The next thing I did was just sit on my bed like normal, but when Valentino came barging in my room I was so startled that I crashed into the ground.

"Ow! What the-"

"I figured you needed a friend but there was a spider in your living room so I sorta forgot to knock. Heh, sorry." 

I scowl at him but let him help me non the less, giving him a brief explanation of what happened.

"You can survive this, you always do with these things. We can survive." Val declares, sitting next to me. "But, siamo soli."

"We're alone." I repeat.

The next day we're awoken by someone banging loudly on the door, I groan as Val clambers over me in bed to get it.

We both fell asleep fully dressed, so I stand up and follow right after him, rubbing at my tired eyes. Seeing as he has the door I walk into the kitchen, sitting down on the ground as I wait for my coffee to get done. 

"Chi e?" I shout, wanting to know who it could be. 

"Just stay there." Val shouts back, making me frown as I can hear him speaking lowly to someone else.

If I actually have enough motivation or cared I would probably ignore him and see who it was just to satisfy my curiosity.

A small yelp of surprise coming from Valentino is the only warning I have before a small blond fur ball collides with me.

"Blink!" I exclaim, tears instantly rolling down my cheeks as I clutch the excited pup to my chest. The Siberian husky takes to licking my face, yapping happily as I ruffle his fur. "I missed you you dummy."

Valentino runs back in the room, skidding to a stop when he sees me cooing at Blink, the Reeds following after him.

I gasp, my eyes widening as I looked between all of them. "Did you steal him again?"

"Yes." Logan says.

"No." Conner contradicts him.

Frowning I raise a eyebrow, wiping the last of my tears away as they make eye contact and nod then turn towards me.

"No." Logan says this time but Conner contradicts him again by saying, "Yes."

"Well?" I scowl. "What one is it?"

"Okay...um, Ares is sort of waiting in the car because he wouldn't let us dog-nap Blink but he also refuses to come in." Conner explains, grimacing.

I nod, "I understand. Thank you. I don't think you know how much I needed this." 

After seeing me the dumb blond finally realizes there's a new person and starts barking while running at Val -but Val's afraid of dogs so he pales and takes off, Logan takes off after them.

Conner and me both shrug, and the twin sits next to me with my coffee in hand.

Man, I needed that energy boost too.

"We had to argue with Ares all night just to get him to let us drive here." Conner admits, making me wince.

"Thanks but you didn't have to." I say, letting my head hand down. "I'll be okay, this is probably confusing Blink anyway."

"Are you mad at us?" He asks after a while.

I shake my head, glancing at him. "No. Ares probably wanted to listen and he gets what he wants. He would have listened whether you wanted to let him or not, plus we were talking about him. He has a right to know what we said."

"You don't have to do that you know, sacrifice everything so the people around you feel okay and you certainly don't have to do everything to make sure Ares is okay."

I smile at this and nearly laugh because yes, I do.

"He deserves to be happy."

"And you don't?" Conner asks, I can hear the frown in his voice, one that probably deepens as I shrug. "Do you miss him? Ares I mean."

"Yes." I whisper, noticing how my chest actually hurts from how much mental pain I'm in. "Of course I miss him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me, even if he was just my roommate."

"If it hurts that bad then you must regret being with him for so long." 

I'm visibly startled by Conner's conclusion and shake my head, giving him the 'what the actual hell' look. "Of course not."

"Why not?" The insane Reed's face twists in confusion. "You loved him and this is how it ended."

"Conner I still love him, I miss him so much that it hurts." I smile slightly and that hurts too. "I couldn't regret meeting him or moving in with him or any of those five years. Those were the safest five years in my life."

"What do you mean?"

I sigh, looking away from him. "The first time Ares drove me to a doctors appointment and the doc asked me if I've been sexually harassed or assaulted withing the past year, you know standard procedure for someone who has accounts like that on file." Conner sucks in a breath, clearly not expecting that. "And for the first time in my life I was able to say no. He had no idea why I couldn't stop smiling. To me Ares is the safest person on earth."

"I'm sorry Peyton, I-I don't know what to say." Conner stammers, squeezing my knee reassuringly. 

Looking back over to him I offer a smile, "You don't have to say anything just...don't ask again if I regret him. Please? I'll always miss him, but I couldn't regret him. He's my best friend and I love him, that doesn't changed just because something bad happened."

