Apparently going to the park so many times a week, at the exact same time and place was a bad idea.

Simply put, anyone watching me would know where to go to find me.

That's how Isen found me -Isen was my last foster parent along with his wife, Kayla, and was one of the worst one I'd ever encountered.

Valentino and me were both placed into his custody at the same time, we always found ways to stay together in the system.

I'm thankful that today, out of all the days, was not a day I went to the park with only Val or one of the twins, but with both the Reeds and Ares.

But I don't want them to get hurt either, that's why when I saw Isen smirking at me from the parking lot I bolted away from Ares's car.

Right now I know both Ares and Isen are following me, and Ares being Ares catches up in the matter of seconds.

"Stop fucking running," He snaps, grabbing hold of my waist while I struggle against him. "We're leaving, stop being a dipshit and get in the car."

"Ares no, I-"

"Aw," A scratchy, manic voice coos from in front of me. "Did little Everly get a boyfriend." This makes me sink back into Ares's chest -something I hadn't been able to do in a while.

At a time like this it shouldn't feel so good.

I shake my head, noticing how Ares automatically tenses and rises to his full height as he notices how threatened Isen makes me feel. He still feels the need to protect me, as much as he tries to hide it.

The giant behind me doesn't say anything but his hold on me tightens, I'm pushed flush against him.

"Don't be like that, I just want the girl." Isen whines, a creepy smirk on his lips as he stares over my figure. "My, my...you've grown."

"Shut the fuck up, if you touch her I will hospitalize you." Ares growls, seeing as Isen had just reached out to try and touch my face.

Panic suffocates me.

But Isen only laughs, I can see the weird look in his eye and how he steps back.

Then it hits me: Isen is afraid of Ares.

He's afraid.

I have no sympathy, all that man ever did, and continues to do, is terrify me.

"You're protecting her? That girl is a whore, bitches like that shouldn't be protected." Isen snarls, making me whimper as I meet his eyes.

Ares moves so fast that I can barely see it, and only comprehend it. He stands over Isen, who lays bleeding on the ground with a dark bruise already forming on his jaw where Ares punched him.

Replaying in my mind what just happened I hear the sharp snap all over again; Isen now has a broken nose.

Falling back I land on my ass, hands clutching my chest as I struggle to breath.

Then Ares is crouching in front of me and my body knows, it knows he is safe.

Without being able to control myself my arms go around his waist and I start sobbing into his chest.

Realizing a second later what I did can't stop me at this point.

"Call your uncle and tell him the situation..." His voice fades out, causing me to come to terms with the fact I'm close to passing out. "And, I want her file."

I perk up at this, saving me from unconsciousness I realize Ares is carrying me and the Reeds are holding down Isen and one of them are on the phone.

Conner once told me his uncle was with the police force.

"N-not that..." I mumble, weakly clutching onto Ares's shirt. "Don't look at m-my file...please, you'll, you'll j-just hate me more."

The Reeds can't hear my plea but Ares does, he just ignores me and continues to carry me. 

Exhaustion makes me unable to even lift my head, Ares doesn't ask questions but his body is beyond tense as he drives back to my apartment.

As soon as I unlock the door I use the last of my energy to bolt into the bathroom, able to kick off my shoes and pants before my crawling skin forces me in the shower. 

Ice cold water beats down on me as I place my head between my knees, my shaking hands covering the crown of it as I cower on the floor.

All I wanted to was take a shower, scratch off the hands that touched me but some feelings can't be washed away.

I stay there, without moving -because if I move I know I'll be tempted to do something very very stupid. Because I'm so willing but so not wanting to do that very very stupid thing.

"Ev! Where are-" Ares shouts, finally finding me by pulling the shower curtain back. "...oh."

Though my body is trembling and I feel my chest tighten, nearly suffocating me I want him to walk away.

He shouldn't see me like this, all broken and temped like a kicked puppy.

Ares doesn't want to still care about me, he doesn't want to be there for me anymore but he can't just flip that off.

I'm making it so hard for him.

And every time I need help I hurt him because he still feels like he needs to help me.

Apparently I'm really good at that, hurting people.

I gasp at the arms sliding around my waist, pulling me back into a thick chest. 

My hands shoot out to do something, I don't know what but he's prepared and just grabbed both of them before entwining our fingers then holding my arms to my own chest.

With anyone else I know I'd probably scream when they held me down like this but he comforts me, I relax firmly into his chest.

If only his touch could erase Isen's.

Ares doesn't say anything as I slowly stop shaking, making my sobs become even louder. 

I try to hang onto my sanity, not to slip into my memories and the only thing rooting me home is Ares.

So he lets me sit there, just bawling until I'm suddenly not anymore. He turns off the shower, making warmth instantly flood back in me. "Can you walk?"

Biting my lip I shakily stand, moving away from his chest my shaking legs let me take a few steps into the actual bathroom before I collapse at the sink.

"Guess not."

