A I D E N S • P O V

T H R E E • Y E A R S • L A T E R

"Does this look alright?" Arian twisted in front of her mirror. She was wearing a cream coloured dress that fell to her thighs. The linen blend material flowed around her perfect figure. The button up front made me contemplate that it was easy access and we might get a minute alone this afternoon. "I mean, it's not too casual for a wedding?"

I sauntered up behind her, catching my own reflection in the mirror as I ran a finger down her spine. She bit down on her lip and grinned. I was wearing a short sleeve button up and chino shorts. We were both casual. But that was the sort of wedding that we were attending. "You look perfect. This is how Maddie and Cameron told us to dress."

Maddie didn't want bridesmaids or groomsmen. It would just be her and Cameron in front of their closest friends. There wouldn't be a lot of family attending either. It wasn't traditional but that wasn't an issue.

"Is the bump obvious?" She ran her hand over the little pouch where our Son or Daughter was forming. I wrapped around her and covered her hands with mine. It wasn't blatant at all.

"You look perfect Arian," I kissed the side of her throat. "Believe me baby. You are gorgeous."

"But I'm still carrying a bit of the baby weight," she pouted. She worried too much. It was still one of those things that I was working on helping her deal with. I would never stop convincing her that she was the most perfect woman that I had ever met. She wasn't carrying a single gram of the baby weight. She had returned to her usual petite frame rather fast. I had no idea what she saw when she looked in the mirror.

"It's been eleven months," I brushed her long copper hair behind her shoulder. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You're stunning."

She turned around and smiled, throwing her arms around my neck. She tip toed and began to kiss me with those sweet soft lips and my hands bunched the material on her back as I pulled her in tight. That was of course, when our small daughters wailing could be heard from the room beside ours. She had good timing that's for sure.

"Ebony," Arian laughed. We'd become accustomed to our daughter demanding attention at those moments where her sleep would have been convenient. "I'll go."

"No no," I caught her around the waist as she attempted to walk off and spun her back in. "I know it takes you almost twice as long as me to get ready. Continue."

She smiled and I gave her a quick kiss before I wandered out of our new bedroom. We'd been living in a new house for about six months. It was a suburban area with lots of space between each home. Trees on the front lawns, picket fences and tyre swings hanging from the large oaks that sheltered our colonial mansion. Despite it's classic design with large windows and a spacious front passage as well as a wrap around deck on the second level, it was renovated and modern. The interior was light timber and white painted trimming with dark pine fixtures in the stair case banister and light shades. The second level extended out over the living area with a couple of couches beside the banister where Arian liked to read because it was so open to the sun. The living room, dining and kitchen almost rolled into one but it was a huge space and it was perfect for both of us.

The bedrooms were where we splashed out with colour. We'd done themes as per Arians request. She took care of most of the decorating. With some help from Mom here and there. Our daughter had a pale pink room with a feature wall that was covered in painted vines and little fairies. She'd had small twinkling lights installed in the wall so that when the light was off, the fairies lit up and it did look magical. She had incredible vision.

The entire room felt like stepping into another realm of reality. An enormous canopy hung in the corner of the room, creating a tent of sorts and inside were cushions and a table as tall as my ankles for tea parties. She was still too small for that. But Arian tried. Ebony usually just threw the plastic cups around and slobbered all over the fake fruit.

Her windows were decorated with fairy stickers and her walls had framed pictures of woodland creatures and owls. I had no part in how this room turned out. I couldn't claim credit. But it was every little girls dream. Arian was already planning on how she would decorate a baby boys bedroom. She couldn't wait to find out what we were having next. We were both hoping for a little man but as long as the baby was healthy, that was what mattered. We had seven more weeks until we could go for the mid term scan.

I opened Ebony's curtains and grinned at the little cutie who was holding on to the side of her crib, bouncing on her legs while she smiled with her four front teeth and squealed with excitement.

