No, no, no...Please no...Raph....

Slipping away,

Falling just out of reach

So close yet so far

Fingers brush,

One falls, one fails.

"No, Raph!" Leonardo sat up in bed, wiping the cold sweat from his brow with the back of his hand. He sighed and fell back into his pillow. With every passing day it was taking him longer and longer to get up in the morning. He couldn't help it.

Over the past week or so he had learned the agony his family had gone through while he was unconscious in the bathtub at the farmhouse. Now he knew why Raph had seemed so different when he finally woke up. Raph was their rock, their strength, when Leo was feeble. And now, Leonardo had to fulfill that role. Damn. It was hard. It was so hard keep his strength in the face of what was going on. He had a new respect for Raphael now that he knew what his younger sibling had been through.

But as much as he'd like to believe that he now knew how Raphael and the others had felt. He really couldn't imagine. Sure, he was worried about Raphael, they all were, but he still had Sensei to lean on. Raphael hadn't had that, and yet he'd still managed to keep the others in shape and under control until Leo had awoken. Leo finally rolled out of bed, planted his feet solidly on the floor and stood. It was time to face another day.

Almost the second he stepped out the door of his room he was accosted by Mona Lisa. She greeted him with a grim smile and a hug. He gave her a wan smile and placed a hand on her shoulder. "How long have you been up?"

Mona signed to him, eagerly, 'Since early. Slash and I got up when it was still dark and went out to get food!'

Though he wasn't too thrilled that Slash had risked taking her to the surface, Leo couldn't help but smile at how excited she was. He decided to have a little fun with her since she was in such a good mood. He rolled his eyes. "Let me guess, the Mighty Mutanimals' fridge is now filled with carrots?"

Mona smiled and nodded eagerly, clinging to his arm and dragging him towards the main room. For the first time in the past week, Leo laughed. As they walked in, everyone in the room looked up at them. They stopped and Leo raised an eye-ridge. "What's going on?" He asked, a little concerned as he saw that everyone was seated in a semi-circle around Donatello.

The purple-masked sibling turned to him. "Oh good, you're up! I'm really sorry that I didn't do this earlier, but I didn't get very good sleep last night and I'm afraid I slept in."

That made Leonardo frown. Donnie had gone to bed early last night. He'd have to talk to his little brother after this meeting and make sure the brainiac was okay. He and Mona took a seat beside Slash. "Don't worry about it, Donnie. What's up?"

Donnie smiled at Leo's tense, worried expression. He answered, flatly, "In the early, very early, hours of this morning, Raphael reached a rather muddled state of consciousness. It looks like he's going to be alright."

The look on Leo's face was one that Donatello would remember for years to come. Astonishment, concern, bewilderment, and extreme relief left Leo looking somewhat like a gob-smacked puffer fish.

A big, beautiful smile spread across Mona's face and she sprang forward, taking hold of Donnie's arm, her eyes pleading with him. Don smiled a little and patted her on the shoulder. "Sure, you can stay with him until he wakes up again." Mona lifted herself up on her toes, using her tail for extra balance, and kissed Donatello loudly on the cheek. He chuckled and blushed a little as she disappeared into the lab.

Michelangelo smirked. "Be glad that Raph wasn't here to see that. He'd be clobbering you."

Leo smiled, suddenly feeling ten tons lighter than he had just a few minutes ago. The heavy weight that doubt had placed on his chest was gone. He was free. His brother was going to be fine. "Under the circumstances," he murmured, making his little brothers turn to face him, "I don't think Raph would mind."

Mikey glanced off in the direction of the lab. "Should we join her in welcoming Raph back from yet another very near escape?" The words were meant as a joke, like a line in one of Mikey's comic books, but the light-hearted tone in his voice felt flat. The statement was just a fraction too close to the truth.

Shaking his head, Leo put a hand on Mikey's shoulder. "No. When Raph does wake up again, they'll need some time."

Off to the side, Slash's eyes landed on the door of the lab and a small frown curved down at his lips. He nodded, more to himself than to anyone else. Yes, Leonardo was right. From now on, Raphael would need Mona Lisa more than anyone else.

—————————————

Inside the lab the dull beeping of the monitor was slowly putting Mona Lisa to sleep. She, too, had not gotten very good sleep the night before, but instead of sleeping in she had gotten up early. When Slash had said he was going on a supply run, she had jumped at the chance to escape. It wasn't that she disliked the sewers. In fact over the past few months she'd spent with the turtles, they had become her home. But the tense, brooding atmosphere that filled the Mighty Mutanimals' lair since Raphael had been injured had really taken its toll on her. She was yearning for a change of scenery. As much as she wanted to stay by Raphael's side, both Leo and Slash had pointed out to her on separate occasions that Raph would not want her being so upset. So she had decided that she wouldn't cling. In a way, that made things a little easier on her. It was much easier, when she was out doing something else, to remember Raphael the way he was before his injuries, before that woman...

