^^^ Angel and Monica (at 13 years old)

Hiya, y'all, when bad things happen sometimes the worst thing isn't your situation but the way you automatically blame yourself. Not everything is your fault and you can never truly be happy with yourself until you accept that fact. Don't lose yourself because of other people, know that you are your own person and if someone doesn't love you for you they aren't worth it. Sometimes you have to walk out of someone's life for both of you to be happy yes it'll hurt for a while but you'll find happiness again. Just love yourself cause if you don't who will? Enjoy :)

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I looked up into the eyes of the man I had once loved. The man I had given my all, my everything my heart, soul, first kiss and I even lost my v-card to him. I thought he was special but in reality, it was all in my head I was the only one felt that way.

"What do you want?" I asked in a harsh tone.

It was different whenever I saw him with Monica but when we are alone unwanted feeling resurface. I can't deny that I loved him and I look at his still handsome as ever face and go why?

Why wasn't I good enough?

But, my heart can't ever seem to come to terms with what happened and moments like this only make it shatter. But what's the point he became trash the moment he cheated.  "Angel are you okay?" He asked worriedly.

"Yes, if that is all, I bid you farewell," I replied dryly and began to walk away.

Once again he grabbed my hand but this time I let him. "You know I never stopped loving you, right?" He asked.

"You're right you never stopped loving me because you never loved me in the first place," I said as images from that night flashed before my eyes and flowing down my cheeks.

"I do love you and you never let me explain what happened that night." He said whipping my tear with his hand. Immediately, I slapped his hand away from my face.

"That's because I didn't want to hear your explanation and I still don't," I replied.

"That kiss with Monica meant nothing, I had to..." He looked deep into my eyes looking for me to understand but I couldn't.

"If it meant nothing why? Why Michael, would you let it be the reason you lost me. If that kiss meant nothing why did you do it? Why did you betray me, why did you take my best friend away from me? For sick pride, why Michael, was it worth losing everything for something which meant nothing?" I looked at him he pushed his fingers through his hair he couldn't answer me. The fact that he couldn't answer me hurt but with his silence, I knew my answer was there wasn't one. The only thing he had was a bunch of excuses lined up.

"It was a mistake I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I had to ... you weren't meant to find out like that." The moment the last bit came out of his mouth he instantly regretted it.

"Yes I found out you weren't exactly discreet about it whatsoever, I just asked you all these questions and you had no answer! Why? Because in the end, you betrayed me cause I was the person who meant nothing and at that moment kissing her meant everything that is why you cheated on me. I used to talk so highly of you but now, I see you are everything you promised not to be. You are a player you played with me, you are a liar you said you loved me which wasn't true, you are a robber you stole my heart and my best friend only to leave me with the broken fragment of what used to be there. Most of all, you promised you would never do anything to hurt me look at me, you didn't hurt me you did a lot more, you broke me, Michael, I trusted you and you broke me." I wasn't a mess I had a few tears streaming down my face but Michael looked like he had just seen a demon.

"I'm sorry," He said looking at me with one of the most sorrowful expressions I had ever seen. "I'm sorry that I hurt you and didn't live up to what I had promised you when we had started dating. I'm sorry I did the thing that you made me promise I wouldn't do."

"Yes you promised me a lot of things when we started dating but I only asked you two things I asked you to always be open and trust me and vice versa and I asked you not to break my heart. You killed two birds with one stone. Michael, I really don't know what to say, thanks for the apology and all but really you didn't apologise for me. You did it for your own benefit or else we wouldn't be having this conversation at all.  Bye, Michael maybe one day we could be friends but before that can happen, I have to be able to look at you and not feel like throwing up."

I turned around and walked away as I went to turn the corner I glanced at him and he was just looking at me he looked awful. I badly wanted to turn and run to him but I knew this was something I needed to do for me. I turned the corner and took a deep breath.

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Dark came and I had walked around the neighbourhood many times just reflecting on everything. I walked to my front door and knocked, the lights were on but yet he didn't answer the door. "Dad, it's me," I yelled as I banged on the door. I could hear his footsteps walking straight past me and up the stairs.

Looking through an open curtain into the living room, I saw he had drunk at least 10 bottles which meant he was incredibly drunk. I knew that I probably would have to camp out but at that moment a suitcase was dropped inches away from my head.