A large, warm towel is wrapped around me and I'm being picked up over a shoulder again. Ares carries me into my room before setting me on the bed.

This is when I notice he's only in his boxer shorts, but I'm so numb, so still afraid right now that I'm silent, so it's like he's still fully clothed.

My mind is screaming so many things right now that even silence would let me understand it more.

Numb, numb, numb.

I hate it until I am it, then I can't hate it anymore.

I know it's not a good thing, I know that.

But I can't care about it.

Not when the alternative is remembering.

Ares goes to my closet, picking out one of his old black shirts he gave me with a scoff along with small pink pajama bottoms.

Some of my favorite things to wear.

Right now they just don't fill me with the giddiness, nostalgia they normally would. I don't even blush at the fact I'm about to put on his clothes that he purposely piked out for me. 

I want to blush, to suddenly fill with emotion.

If only numbness had a off switch.

Then I'd be okay.

With a small shrug I quickly slip on the shorts, throwing my soaked shirt off before I put his on. He watches me the whole time, eyes narrowing at the blank look on my face.

Not from the rough feeling but out of surprise I gasp when his hands slide around my cheeks, forcing me to look up at him while stepping closer.

He's pretty close.

Huh.

A momentary spark of warmth lights in my chest before I feel it wash away, draining back into numbness with ease.

"Why aren't you feeling?" Ares whispers, sending shock running through me and apparently he can tell that too. "I know that feeling, I've seen it too much on others and myself. You just went through something and I have no fucking idea what it was but it made you numb. Don't be ignorant and just tell me."

"No." I reply evenly, not even blinking when he dips lower so we're level.

This time, I don't look away from his eyes.

From those stupid golden hazel eyes.

"No? Why the fuck not?" He snarls, seemingly offended.

"Because you don't want to care," I mutter, gently removing his hands from me. "And I don't want to make it harder for you to stop by being a whiny girl who can't get over her past."

My words come out bitter, a direct venom that goes directly into my self esteem and love -or there lack of.

Maybe since I'm already numb I should start taking my medicine...maybe that way I'll be just consistently numb, if I'm going to stay this way anyway I'd rather not start slitting wrists to try and feel something.

Even if I will just be constantly tired.

"Did you hear me?" The giant snaps in my face, then goes back to gently caressing my cheeks -probably trying to get some reaction from me.

A blush.

A squeak.

Something.

But I give nothing. 

"What?" I ask, blinking at him. His deep voice didn't even cut through my thoughts. 

How you know I'm really gone.

Don't worry, I'm gone.

"What do you feel?" He repeats, or at least I assume he repeated himself.

"I'm cold."

"No," Ares leans further over me, moving a thumb over my forehead before holding onto my cheeks again. "I meant in here."

"I'm cold." My green eyes narrow at him, trying to get him to understand when even I can't. 

What kind of cold? 

Why did I even say that?

"You're cold?" Disbelief echos his tone as Ares's eyes flick between my own. "What do you...can you be left alone?"

"Where's my phone?" I ask instead of answering, looking around. "I thought I -I had it in my jacket." Looking back up to him I frown. "Did you bring my jacket?"

Ares sighs. "Yeah I brought your jacket. Just sit on your bed and don't move."

With another shrug I do as asked, sitting on the edge of bed and watch the ceiling fan go round, and round, and round, and round, and round, and round and round until I start to get dizzy.

My eyes close...and then I don't open them again.

When I woke up Val was in my apartment collecting everything I could hurt myself with, I want to point out that him collecting the razors but not the kitchen knives is probably a mistake but I don't.

Have to be able to slice my fruit somehow and I'll be damned if that happens with a butter knife. 

 Ares is in sitting in front of me in the living room, so close that our knees touch.

This is only because Blind refused to let go of Ares's hand until he was close to me, and to avoid being bitten the giant simply sat this close.

Though our dumb blond is now playing with the oblivious Reeds he still growls at Ares and snaps his jaw whenever either of us go to move.

So we're sitting here now, me leaning against the wall and him the back of the couch.

It's comfortable, in a way.

Even if Ares is inhumanly tense and growls under his breath every few minutes along with constant dark grumbling...

He isn't happy.

But neither am I.

We don't talk about it -Hell, we don't talk at all.

A fact I hate.

"You're not back on your meds," Ares says. "You lied to me."

"How did you know?" I ask, not denying it as I meet his hazel eyes for a second then look away. 

And now we're talking.

But about me. 

Another thing I hate.

Awesome. 

"How wouldn't I know? Your daily's aren't on your bathroom counter, you have no pill bottles for the antidepressant's behind the mirror or in your nightstand drawer. Plus we've been other places after dinner, out late, and you didn't bring any pills with you then. It's like I don't know when you could take them, Monster always annoys me for a treat now." I should have known that cat would continue to do that. "So why aren't you taking your medicine and why did you lie."