Conner doesn't respond, but I know my point got through to him.

Eventually I curl up on the couch with Blink, going in and out of sleep.

Apparently I suck at sleeping when I don't feel safe. This isn't my home, I need to adjust. With Ares was my home, where we lived.

The twins went out to the car with Val, seeing as him and Logan hit it off pretty quick after demolishing the spider and catching Blink together. 

I'm just happy that my little dumb blond boy can help me sleep, even if it is a little disturbed.

Eventually I become unaware of every single sense other than Blink's body rising and falling as he breaths against me.

Arms wrap under my knees and shoulder, carrying both me and Blink. Warmth invades me and I lean into it, sighing contently.

I know this warmth.

But I'm too tired to realize I shouldn't be feeling it again.

I'm placed in my bed, Blink squirming into my side as I turn to lay comfortably on my stomach but I grow too hot in my pajamas. 

Someone sighs and warm, large hands gently tug the sweatpants down my legs before covering me with the sheet again.

Blink whines as he's lifted from me and I stir sightly, searching for the blondie to no avail while he whimpers.

"Shh," A deep voice says. "I know it hurts, but we have to leave."

Despite the words me entire body relaxes at the sound of his voice, sinking deeper into the mattress. 

A hand runs up my back, the feather light touch ending on my jaw the last thing I needed before sleep fully encases me, the most sound one I've had since I moved out.

That doesn't stop me from crying when I wake up, my little dummy gone along with a phantom touch on my jaw and the smell of mint.

Ares was here.

And I don't blame him for leaving.

I'm so homesick right now that I can feel it on a physical level, but I'm homesick for a chest and a pair of arms that don't want to hold me.

I can't go home. I'm stuck in this place, and I have to call this place home.

This isn't my home, Ares is my home.

It makes me wonder sometime, if I had confessed before I hurt him, if I had told him everything could he have learned to love me.

So many ifs with only one reality.

"Hey Conner, if you were a candle you'd be one of those joke birthday ones." I raise a eyebrow at Logan's odd statement but his twin just rolls his eyes with a small snort.

"Says the dumb blond."

"You know you don't have to be blond to be dumb." Logan, defeated, grumbles.

Conner, not done, smirks. "I know, but you fill those shoes quite nicely."

"Guys," I groan, smacking my head down at the table. "Please stop, I'm trying to study. We're at the library for a reason."

"You're at a library for one reason," Logan grins mischievously, blue eyes lighting up. "We're here for another."

I glance up from my Defendant Testimony Conduct Book of Order to them before I give up and look back down to read, not having to energy to stop them when they start to argue over one of my pens.

It's just a simple black pen.

Literally nothing special about it, I have like twenty more just in my bag.

We're gonna get kicked out if you don't stop." I mutter, not looking up. They pause for a second before going back to what they were doing.

It's official, I want to stab someone.

Then they both stop, freeze and snap there head up.

I realize why when the chair next to me is pulled out and a massive body sits next to me. The giant easily controls them but sends my heart into a spastic mess.

We all grow silent so I sigh slightly, internally rolling my eyes at myself as I begin to quietly read again.

He's just here to study.

Or hang out with Logan and Conner, they are his best friends after all, not mine.

"Can you say something in Italian." Logan randomly asks me, a smug look coming on his face.

"Uh..." I narrow my eyes at him but do it anyway. "Qualcosa."

"What did you say?" Conner asks.

"Something."

"No, seriously, what did you say."

I frown at him, slightly surprised he didn't understand. "Something."

"I know you said something but what did you say." 

"Conner I said something." I try to explain, watching as Logan dies in laughter.

"I know!" Conner exclaims, throwing his hands in the air. "But what did you say?"

"Qualcosa means something," I say, wanting to stab someone again but this time it's myself.

"Oh..." The Reed twins smile at me sheepishly, looking like they suddenly realize how much stress they can cause. "Can you say my full name along with the words, 'is very sexy' please?"

Glaring I him I shake my head. "I'm not calling you sexy."

"Then compliment me at least."

"You have eyes." I say, looking back down to my book.

"No," Logan groans. "In Italian."

"Tu hai gli occhi." I deadpan, clearly saying the exact same thing making Conner snicker at his brother. 

"Be nice Peyton, please?"

Boy, me being nice is not taking my pen and stabbing you in the jugular.

