Hiya y'all, Angel learns that reality is a scary truth... enjoy :)

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I began to shake her while screaming the doctors and nurses held me back. I screamed kicked, wailed, I did everything I could to tell them it wasn't fair, to tell God it wasn't fair but nothing worked. They eventually calmed me down and I slumped to the floor having no motivation for anything, why would I? I had lost my Mom that day and the worst part is I was the only one who seemed to care!

Why do I say that?

Cause in this cruel world, it's every man for themselves. If you get shot down, no-one will pick you up when you fall except you yourself. No-one will cry along with you, except your broken reflection. No-one scream in despair with you except your echo.

When my dad got to to the hospital, I was still on the floor looking at my mom's lifeless body. He talked with the doctors and nurses before walking over to mom's body and planting a kiss on her forehead. He didn't cry, he didn't look broken, he kept his same stone-cold face one. "Let's go home," He said to me.

By now the nurses and doctors had left long back when they realised I had no intention of leaving my mom. "I don't want to dad, I can't go without her." I sobbed.

"She's dead Angel, stop this right now, I am upset too but kicking up a fuss in this hospital is going to make stories spread about us." He hissed.

I went by my mom's side and held the same hand I had held in her last moments. The warmth had left her body. I looked outside the window at a white cloud that was passing and wondered if my mom was watching me from the heavens. She had been raised a Christian all her life so she was always babbling on about how amazing heaven would be I just didn't think she would go there so soon. I planted a kiss on my mom's cheek before my dad dragged me out of the hospital.

When we got home I went up to my room trying to process what had happened. I went back to the last time I had seen my mom awake smiling and telling me she would help me study always going out of her way to make me happy. Laying, on my bed staring at the ceiling it was late and I had school the next day but none of that mattered, why would it? My mom's last heartbeats replying in my head over and over like a broken record kept me awake all night.

From that day I was never the same and I never will be

My alarm never got the opportunity to ring because I switched it off. I had no intention of going to school, plus I hadn't slept a wink. I walked downstairs and saw my dad's keys were gone. He had gone to work; on a day like this, he had actually gone to work.

Dad and I had never been that close but I loved him all the same because he was my dad, he was never there for me but that never mattered because mom made up for that. I was breaking at every step and he wasn't there, I was slowly losing myself and he wasn't there. I needed someone I desperately needed someone but I was alone no-one to call.

Don't expect anyone to there for you, you may have listened to them cry and ramble on about their lives countless times but in the end, that means nothing. You find that no-one will be there when you need them even if you had their back they won't repay the favour. At the end of the day, you may have had their interests at heart but it's not vice versa, it's just the way of the world.

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I didn't go to school that day, I also didn't go to work I called in sick. I didn't do anything, I lay on my bed doing nothing when that got boring I would look out the window finding the slightest of things captivating.

What else was I meant to do?

BANG

Quickly I grabbed my baseball bat from under the bed and ran downstairs getting ready to fight an intruder, I came to the bottom of the stairs to see my dad drunk. Mum had stopped him drinking about 10 years ago because he had a drinking addiction until that day he had never touched alcohol. I know because 7-year-old me was very scared of her father when he was drunk.

"Dad are you okay?" I asked worried knowing that he was reverting back to his old ways. He then grabbed me by the shoulders.

"Why didn't you go to school today?" He asked angrily. His tone sent shivers down my spine he spoke to me like I was a burden that he had to carry.

"Cause I didn't feel like it," I replied quivering in fear.

SLAP SLAP SLAP

I had never been slapped in my life mom had always been against violence and she never really needed to punish me because I was always well behaved. That day, I was hit for the first time because I was grieving over my mother's death instead of going to school. He warned me that if I ever pulled a stunt like that again I would get a lot more then a few slaps. I nodded knowing not to argue with him especially in his drunken state. He boomed at me that I was lucky that it didn't affect my attendance cause the whole school knew about my situation.

I walked up to my room and tried to study but all I could think about how horrible my life was. I knew perfectly well that some people around the world had it way worse than me, they didn't have any parents or a roof over their head and can't even afford to get an education but all I could think about was how much I was suffering.

Thursday 4th October

I woke to the sound of my alarm clock I sighed heavily and snoozed it about 3 times, by the time I actually got up I had half an hour to leave the house. Thoughts of dad warning me that if I missed another day of school I would regret it came to my head. Lazily, I rose to my feet and walked into the bathroom and did my morning routine. I came out of the bathroom and walked into my bedroom in my fluffy pink nightgown and sat on my bed and began to dry my hair. After, putting it in a messy bun, I grabbed a grey dress and my black trainers. I left the house on time I took my time to school I was in no hurry to get there.

The journey to school went far too quickly, I walked into the hallway and straight to my locker not missing the whispers and sympathetic glances from most people. I ignored them completely, I didn't need anyone's sympathy. I just needed to try to get past it to not think about her last few seconds repetitively.

First period I had P.E, I walked to the changing rooms and got changed once again ignoring the whispers. I knew that it was going to be like this for a while my school had some of the biggest gossips alive.

We were doing track, I loved track when I ran all I would think about everything in front of me nothing behind me or beside me mattered it was just me running to my heart's content. It was everything I needed I just wanted to clear my head a bit. My P.E teacher asked me which race I would like to do I volunteered to do long distance and to my utter dismay so did Emma, Michael and Monica. 