In any case, Mona Lisa had decided that she would much rather see Raphael like that and hold her hope close to her heart that he would be that way again, rather than seeing him only as the pale, injured creature on the lab table. As Mona's eyelids began to get heavy, she rested her hands on her arms, which were folded atop the cool metal of the lab table. With a sleepy yawn, one of her hands lifted and tenderly brushed Raphael's cheek. He was warm. Her eyelids dropped and she was about to drop off, when she realized the warm cheek was following her hand, pressing into it. She shot upright and accidentally knocked down some tools, which landed with noisy clangs on the floor.

Mona glanced down at the tools, a little bit dazed, then she glanced back at Raphael. Her eyes widened. Raph's neon green eyes were silently sizing her up. The corner of his mouth was turned upwards. He looked amused. His grin made her heart swell. "Miss me?" He asked weakly.

She didn't grace that question with an answer. At least, not verbally or with sign. She surged forward, wrapping her arms around his neck and slamming her lips onto his.

He blinked a little as the air was knocked out of him, but it wasn't long before Raphael was softly returning the kiss. His lungs began to burn from over exertion and pushed her away a little. He tried to sit up but he was stopped short as searing, aching pain racked his frame. With a groan, the turtle fell back onto the cool, smooth surface of the table. Guilt flooded his heart as he turned to see Mona Lisa with a frown on her face. She looked like she was about to cry. "Mona..." He reached out to cup her face, but she stepped away, out of his reach, more tears clouding her beautiful brown eyes.

'You promised me! You said you'd come back okay!' She signed rapidly, her hands shaking.

Raph sighed and bit back the pain as he sat up. "Mona, I'm sorry. Those kinds of promises are hard to keep. And I never should have made it in the first place. Please, you have to try and understand...when I'm out there with my brothers I have to put them first." Please Mona. Please just stop crying.

She didn't stop crying. More tears tumbled down her cheeks, quickly replacing the ones welling up in the corners of her eyes. And then suddenly, her face was filled with anger. She stalked over to him and fiercely cupped his cheek before drawing away. Her lips curled back dangerously and Raphael had no doubt that if she were speaking, she'd be snarling at him.

'Did you think about me, Raphael? Did you even think about how I was going to feel when I found out? Did you even consider that by allowing yourself to get hurt, you were hurting me as well?' Mona gesticulated with angry punctuation. When she finally finished, her anger had gone and she tumbled forward, limply allowing herself to fall, throwing herself face-down into Raphael's lap. Mona lifted her legs up onto the table and rolled onto her back, still strewn across his lap. She gestured forlornly to the ceiling, knowing that Raphael would be able to understand her. Her movements were slow and weak. Her eyes were clouded over with a fog much thicker than tears. Raphael frowned.

'When they told me you could be dead...I wanted to die too. I wanted to.'

Strong hands took her shoulders in a vice grip, lifting her up, pressing her against a thick shell. "Don't."

She froze. Raph's voice, was he...? She looked up at his face. Raphael...He was crying. He had tears in his eyes. She stiffened a little, staring numbly at him as he held her to his plastron and wept. She could feel his tears wetting her hair, a few of them tumbling down her forehead. Slowly, Mona lifted her hand, bringing up to cup Raph's face.

He looked deep into her eyes. "Please, don't ever think that again. Please." Raphael begged with genuine desperation in his voice.

Mona Lisa stared back at him gravely. 'I've been thinking it for as long as I can remember. Every day, when I was in that place I would beg, I would plead for someone to simply end my pain. Back then the only reason for living, that I could see, was to suffer at the hands of the humans.'

More tears rolled down Raph's cheeks as he stared into the face of a woman he'd never met. He knew Mona the playful, Mona the scared, Mona the sweet, innocent young girl, but this was Mona the mature, Mona the war-torn. This was the first time he'd actually seen this side of her fully. He'd gotten a glimpse of it in the past, when she'd spoke of the human labs and the pain she'd endured, but that couldn't have possibly prepared him for this. Raphael's eyes widened and his hands slowly ran down from her sides and settled on her hips. "I love you." He murmured, wrapping his arms around her. "My family loves you. We can't lose you. I can't live without you."

She whirled around, pushing herself up onto her knees, straddling both of his legs. 'Then understand my position Raphael. Your loss would be my end.' Mona's lips slid softly against his once more, but she pulled away rapidly. 'You protect me in more ways than you possibly know.' She tucked her head under his chin, burrowing into his neck as she sobbed.

Raphael smiled and kissed her head, chuckling rather bitterly. His laughter got her attention. Mona looked up at him, her head slightly tilted with bewilderment. Raph smirked and whispered lowly into her ear between kisses as he pecked his way down her neck. "We're quite a pair, aren't we? We can't live without each other. I'm the only one who can save you from your past, and you're the only one who can save me from myself."