"I'm not taking them because they aren't happy pills. They're like training  wheels, and normally once I start peddling I can keep going and keep going and sometimes I don't even need the training wheels but right now I can't even peddle and they're still moving so I'm being dragged." 

God.

I'm so fucking bad at explaining things.

Such a fuck up.

"And right now I'd rather sit on the side of the road, feeling the pain of the concrete on my butt than being dragged with no where to go." I continue, trying to hold back tears as sadness suddenly floods me, sending tremors to my hands and weakness to my knees. "I'd rather feel like t-this than feel nothing at all."

"Then why is your friend," He spits the word like poison. "Collecting dangerous things."

"Because last time I felt like this-" I cut myself off, hanging my head against my chest. 

Why can't I decide right now, whether to force myself to be numb again or actually feel like this? 

I told him which one I'd pick.

Shouldn't it be easy for me then?

"Last time you felt like this?" Ares, suddenly gentle, cups the sides of my neck and urges my to look up at him, thumbs gently moving down my jaw. 

Well now I'm feeling a whole new way, and everything is rushing back.

It's overwhelming -last time I felt like this, I thought he would kiss me.

"Last time," I say softly, trying not to delve deeper into a mental breakdown. "I was seventeen and in a foster home where the father-" Isen. "-thought it was okay to sexually abuse me as a punishment. The mother thought it was okay to blame me for what her husband did and beat me as a result. I was given to them right before my sixteenth birthday and left on my eighteenth. Val lived there with me."

Ares went rigid, jaw clenching as a small, deep noise that's close to a growl escapes his chest, hands stilling on me, still gentle. I squeeze my eyes shut, knowing now he knows more about how broken I am.

How used, how undeserving I am.

Silent tears stream from my eyes, and I shake in my spot.

"I didn't know." Ares's voice cracks with emotion. "Ev I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped you."

I can't answer that, he's smart enough.

He knows now, he should know why I wouldn't tell him.

I'm old, used parts waiting to be thrown away and I didn't want him to be the one to do that. Then again, I guess that ship has sailed...

"You have helped her." A voice breaks our conversations, I recognize it as Conner's. Ares rips his hands off me like I caught fire, only adding pressure to my chest. "Peyton tell him about the doctor thing."

"I-I can't." I whimper, starting to hyperventilate. 

"Peyton."

The Reed twins speak in sync, and my last name is said as a warning. 

Knowing my heart feels like it's about to beat out of my chest (and purely out of instinct, the five years caught up to me) I grab one of Ares's large hands and splay it out over my chest.

Ares sucks in a breath as I clutch that hand -having placed it above my heart like it's the thing keeping it pumping.

They're all staring at me, I can feel it, but I give myself the time to calm down.

I know I did something I wasn't supposed to, use Ares to comfort myself. I couldn't help it, he's the only thing that could have stopped me from having a panic attack just then and I doubt he would have stepped in.

"I'm sorry." I blurt but am unable to drop his hand, only hold it tighter. "I'm so sorry."

He makes no move to pull away.

"What is happening?" I ask, head spinning.

"Calm down Ev. You're okay." Ares whispers, moving his other hand hesitantly to my waist, pulling me into him slowly -as if I might flinch away.

Thought that is fair.

With anyone else I would have flinched away.

"Go away." He growls up at the Reeds, and I'm guessing Valentino. "And leave the fucking dog."

They do as he says, the blondie moving in between us to lay on our laps as Logan releases him, the apartment door shutting a second later.

"That man a-at the park." The words bubble out of me. I can't stop them. "H-he was the f-foster parent. H-he used to...Mars h-he used to..." 

I sob.

And its loud, and it's sad and it's gross.

But he actually holds me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders so my head lands on his cheekbone. 

This way Blink can stay between us, I think Ares knows how much the dummy helps me, how much Ares himself helps me.

"You don't have to tell me." Ares says, voice much stronger than mine could ever be.

"B-but you'll get mad."

The giant lifts my head, making sure I'm actually looking him in the eyes for once. "Not for this." He whispers as his lips aren't even a inch from mine, making my heart pound for a whole new reason. "Promise."

"P-promise."

"With one 'P' or two?" Ares jokes, pulling back a fraction as I giggle lightly.

Soon enough the silence fades and I realize Ares still hasn't tried to pull his hand, which is now held captive between both of mine and resting on Blink, away along with his entire body which seems to be towering over mine.

Keep in mind I'm pressed into a wall.

Not a good spot to be in with someone you like, that or a very good spot to be in. Depending on the context, of course.

Hazel eyes regard me with sudden regret, causing my breath to stall as Ares begins to talk.

"I think I was too hard on you. I didn't even let you talk, or explain anything to me. It wasn't fair to do what I did, I had no right to kick you out just like that and I'm sorry I did. I shouldn't have treated you the way I have been, even if I was mad. Please," Ares begs. "Can we talk this out like adults. If we get past this I want you to move back in."

"If?"

"When."