She was the most beautiful child that I had ever seen. Her skin was ever so slightly lighter than mine. But she still had that caramel colour and much to Arians utter delight, she had the brightest green eyes. I'd always hoped that our child would look more like her. But she had taken after me. Of course, she had my fiancée's nose and smile. I picked her up out of the crib and lifted her straight into the air, nuzzling my nose into her little tum so that she spluttered and gurgled with laughter.

"Let's go and get some lunch, hmm?" I rested her on my hip and tugged her short sleeve one piece so that I could see the words on the front. 'Don't mess with Dad.'

That's for damn sure. I thought that I could never be more fierce, in love or protective when I fell for Arian. That hadn't changed. But having a daughter. That love was indescribable. It was sort of terrifying as well. If she was ever harmed, I couldn't process the rage that would consume me.

We wandered out of the room, past the photo of Arian and I with our baby turtle in the Bahamas that we'd adopted three years ago. And of course the photo of our Christmas that same year. When we'd returned and I'd proposed in the same spot that I'd first told her that I love her. We'd been standing in the stingray enclosure for the second time and I retrieved a velvet box from the pocket of the wet suit. I hadn't taken a knee because that would have been a bit difficult. But it felt right. She hadn't seen it coming and she cried. A lot. But it was the sort of tears that I could handle. I'd shed some of my own.

Proposing in the same place that I'd told her that I love her. It was perfect. It'd been a longer engagement that we'd planned on. But life had intervened a few times. We were going to get married after her restaurant opening. Which went on without an issue. But then she found out that she was pregnant. She was adamant that it didn't matter. She could get married with a bump and a maternity dress. But I wanted her to have the full experience with a real dress because I knew that she felt self conscious with the small amount of weight that she'd put on. It didn't matter to me. But I knew how she truly felt.

So we began planning the wedding again and of course, around two months ago, she found out that she was pregnant again. We'd get there eventually. Nothing was going to change. We loved each other. The wedding would come. In the mean time, we were building a family and achieving our goals. There was nothing wrong with that.

The restaurant was doing well. Better than she could have hoped for. It had an enormous outdoor eating area with gardens, flowers and plants. It was her. Her love for nature shone throughout her entire establishment. The food was exquisite and she cooked as often as she could while still balancing being a Mom and spending time with me. She was the happiest that I had ever seen her.

She had a garden at home as well. Of course. The back yard was just as magnificent as the rest of the house. A gated pool that looked like a natural watering hole with rock edges and a waterfall. There was space for a tree house, swings, a trampoline and all of those things that a child would love when the time came.

I set Ebony in her high chair and scoured the fridge for her yoghurt pouches. We had a nanny during the week when both Arian and I were working. But we gave her the weekends off. We also did our best to have time available during the week as well. If either of us could send the Nanny home and take over ourselves, we would. We were as hands on as possible. But having someone that we trusted who could watch her when we needed was essential.

"Here it is," I mumbled and began unscrewing the lid as the fridge door closed. When I glanced up at Ebony, I stopped in disbelief because Zee was standing behind her with a small smile and her duffel bag hanging from her shoulder. "Wha— Zoerina?"

She'd come back once after she disappeared. She'd apologised to Arian, shocking us all of course, and knew that she'd been wrong. But when Hunapo went to trial, he was sentenced to twelve years in jail with the chance of parole at seven. His sentence had been based on his clean record and frame of mind, plus his confession. That didn't have a lot of pull considering it took him so long. But it did make some difference. It had almost killed Zee. She fell apart in the court room and I'd found her with a bag of coke that same night. So I locked her up of course and made sure that she kept her shit together.

She did. But she left again and we hadn't seen her since. She dropped her bag and shrugged. "What's up dude. Heard you had a mini," she walked around and stood in front of Ebony. "Damn. She looks like you. Poor thing."