She blinked blankly at him. He smiled and shook his head, rolling his eyes. His hands smoothed over her hips, making Mona shiver, and not from the cold. She smirked darkly. Well, if that's the way Raph wanted to play...

A leaf-green hand with dexterous fingers danced across the scar on his plastron, lightly stroking the sensitive tissue that lay just behind it. Raphael hummed, a devious sparkle in his bright green eyes.

"Is this a bad time?" A light, jeering voice asked from over by the door.

Raph shot his younger sibling a dark glare. He could tell by the tone that Donnie knew perfectly well it wasn't a good time. The brainiac would pay for that as soon as he was strong enough to jump of this bed and grab hold of that darn stick on his brother's back.

Donatello ignored the death glare, if he even noticed it at all. "I see you're sitting up already. Even though I told you last night that you needed to rest."

The hothead crossed his arms over his plastron. "And I see you're already stating the obvious. The prognosis must be pretty good then."

"It's fine." Don growled. He'd hoped that Raph might be a bit easier on him given the gravity of the situation, but apparently he'd been wrong. Raphael was just as difficult a patient as ever. "But you'll still have be on medical rest for at least one more week just to be safe."

"Don—"

"Don't argue with me, Raphael!" He bellowed, his voice coming out a lot louder and lot angrier than he'd meant it to. He deflated and said much more softly, "It's a miracle you're even alive at all. So please, please, don't make this any harder than it has to be." Don looked down, ready for Raph to growl and yell in his face, but surprisingly, the harsh rebuke never came. When he looked up, he was stunned to find that Mona had extricated herself and moved to the side. More importantly, Raphael was holding his arms wide open.

Donatello frowned and shook his head slightly, but Raph's eyes were pleading. "Come on Donnie, I need it as much as you do." Raphael's voice sounded uncharacteristically saddened and weak.

Don just couldn't move fast enough. He propelled himself into his brother's arms with so much force that he nearly knocked the older turtle backwards. He hadn't meant to cry, but the next thing he knew, he was bawling.

Raph's heart ached as he listened to Donatello's soggy ramblings about Leo, Mikey and Sensei and about how the Mutanimals had found him and brought him here, wherever here was. He soothingly rubbed Donnie's shell as the brainiac rambled on and on and on. Poor Donnie. Raph sent Mona a gentle look and she nodded, leaving the two of them alone in the room. Donnie didn't break down like this very often, and the fewer people that were around, the better. The older turtle straightened a little as Donnie pulled away, staring down into the dark, brilliant brown gaze. "Donnie...what are you not telling me?" He asked slowly. He could sense it. He always could. Donatello confided in Raphael on a regular basis and Raphael could tell that there was something the smart turtle was holding back.

The purple masked turtle struggled to avoid Raph's eyes. "I can't."

"Donnie..." Raph called gently, holding eye contact as best he could to prove to his brother that he was in earnest.

A soft, barely audible whisper hit the air and dropped like a ton of bricks. "I went back."

Oh shell, how Raph hoped that didn't mean what he thought it meant. But one look in Donatello's eyes told him the answer: it did. Worry and terror clawed at his heart more urgently than ever. His hands ran frantically across his sibling's arms and shell as he searched for injuries. "Are you okay? Are you okay, Donnie? Are you hurt?"

Donatello stilled Raph's hands. "I'm fine. I got intel." He gasped as a stinging pain suddenly flooded his right cheek. A look at his brother confirmed his suspicions: Raphael had just slapped him.

"How could you be so careless?! I'd expect that kind of cockiness from Casey or, shell, even me, but you?! Donatello have you lost your mind?! You could have been killed! Or..." Raph's voice went below his breath. "...or worse."

"It was worth the risk." Don said evenly.

Raph grabbed his sibling by the shoulders and glared directly up at him. "No file is worth the price of your life!"

"Oh, but apparently it is worth all four of ours."

Raph glared.

Don rolled his eyes. "Come on, Raph. We all knew we were risking our lives when we went in there. I had to go back to get what we went for!"

If it were possible to have a pressure gauge for Raphael's temper, the needle would be well into the red. "Goddammit Donnie! If you'd gotten killed without any of us there to protect you it would tear us apart! How could you be so selfish?!"

The ice-cold stare Don sent him made Raph's heart stop. "You expect me to believe you wouldn't have done the same?"

Raph's reply was rock-hard. "Don't ever do anything like that ever again."

"You do things like that all the time." Don retorted, coldly.

"Exactly." Raphael internally smirked as he realized that he'd broken Donnie's composure. Then, with pure seriousness, Raph spoke. "You don't wanna end up like me, Don." With no further ado, he pulled his stunned younger sibling into his arms once again, savoring the feeling of closeness, relieved and ecstatic that Donatello was alive and well.

———————————————————

How was it? Tell me please!

And I still have a week left before school starts up again, so I will hopefully be able to get a few more chapters out before then!