The Shame in Telling

 No one knows what it’s like

unless it’s happened to them

No one tells you it’s wrong

you feel it in your gut,

Feelings of terror never quite leave you

though you shut them from your mind

It’s hard to trust and when you do,

it’s never really complete

you always hold back a little

just to keep yourself safe

The thought of someone touching you

makes you shrivel up inside;

even when it’s someone you love

Worse still, you feel you can’t tell them

You won’t risk what they might say;

Would they blame you?

Would they understand?

Is it better they don’t know?

 No one can stop those feelings

when your mind leaks memories

you desperately want to forget

They just seem to take over

you have little or no control

So it’s better safe than sorry,

I’ll keep it to my self

The biggest hurt you carry

is the hurt inside your heart

because deep down you know,

that one day it’ll all come out

This can be a good thing though,

it can help you ease your mind;

but because of “The Shame in Telling”

this is the last thing that you want

 It can destroy your mind

and make you wish you were dead

because no matter what anyone may say;

Words like tainted, dirty and used

will always come to mind,

and because of “The Shame in Telling”

you will always blame yourself,

especially when the flashbacks start

to remind you once again.

Of Peace and Rest

 I long for an inner peace

A blissful continual sleep

A place of rest and contemplation

Without pain or wants or needs

I long for continual night

No need to rise or awaken

No need to be a part of the living

Of this world full of pain and tears

I long for peace –

For rest and calm

Perhaps in death

I will find some kind

Of inner peace and rest

Coming Home

Coming home!

Coming home!

These words fill people with anticipation,

with longing and joy.

They light the face

and comfort the soul

they breed excitement

Coming home!

In the depths of darkness

there is no joy – no longing, anticipation

no comforted soul!

Coming home!  Coming home!

Fear and pain

No knowing – where is my home?

What family –

what comfort is mine

Coming home!  Coming home!

Who’ll take me in,

who’ll really care

who’ll stave the nightmares

who’ll hold my hand.

Who’ll give what’s needed

and should always have been there –

“When I Come Home!”



Of Peace and Rest

 I long for an inner peace

A blissful continual sleep

A place of rest and contemplation

Without pain or wants or needs

 I long for continual night

No need to rise or awaken

No need to be a part of the living

Of this world full of pain and tears

I long for peace –

For rest and calm

Perhaps in death

I will find some kind

Of inner peace and rest



A Father’s Love

I look up into his smiling face

Kindness and love shine through

He lifts me into his arms

Holds me close, whispers I love you little one



 As he sits in his big comfy chair

I snuggle up close on his lap

He strokes my hair, tells me how much he cares

Gives me a kiss on the cheek and tells me he’ll always be there

A Fathers love – so simple and real

It’s what every little girls needs

I rest my head on his chest and smile

A smile of contented bliss

I close my eyes and drift off to sleep

In the safety of my Father’s arms

I hear a bird, I start to stir

But I fight back wakefulness

I open my eyes and a single tear is released

My dream quickly fades –

But the sadness of what has happened remains

The longing for what I’d never had! 

A dark and distant soul was he

A some-what stern but kindly man

I loved him oh so dearly

But his kisses and his cuddles weren’t meant for me

I wondered what I’d done to him, to stop him loving me

Acceptance seemed the better choice, to keep my sanity

I promised one day I’d gain the strength to ask him why this was so

But the years went by and now he is gone

So I will never know why -

Why he could never say he loved me!

Flawed!

A broken heart will always mend

Or so the saying goes

But the heart is like fine china

Once broken –

No matter how carefully it’s repaired

It will always be flawed!

How many times can a heart be broken

How many times will it try to mend

What do you do when it lay in tatters

Ripped to pieces and tossed aside

 Is it possible to love again

To open your heart and share what’s within

How do you trust and leave yourself wide open

To hurt and tears and fears of rejection

How do you hold yourself together

When wanting and need

Are hand in hand with hurt and tears

 Do you pretend

Do you plod along

Do you hang onto hope

Or cut yourself off

 Do you pull down the shutters

And build up the walls

Keep yourself safe and protected

Don’t risk falling in love again

How do you move on

When the emptiness is still there

Do you go through the motions

Exist without living

 These and much more –

Are the questions I ask myself each day

To try and find a reason

To get through another day

Damaged Goods

 Tainted and worn, Old and used

Tossed aside, like yesterday’s news

Always being set aside

But only after I’ve been abused

Sitting quietly –

Doing as I’m told

 Damaged goods is what I am

Sometimes it seems I was born that way

Always afraid and always sorry

Compliant and trusting

Needing love and acceptance

Knowing deep down it won’t ever happen –

Cause people seek perfection

Not someone’s leftovers or unfinished business

No one wants damaged goods

So why would they want me!