(requested by @Chorus8) 

In the middle of Valhalla, where Tucker and Simmons are seen standing side by side.

Tucker: Sup, guys? I'm Lavernius Tucker from the Wattpad book, the Silver Eyed Armored Hero.

Simmons: And I am Dick Simmons from the same book.

Tucker: Now, I know what you're thinking: how does this blue guy have time to star in such hilarious book chapters, when he's so busy being a space-faring, sword wielding, super-soldier chick magnet?

Simmons: And you're probably asking yourself a similar question about me. I mean let's be honest, all the ladies are lining up to get some Dick... Simmons!

Complete silence and some crows are heard cawing.

Tucker: Well, the answer to your question is years of experience! Which is why, I'm ready to tell you fellas how to score the ladies when you're out on the town!

Simmons: And you know from my years of experience with the internet, I'm here to inform you all about the technologically superior form of social interaction: online dating!

Tucker: That's why we have our inexperienced assistant to help show you, just how easy it is to score some chicks!

Tucker gestures to the side, were Ash is standing and watching them.

Ash: How did I let you two talk me into doing this again?

Tucker: Come on, Ash! We're about to turn you into a man! (looks at the readers) Now the first step to hooking up with a hot chick is knowing where to look.

Night Club

Ash is seen standing in the front of a line to a nightclub with music being heard from inside.

Tucker (Voiceover): Typically, the best place to start going on the prowl is at a nightclub. Be sure to find the darkest one with the loudest of music and the biggest crowds.

The bouncer looks Ash up and down, before looking at his face.

Bouncer: Sir, I'm going to have to see an ID.

Ash: (sighs) Great...

He takes out his wallet and shows the ID, his birthday only being two years after the Great War started. The year 2527.

Male Partygoer: Hey bro, you're holding up the line!

Ash: (glares coldly) Shut. Up.

Valhalla

Back to Tucker and Simmons.

Tucker: If you happen to be to young or just have a natural young look, it's going to be difficult to get in a night club.

Simmons: Luckily, we know a certain male blonde teenager who can help get us a fake ID!

Night Club

The Bouncer who gives it a quick look over.

Bouncer: Mmm, alright you can go.

Ash: Thanks.

He takes back his ID, sighing as he entered the club and took a look around. Feeling a bit out of place.

Male Partygoer: What the fuck?! I've been here for three hours and I'm still not in!

Valhalla

Back to Tucker and Simmons.

Simmons: Why does the club have to be dark?

Tucker: I'm glad you asked, Simmons!

A mysterious handsome looking *SLAP* fine! Fine! A regular looking guy comes walking up besides Tucker.

Author: Please be advise! These studies are not based on actual information, observations, or anything really. Let's be honest here, you do not want to listen to ANYTHING these guys say.

Simmons: Hey! What are you doing here?! You're supposed to be writing Season 1!

The Author throws his hands up and starts walking away.

Author: (distance) I can have fun too, you know!

Tucker: Now that weirdo is gone, studies show that poor lighting conceals blemishes and improves appearances by 35 percent, so all club patrons immediately seem more attractive than they actually are.

Night Club

To Sister and Ash inside a nightclub, with people dancing and loud music being played.

Sister: HEY, YOU LOOK HOT!!!

Ash: (raises brow slightly) Uh. Thank you. You um, you don't look too bad yourself. (clears throat)

Valhalla

Back to Tucker talking.

Tucker: Loud music is key because it eliminates the possibility of a conversation going beyond superficial small-talk. Does she want to talk about something you don't care for? Just act like you can't hear her.

Night Club

Back to Sister and Ash, inside the Club.

Sister: DID YOU HOW TO FLIRT WITH OTHER PEOPLE FROM YOUR MOM AND YOUR SISTER?!?!

Ash: MY MOM BROKE MEN'S BALLS, I WAS JUST TOLD WHAT NOT TO SAY TO A LADY. NEVER REALLY ASKED ON HOW TO FLIRT.

Valhalla

Back to Tucker and Simmons.

Tucker: And lastly, the larger the crowd the better. Statistically speaking, the more people there are, the better your chances are of getting laid. That's just science!

Simmons: Alternatively, you can use the miracle of the web to search for your soulmate from the comfort of your own home. Nowadays, there's a plethora of dating resources to choose from like Match.com, OKCupid, or even Craigslist! But if you're like me and want to keep social interaction to a minimum, then there's always good ol' Tinder!

Tucker: Please Simmons, tell us more about this "Tinder".

Simmons: Personally, I swipe "yes" for every woman because it's mor efficient than taking the time to judge each individual female. I've averaged 134 swipes per minute!

