December 2012

"Not again."

Rocco stood in the narrow hallway with the wood-paneled walls and the hallway that was too long. He knew he was dreaming, had had this dream many times, but still walked forward, pausing at Gavin's door to find him sleeping, Kiki in his arms. Then the empty guest room with the pink teddy bear taunted him; instead of ignoring it and heading to that room at the end of the hall like he usually did. He walked into the bedroom and started towards the bear, and as he reached for it, a loud slamming noise caught his attention.

Rocco jumped from his chair as he awoke to the loud slamming sound. It was coming from the shutters outside. The wind outside was intensifying as the night went on. Rocco sat up, rubbing his neck. He glanced over to see Dani had fallen asleep on the couch with her book in her lap. She rarely did that; typically, after he dozed off in his chair, she'd let him sleep until she finished a chapter or two, then she'd wake him up for bed.

He took her book from her to set it on the coffee table, smiling softly as his eyes fell on his nana's ring. Rocco had thought a trip away would do them all some good after Alyssa left, so they visited his nana in Italy. The moment Nana met Dani, she pulled Rocco aside and insisted she have her ring, that she was the one, which was funny, seeing as how it was right after his divorce.

He didn't propose to Dani on that trip, but he did the next time they visited Italy. This past spring, he took her to his family vineyards, opened a bottle of Lovers Brew, and popped the question.

Rocco popped up and headed over to attend to the fireplace; much like his dream, Rocco's mom's medallion hung above the mantle, and next to it hung a necklace that Dani's aunt Jillian used to wear.

The mantle itself was full of photos from their wedding, which they had right on the beach in Sun City. Lexi and Kara were Dani's two bridesmaids, as she couldn't choose a maid of honor between them. Rocco had Dante and Dani's brother Kevin, who was doing great these days, stand with him. Gavin was a proud ring-bearer, with Kara's daughter Sophie as the flower girl. The two kids looked adorable walking down the aisle together. They framed so many photos from that day the mantle was bursting with the happiness of it.

Dante stunned Lexi with a wedding proposal of his own later that night. They would be getting married this coming summer.

Rocco added a huge log to the fire it was a cold night and getting colder, they were due a snow storm tomorrow. They had moved out of Sun City after they married to a quaint mountain town called Serene Heights. It was on the other end of the country, but they traveled and saw family often. Rocco started a small branch of the Romano firm in town but also did a lot of work from home, helping out the main office.

He carefully cradled his sleeping wife in his arms and carried her upstairs and into their bedroom. Their bed was topped with a colorful quilt Nana had lovingly sewed for them, and Dani had found a rug that matched it well. The walls were adorned with pictures Dani had taken that Rocco had framed and hung up. He got her a camera for her birthday last year, and she found she loved taking pictures, was great at it too.

He laid her down carefully, and she mumbled something as she started to wake. "Rocco?"

"Right here, sweetheart." he crawled in, wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her close. She sighed contently as she relaxed in his arms.

"Did I fall asleep while reading?"

"We both did; the wind woke me up. I'm surprised you slept through it." 

"I had a weird dream," she said as she yawned.

"Was there a pink teddy bear in it?"

"You had that dream again? You haven't had that in a long time." she wiggled around in his arms to face him, and he looked down at her beautiful face, highlighted by the glow of a night light.

"Yeah, but it wasn't like before. I didn't open the door at the end of the hall." He shuddered at that old recurring nightmare.

The dream, and sadly not the wonderful part of it, but the end, the part when he couldn't get to Dani and found Alyssa in his bed with a bloody knife, must have represented some trauma, from living in such a toxic marriage for so long. He had that nightmare for a while, right after Alyssa left. Naturally, he had to tell Dani about it as he'd wake up screaming her name.

Over time it went away, until tonight.

"What happened then?"

"Instead of going forward. I walked into the room to look at the bear, and then I woke up."

She looked thoughtful as she studied him. "Why a pink teddy bear?"

"No clue." It puzzled him from the start.  "Tell me about your dream?"

"I don't remember much, no pink teddy bears, though," she laughed lightly. "But there was... finger painting, Gavi-- was making something. I was making Nana's peanut butter cookies. It was just weird. I can't remember what it was, but something was off."

"Scary off?"

"No," she mused. "Just weird, I guess. Something to do with what he was painting."

She curled in closer and pressed her head against his chest as he softly stroked her hair.