"I am." I grumble, face planting into my book. "Reeds, please please please let me study. I'm too tired to do anything and I need to pass this exam."

Thankful they both quiet down and start playing on their phones, the giant beside me tense as one could believe and a single glance to him I could see how dark his eyes are and his clenched jaw.

Him being uncomfortable makes me uncomfortable and once the twins pick up on that they start squirming with the tension. 

"This is ridiculous." I mutter, standing up pack up all my books. "I'm just going to go, sorry for wasting your time I know we didn't do anything you guys liked. We'll go to the movies or something next time. I'm really sorry, I-I just can't..."

I didn't lie when I said we'd go to the movies and the twins made sure to hold me to that, so now we're here at the theater after we finished watching a action movie that had more exposed women than deaths playing air hockey.

So far I'm the undefeated leader, something I'm not used to.

It just reminds me once again that Ares isn't here.

 He should be, he should be the one that is hanging out with his best friends after a horrible movie then come home to me. 

I shouldn't be the one hanging out with them, and I'm pretty sure they're only doing it out of pity but I'll take what I can get.

Even insane they're good company.

The Reeds are good people -they just really suck at playing air hockey.

I've beaten Logan in three games and he refuses to quit until he actually scores on me, I scored on myself by accident and tried to count that to leave but that didn't happen.

Once it was clear, five games later, that neither of them could win against me we climbed into the Reeds' car, I started crying when they they played a sappy Taylor Swift song, something I hate myself for.

They asked me if that reminded me of Ares and I laughed.

It was sad though, because everything does.

Every time we hang out and I'm about to close the door Conner asks me if I still love him and every time I just smile and tell him "I miss him too."

I don't know what he does with that information, it's been three months and I just close the door, hating the way he tears up.

"One day," Conner whispers to me. "I want to be that guy who everybody looks at when he walks into a room."

Ares is that guy -How do I know? 

Because we he joined us three at the movies, a big surprise, everyone had zoned into him.

"The trick is wearing a really big hat and screaming." Logan whispers back, both of them leaning over me.

I scowl and sink lower into my chair, cursing myself for sitting between the Reeds.

How could I be so stupid to put myself in this position?

"No seriously. I want someone to look at me and fall in love with what they see," Conner continues the second we step out of the theater. "I want to be so extraordinary that a they fall in love me with what they hear too. I want to be an extraordinary person so a...girl will actually love me."

Frowning I grab Conner's arm so he'd stop walking and face me. "You know you don't have to be extraordinary for someone to love you right?"

Conner stays silent, looking away.

It makes me wonder if that's why he goes above and beyond to make himself be seen, so that someone would notice him. 

Logan's actions are natural stupidity but Conner's always seems hesitant, like a after thought of "What dumb thing can I do?" mixed with "Someone better see this." and I can only hope that eventually someone will see it and what's underneath.

"Bro," Logan laughs, clasping his twin on the back. "Lighten up, we can get you a hot date in seconds."

"Logan I don't think that's-"

"Shush small child." The dumb blond places a finger on my lips, which I instantly smack away. "I know what I'm doing."

"I really don't think-"

"This is what we'll do-"

"Logan stop!" I say, much louder than I normally talk. "Conner doesn't want a random hot date, he wants love. Unless you can magically find him that stop setting him up and let him figure it out."

The Reeds stare at me, the blond one in shock and his twin in gratitude and awe.

Flushing I slip away, stepping out into the cold air as I take a deep breath.

God dammit, why is it so hard for people to be loved?

"Are you depressed?" A deep voice interrupts my thoughts, I look at Ares's golden hazel eyes as long as I can stand to before looking away, thinking of how to answer.

"Um...I'm uh, I'm back on my meds." 

This is a lie, I don't think there's a point to taking them if I'm not able to be happy on my own and I'd rather feel like this then feel numb.

The medicine is like a little shove and right now I'd just fall down instead of running like I used to.

It makes sense in my head, but out loud I couldn't piece it together.

"That's not what I asked." Ares snaps and I know he's either glaring at me or rolled his eyes.

"I'm trying not to be." I mumble, wishing he's someone I can lie to. Lie to again, I guess, since I already have. "You know how people always say terrible things happen to good people?"

"Yeah," This time I know he rolls his eyes. "Let me guess, what I did was the terrible thing and you're a good person."