I gave Ebony the pouch and she grabbed it with enthusiasm. Squeezing it too hard so that it spilled over the edges. Arian hated it when I gave her the pouch instead of feeding her. She made a mess but I was a little too overwhelmed to focus on that right now. Besides, she was fine once she got the food into her actual mouth.

"Just kidding," Zee punched me in the arm. "She's cute as. Aunt Zee. Eh. That sounds a little meh," she shook her head. "Like I walk around with cigarettes and fur coats while I scare the children with tales of dismembered misfits."

"The smoking part is right," I said as I brushed past her.

She scoffed but ignored it. I'd smoked here and there in the past. "Aunt Zoe? Aunt Zo. Aunt Zoerina is a bit of a mouthful. Hmmmm. Ooh. What bout Aunt Rina. Na that sounds dumb as fuck."

"I like Aunt Zo," I offered. More so in the hopes that she'd shut up. We both pulled out a seat at the breakfast bar and watched my beautiful daughter covering herself in strawberry yogurt. "What are you doing here Zee?"

"Well I've been at Mom's," she tapped her knuckles on the granite bench top. "Popped in for a minute when I couldn't find you at the old apartment. This is a sweet place by the way."

"Thanks," I nodded and hoped that she wouldn't derail again. She could get off topic so damn fast that it was ridiculous.

"She told me the new address and that you'd had a kid. Thought I better come and meet the little one. See how things are. All of that."

She wouldn't look at me while she spoke. She still hadn't explained what brought her back to town in the first place. But I had a feeling that being alone might have done it. The last I'd heard she was living in outback Australia of all places. She'd moved in with some girl. In a disgruntled email that she sent after she took off the second time, she explained that she hated her new roommate but she hated Arian and I more. Delightful.

"Are you staying?" I questioned.

She glanced around, twisting in her seat so that she could take it all in. "Got room in this small house?"

I chuckled. At some point, she'd have to grow up. She needed a job and a purpose. She needed to stand on her own two feet. But she was my little sister and I would always be there for her. So I stood up and rounded the island in search of the wet wipes so that I could clean up Ebony who was babbling and slapping her now empty pouch on the tray.

"I have a few conditions," I said, closing the drawer after I'd found the wipes. Zoerina watched me with distaste as I began cleaning Ebony up. "You pull your weight around here. Cleaning, helping with Ebony—"

"Ebony?" She blanked.

I gave her a flat stare. "My daughter."

"Oh," she nodded. "Yeah no Aiden. I don't do babies. That's just— no. One of the benefits of being with someone who doesn't have sex. . . Or a woman. No babies."

"You will," I lifted Ebony out of the high chair and set her in my sisters lap. She gasped but held her with serious concern in her expression. "She's impossible not to love. I promise. You'll help with her. Think about getting a job or going to college—"

"At my age," she scoffed, bouncing Ebony on her lap as she watched her. I could see her features softening already. "I'm thirty Aiden. I'm not going to College."

"Get some motivation then," I said, leaning on the countertop. "You've been doing nothing for so damn long. It's time to get a grip and grow up. Like you said, you're thirty. Don't be embarrassing."

She stared at me with her mouth agape. "Damn," her expression contorted into a mixture of shame and shock. "Someone's got his Dad pants on."

"Yep," I nodded. "Mom is coming over in two hours to watch Ebony while Arian and I go to a wedding. "You can hang around and help her."

"Who's getting married?"

"Cameron and Maddie," I said. Ebony was still content with Zee. She was playing with the long necklace that came down Zee's front. She chewed and slobbed all over it but Zee didn't seem to mind. She was smiling at her. Her hold had relaxed and she no longer seemed so tense with fear.

"How come it's taken them so long?" Zee said.

"Because Cameron just finished his apprenticeship and became an official lawyer. That's what they were waiting for."

"Well, why can't I come?"

"You weren't invited."

"Why not?"

I sighed and inhaled a deep breath. "Because you've been AWOL for two years Zee. They probably weren't sure where to send the damn invitation."