"That's the feeling I got, too; it was strange, not scary."

"Well, you did say it was an amazing dream until the very end the first time you had it."

"It's all come true now," he murmured. "It wasn't a dream so much as my brain screaming at me."

"What was your brain yelling?"  she asked softly.

"It told me to pull my head out of my ass because the woman I, we, needed was right in front of us."

"I'm so glad I answered that call," Dani said softly. "I mean when Alyssa called me back. I almost didn't, I figured she was calling to gloat more, but something told me to pick it up."

"I can't imagine where we'd be if you hadn't."

"You don't have to think about that, babe." She pressed a kiss to his chest. "Because I did."

She was beginning to drift off as she relaxed in his arms.  "Good night, Rocco. Love you."

"Love you, Valentine."

Even though she was officially Danica Romano now, he still used her former last name as a pet name for her.

He did still think about it, often, the what if's. He'd torture himself with what he would have done if she had left for Oaktown when he tried to make her; what if she went and never came back? The thought of it would haunt him even as he lay there with her tucked into his arms.

He'd been going to therapy since after the divorce, Dani convinced him after he'd had the nightmare a few times. This what-if doomsday thinking he'd do to himself was the result of spending years with a woman who put him down all the time and made him believe he didn't deserve happiness.

So sometimes, late at night like this, he had to remind himself he did.

They had also started taking Gavin in to see someone and uncovered some trauma there, too; Gavin's dismissiveness of Alyssa was his way of handling her mistreatment of him. The therapist suggested maybe subconsciously, it was easier for Gavin to make his mother a smaller person in his life so her harshness didn't hurt him as deeply.

Dani shifted in her sleep, and he tightened his hold on her as he closed his eyes, turned his mind off, and finally fell into a peaceful sleep with her.

**

Rocco woke to an empty bed, but the aroma of cookies and giggling floating up from downstairs clued him to where his family was. He threw a robe on and headed down.

The cabin they bought was different from his dream one. Much better, though, they'd found a two-story log cabin-style home. The downstairs had a big kitchen and dining combination with a cozy living room right off the dining room. The best part about it was all the land they had. Come this summer they were talking about getting a dog to surprise Gavin.

Upstairs had three bedrooms and two bathrooms. The whole place had a cozy and homey feel to it. He found Dani and Gavin in the kitchen making cookies; his laptop was on the counter facing them, and Nana's smiling face was talking excitedly to Dani.

"Good morning, everyone," Rocco smiled as he drew closer, this was the kind of stuff he woke up to now, and it warmed his heart every time.

"Rocco! Good morning!" Nana leaned closer to the screen.

"Morning, Daddy, we're making cookies!"

"I see that," he smiled warmly as Dani's beautiful eyes met his.

"Nana is walking me through the recipe." She walked over and pecked his lips. "It's supposed to start snowing in a few hours, so Gavi has no school today."

"Snow day!" Gavin cheered. He'd just started kindergarten this year and loved it, but he also loved staying home with Dani.

"Cookies for breakfast on a snow day sounds good to me," Rocco agreed.

"Yeah, me too," Gavin said with a grin as he sampled one. Rocco headed over to five him as Dani filled him with a mug of coffee. "Cookies for breakfast every day!"

"Maybe not every day, Tiger." Dani giggled as she looked at him.

"Why not, Dani?" he asked with a genuinely puzzled look on his little face; he'd dropped the Auntie nearly a year ago and now just called her Dani. "Them are good."

"They are good," she gently corrected him. "And because if we eat cookies every day, we won't appreciate them as much; they are supposed to be a treat." With that, she gave him a playful bop on the nose. "But I woke up craving them, so I said, why not have a breakfast treat today."

"Yeah, a breakfast treat!" He repeated in a chipper voice, he turned five a few months ago, and his voice sounded less baby-like every day. It was bittersweet.

Nana laughed out loud. She loved these Skype calls with them. "I remember when I was pregnant with my first, Carlo, Rocco's dad. I was constantly craving sweets early in the morning. My husband gained almost as much weight as I did."

"I'm not pregnant, Nana," Dani laughed softly, even as Rocco's eyes widened.

"You're not?" His nana looked surprised at that.

"Why would you think I am?"

"Well you called so early with a craving for my cookies." Nana pointed out as a slow smile spread over Rocco's face. "And you are glowing! I can see it through the screen!"

