A couple hours later Fabian and Brandon found themselves sitting in King Wangdangdoodle's dungeon. They had been immediately arrested for fraud and thrown into a tiny cell together. Their only other companion was a skeleton that was manacled to the wall.

"Nothing to worry about, Scrote. I've got this situation completely under control. It's all part of the plan."

"What do you think that guy did to deserve that?" Brandon said as he glanced at the skeleton nervously.

"I don't know. Maybe he was a jester who didn't make the king laugh. Jesters are always getting themselves killed for that. It's a very dangerous profession. But really the king was the fool this time for not clasping me in manacles like he did to that guy. Because I'm an absolute expert at picking locks. I'll have us out of this cell before you can blink your eyes."

"How are you going to pick the lock? They confiscated all of our stuff when they arrested us."

"So they did, Scrote. But I don't need any fancy stuff. I'll use the materials at hand. Like that skeleton. Break me off a piece of its bone. Get me the right size splinter and I'll use it to pick the lock."

"You want me to touch that thing?" Brandon asked.

"Well, I'm not going to do it. This is the sort of thing that's in your job description, being my assistant and all that. You touch the dead guy and I pick the lock. It's a completely fair division of labor. Unless, of course, you want to pick the lock."

"I don't know how to do that."

"That's right you don't. Because you're the unskilled labor and I'm the brains of the operation. Now stop being a little bitch and break me off a piece of bone."

"All right," Brandon said. He wrinkled his nose in disgust as he grabbed the leg bone and snapped it in half. Luckily it was fairly brittle with age. "Here will this work?"

"That's way too big, moron. Break off a smaller piece. It's got to fit into the keyhole."

"Okay, let me try again." He grabbed the jagged tip of the broken bone he was holding and managed to break off a much smaller sliver.

"That should do the trick," Fabian said as he snatched the little piece of bone out of Brandon's hand and went to work on the lock.

Half an hour later he was still fiddling with the lock. "Almost got it. Almost got it."

The doorknob suddenly turned and the door swung open.

"Aha! I did it!"

"Uh, I think that guard opened it, sir."

There was a guard right outside the door holding a plate of food for the prisoners.

"Clearly I picked the lock a second before he got here. That's why he has such a confused look on his face. Now don't just stand there like a numbskull. Hit him with the bone."

"Oh, right," Brandon said as he smacked the guard across the face with the leg bone he was holding. The guard dropped to the ground in an unconscious heap. Fabian searched the guard's pockets, but they were empty.

"All right, now we can get out of here," Fabian said. "Although I suppose we shouldn't let this food go to waste. He shovelled it into his mouth and let out a loud belch. "All right. That was pretty gross. But at least I'm not hungry anymore."

"I'm still kind of hungry, sir."

"Well, how the hell is that my problem? You can eat later. Right now we've got a much more important task to attend to. First we need to recover all of our stuff and then we've got to grab that cat and get the hell out of here."

They exited the cell into a dimly lit hallway carved out of stone. There were numerous cells on either side, but Fabian led them straight down the hall until they emerged in a small room filled with cubby holes that looked like they contained the items that belonged to the prisoners. There was a narrow stairway leading up at the far end of the room. There was also another guard, but his attention was currently focused on a small mouse who he was feeding little chunks of cheese.

"You still got your bone handy?" Fabian whispered.

Brandon gave a nod and crept out into the room. Once he was in position behind the guard he hit him in the head with the bone. The guard dropped to the ground. Fabian rummaged through all of the cubby holes. After he had located their possessions he checked to see if there was anything else good. He scored a few pouches of shillings that presumably belonged to the other prisoners. Even better he found a brand new cloak that didn't seem to have any tears in it and fit him perfectly. He then searched the guard, but only got two copper shillings for his trouble. He pocketed them anyway.

They made their way up the stairs until they came to a large wooden door that was closed. Fabian placed his ear against it, but didn't hear anything. "Looks like the coast is clear." He flung the door open. Two more guards turned and looked at them in surprise. Brandon quickly walloped them with the bone and they both dropped to the ground. Fabian performed his usual search but only came up with three copper shillings between them. "Man, this king must not pay his guards anything." He pocketed the shillings and looked around.