Tucker: I like the way you think, Simmons.

Simmons: Eventually, if someone swipes you into their "yes" category, you're matched with them in a private chat.

Tucker: Which brings us to our next topic: Talking to women.

Simmons: When matched with someone on Tinder, immediately send them a message to show them your go-getter attitude. If they don't respond in a few seconds, continue sending them messages. They're either testing you or they may just be shy, so comfort them with a wide variety with emoji and emoticons.

Tucker: Does eight, equal sign, equal sign, equal sign, equal sign, equal sign, capital D count as an emoticon? Bow chicka bow wow.

Simmons: Don't be afraid to ask your match the hard-hitting questions. You'll want to establish an emotional connection right off the bat, so really get into the intimate details of their life. Things like, "Where do you live?" or "What's your relationship like with your father?" Soon, they'll be dying to meet you in real life.

Tucker: Once you've spotted a mark at the club, take the time to appreciate their body.

Night Club

Inside the Club, Ash is seen staring at a female partgoer from across the room.

Tucker (Voiceover): They've worked hard for it, so show them that you're impressed by staring them up and down. After an appropriate 5 to 30 minutes of admiring their body, approach the female.

Ash approaches the female partygoer, before stopping in front of her.

Tucker (Voiceover): You can then make your presence known by delivering a well thought-out and reversed pick up line. Such as...

Valhalla

Ash runs up to Tucker and Simmons with a script in his hand.

Ash: (throws the script at them) You people are absolutely disgusting! I am NOT saying this!

Tucker: Dude, you have to! It's apart of the script!

Ash: Go to hell, Lavernius. The only thing your one liners will get someone, is a trip to the hospital, or the morgue.

Tucker: I'm just trying to give you some good pick lines to score some chicks.

Ash: I would prefer not to have my mom and my sister go on a rampage because of you. I will do this, MY way.

Tucker: Fine, if you think you can do better then be my guess!

Ash: I'll show you, pig.

Ash walks away.

Night Club

Ash approached the female partygoer.

Ash: Excuse me miss, but would you happen to be a star?

Female Partygoer: No, why?

Ash: Well... let's just say you shine the brightest out of them all. And you're beauty burns just as bright. If not more than gold.

The female partygoer laughs.

Female Partygoer: Alright, you've peaked my interest. My place or yours?

Ash: Um... pardon me ma'am?

Female Partygoer: I know we've only met, but should we get married?

Ash: (blushes) H-hold on a sec! We just met!

Female Partygoer: Gosh, I can't even wait, until we start a family!

Ash: Um, listen I think you are extremely beautiful but this is just TOO fast!

He accidentally bumped into another woman.

Ash: Oh shit! I apologize, I wasn't watching where I was going!

Female Partgoer 2: Oh, hello cutie~. (places her hand on his helmet) Are you lost~?

Ash: W-well, n-no. (clears throat) No. I just, had a bit of unexpected interaction. Just trying new things tonight.

Female Pargoer 2: (giggles) Well if you want, I can you give you a good time~. (licks her lips)

Ash: Uh well, I uh...

The female partygoer from before suddenly walked up and then grabbed his arm and wrapped her own around it.

Female Partgoer 1: Where do you think you're going~? You wouldn't wanna leave me, would you~?

Ash: Uh y-no! Um... can I at least get your name?

Female Partgoer 1: Tell me something first: Did you ever had sex with anyone before?

Ash: Um, I, don't follow.

Female Partgoer 2: Wait, you don't know what it is?

Ash: Like I said earlier, I'm recently trying new things. Get out of my comfort zone. "Have a good time," as my family put it.

The female partgoers looked at each other before they smirked at Ash.

Female Partgoer 1: Do you wanna know what sex is or what it feels like~?

Ash: I, guess. Um, want to take my other arm and we can see?

The female partgoers took both his arms and started dragging him. 

Ash: W-whoa! You two are strong.

Female Partgoer 2: (giggles) Thanks~.

Soon, they took him to a private room and closed the door before locking it.

Ash: Why are we in this roo-

He was cut off when one of the female partgoers took off his helmet and kissed him on the lips.

Ash: (blushes) Mmmph?!

She then pushed him on the bed with her being on top while the other began taking off her armor and clothes.

Ash: W-what are you two doing?!

Female Partgoer 1: Isn't it obvious? We're going to have sex with you~.

Ash: (blushes more) H-huh?!

Female Partgoer 2: You wanted to know, so we'll start by taking your first time~.

Ash: O-oh my...

Valhalla

Back to Tucker and Simmons.