"That's just from the cozy fire Rocco keeps in here," she stammered, but a shadow of doubt crossed her face. "Although. I have been exhausted lately."

"You fell asleep on the couch last night," Rocco pointed out.

"I am a week late... but that's not unusual for me," she mumbled.

"Being this tired is, though," Rocco pointed out, then lowered his voice. "And we're not always careful."

A naughty look flickered over her eyes as she grinned at that. "It's definitely possible; I just —"

"The dream!" she exclaimed suddenly. "It was Gavin's finger painting, there were four of us in it!"

"That's... wow. Are you okay? If it is?" He was practically giddy, but they hadn't talked about this yet.

"More than okay," she sighed softly. "It would be a dream come-"

Rocco was grabbing his keys as she talked.

"Babe? Where are you going?"

"To get a test! I want to get there and back before it snows!"

"Could you put pants on first?" She asked, and he chuckled as he realized he was still in his boxers and robe.

"Call me later with the good news!" Nana said with a chuckle as Rocco raced back upstairs for pants.

**

"Dani, where is Daddy going?" Gavin asked after Rocco left the house in a hurry. His little face was twisted in confusion, and she knew she couldn't wait for Rocco to clear it up.

"Well, Tiger. There's a chance, I might be pregnant, so Daddy's going to buy a test so we can find out," Dani said slowly and carefully. 

"What is pregnant?"

"Pregnant means that I could have a baby in my belly right here." She patted it to show him. "I would be their mom and your daddy would be their dad, and you would have a brother or sister—"

"No!" Gavin yelled as he hopped down from the stool, his face turning red. "No, baby!"

"Gavi!" Stunned at his unusual outburst, Dani raced after him, where she found him jumping headfirst into his bed.

She sat down on the edge of the bed next to him, gently rubbing his back. "Gavi, why don't you sit up and we'll have a talk."

"No!" He sobbed into his pillow.

"Can you look at me, please?"

"No," he sobbed stubbornly.

"Please? I understand you are upset, but I don't like talking to your back."

He turned around and sat up sniffling as he wiped his eyes.

"Thank for for facing me," she said softly. "Now why are so upset?"

"Cause I don't want you to have a baby!"

"It could be fun, you know? You'd get to teach them stuff, and play with them," she offered.

"No," he sulked.

"Listen, we don't know yet, okay?" she said calmly. "But, if I am having a baby, that won't change how much I love you."

"It won't?"

"No never, you'll always be my bestest tiger buddy in the world, Gavi. No one could replace you, not ever."

"But you said .. you said-" he stuttered over his words, so she stayed quiet to let him get it out. "That.. the baby. You would be. The baby's mom."

"That's right, I would," Dani agreed.

"But not my mommy," Gavin added in a timid voice and her heart ached at it.

"Oh, Gavi!" She choked back tears. "Come here. I want to show you something."

She took his hand and the sniffling boy into her and Rocco's room. Opening up their top dresser drawer, she took out a piece of paper and motioned for Gavin to sit with her on the bed.

"I haven't showed you this yet. I was waiting for you to get older," Dani said. "But I see now that it's time."

"What is it?" Gavin asked.

"These are adoption papers. Your uncle drew them up for us a long time ago." Dani carefully spread the paper across her lap. "As soon as he files these, I will officially be your mom. As you can see, I signed it right here."

She pointed to her signature and Gavin ran his little fingers across it.

"But I told Dante and your dad that me becoming your mommy was a very big deal," Dani continued. "And, of course, I want to be! I want nothing more, but I couldn't make that choice for you. I wanted to talk to you when were old enough to understand, so I could ask you."

She could see he was still slightly confused, but his tears had subsided.

"So Gavin, I have a big question for you."

He looked up with wide eyes to listen to her.

"Can I be your mommy, officially?"

"Yes! I want you to be my mommy for so long!" Gavin cried, and she pulled him into her lap and held him tightly to her.

"Me too, Buddy, me too. That makes me so happy, Gavi," she said as she ruffled his hair. "I love you so so much."

"I can call you my mommy, Dani?" He asked with teary eyes as he parted from her.

"I would love it if you did," she said as she choked back tears of her own.

"Okay, Mommy," he said with a little grin as she started crying.

"But why are you sad?"

"These are happy tears, baby; I'm so glad you're my son."

"Me too," he agreed, and she kissed his nose.