They were in a large hallway made out of brick. There were a few paintings hanging on the walls here and there and a dull red carpet ran the length of the floor, but otherwise there wasn't much of interest. Nothing worth stealing anyway.

Fabian picked a random direction and they made their way quickly and quietly down the hall. As they reached the end it made a sharp turn to the right. They rounded the corner and bumped right into a stuffy looking old man in red robes and a powdered wig.

"Hey, you're the king's advisor, Fooflenuts," Fabian said. He pulled out his dagger and held it to the old man's throat. "Take us to the kitty cat or I'll slice out your Adam's Apple and feed it to Scrote here. He's hungry."

"I shall scream," Fooflenuts said. "The king's guards will hear me and they'll throw you back in the dungeon and this time you won't escape because we'll nail your hands to the wall with spikes."

"If you make another sound I'll slice out your tongue and shove it straight up your ass. Well, I'll get Scrote to do the second part. I'm not touching old man ass. But the point is your tongue will be lodged somewhere deep in your colon. Don't test me."

"Very well, I shall take you to the feline," Fooflenuts said. "We're keeping it in a crate out in the courtyard. The king tried to keep it in his bedroom, but it likes to meow in the middle of the night and he found it impossible to sleep."

"Okay, take us there now and don't try anything funny or you'll definitely be tasting your own ass. I might not slice your tongue off until it's already inside you. You don't want to risk it. Trust me."

They took several twists and turns through various hallways. They passed a couple guards along the way but Fooflenuts gave them a smile and a nod and the guards let them pass without incident.

At last they emerged into the courtyard and Fooflenuts took them to a small crate in the corner. They could hear a raspy meow sound emerging from it.

"Take the cat out," Fabian said as he jabbed the dagger so it just barely cut the old man's skin.

Fooflenuts reached in and emerged with a white cat. It wasn't as fluffy as the first time he'd seen it, but is hair appeared to be growing back since it had been clipped by the wizard Delroy.

"All right, give it here," Fabian said as he grabbed the cat.

"Uh, sir, should you be handling the cat?" Brandon asked.

"Of course I should. Why wouldn't I? Are you trying to get me to give you the cat so you can run off with it? Because I wouldn't do that if I were you, Scrote."

"It's just you told me before that you were deathly allergic to cats."

"I did? I don't remember that. Stop making up stories, Scrote. You've got a shitty imagination and you don't need to be sharing it."

"Even if you're not really allergic, don't you think it would be easier to carry Oogums in the crate? I mean it might be difficult to carry a cat all the way back to Braithvale and it could slip away again."

"Oh, right. Yes, of course we're transporting it in the crate. What kind of idiot wouldn't think of that? All right Fooflenuts. Take us to our horse and I might just let you live."

"The stables are just on the other side of the courtyard through this gate," Fooflenuts said as he led them there. There didn't appear to be any guards on duty. There were fifteen other horses in the stable in addition to Finnegrine.

"All right, Scrote. Do your thing with the bone."

Brandon smacked Fooflenuts over the head with the bone and he collapsed to the ground.

Finnegrine snarled at Fabian as he got near.

"I still don't think he likes you, sir."

"Well, that's no big deal. I'll take a horse that's more worthy of my stature as a great hero. Like this big black stallion here." Fabian opened the pen and all of the horses except Finnegrine immediately charged out and ran away.

"Uh, looks like our only option is Finnegrine, sir. Maybe he'll let you ride him if I say it's okay. You're going to have to get on the back though."

"This is humiliating," Fabian said as he hopped on back and wrapped his arms around Brandon. He wedged the crate with Oogums in between them. "A great hero like me should not have to keep riding in the bitch seat."

"Sorry about that, sir, but we need to get out of here before the king realizes anything is amiss." He kicked his feet into Finnegrine's sides and they took off out of the castle and into the streets of Wingwang.