"Well I'm here now," she smiled with satisfaction.

"Yeah and you have to rebuild some of the bridges that you burned Zee," I told her, pushing the high chair back into its corner. Ebony was a grazer. She ate little. But she ate often. She'd need a banana in half n hour. "Not everyone is going to pick up where you left off."

That was when Arian came into the kitchen, slow and cautious as she watched Zee with surprise. I'd heard her coming downstairs. She looked perfect. Of course she did. Her copper waves sat half way down her back and her bright gaze was framed with long lashes. She took my breath away without fail.

Zee glanced up at Arian and gave her a small uncertain smile. Arian had never, not once held Zee at arms length despite how awful my sister was to her. She had worried herself sick when she didn't know how Zee was doing. She checked her emails several times a day for a response. She loved Zee and sometimes I felt so fucking frustrated because Zee treated her like total shit over what happened.

She'd blamed Arian, again, after Huanpo's sentence. Gone off the deep end, again. She'd said things to her that I wasn't sure I would ever fully forgive. But Arian dismissed it all. She said that she would have felt the same in her shoes.

"Hi," Arian smiled, her gaze darting towards me for a brief moment. She looked uncertain. But Ebony was all giggles and excitement as soon as she saw her mother. "Hello beautiful girl."

"Oh hey," Zee answered with amusement. "You don't look too bad either."

Arian laughed and let Ebony grip her finger. But it was soon ripped out of her grasp when Zee lifted my little girl and gave her back to me. She stood up and pulled a surprised Arian into her arms, hugging her so tight that I felt breathless just watching it. Arian stared at me with shock as she patted my sisters back.

"I've been soul searching," Zee said, still crushing my poor fiancée. "And without going into too much detail, because there's a lot of detail. I'm sorry. You were never in the wrong and I was a total cunt. Can we please be okay again?"

She gripped Arian's shoulders and pushed her back at arms length. Arian was smiling from ear to ear. She'd wanted this for the longest time. It made me overwhelmed with love for this woman. She was the strongest, most forgiving and gracious person that I'd ever met. Her goodness never failed to make me burst with emotion. She nodded and told Zoerina that of course she'd forgive her. The two of them embraced again and began making plans for a girls night out. One that wasn't too wild of course because she was pregnant after all.

"Again," Zee stepped back and stared at her stomach. "What the hell would someone want more than one for?"

"If only Mom had shared those thoughts," I sighed and copped a punch in the shoulder.

Arian took Ebony upstairs after she'd had a coffee with Zee. She wanted to dress her in something cute before Mom arrived. Mom was surprisingly wonderful with her granddaughter. She cuddled her, spoiled her rotten and never tired of spending time with her. She disappeared on vacation a lot less now. I was a little concerned about Zee witnessing Mom dote over Ebs. But it wasn't something that I could hide forever.

I told Zee that I needed to use the bathroom but she stopped me and picked up her duffel. "Wait, I found this in the pocket of one of the bags that I stole from the guest room when I took off the first time," she retrieved an envelope with my name scrawled across the front in terrible handwriting. "I didn't open it. I wanted to. For real. The temptation was real. But I refrained."

"Thanks," I stared at it in confusion, turning it over as if some clue as to what it was about would be revealed. "Uh take the spare room on the ground floor. Down the corridor. Second on the left."

"Thanks," she wandered off.

When I went upstairs, I passed Ebony's bedroom and could hear my two girls giggling and babbling at each other. It was tempting to stop and watch as I often did. But I continued on until I reached my office and closed the door. The view from the window over looked the front lawn, Arians view over looked the back garden. It was perfect. She could admire her yard while I could see whoever came into the drive.

I sat at the desk and didn't waste time opening the envelope. I startled with surprise when I saw that it was from Tammy. The girl who had lived with us as part of her brothers sick plan to kill Arian for revenge. She'd overdosed before she could do it. So I started reading the letter with dread knotted in my stomach. This felt off.

