A I D E N S • P O V

THE MORNING AFTER ARIAN LEFT

Mom was never an affectionate woman. We saw her kiss our father on the odd occasion. She loved him. But she showed it in her own way. She cooked for him, amazing meals that took hours to prepare. She ironed his clothes each night. Without fail. She organised his office, did his shopping, she existed for him. And after he died, she lost the smallest part of her that allowed for hugs or motherly embraces.

Dad never complained. He was an affectionate man. But he never begrudged Mom for being who she was. He accepted her and loved her regardless of the fact that he was her opposite. When she did hold him for a few seconds longer, or when she kissed him or when she held his hand in public, it was so obvious how much that meant to him. His lips would lift a little higher, his eyes would shine a bit brighter. He loved her for who she was, but those moments were something that he cherished because he knew that it would be a long time before it happened again.

Zoerina was a lot like our mother. Though she would never admit it. She was rough around the edges, hard headed and claimed to be made of steel, but she craved what she'd been deprived of her whole life. Dad would tell Mom that Zoerina needed that love from her Mother. Mom would wave him off and tell him that she provided their daughter with what she needed and she was just fine. Which was true. She was fine. Like Dad, she came to accept it. But even if subconsciously, it had an adverse effect.

It was part of the reason that I was so supportive of Po's love towards her. It was pure and I always knew that. He loved her in the way that she'd always needed. Affection, kind words, total appreciation for who she was. And I never doubted that he was using her for sex because he didn't have it. With the exception of experimenting in high school while he was on a war path of self discovery. It was just unfortunate that their time together was so marred and fucked up by addiction.

What I seemed to have ended up with, was being in tune to people's emotions and feelings. So much so that it felt like a curse. I could read people, more so than the average person. It was the downfall to doing what I did. I felt the dreaded fear coming from the people that I murdered. But it was easy to remember that it was what they deserved. It was the only reason that I didn't drown in guilt. It still left a weight on my soul though. One that didn't diminish until I met Arian.

Even then, I don't think that she was removing it. She was just helping me to live with it. She was a reminder that even though evil dwelled among us, purity existed. There wasn't a shortage of good people in the world. But she was more than good. She was selfless, strong, empathetic, giving . . . forgiving. . .

Maybe.

The sound of my bedroom door opening was followed by footsteps that belonged to Zee and Zee alone. She had this unique tread. Like she was pissed off but too gentle for it to be intimidating. Which was ironic because she wasn't gentle and if she wanted, she could do a lot of damage to whoever pissed her off.

The bed dipped, just a little, it was a firm mattress. Designed not to disturb a sleeping partner with unsettled movements. I'd had it delivered while Arian and I were in the Bahamas. Just for the fact that her sleeping was so disrupted as it was. I didn't want her nights to be even worse when I came in late on the occasion. She had no idea.

A loud slap sound was accompanied by a harsh sting on my shoulder blade. "Get up, Aiden," Zee ordered, another slap. "It's eleven in the morning. You've never slept in this late and I refuse to let you start now."

"Fûck off."

She scoffed. "You're acting like a teenage girl."

"What the fûck is wrong with you," I flicked the comforter back and unintentionally got a whiff of Arian's scent. Her perfume that she spritzed after a shower. Even if she was just getting into bed. Perhaps I was acting like a teenage girl. "I'm not acting like a teenage girl. I don't need to listen to your shit. Leave me alone."

She did the opposite. She laid down beside me and I flicked her blonde hair away when it draped over my shoulder. "It's going to be fine Aiden. It's Arian. She'll forgive and forget. That's what she does. So pull up your socks and cope in the mean time. The world hasn't stopped, alright?"

I sat up and stared down at her. "Sorry I don't cope the right way. Should I fucking shoot up some heroin and hand my issues to the high?"

She flinched. It wasn't major, she kept her expression neutral and stared at the ceiling. But I felt the onset of regret in an instant. Zee had made a lot of positive changes for herself. It wasn't fair to remind her that she had a past not to be proud of.

"I'm sorry."

"Doesn't matter."

"It does," I sighed and ran a hand through my bed hair. "You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry. It's just— I'm meant to protect her Zee. I'm meant to be the one that doesn't let a thing hurt her. And I caused the worst pain that she's ever been in."