"I love you, Gavin."

"I love you, Mommy." They both grinned at his second 'mommy' and she hugged him tight.

"So now you see how very special you are right?" Dani said as she released him. "Because you are my first son, and my best buddy so we will always have a super special bond, you and me."

"Yeah always."

"That's right always, and my bond with any new baby will be special too, but it won't take away from ours."

"It's okay, you can have a baby now," Gavin decided.

"Gee thanks." she laughed and ruffled his hair. "We will have to see, but you would be a great brother."

"Yeah!" His earlier jealousy was quickly giving way to excitement.

"Mommy is going to need lots of help, if there is a new baby. Think you can be my big helper?"

"Oh yes, I will! I'm a good helper."

"The best helper."

**

They had finished making cookies and were cuddling on the couch when Rocco returned. The snow started a few minutes ago, and Dani was relieved he was home before it got worse.

The fire was blazing, and it was toasty warm inside as he shut the door on the howling winter outside. He had a few bags in his hands. He set them down on the table as he fished the test box out from one of the bags.

"What all did you buy?" She asked with a tilt of the head.

"A bunch of snack food," he grinned sheepishly as he tossed her the box. She quickly caught it. "In case we're snowed in for a few days and you get a craving."

"Daddy guess what?" Gavi asked excitedly as Dani looked at the back of the box.

"What, Bud?"

"Dani is my mommy now! She showed me the paper!"

"Really? That's amazing." his eyes were welled with emotional tears as Gavin ran to him for a big hug. He caught Dani's gaze, and they exchanged a sweet look. "You know, this might be official now, but she's been your mom for a long time now."

"I know, Daddy," Gavin said with a serious look. "I gonna be a big helper. We gonna have a baby."

"Hold on, you two!" Dani laughed, "We don't know yet. Let me take this test, and we'll find out, okay?"

"Hurry!" Rocco demanded playfully.

"Yeah, hurry!" Gavin chimed in.

She ducked off to the bathroom to do just that.

**

Three minutes never seemed so long.

The three of them sat there on pins and needles until, finally, the timer went off.

"You go look; I can't!" Dani said when Rocco pulled her to her feet.

"We'll all go look; come on." Rocco led the way with Gavin in toe.

"I can't look!" She clamped her hands over her eyes. "Just tell me!"

"Gavi, tell Dani.. tell, Mommy what you see on here." Rocco said in a telling tone and she felt herself growing giddy.

"Um, it's lines," Gavin said. "Two of 'em."

"What color?"

"Pink," Gavin said.

"Oh my God," her eyes flew open to meet Rocco's teary ones. The next thing she knew, he'd scooped her up in arms.

"I'm the happiest man on the planet right now, Sweetheart. I can't even... a baby!"

"Oh, my! It's real! It's really happening!" She cried out as Rocco put her down.

"What's it mean?" Gavin asked.

"It means we are having a baby, Gavi!" She knelt to pull him into her arms, and Rocco wrapped them both up. "You are going to be the best big brother in the whole world."

"Yeah I am, Mommy!"

The three of them sat on the bathroom floor crying and hugging for so long that she lost track of time.

Finally, Rocco pulled her to her feet, and the family returned to the kitchen.

"I have a surprise for you," Rocco said as a sniffling and emotional Dani sat at the table, with Gavin curling up in her lap.

"Yay, a surprise!" Gavin cheered as Rocco handed her one of the bags.

"No way!" She laughed as she plucked a pink teddy bear from the bag. "How? Where?"

"It was sitting on the counter when I went to check out." Rocco said with an amazed look on his face. "It's not the same as my dream, but close."

"The pink teddy bear," she mused. "Think this means we have a girl on the way?"

"I have a pretty good feeling it does."

"I'm thrilled either way," she sighed contently as she reached over, and they clasped hands, they sat quietly, as they basked in the happy feeling of their family growing.

The cabin was a mess from the cookie-making in the kitchen to Gavin's toys scattered about  the living room, and on to the cluttered up mess on the table they sat at, but she didn't mind, and neither did Rocco, in fact they liked it that way. Their home was lived in and full of memories and love.

But it wasn't about the where, it was never about the where.

Dani's heart was bursting with love for her adorable son and sweet husband. They would always be home.

💖

The end, the end!

Thanks again so much for reading and I hope this epilogue was a nice little "pink" frosting at the top of the cake. ^^

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