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"Forsaken Hearts" by WielderofLight

Cover=15/20

 It's a great cover, really! It matches well with the story, and it's certainly an expertly made one. There are a few problems I have with it (nothing that isn't fixable, I assure you) 

The font of the title itself is difficult to see- especially amongst all of the warm colors mixed into the cover itself. It obtains a lot of reds, oranges, yellows, golds. There is nothing wrong with it of course, because there are particular things that do stand out, but having the font being such a color, plus standing over a mix of different patterns makes it difficult to make out. 

The title made me think of a romance, because it's labled "Forsaken Hearts" (Which I actually like, very intriguing) and the cover doesn't necessarily go against or for that certain genre. I think having one a little more actiony and cold hearted might be better

 (Of course, that is only me and I do love the picture really, it's a good visual)

  In your book you often mention cold/Icy/low/distant voices and that mystery you might be looking for might be found in your cover. 

NOW I WILL TELL YOU WHAT I LIKED ABOUT IT!!! The dragon in the corner is almost hidden, but very adorable and It was a fun attachment to see. You can clearly see the fantasy aspect of the book, with the dragon and the elf on the picture- it's clearly a book for fantasy readers. I do like your cover as it is- It's not a bad cover, but you came for help and I'm only saying what I think. Good job!

Description 18/20

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The land of Revernius has remained in peace for centuries, Dragons and Elves dwelling in peaceful coexistence and prosperity. Yet such is no more. The Dragons live in a constant decline where thievery and murder is common. The Elves live in a flowery world with deceit and darkness at its very heart.

 The leader of The Dragon Revolution, Valerius, knows that the Dragon King is mistaken and that the Elves have been kidnapping dragons and using them for their own desires; yet no one will listen to him, and despair fills his every step. The Elf Prince, Jasper, pursues a life of training and hard work through his mentor, Thylas, but confusion blinding all he ever knew drives him from home. And Jausline, a young dragonet with little knowledge of the terrible fate that hangs over her, has no idea how much will soon change. 

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Betrayal, plots, and mayhem surround these three upon whom the fate of Revernius hangs. Will they deliver the races and destroy the dark ones, or succumb to their forsaken hearts? We can only hope that they will persevere. For, if they give in to the hardship that plagues them, Revernius will truly be forsaken...forever. 

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It's a good description, honestly. It's pretty well written, and portrays the story well. It pulled me in. However, it is a lot to take in. There seems to be a lot of main characters in play here - which can the readers a little confused. It's clear they aren't a team (right now that is- I haven't read where they all join up) so it could get confusing with all the different starting points. 

Will they join up? Or are the stories separate? So, I think the real question is- How much do you want us (the readers) to know? I definitely think you should add some more tags by the way, there's plenty to add!

 (Such as #Dragons #Elves #Mystery #Ongoing #Journey

Beginning=16/20

 It was a little confusing to me. I went back and read it multiple times, but there were still some things I didn't understand. Obviously, there is a lot of ominous mystery to your book (which can be a great thing), but you have to make sure there is also enough information for the reader to really get it. You are a very descriptive writer (And I praise you for that), but I want you to know that your reader doesn't need to know exactly what the character looks like immediately. I really loved your description of the queen in the first paragraph, it was a little choppy, but that can be fixed. 

However, later in the book you go on to describe the queens looks multiple times in immense detail. While I appreciate your visual ability, it's okay to let your reader imagine her. The introduction to the plot is good, but the conversation was hard to follow. It seemed to jump around a lot and since the actions of the characters were in different places when they spoke, I wasn't sure who was saying what. 

Although, the beginning is very intriguing, It pulled me in slowly, like a fish on a hook. Then once the hook was set- BAM- I'm interested. 

 Conventions=19/20 

There are a few SPAG (spelling and grammar) errors (Don't worry, when are there not?), but that's easily fixable. Unfortunately, the paragraphs either felt a little choppy, or they ran-on. Nothing too terrible. The sentence structure might of seemed a little off because you changed POV's so often, and if that's how you want to write, then write that way.

( I am in no way majoring in English, so sorry if I missed anything.) 

Characters: 17/20

 I didn't really have anything against the characters.

 (Although, I would like to see more of the character's personalities in their chapters. )

Like I said earlier, you are a very descriptive writer, and while that is wonderful, you need to make sure your readers can see the characters like you see them. I believe that it must be hard however with the POV jumps, but don't worry! I believe in you and this story! I also do like the fact that a certain dragonet has a certain dragon as her father. I think it'll make for great character development! 

(360_Productions here. Whenever I read the word "dragonet" it always reminds me of Wings of Fire. It's not a bad series, and if you have free time you can check it out.)

Overall Score=85/100 

I read a LOT of fantasy books, and this most certainly is not the worst one I've read. (That includes published books irl as well). This story has great potential to be a wonderful and fantastic book of it's genre. There is always room to improve, so don't worry! All books need some work, so keep working. 

You're a wonderful writer, and (good news) you obviously thought your plotline through. I'm sorry if I said anything that you took to offense, and I honestly don't mean any harm. Remember, all of these things are fixable! You Got This!

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