"You didn't kill her parents," she laced her fingers and set them atop her stomach. "It was all a terrible coincidence. She'll realise that Po made a mistake. She'll forgive him. She'll come home. She just needs to cool off."

"Yeah but I let him live without consequence," I murmured. "I went against everything that I stand for."

She scoffed and threw her hands up. "What were you going to do? Kill him?"

"Of course not," I snapped. The clouds still hadn't cleared from last nights storm. The weather seemed so dull and defeated. I stared out the window and realised that I just didn't know what to do. I always knew what to do. I always had. But I didn't have a clue and it was fûcking torture.

Silence fell on us for a beat until Zee sighed and stood up from the bed. She was dressed in her active wear and I wondered if Po was waiting down in the gym for her. We hadn't spoken a lot since the whole situation came to light. I didn't know what to say, he couldn't stop apologising and while I wasn't pissed off with him, there was a definite undertone of resentment that I felt terrible for feeling.

"She'll come back Aiden," Zee slipped her hands into her short pockets. "She'll forgive him. She's like that. She just needs time. I mean, it's not like she's going to turn him in. Right?"

I met her stare and saw that she seemed uncertain. She swallowed and waited with a hopeful expression which was being shadowed with trepidation. I shrugged, recognising that childlike look of hers that reminded me so much of our childhood. When she'd waited for a hug from Mom when she was upset.

I couldn't give her that hug.

"Maybe she will," I said. "I wouldn't blame her if she did."

Her features soon turned to disgust. "No," she snapped. "What? She wouldn't. She can't! It was a mistake that made a long time ago! He doesn't deserve to go to jail."

"Doesn't he?"

"Who the fuck are you?" She shouted. "I get that you love her but he's your best friend!"

"And he murdered two innocent people!"

"It was an accident!"

"Fuck, Zoerina," I flicked the covers back and got out of bed, almost getting a rush of dizziness from standing too fast. "I'm not saying that he should be hung for his damn crimes but maybe there has to be some sort of responsibility taken. He has been living in an expensive house, driving expensive cars, eating good food and living the high life for the past six years. How is that okay after what he did!"

"You sound so materialistic," she spat back, her caramel skin turning a shade darker in the face. "He's also been living with guilt and fighting an addiction. He's paid. He has to live with what he did. Him going to jail isn't going to change what he did. It's not going to bring her parents back!"

"I know!" I shouted so loud that the second I closed my mouth, the silence was like the snap of a rubber band. The quiet filled with tension and harsh breathing. "But I don't know what the fûck to do. I don't know how to make her feel better about this whole thing. What if I have to choose? How can I? I don't have any of the answers right now and it's driving me insane because I just want her back—"

My sentence was cut off when I lost my breath. I lost it to the pang in my chest. As if I was being impaled by every negative emotion that a human body could feel, all at once. "Please," I lazily gestured at the door before I turned around and headed towards the ensuite. "Just leave me alone, Zoerina."

Evin was good company. She stuck with me throughout the day. It was like she could sense the unease. I felt terrible that her first night had consisted of her new Mom leaving with a broken heart. I figured that Arian would have taken her, but I realised that Evin being comfortable in her new home would have been more important to her. Another reason to love her.

The apartment was quiet. Kyle and Brian left me alone for the most part. Unless I needed to give them tasks. I managed to get through business emails and eat once. But I was well out of sorts. I'd never experienced this sort of pain before. It was different from the rest. It made me feel weak and I detested it. But I wouldn't change a thing about my relationship with Arian. It was worth it. Every smile, kiss, touch, embrace. I wouldn't trade it. Part of me was hopeful that we'd have that again. But at the same time, being realistic, I knew that this could change things forever.

She might never see me the same. That was something that I didn't allow myself to dwell on. But I was painfully aware of it being a possibility.

I stood in the kitchen at around seven and contemplated what I should eat. I hadn't thought about meals much since Arian moved in. She took care of it all. And she loved doing it. It brought her so much elation to create cuisine.

The sound of the elevator doors opening and closing confused me for a moment. Zee let me know in a hostile tone that she and Po were going out to eat. She mentioned that perhaps he'd just have water, considering that he didn't deserve good food. Then she threw her hair over her shoulder and stormed out. That was five minutes ago.