Tucker: (to Simmons) Told ya he should've sticked to the script. (to the readers) Just remember: If at first you don't succeed, there's probably a hospital nearby! If you followed my step-by-step guide, you should be well on your way to a fiery night with at least two Brazilian super-models.

Simmons: And if you followed my guide, you will have arranged a date with one of your matches. Hopefully, someplace classy. Not super-classy, though. Just like... a place with unlimited salad and breadsticks.

Tucker: But in the event that you haven't sealed the deal with any super-models, because you royally screwed up my bulletproof advice, you can always try and salvage the night by finding the emotionally vulnerable.

Night Club

Ash leaned against the wall, panting as he thinks he's lost those two partygoers. He then noticed a different partygoer, hanging by herself by the entrance. Curious, he walked over to her.

Ash: Hey, is everything ok? You seem, upset.

Female Partygoer: (sadly) I was meeting someone on a date, but it looks like they ditched me.

Ash: Oh... I see. (looks behind the partygoer)

Simmons suddenly appears from behind a corner.

Simmons: (frantic) She sent me a winking smiley face! This is getting too serious!

Ash: (mutters) You coward... (to the partygoer) Well, in my opinion? You're better off if he's too much of a coward to keep his word to you. Especially if this was the first date.

Female Partygoer: Yeah...

Valhalla

Back to Tucker and Simmons.

Tucker: So, there you have it. With a little practice, you'll be reeling in all the ladies at the club.

Simmons: And once you've exhausted every potential match on Tinder, you can move on to other dating applications. Like Hot or Not!

The same female partygoer from the nightclub appears once again and walks up to, Simmons.

Female Partygoer: Hey, are you ScilonSlayer19?

Simmons: Ehhh, GOTTA GO!!!

Simmons sprints off.

Female Partygoer: Wait! You get over here, right now!

She immediately chases after, Simmons. Ashwalks up to Tucker, who just notices him.

Tucker: Now that our assistant is back, Ash, why don't you tell the readers just, how much ladies you where able to lay at the Club.

Ash: ...I would rather not talk about that.

Tucker: What!? But that was the whole point of this, to show how easy this step-by-step guide helps lose the v-card!

Ash: Tucker, I am going to kill you if my mom and sister don't do it first! Do you have ANY idea of what that was like for me?!

Suddenly several pierces of paper fell from his pouch. All of them having phone numbers and lipstick marks.

Tucker: (smirk) So, you did get any ladies after all.

Ash: No. Comment. (picks up the papers)

Jackson comes in.

Jackson: Ash, everything al-what the?

Tucker: Hey, Jackson. Simmons and I were teaching Ash over there how to get his own ladies while losing his v-card.

Jackson looks at Ash in concern.

Jackson: (concern) Ash, are you okay?

Ash: I... learned some things, today... about women... and, other stuff.

Jackson glares at Tucker.

Jackson: You have a literal death sentence.

Tucker: (nervous) Ugh, ok let's not do anything rash ok?

Jackson: Rash? Son, I'm not the only one you have to worry about. Look behind you.

Tucker: Eh?

???: He means us!

Tucker shiverly turns behind him and saw Tex and Carolina who are glaring at him. Ash kept his head down, avoiding eye contact with his mom and sister.

Jackson: Ash, it's okay. This isn't your fault buddy. 

Tex: You're gonna pay for that. 

Carolina: Big time. 

Tucker: A-Are you mad? You seem pretty mad, is it about Ash? Look ladies, I was just being honest with him. I was just telling him facts for his love life! It's why people call me, Lavernius Tucker; Love Doctor Extraordin-

All of a sudden, Tucker gets ran over by a Warthog, occupied by Y/N, Dr. Grey, and Kimball. Tucker falls to the ground in pain as the girls park the Warthog, besides them.

Y/N: Nobody here had a problem with that, right?

Kimball: Not at all.

Dr. Grey: Nope!

Jackson: Y/N, you make me proud.

Y/N: No problem, Jackson. We were just making our way to the beach, but we decided to take a slight... 'detour' as you can see.

They all look down at Tucker in the ground, groaning in pain.

Jackson: The detour was perfect. Hey you mind if I come along? I always planned to take Sarah and Olympia to the beach.

Y/N: Sure thing.

Ash remained silent, keeping his head down and shuffling his feet a little.

Jackson: After me, Tex and Carolina talk with Ash.

Y/N: Yeah, I know. Hey Ash, wanna join in and get some ice cream to cheer you up?

Ash: ...Maybe.

Ash lightly raised his hand. 

Tex: Do you even need to ask?

Carolina: He traumatized my baby brother.

Tucker remains lying on the ground in agony.

Tucker: (Groans) If I die, can someone pass me five bucks? 

PSA ended.