My leg bounces up and down, nervously when I ask Grant if he'd like to essentially go on a date with me.

     I know, I know. I might be moving too fast with him—-after all, I only met him earlier today.

      I look over to the wall and watch as the clock shifts to midnight.

       Correction; I met him yesterday.

      I set my phone aside when I don't immediately get a response.

       He must hate you, my mind murmurs. You jumped the gun and moved too fast, idiot.

      I place a hand on the thigh of my jeans, tracing the hem on the outside of it as my leg continues to bounce.

     “Calm down,” I whisper to myself—-that does absolutely nothing for my nerves.

      I exhale deeply and look up to the ceiling. “Just calm down, Fedya. He's probably not mad that you immediately asked him on a date. Maybe he's just stunned and figuring out what to say.” I inhale, my voice quieting. “You're okay.”

      I hear a ding from my bed and immediately look down at my phone and pick it up from where it's resting on my pillow.

      I scramble to unlock it as fast as possible (which unfortunately leads to me mistyping my pin a few times.)

    I can feel my heart stop briefly and my breath catches in my throat when I see Grant's response to my question I asked just mere moments ago.

      ‘Absolutely'.

      It's only one word—-but still, that one word response is enough to make my heart race.

        Oh, boy…

        I start to hear my heartbeat roaring in my ears.

        I've got it bad for him, don't I?, I think as I try to take a few deep breaths to properly steady myself. You're in love. You're in love. Fuck! You're in love! This is not gonna end well!

      I close my eyes for a little bit, focusing on bringing my heart rate down—-this is supported by more deep breaths.

      One… two… three… four. Inhale. One… two… three… four. Exhale, my mind guides me.

    I repeat that mental mantra a few times until I can feel my heart rate return to a normal rhythm.

      Finally, I open my eyes once more and stare down at the phone screen.

      There you go, my mind whispers.

      Calmly, I respond to Grant’s message. ‘Alright. Cool. I'll see you then’.

      Then, I lock my phone again, setting it aside.

      I slump forward, resting my elbows on my thighs as I let my hands cover my eyes—-I exhale, heavily. Oh god… What have I done?, I think, feeling myself on the verge of panicking once more.

       Everyone I try to pursue romantically dies.

       I asked Grant on a date.

       I might as well have condemned him to death.

      “Dammit…” I mumble to myself. “How could I be so fucking stupid?” I exhale again. “How could I have let that slip my mind?”

     For the briefest moment, I was so caught up in my emotions and the euphoria of having a crush, that I temporarily lived in a world where I wasn't cursed—-where I didn't have to fear that everything that I cared about could be ripped away from me at a moment’s notice—-that I could actually love.

      That was a foolish mistake.

      I'm an idiot.

      Stasya—-who's nearby, reading—-notices my distress and gets up, approaching me. “Papa? Are you okay?”

     I move my hands away from my face and sit up a little more properly. “Oh… Yeah. I'm fine,” I lie.

     Stasya is immediately able to tell that's a lie. She frowns, placing her small hands on my arm. “No you're not. You're lying. What's wrong?”

      Damn, she's smart. I inhale, my voice softening. “Oh… It's nothing.”

      She presses further, her eyebrows furrowing. “It's not nothing, papa! You're stressed! I can tell!”

     I look down to the ground, nervously bouncing my leg still. I sigh. “I got a date.” I look up again.

     Stasya’s expression softens as her face relaxes. “Isn't that a good thing?”

     “Not when he could get hurt, no,” I instantly reply.

     “Then don't focus on the bad stuff,” she says. “Every good fairytale always works out. The royal and knight fall in love… It's gonna be fine.”

     I smile faintly at her before hugging her. “Thanks, Stas.”

    She's right.

    I can't just bail on Grant now.

     I'm gonna need some back up.

─┉─¡! • !¡─┉─

     I wait outside the venue for Grant, nervously.

     I had talked to Ya'no to see if they'd be okay with tagging along.

      Ya'no had agreed—-they’re gonna be our lookout… Just so nothing bad happens to Grant.

       I couldn't bear the idea of something happening to him—-especially because he has a young child at home who depends on him.

      Grant runs up to me, trying to catch his breath. He's dressed in a nice flannel, jeans, and Vans—-he’s wearing the same cute little beanie he was wearing to the concert yesterday. “Hey, sorry I was late…” He pants. “I had to find a babysitter for Collin… And even when I did, he didn't want me to leave. He just grabbed onto my leg, whined, and wouldn't let go.”

      I chuckle. “I get it. Kids are like that.” I pause before looking to my watch. “Besides, it's only 8:05. I didn't expect you to get here at exactly eight.”

     Grant breathes a sigh of relief. “Okay. Good.” He reaches forward and grabs my hand.

      I freeze up a little.

      Grant immediately looks embarrassed. “I'm sorry!” He quickly apologizes. “I can let go if you'd like.”

    I shake my head. “No, no. It's fine. …this actually feels nice.”

     Grant smiles like a dork. “Okay, cool… So, what first?”

     I smile back at him, leading him down the sidewalk. “I have a few ideas.”

─┉─¡! • !¡─┉─

      “Thank you for this,” Grant whispers to me, at the end of the night. “This was great.” He finally lets go of my hand.

     I feel my heart sink a little when he lets go of me. “Yeah,” I agree. “It was. We should do this again sometime.”

     Grant nods with a soft expression on his face. “We should.” He chuckles, softly.

     That laugh melts my heart. It's enough to make me realize what I might lose if my curse really does catch up to me this time.

     As I part ways from Grant, I have only one thought on my mind: I've seen the ones I love die too much. I need to break the cycle.