Around the corner, armed with a gun drawn and greased hair, dark bags under his bloodshot eyes and a slight tremor that I noticed before he spotted me, walked in Tammy's older step brother. Ritz. Zee's old dealer from a long time ago. I froze. Not in fear. Just surprise. But of course, I'd suspected that this could happen.

After all, I did kill his father. Not to mention his step sister died while she was living here.

I'd pieced it together not long after her death. Zee filled me in on the connection that she had and after a little digging, it all made sense. I had been the one Tammy's step father. I would have known immediately if it weren't for the alias that she'd used. I knew that he had a son and I'd worked out that her whole act had been with the intent of getting close to me.

"Emerson," Ritz said it as if it were a curse word. Spitting my name as he pointed the gun at me. I was starting to regret sending Kyle and Brian home for the evening. Still, I remained calm and hoped that I would have a clear shot of the gun in the box behind him.

"Ritz," I raised a brow with boredom. "Who let you in?"

"It's not hard to wait for someone to go through the door," he scoffed and flicked his head as if he were twitching. Drugs hadn't been kind to him. "Not the point. Where's your girlfriend."

"Don't have one," I answered, feeling bile rise in my throat because I imagined that this was an eye for an eye sort of situation. I took his father. He wanted Arian.

He seemed frustrated at that information. His lip curled into a sneer and he grunted. "Fine," he coughed, using the back of his hand to wipe his mouth. It was the same hand the gun was in. I watched that movement. Configuring how much time I would have while the gun was pointed away from me for next time. "Where's the pretty girl with red-brown hair that lived here. I know she lived here. I know you two were a thing. Tams told me."

"So that whole thing was a stint just to get at me," I laughed with amusement. "Next time you arrange a tactical take down as if you're both in the damn FBI, make sure to use someone who's not going to OD and screw up. You were going for James Bond and ended up with Johnny English."

"Shut the hell up. You're not funny."

I shrugged a shoulder and watched him cough again, wiping at his showered saliva with the back of his armed hand. He kept walking closer towards me.

"You killed my Dad," he seethed through a clenched jaw. "And then my sister."

"Your sister over dosed and your Dad was a child molester."

"He was not!"

"So did Tammy file that report last year for what— attention?"

"No. She did it because he wouldn't cough up her cash."

I glared at Ritz but tried to keep the confusion out of my face. I was watching Curtis Joel, the father slash step father, because of a report that Tammy filed stating that he had raped her more than once in their home. It was retracted before it went to court and I'd assumed that it was because of a threat made by him or someone close to him, warning her to keep his mouth shut. I kept a watch on him of course but nothing happened until a few months later when he was caught by one of my men, raping a fifteen year old girl from Tammy's school.

Tammy had changed her appearance since that happened. She looked completely different. Different hair colour, different eye colour, I'd say from contacts. I didn't recognise her from the photos I had on file at all. I'd fucked up.

"Tammy was sleeping with him on her own choice," Ritz continued with frustration. "They fucked. He paid and it was a consensual agreement. No one was getting hurt until he told her that he wanted to keep fucking for free and refused to cough up her cash. He changed his tune real quick when that file was put in."

"You knew that your seventeen year old sister was having sex with her step father and you didn't care?" I questioned, disgust evident in my tone. "What the fûck is wrong with you?"

"They were both happy," he shouted. "No one was getting hurt but you fucking shot him! I know it was you. Because I remembered Zee talking about what you do. One night when she'd taken too many shrooms."

Bitch.

"That might have been consensual," I said. "But he raped an innocent girl. He was caught in the act."

"She's a liar!"

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Whatever Ritz. You need to leave—"

"Tammy was going to kill her," he spat, moving closer with the expression of a trapped animal even though he had the advantage. "She was going to get even. But you never left her alone. She was never alone. You all kept her wrapped in a bubble. So I figured I'd do it. But she's not here. So you'll have to do."

"Ritz—"

I was cut off, my ears began to ring, piercing white hot pain seared through my middle and when I glanced down and saw the blood pooling in my white t shirt, black dots began to dance in front of me. I grabbed at my chest as I fell down, knees hitting the marble floor while my hands touched warm liquid. Red. It was all red. So much red. It was wet and uncomfortable. But the pain. The ringing in my ears. The dots. It was all red until it was black.