Face sewn shut
I've been living the same life for two decades and a light year
Scared of the same things as I was ever,
'They're not letting me grow' has been my excuse though it bears a lot of truth.

I live with part myself and not ready to face the others.
I just want to leave.
Why can't I just leave?

My negativity and cynicism are swallowing me whole.
I want to see other perspectives
But I'm stuck with one
And I'm fuming, they don't suspect it but I am.
Fuming.

I want to lash out,
I really don't want to, i try not to and I temporarily succeed every morning but falling failure hides, soon it'll make a great entrance.

I'll hurt then and the gesture returned.

It feels like a stop, no new sentence is being written.
'I should be grateful,some have it worse'

But I'm not.
Why couldn't I be more grateful?

Oh my days pass and nights end.

The weeks just grow on me, I am young but I'm not getting younger.
Almost three years have gained on me and I've let them pass, I dread my birthday because It feels like I'm stuck at 17.

'We wish you a year of good will and happiness' they say but I don't have the will to get the happiness.
Avoid people like they're the plague and maybe they are.
Maybe I'm not a shield as I think I am, things won't bounce off me but they'll bruise me or break me.
With the lurking evil which travels the world and visits everyone, my fears don't calm down. I see everyone as an ally who's playing the game to me, not with me, never with me.

'I'll throw the knives, you duck' they say
But how am I supposed to play the game blindfolded.