If you're reading this, I'm probably dead. That's weird to write but I can't do it anymore. My life has been a shit show for so damn long and I guess the last thing that I want to do, is explain myself. Ritz is after Arian. Well Aiden. But Arian as well. He blames him for his Dad's death. You need to be careful. All of you. He made this elaborate plan and I was going to go along with it. I guess I was angry that Curtis was murdered. He paid for my clothes and drugs in exchange for sex. I told Ritz that it was consensual and I guess after a while, you could have called it that. But in the beginning, it was forced. And the cash was to hush me.

I took advantage of it because I didnt know what else to do. And I turned to drugs because I couldn't deal with how disgusting I felt. Sometimes Ritz got in on it too. He'd give me an extra bag or a clean needle if I let him have his way. Sometimes he'd have his friends over and they'd all take turns and I pretended that it was fine. I don't know why. It wasn't fine. I just never knew how to stand up for myself.

When Ritz told me that he wanted to avenge his dad and came up with this plan, I went along with it. Ritz called the shots. He provided my heroin. He looked out for me. I guess I just figured, I owed him. But I know that Curtis was a child rapist. He deserved what he got. And the more time that I spent with Arian and Aiden, the harder it felt to know what I had to do. Arian was so nice. She confided her past in me. She made me just stop and think about what a piece of trash I'd become. Not on purpose. She was just so nice. Make lemonade out lemons kind of person.

Ritz will never stop though. He's a psychopath and if I don't do what he wants, he'll kill me. I've made such a mess. I was sleeping with a fifty year old man - my step father - and his son. I'm a lying drug addict. And in this moment of clear thinking, I can see a way out. Out of this whole mess. I don't want to live with who I am and what I've done anymore. I just want to sleep. Tell my Mom that I love her.

Tammy

The paper shook in my trembling hand. It was hard to process what I had just read. It hadn't been an overdose. It was intentional. She felt trapped and too ashamed to live with herself. It broke my damn heart.

It didn't take long at all before I knew what I would do with this information. I rolled backwards in my chair and leaned down, sending the letter through the paper shredder underneath my desk. No one needed to know about this. Arian didn't need to know. She wouldn't cope. She would blame herself for not seeing that Tammy needed help. She would think about the what ifs. It would unravel a whole lot of progress that she'd made towards healing.

After what happened with Hunapo, she made me swear that there would be no more secrets between us. Which I agreed to and have stuck with ever since. But this wasn't a truth worth revealing. It would serve no other purpose than to hurt her and I couldn't do that to her. So I watched the paper disappear through the lid, turning into shredded strands that were indecipherable.

There was a certain level of guilt that I felt over the situation. We could have helped her. If she had come to me, there was a lot that I could have done so that she had a fresh start. I would have dealt with that piece of shit Ritz as soon as I could. He was living in a wheelchair now, in some sort of home for recovering addicts. His legs were never going to work again. His jaw was never the same. He couldn't string a proper sentence together. It was incoherent rambling. Zee made sure that he suffered. Which I hadn't been so happy about it the beginning. I didn't want someone tortured just because they'd shot me. But now knowing that he used to rape his step sister, well, I just hope that he's in pain.

Later that evening, Arian and I danced under the rows of fairy lights that hung from the marquee ceiling. It was a beach wedding and the reception continued on a private land that was hired out for events. It was right beside the water, the sun was setting on the waves and we were at the edge of the dance floor so that Arian could watch the sea. She missed not having that view from her window. Her head leaned on my chest, her hand held mine and we moved slow and gentle to the soft beat.

The music had been a mix of upbeat and more classical. But Arian had been feeling a bit off for most of the afternoon. This pregnancy hadn't been as bad as the first. She was so ill with Ebs. She was so sick for the first seventeen weeks. She threw up all the time. She couldn't stomach food. It was awful. This time was easier. She felt nauseous here and there. But it was manageable.

