I don't know. It's different with Conner."

"Different, how?"

"It's hard to put into words; it's deeper, I guess." I shrug off his question.

"Hmm."

"What?" I narrow my eyes at his suggestive tone.

"The way you carried on and on about him while we were training earlier...it sure seemed like you were dating him. You're crushing on him for sure."

"No, I'm not. We're just friends," I say defensively.

"So then I can hook him up with a friend of mine?" Derek asks with a pointed look.

"No!" I yell out, and he gets a smug look on his face. "Because he doesn't date anyone. He's on um a break sort of too."

Well, except that one date with me, but I tricked him into calling it a date. That was for his own good though, not because I wanted it to be a date. I am not crushing on him.

...But what about that moment outside the lodge when he looked at me in a way that made my insides turn to jelly?

It was nothing, a fleeting moment. Right?

"....If you want," Derek says.

"Huh?" I realize I missed whatever Derek said.

"I said you can go listen to the comedian for a while. I'll call you back when the servers come in with drink orders."

"Oh, okay." I agree and step up from behind the bar to do that. I stand in the crack of the door, watching Rita as she lights up the stage. She's hilarious, but I can't fully get into it.

My mind is stuck on Conner.

No, no, no, I tell myself, I cannot start getting a crush on him. I'll ruin everything if I do. The experiment, the book, and most importantly, our awesome friendship.

I know it hasn't been that long, but it's become so important to me. I can't even describe it to Derek because I don't know how to express how deep our friendship has become or how much I need Conner in my life. I'll just shut this crazy idea down before it becomes anything more.

I can manage that, right?

***

It is late, and my feet are aching as I walk up to my apartment. Conner texted to ask how it went and to call when I got home so he knows I made it home safe.

I do just that as I step inside and kick my shoes off. I was smart enough to wear flats to work as much as I hated it. I think I'd have actually died working that shift in heels, they are aching as it is.

"Hey, Riss," Conner answers on the first ring, as always.

"You know I made it home safely because you sent me a driver!" I accuse, albeit playfully.

Not Ed, thankfully. I'd have felt terrible if Conner kept him up that late. Instead, he arranged for a taxi service to pick me up at the bar after closing.

"I could have got an Uber or hailed a cab."

"I'm not trying to sound like my dad, but it's not safe out on the streets this late. There's drunks everywhere."

He's right and it's hit or miss with bar close how fast you can get a ride share or a cab. Sometimes, you have to wait for quite a while. 

"You can't do that every shift I work, Conner. It'll cost you an arm and a leg."

"Could Derek bring you home some nights?"

"I can ask him, but I don't want to be a burden to him. Maybe I need a car," I say with a sigh. I've avoided the expense of getting one living in the city and being able to take the bus and walk around, but I have thought about how nice it would be just to grab a set of keys and go wherever.

"I think that's a good idea. I can help you look for a car," he offers.

"There goes my house flipping fund," I say with a groan as I flop down in my chair.

"A minor setback and you'll need a car to make those future plans happen anyway."

"That's true."

"Tomorrow, after your solo date, I'll have Ed bring you to a dealership outside of town, and I can meet you there."

"We can't be seen anywhere someone could have a phone, remember?" I say with an annoyed eye roll.

A few more days away from Conner might be good for me though so I can forget about this stupid, silly crush thing Derek put in my head.

"No one is going to look for us at a car dealership."

"I think I should do this myself," I say slowly. "I've always counted on people to help me with big things like this. Even my apartment Mel helped me get into it."

"You don't know anything about cars."

"I know what I'm willing to spend and that all I need is to get around locally," I counter. "I love everything you do for me. Even tonight, you knew I'd be overwhelmed and sent your family in to calm me down. But I have to start trusting myself to handle stuff like this."

"I'm proud of you for that, Riss. And I can't wait to see what you pick, but..."

"But what?"

"Can I send you some options for models you might want to look at and how much the value is? So you go in with some knowledge of what to ask for?"

"Of course! That would be helpful."

"Looking up stuff now," he says, and I can envision him sitting on his kitchen island looking at his laptop. Meanwhile, I get up and make my way to my daybed. I don't even bother with pajamas and just strip down to my camisole and panties on the way.

I curl in with both Diva and Dork. I have the build-a-bears this week. They've been great cuddle buddies while I've read Conner's book series. I'm halfway through the second one already.

"I heard you were a total rock star tonight. My mom said you looked like you belonged behind that bar."

"After I nearly had a meltdown when she first came in."

"It was your first day, and people were yelling at you. It's good I wasn't there. I would've thrown something at the idiot."

"Your sister told him to back off," I say with a little giggle. "I like her."

"She said you were so cool. She's already raving about the shopping trip I'm apparently setting you two up on."

"And now I love her even more!" I exclaim as I fumble for my remote. "We watching suits?"

"One episode," he says as he yawns. "It's late."

"We don't have to watch one tonight. I forgot how late it is. This is going to be weird to get used to these hours. Why am I not tired?"

"Adrenaline. Once it settles down, you will be."

"My feet hurt so bad," I whine.

"Hopefully, your solo date tomorrow will help with that." I hear the theme song in the background from his phone and cue my Netflix on as well.

"A massage?" I guess in a high-pitched tone.

"That was a total giveaway." He laughs at himself.

"The literal perfect date after my first shift. You're the best, Conner."

He really is, I sigh softly.

"Spa day was on your list. Thank yourself."

"Conner, I swear if you don't start taking compliments ..."

"You'll what?" He asks in a teasing tone.

"Don't you be challenging my empty threats now!"

He laughs a big belly laugh, and soon, I join in. When we finally settle down, we attempt to watch our show, but he was right. I start getting sleepy and fast as the adrenaline wears off.

After I'm done stifling yet another yawn, Conner says, "You better get to bed, sleepy head."

"Yeah..." Still, I find myself reluctant to hang up the phone. I grab the Conner build-a-bear and cuddle it to my chest. "I wish—uh, never mind."

I almost said I wish he was here!

What in the world, Rissa!? It's a good thing I stopped myself!

"You wish what?" Conner asks.

"That I wasn't too tired to finish this episode..." Can he hear the lie? Because I sure can.

"It's fine, Riss. I'm exhausted, too."

Right... it's two am, and he's up talking to me. I doubt he usually stays up this late.

Could that mean something? Cami said she heard a lot about me. Was Conner talking about me to his sister? Maybe not, it could have just been Nancy and Bob mentioning me. But Nancy specifically said Conner was saying nice things about me. It was the sweetest thing coupled with that note he wrote. 

Then there's that moment at the lodge that I can't stop thinking about. 

My thoughts come to a screeching halt as I remind myself I don't do that delusional crap anymore. Conner said he told Emma nothing was going on between us, and the way he said it was matter-of-fact. 

If he's talking about me to his family, it's probably just because of the book.

The snow moment felt like something, but it's not the first time I've misread something like that. That's what I do, what I'm trying to stop doing—all the more reason to stay focused on the experiment.

Easy enough, right?

I cuddle the stuffed bear that represents Conner closer to my chest as I push my worries aside for the night.

"Night, Conner."

"Night, Rissa, sweet dreams."