Ben wakes up, languidly stretching and glancing around the room, wondering how exactly he got here before-
Oh.
OH.
He had gone on a walk with his makeshift family, that he had stitched together on his own. And he had confessed. Rey had dragged him back to his room before Finn and Poe went to bed and Rey set off to do who knows what.
That night, the night he killed his-no, he still refused to say the word father or any of its various forms-
It still haunted him, even though he knew it shouldn't, he had ruined so many lives-
His mind raced.
The First Order was going to battle, but the fact that he had joined the enemy, and was now, he supposed, a traitor- they would be infinitely madder, and if he left now he might be able to spare his family, prevent Snoke's inevitable wrath-
They had probably told everyone by now. Rey, Finn, Poe, they had probably told everyone how if they gave him back to the First Order all their troubles would end, and he figured life would be better all around if he DID go back-
It was his fault, it was his fault itwasallhisfaultandhewasaterrible-
He hears a voice in his head.
It is certainly not his voice.
/Do you think they hate you?/
Well, yes, he thinks.
/Why?/
I mess up everything I touch, I'm-
/Why do you think that?/
The track record seems to show as much.
/...Snoke is the source of this fear?/
Ben recoils from the word, as if even remembering the Supreme Leader's existence burns him to the core. Which perhaps it does.
"I mean, I'm not even good enough to be on either the Light or the Dark side, I can't even CHOOSE, EVERYONE ELSE SEEMS TO BE ABLE TO CHOOSE ONE OR THE OTHER."
/Your grandfather was weak, by this logic./
Ben realizes he's been yelling at a wall for minutes on end, but can't find it in himself to stop.
"Well, no, of course not, he was powerful and he may have been a Grey Jedi but at least he switched his loyalties, was either Light or Dark, didn't sit in this bizarre in-between area!"
/You have family./
"What?" Ben replies, baffled at this turn of conversation.
/Go to them, I don't think they'll turn down a chance to help you, and at the very least will distract you from this pull of the Dark side which tears you apart./
"That's not a half bad idea," he reasons.
It is afterwards, as he's getting dressed in the familiar and soft fabric of the uniform, that he realizes whose gentle, soothing voice it was in his head.
He really needs to give his mother more credit.

Ben, noticeably calmer, headed to a room he knew his family usually resided in, and decided to see what they were doing. It was the least he could do, if he planned on distracting himself at all.
Finn and Poe, collapsed on the sofa, showed indifference at Rey's form sprawled across both of their legs.
Finn smiles at him, and he decides to take this as an olive branch he will gladly accept.
Ben raised Rey up gently, earning himself a grunt of protest.
He positioned himself underneath her torso, enclosed by Finn and Poe on either side.
Ben Solo let the silence wash over him.
They were friends. They were family. He was safe.