 I looked at the suitcase it had some of my clothes and shoes the rest he just dropped out the window in some of my bags I just stood and watched not caring much about the thing he was dropping but then I saw my jewellery box flying through the air. On reflex, I caught it the jewellery had quite a bit of value but I didn't care it was the box I cared about it had been passed down from mother to daughter through my mom's family.

I breathed a sigh of relief, I was so preoccupied about the fact the box was unscathed that I didn't notice a bottle that was either thrown of accidentally dropped until it landed on my head with quite a bit of force before it crashed on the floor shattering to pieces. 

My head was pounding I was losing balance, fighting to stay cautious I stuffed 10% of the things he had thrown out into the few bags and left. That was the last time I saw that house now when I look back I wonder if I could have done anything differently.

I had no choice I picked up my phone and called the only person I could call. 

Monica

The phone beeped a few times before she picked up "Angel?" She asked surprised. I then hung up the phone, it was no use. I just couldn't, her voice still came like a bag of knives so there I was back to stage 0 with nowhere to go. Not wanting to be seen, I walked for at least an hour, dragging my baggage with me. I found myself a street with broken windows and graffiti on every wall.

The air reeked of smoke and I had to get out of there fast. Just by breathing, I felt like I was being strangled and suffocated. Urging to move on, I went to take a step but I dropped and found myself on the floor trying to focus my vision that didn't work, not one bit. A figure dressed all in black was approaching that is the last thing I remember before a total blackout.

I awoke in a room which was painted nothing but black my stuff was gone I stood up. Only then did I realise I wasn't alone 3 men were in there with me judging from their looks I knew they were my age maybe a bit older. "What do you people want?" The room remained silent, "You can keep all my stuff and sell it except one thing."

"You mean this?" A fourth person said from the shadows he was holding my mom's box. I  nodded and he laughed "I knew this had sentimentally value."

"Give it back," I begged, over and over, I was desperate he then began to laugh.

"She's making to much noise tie her." All three men began to walk towards me and I backed away until I nearly tripped on something, it was a chair. Fighting desperately, I lunged it at the man closest to me he and the one next to him ducked but that left me an opening I lunged at the guy who was still standing kicking him where the sun doesn't shine and punching him to the floor. The two other men were on their feet, I repetitively dogged their grabs they didn't seem to be trying to hit me but one did grab me on my bruise causing me to yelp in pain and kick him in the ankle, he then dropped to the floor.

"Wow sweetheart you can fight, we just want you to have a seat on the chair." He said looking at me amused, the last one said.

I pretended to cooperate, I sat on the chair and sat in a position that when he tied me up I would be able to get out, eventually. I was right he immediately began to tie me up and the other two got up and began to laugh at each other's state. I sat there with my eyes closed not saying anything none of them had left the room they were all watching me. Smoke soon devoured the room engulfing me and all of my oxygen supply they were burning something my eyes shot open.

"Please don't burn my box!" I cried immediately hoping towards the fire as I did so the room illuminated and I saw him. Elijah, he had kept his word he had told me not to mess with him. He was about to burn the only thing that had meaning to me.

Helplessly I cried, "I'll do anything."

He gave the box to one of the other boys. "Anything?" He smirked evilly.

"Yes anything just don't burn the only thing I have left of her, I'm begging you, Elijah." 

He looked into my desperate eyes and chuckled, "Get out of those ropes in 20 seconds and I'll give it to you." I looked at my hand and feet I could've gotten out in a matter of minutes but seconds. He clearly sensed my panic "Starting now," I began to flex my muscles but it was no use.

"15 seconds babes." He smirked. I hopped towards the fire and stuck my hands in and let out a loud scream as the rope burnt and I removed it off my hand which were now burnt.

"7 seconds," I untied my feet and stood up my arms aching. Elijah's men were in shock but I had one thing on my mind. "Give her the box," Elijah said the man began to walk towards me I took the box out of his hands.

"Thank you," I said dryly my hands were beginning to blister dangerously and it stung like a bitch. "Can I have the rest of my stuff?" I asked placing the box on the floor gently.

"Yeah it's in your room, I'm Lucas by the way." He held out his hand and I just looked at him, he was the one I had kicked in the balls.

"My room?" I asked.

"Yes, sweetheart welcome to my gang either this or you die your decision." He smirked I really wanted to slap him and his cocky face. "You are to obey me and anyone in power in this gang if you run we'll find you and I promise you'll die a painful death." He said casually walking towards me with a gun. "My people are everywhere."