"No, actually I'm the terrible thing." I say, my voice dropping into a whisper. "At least, that's what I feel like, that I'm the terrible thing are you're the good person and all this chaos is me because I happened to you."

Whoever said honesty can't heard was a liar, but a damn good one at that.

Because I thought that would help, but I have to look away as a tear drops.

I don't like people who won't comfort me to see me cry, it makes me feel weak, bad, because I know I'm at my weakest point and I also know they don't care.

So I don't wipe my tears and Ares doesn't speak, a flash back of us sitting in our apartment hits me.

Ares had turned on some sappy romance movie and I started crying, this was after a few weeks of mutual silence but with a small eye roll the giant pulled me into his side, left my tears alone, and helped me watch the rest of the movie.

If only this wasn't reality and he would pull me into his side, leave my tears alone, and help me live the rest of my life.

Unfortunately, this is reality.

But I learned the hard way that sometimes it's normal to want to escape.

"Have you had dinner?" Ares asks after a few more minutes of silence. I wipe my face of with my sleep, looking at him with a shake of my head. "God dammit Everly. Okay, come on."

I'm left with no choice but to come with him as Ares growls out, grabbing my bicep and dragging me to his car.

We're stuck in silence as he stops at what used to be our study session spot, the cafe he first got me a spot at.

I don't question him when he pulls me out and leads me inside, I don't want to.

"Table for two." He all but snaps at a waitress, who looks mildly alarm but seats us none the less.

"Why did-"

"Shut up." Ares snarls, effectively cutting me off. "You always make me feel bad, so we're getting dinner."

My head dips down, my heart sinking as I take in that somehow, even unknowingly, I hurt him again.

Why is he still helping me?

I don't deserve it and I sure as hell don't deserve him, this is completely unreasonable. 

A thousand thoughts run through my head, I don't notice that Ares ordered for us both until a plate of fries and a hamburger along with a chocolate milkshake slides in front of me while onion rings and a cheeseburger along with a lemonade is placed in front of him.

Our go to meal here.

Oh look at me, wanting to cry all over again.

Slowly picking at my food I'm only half way done when Ares finishes but he's patient and doesn't tell me to hurry up, something I'm thankful for.

This also means he's free to start a conversation with me.

Something I'm not thankful for.

Can't he tell this hurts? 

Can't he see that hearing his voice, feeling his heat even across the table is confusing me, my body, into only craving his presence in the end.

He knows I still love him, he must.

Why is he doing this to me?

Why am I doing this to myself?

"You haven't asked why I was listening." Ares says, not giving me time to respond. "I know you know I was listening and that they tell me things, I know you know I have them ask you things too. Why aren't you asking?"

"Is it really my place to know?" I ask back, raising my head enough to look at his jaw.

"No," He replies stiffly. "It's not."

Shrugging I blow off the conversation only to blurt, "How did you used to look at me?" a second later.

"What?" Ares chokes, looking surprised by my question.

"How did you used to look at me? Conner asked me if I noticed how you looked at me but I never really watched your eyes when you actually used to speak to me. And I know he won't tell me if I ask, but you can." I explain, hoping for an answer. 

"Do you really think I'm going to help you figure anything out anymore?" Ares laughs but it humorless, sending pain through my heart. "If you're not smart enough to put something together you're on your own. Because that's what you are now, all alone. But wait -that's a lie too, just like before. You could have so many people in your corner, but you chose to be alone. What your feeling is a choice. Choose differently if you don't like it."

Please don't cry, don't be so weak. Stop being weak Everly.

"I-I think you're being mean on purpose." I say, clenching my shaking fists.

"Do you want a gold star for figuring that out? Or do you just have a knack for stating the obvious?" 

"Sarcasm," I breathe through my constricting throat. "Nice."

"Does you ever stop pretending to be nice? It's so fucking tiring. You make the most normal people seem like assholes because of it, like you're trying to win a kindness game. Just fucking stop."

"S-stop being nice?"

"Yes!" Ares shouts, drawing attention so he lowers his voice. "Stop being so god damn nice to the people who don't deserve it."

I look down. "Okay."

"That includes me Everly." Ares tells me, making me recoil back.

"No," I shake my head, denying it. "No it doesn't."

"Everly I'm serious I-"

"I don't care what you say Mars. I'm going to give you the respect I think you deserve until you do something to not deserve it. You can't make me be mean to you, just drop it."

With a glare and a silent ride home he does.