^^^Monica and Angel heading for school.

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4 th November

Upon arriving home, everyone sat in their usual spaces. Lucas was being assisted by Nia who earlier that night she had been too shaken up to help him. She got the first aid kit and began to wrap up his ankle. Their eyes were locked in an awkward gaze that everyone could feel but chose to ignore.

"Thanks," He said to Nia looking uncomfortable yet grateful.

There was a long pause before she replied, "It's no problem,"

We just sat there unsure of the words to say. I let out a frustrated sigh and broke the silence. "Why did you guys ignore me?" I asked.

I had ignored them before but they had nothing on Kurume they didn't tell me he was coming towards me with a gun and he didn't...

"You all could have died today but that could've been avoided. If you can't trust me don't put me on guard, you handed me the damn laptop but still didn't believe me and all the same I came busting my ass to save you guys. And... never mind forget it goodnight." I stood up feeling a sharp pain in my side which made me standstill.

I then remembered the nurse's words about not overworking myself and I had done just that. I breathed in and out before telling Lucas to get well soon and walked out the took and up the stairs to my room.

Relaxation hit when I entered the shower and let the warm water immersed me. Once I was finished I wrapped myself in a towel, put on a facial mask and grabbed hair blower and began to dry my hair. I was slightly frustrated yes I had done the same thing but in the end, Kurume didn't stab me. But they just had ignored me like a child as if I knew nothing I realised how similar both situations were but how different.

Once I was finished I changed into an oversized hoodie and some leggings only to realise the hoodie hand belonged to Andrew. It still smelt of him his strong sent entering my lungs. Whenever I was down I would go to his house he would give me his hoodie and make me forget my worries. Happy thoughts of our relationship were soon clouded in with one thing he had cheated that scar would be with me for a very long time.

I removed my mask and washed my face with cold water before dabbing my face dry with my facial towel. I found myself curdled up on my bed reading the book from the day before. Page after page until I reached the end. Tiredly, I looked at my phone it was 8 am so I had been reading most of the night. I lay my head on my pillow and let myself drift to sleep.

2 pm

I woke up and stretched a bit before going for a bubble bath since I felt tense. When I opened my phone I saw something that horrified me. I ran downstairs not believing what I had seen. Brandon was watching the t.v I switched that channel and the nightmare was real. It read breaking new Monica, my bestfriend... committed suicide. Saying, she didn't deserve to live and she wanted to join me, Angel. Panic and disbelief washed over me by then everyone had come in.

The news read her suicide note.

All my life only one person knew the real me yet she loved me for me. She was always there, she was like a sister. On the day of her suicide, she called me but could bring herself to talk. She was nothing but good to me and I took her for granted. Family, I'm sorry it's working nothing is and I love you all but with every day I rip myself apart. Therapy isn't working because I miss my real therapist Angie. Angel, I'm sorry I pushed you over the edge love you. Hopefully, I'll see you soon...

From Monica

Her body was discovered at 7 am the reporter continued to read I switched the channel not being able to bear it but right before photos of Monica and I came on right from the age of 3 months to 19 years. I couldn't contain the tears they flowed like the ocean. I wanted to scream for God to bring her back and it wasn't fair but I couldn't in was too late. My body began to shake as I slumped to the floor.

Monica my best friend was dead

She had done a lot of things wrong but I didn't hate her as she said we were like sisters. She had been taking therapy the guilt was eating away at her. She had blamed herself for my suicide and wanted to join me. My body felt numb from the crying, I hugged my knees and place myself in a ball it did nothing. Nothing could get rid of the numb feeling.

Nothing could bring her back

Everyone came over in an attempt to comfort me with everything will be fine's and it's okay's. But after a while of me crying and not stopping they started to grow concerned. I can't blame them I was crying for a long time.

Monica was someone I had seen in my future we had planned to enlist in the same University. Or mom's were the best of friends through the years and we thought we were the same. Even after everything I thought I would be able to look at her photos of her achieving everything she said she would.

Now not even that was possible

Shaking, I stood up and Annaya and Nia came to my aid right before I blacked out.

5th November

My head was pounding, I attempted to get out of bed but I was too weak. The news from the day before still hurt like a stab to the chest. I lay in my bed reminiscing over our old photos. I hated myself for her death I was the reason behind her suicide.

After knocking on the door Nia entered with breakfast. "Morning," She said. "I know you won't be hungry but eat,'

"Thanks, I feel shit," I said sitting up. "Can you bring me some water my throat hurts,"

"Alright, Angel we are all here for you okay and don't blame  yourself." She said leaving my room.

"Thanks," I replied but we both knew that was easier said than done.

Annaya soon came up with water telling me the same things Nia had said while giving me a hug. I waited for her to leave before the tears fell. In tears, I reached for my notepad and began to write shakily.

I hope you can see me from above,

I hope you can feel my bittersweet love.

I miss you,

I guess this is how you felt too.

All the memories we shared,

All the times you showed me you cared.

I would do anything to bring you back, 

But, I can do anything but that?

From birth, we were best friends,

Never thought this would be the end.

We were planning our lives ahead,

Now, these times bring nothing but dread. 

I regret hanging up that night,

I regret the fact I didn't fight. 

I regret the fact I didn't say goodbye,

Even that thought makes me want to cry. 

You are no longer here to whip my tears,

To make all my fear disappear. 

Every problem of mine you listened,

I even wanted to watch my goddaughter get christened. 

The letter sealed with your despair, 

How I wish I could've been there to tell you I still care.

That I wanted you to live like a princess,

And to always prove you are the best. 

Monica, I love you too, I will never stop loving you.

Believe me, my words are true.

Tears when splashed all over the pages. I stuffed my face with my cold breakfast and downed my water. I was still shocked I couldn't believe it. Bittersweet love that had a bittersweet ending. But isn't all love bitter? It will never be an easy ride. But it's about knowing that it won't be easy but choosing to love that person though you know it hurts. It's about wishing someone the best from afar no matter wherever they are...

That's the reason I won't ever stop loving her I know it will hurt but I will remember November 4 th because I choose to love her though it hurts.

I got up out of bed and took a shower changing into one of Michael's hoodies needing a form of comfort. I really wanted to know how he was doing him and Monica were they were... close. He would be heartbroken over her death. I prayed to God death wouldn't push him over the edge.

I walked down the stairs. "Hi," I said as joyfully ad possible.

Everyone greeted me. "Angel honey," Debbie said giving me a hug. "Tell me if there is anything I can do for you."

"Yes, can we go shopping please girls?" I asked catching my state in the mirror.

Shopping always was me and Monica's element...
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