The last people I wanna be anywhere near right now.

All the same, I got into position and faced forward and got ready to run 3 laps of the whole track. The whistle was blown and I started steadily, just feeling the wind on my face and listening to the light taps my feet would make every time they touched the floor. The way the wind blew in the trees.

I kept at that pace the whole lap and everyone was passed a bottle of water by their friends so I started the second lap alone and picked up the pace a little. My heart was beating faster I was beginning to sweat and my breathing was accelerating slightly.

I finished the second lap well ahead of everyone else so I asked my the teacher for some water she handed me a bottle. After a few sips, I continued to run. I ran a steady pace the whole lap except when I got to the last corner I sprinted wanting to push myself to the limit. I came first with the others coming a little while after I sat down and drank some water trying to cool myself down.

The lesson finished and I stood up after sitting down the whole time after using all of my energy. I was told by the teachers I had beaten the school record and I nodded in response. Monica then came up to me "Angel I'm so sorry for your loss." She said pulling me into a hug. I removed her hands from me.

"Thank you, Monica, but coming from you that doesn't feel the slightest bit comforting please refrain from touching me in any shape or form," I said coldly glaring her.

"Yeah, Monica leave her alone, though Angel so much for she's not dead, don't you think?" Emma smirked evilly and her friends laughed in response.

I snapped

I had never been a violent person, I have never had the urge to kill anyone but Emma made herself the first. Charging at her ready to beat the shit out of her and her plastic face but Michael stepped in front of her last-second blocking my path. It didn't work though I somehow dodged him completely. Pulling, her hair causing her to scream in pain Michael then once again tried to bock me, I the pushed him out of the way. "You crazy bitch, let go of me!" She yelled desperately.

When had I gotten so strong? Guess it just happens when you have the intention to beat the shit out of someone.

I kicked her multiple times before Michael and Monica restrained me both holding me tightly. I did try to lunge at her again but that time I was unsuccessful. The teachers, my mistake everyone stood there not knowing what to do Emma was lying on the floor a mess, crying her eyes out holding her stomach in pain. I looked at her not feeling the slightest bit of remorse, I removed myself from Monica's and Michael's clutches and stood up making sure I didn't even look at Emma in case I lost it again. "Angel," My teacher said still surprised.

"I know principle's office right, let me get my stuff and I'll be on my way," I sighed frustratedly.

"No can you call the nurse please then come back I would like a word," She said making me stop dead in my tracks. I looked at her surprised she wanted me to call a nurse for someone I had beaten up.

This is why I will never understand what goes through the minds of teachers

"I really think you should send someone else," I replied trying to process what the hell she was thinking.

"No Angel, I asked you, now go and you better come back here!" She shouted. I nodded and went to the nurse's office. When the nurse had arrived only Emma and the teacher were left at the scene Emma limped away with the nurse. 

"Detention," She said giving me a detention slip. " You really should've been sent to the principles office but I would've done the same thing. I am sorry for your loss but your dad will have an e-mail about your behaviour. Do you understand?" She asked and I nodded in response. I walked into the changing rooms and got changed relatively quickly not wanting to be late for English Literature. I walked into my lesson and sat in my usual seat with a sigh and rolled my eyes at all the judgemental whispers around me.

Word sure does travel fast

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School went slow as ever not to mention my hour detention, I spent that time doing homework. Thankfully, I had asked my boss for the evening shift from now on since I had no reason to go to work straight after school. I would be working 4:30 to 8. I went to my work only to be told it was closed that day because the machines had broken down and they had sent a text hours before. I was annoyed that I had walked all the way to work for nothing but masked it with a smile and went home. I entered the house the smell of alcohol immediately entering my nose. I walked in to see my dad slumped on the sofa with 7 bottles opened on the floor and more waiting to be opened.

"Dad, I think you've had enough!" I said concerned looking at his face which was flushed red.

"What I've had enough, so now your starting fights in school Angel!" He yelled. "What a disgrace!"

"She spoke about mom!" I exclaimed.

"Angel I don't like your tone, you have been acting like a nut case lately and I won't stand for it!"

"Dad..." I began to protest.

SLAP

It hadn't hurt as much as the first time so I continued thinking he's more sobber than yesterday. "Dad mom's gone and ..." I began to cry.

"Yes Angel your mother's gone and it's your fault!" He yelled clearly madder than before. "She went out to get your supplies for your chemistry test she always put you first and it got her killed. If you had done something by yourself for once she wouldn't have been crashed into by a drunk driver, she would have been safely at home. The drunk driver crashed straight into her side of the car before the car flipped over. Some of the window went straight into her head. To make matters worse your chemicals made the car light up into flames at rapid speed. Don't you see you're out here making a fuss when you're the one who killed her."

 He looked at me hatred clear in his eyes I was shaking as I cried. "No, I d-didn't mean it t-there's no way-y."

"Yes there's a way and you went and did it." He replied angrily.

I had caused my mom's death

I began to scream as I imagined the scene he had described as well as her last heartbeats. I continued even when my father told me to shut up I got a few bruises that night.

It was nothing compared to the hatred for myself I would carry around for the rest of my life.

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The truth hurts but the painful thruth is better then living an unknown lie ...

Hope you enjoyed this chapter, please vote and leave me a comment love to hear from you!

-Love Lb xx