"Kill me then I don't want to live this kind of life," I pulled the gun to the middle of my forehead. "Pull the damn trigger then." I was furious it was more like a challenge I knew he wouldn't I don't know why but at that moment I knew he wouldn't hurt me. I knew that I was more likely to pull that trigger than him.

"If you die so does your father." He said looking into my eyes. That got to me yes my father hated me but I still loved him I grabbed the gun and pointed it towards him.

Lucas and the other two immediately put up their guns, "Looks like a dead-end if I shoot you I die too, doesn't seem to bad actually." I laughed finding the situation quite humorous. All of them were looking at me wide-eyed. "I'll join your gang." I spat lowering the gun and turning and shooting the only widow which wasn't shattered the glass shattering made me laugh it was like a perfect picture of my life crashing to the floor.

I then tossed the gun to Elijah, "When will I get one?" I asked sarcastically.

"When I'm confident you won't kill me with it," He replied.

"So damn extra you could've just said never, guess I'll just work on hand to hand combat then." I smiled.

"I'm Brandon the one you kicked in the ankle, that wasn't very nice." He said in pain, I just looked him up and down I wasn't in the mood.

"Is it just us four here?" I asked.

"No we have three other girls and of course people outside, I'm Axel," He said. I was going to ignore him but he had a presence about him that sent chills down my spine. He had tied me up earlier. 

"Angel," I replied. "Do I get to attend school?" I asked.

"No, because you're dead Angel," Elijah said. I repetitively pinched myself confused am I dreaming am I high.

"Am I high?" I asked. "I can't be dead I'm right here."

"When you join this gang your identity is stripped away from you plus you won't need school we have all the money we need," Lucas replied to my frantic state.

"We're moving soon anyways our job is done here we can go back to the others," Elijah said.

"How far away from here?"

"America," He replied.

"Am I permitted to go to my room?" I asked.

"Yeah we're all leaving anyways, we need to put ice on you're wrists," Lucas said.

When we got to the normal floor we were in a mansion. I heard laughter from a room and inside was three girls sat down watching something. "Angel?" 

I looked to see Elijah's sister, "What are you doing here?" 

"Why are her hands burnt?" Another asked while the last girl kissed Elijah.

Okay then I thought as I inwardly cringed wasn't ready for that reminds me of

"Hey I'm Elijah's twin sister Nia," She smiled I smiled back and she hugged me I winced in pain.

"What did Elijah do?" The other asked.

"It's not from him, it doesn't matter I'm Angel," I said trying to sound a bit more cheerful.

"No you're no you need a new name," Lucas said.

"Lilith but please call me Angel," I smiled.

"Why that name of all you could've chosen, by the way, I'm Annaya." She smiled.

"Cause it's the opposite of what my real name means," I said briefly.

"Hi, I'm Debbie, Elijah's girlfriend." She said bluntly before going back to ... whatever she was doing.

"Nice to meet you," I said all the same.

"You haven't eaten have you it was your mom's funeral today," Nia said her face then dropped. "I'm so sorry."

"No, it's fine," I replied with a smile.

"Is your father..."

"He kicked me out he doesn't care, Nia can you please show me my room?" I said changing the subject.

"Thanks, Lucas for taking my box to my room." I smiled.

"So sentimental it's just a box," Debbie said making my head turn towards her. I was fuming but I knew better than to cause trouble to look where that had lead me I dug my nails into my wrists. 

"Debbie stop being a bitch." Annaya yelled, "Angel your wrist is bleeding and half your skin is peeling for starters you need ice." I continued to look at my wrist.

"No, I'm fine forgot I had fake nails on," I replied.

"Of all things that's the thing you wanna point out if fake." Debbie scoffed. Once again my nails deepened in my wrist I wasn't in the right state of mind and this girl was using it to her advantage.

"Omg, Debbie I swear..." Nia started to yell but I tapped her.

"No she's right nothing you see is real this is probably fake burns too, I don't even know anymore." I smiled at her and I walked upstairs and waited for her to follow me. She then led me to my room reassuring me that she was here for me that was a week ago. 

Seems like such a long ago in a week my identity changed, my home, everything the only thing that remained the same is my pain.

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Some people just love making others feel small it makes them feel powerful there is a difference between wanting power and having it. A difference quite a few people need to learn.

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-Love Lb xx