"What song should we dance to at our wedding?" She peered up at me, her chin still on my chest as she grinned. "Like our first dance?"

I pretended to think about it for a moment. But I knew. I'd thought about it. "When a Man Loves  a Woman."

She arched a brow in surprise. "So we'll have a slow first dance?"

"Intimate," I corrected and began to recite the lyrics. "When a man loves a woman, Can't keep his mind on nothin' else, He'd trade the world, For a good thing he's found."

She giggled, biting down on her lip. I wasn't singing at the top of my lungs. It was a quiet murmur but she watched me as if I was giving the performance of a life time.

"When a man loves a woman, Spend his very last dime, Trying to hold on to what he needs. He'd give up all his comforts, And sleep out in the rain, If she said that's the way, It ought to be."

We continued moving but the moment was ours now. The music was distant in the background. The people around us ceased to exist. She was all that I saw, all that I felt. She was all that I would ever need. The last beams of sunlight that came across the horizon illuminated her perfect smile and for all I knew, she could have been an angel sent straight from heaven. I would never be deserving of this woman. I would never deserve her love. But I would spend the rest of my life earning it. Because she was it. The one. The real deal.

"Yes when a man loves a woman, I know exactly how he feels, 'Cause baby, baby, baby, I am a man, When a man loves a woman."

I gave her a soft kiss and felt her lift on to her tip toes to deepen it. "That's the one that we should dance to," she nodded, her lips still brushing mine. "It's perfect."

"You're perfect," I gave her another kiss as Maddie and Cameron began waving and walking towards us. Arian caught me looking over her shoulder and turned around. Both of them were in casual attire. Cameron in his white chino pants which rolled over at the ankle and a patterned button up short sleeve shirt. Maddie was wearing silk. But it was simple. Spaghetti strap and it cut off just above her knees.

"Congratulations," Arian said, giving Cameron a quick hug. She'd congratulated them about seven times since the reception started. She couldn't be stopped. But this time there was room for hugs. There hadn't been earlier due to the newlyweds being surrounded with guests eager to offer their own congratulations.

Maddie pulled Arian in while Cameron nodded at me with a warm smile. Both of them had been casual since the knot was tied. It was obvious that it was the happiest moment of their lives. But there was also a sense of expectancy. Like this was a day that they had always expected to get to. There were no doubts and there was no alternatives. They were always going to get married and that was that. For the rest of their lives. That was how their relationship had always been. It was effortless.

Which was great. But I never wanted to lose what Arian and I had. Pasasion and fierce love that consumed both of us. It made me feel more alive than I had ever felt before.

"Wait," Maddie held Arian in an embrace, she squeezed her a little tighter, her gaze becoming wide before she leaned back. "You're pregnant?"

Arian blushed and stared at me for help. I left her to it though. She was the one that didn't want to tell Cameron and Maddie until after their wedding. I never thought that there would be an issue spilling the beans beforehand.

"How could you tell?" Arian whispered as if it was still a secret.

Maddie touched Arian's stomach and gasped with delight. "That little solid bump. Aw, Ari. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to steal the wedding thunder,"  she defended.

Maddie put her hand on her hip. "How long have you known?"

"Two months," Arian blushed.

Maddie slapped her bare arm and I winced. It wasn't hard and it was just a laugh. But I had a natural reaction to people putting their hands on her. Arian laughed and apologised.

"It's a boy, right?" Cameron questioned.

"We don't know," Arian answered. "How come?"

"I think it's a boy," he grinned. "Call it an instinct."

Maddie rolled her eyes. "As well as being a lawyer, Cameron has taken up staring at crystal balls and predicting the future."

"Come on," he defended. "I was right about that girl at work."

Maddie shrugged, nodding in confirmation. "True."

Arian stared up at me with hope and I mirrored her expression. Completing our family with a son. Now that would be perfect.