Seven hours later an exhausted Sir Mikael pushed open the door to the Inn and collapsed onto a bench near the wall. "It's finished," he announced through gasping breaths. "We've driven the remaining brigands away."

Derek and Brandon came stumbling in after him covered in dirt, grime, and blood splatter. Derek made his way to a chair while Brandon simply laid down on the floor and fell instantly asleep.

Fabian strolled in the door a moment later whistling a cheery little tune to himself. "Good battle, guys. We really gave those brigands the old what for."

"It was a good battle, old chap," Sir Mikael said. "I don't recall seeing much of you out there though."

"I spotted him a few times hiding behind trees or small boulders," Derek said.

"That's right I was," Fabian said. "It's called strategy. You should learn how to utilize it some time. Any time a brigand wandered near my position I'd leap from my hiding place and kill him."

"I'm pretty sure I saw you sleeping at one point," Derek said.

"Well, it's not like brigands were wandering by every five seconds. Sometimes it took a little while for one to come near me. You have to exercise patience if you want to achieve your goals. I'll admit I might have gotten a little bored at a couple junctures when no brigands were in the vicinity, but the point is I turned the tide of battle decisively in our favor. No need to thank me or anything. An honorable victory is its own reward. I see you scored yourself some new boots." He pointed at Sir Mikael's feet.

"Yes, I found a pair of well-made boots on a brigand I had slain. He no longer had any need for them, so I claimed them for myself."

"Wow, stealing from corpses," Fabian said with a headshake. "That sounds pretty honorable there, paladin-boy."

"There is no dishonor in putting an unowned item to good use when one finds oneself in need."

"Whatever, dude. Jeez, and they call me the thief." He rolled his eyes in Madge's direction.

"Is it really over?" she asked.

"It is indeed," Fabian said. "Now how about getting that tub together that you promised me."

"The water's gone ice cold," Madge said. "You asked me to heat it up for you hours ago. You said you'd only be a few minutes."

"So it took a tiny bit longer than I anticipated," Fabian said. "I still defeated the brigands like I said I would. So how about you stop standing there and go heat that water back up again? Old Fabes could use a little relaxation."

"Oh my," Sir Mikael said. "A hot soak in the tub sounds heavenly right now."

"Yeah? Well, I've got dibs on it. You're welcome to have a soak in my dirty water after I'm finished."

"Say, Derek, I think I might have sustained a bit of a nasty cut in my leg," Sir Mikael said. "You wouldn't happen to be up to performing a healing spell by chance, would you?"

"Of course," the cleric said as he pulled himself wearily out of his chair.

"Oh yeah," Fabian said. "I've also got a tiny little scratch on my elbow. You think you could take care of that while you're at it?"

"Let me attend to the more serious injury first, and then I'll see what I can do."

"Okay, but I'm kind of on a clock here. I mean it's not going to take Madge forever to get my tub heated up and I'd kind of like to have this thing attended to before I get in there. I'm just saying you'll have plenty of time to treat Sir Mikael while I'm having a soak, so maybe it would be a more efficient use of your time if you bumped me up in the queue."

"I'm bleeding pretty heavily over here," Sir Mikael said. "I think I may have nicked an artery or something." He was turning pale and appeared to be on the verge of fainting.

"I like to get in the tub while it's still piping hot," Fabian said. "There's nothing worse than a lukewarm tub, wouldn't you say?"

"As I said, I shall attend to the more serious injury first," Derek said as he walked over to the paladin and laid his hands on the wound. "Oh my, this is very serious indeed. This may take a bit of time, but we'll get you all healed up." He began chanting softly as a warm glowing light slowly started to appear beneath his hands and he moved them gently over the injured leg. Sir Mikael appeared to have lost consciousness.

"This is exactly what's wrong with society today," Fabian said. "People have no consideration for the needs of others. I'm not going to have my luxurious tub spoiled because some people are selfish. I guess I'll just deal with my injury since I'm not a pussy."

Derek ignored him as he continued to chant over Sir Mikael.

"Madge is taking a little longer than I expected to get this tub heated up," Fabian said to himself. "I don't see any sign of her around here." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a moment. "Well, I'm feeling a little bit peckish, so I might go have a peek at what's in the pantry."

Derek made no response to Fabian's comment as he continued to be absorbed in his healing.

Fabian resumed whistling to himself as he made his way over to the pantry. He was careful to step over Krystal and Vern who still lay where they had fallen. "All right, if I remember correctly she said something about having some gold stashed in a trapdoor in here. Aha! There it is under that barrel." He set about trying to move the barrel off of the trapdoor, but it didn't seem to want to budge. "What the hell's in this thing, a ton of bricks?"

Suddenly he heard a loud belch emerge from the barrel. The lid popped off and a familiar looking overweight balding man in a leather tunic emerged from inside the barrel. Fabian recognized him as the man who had been sitting at the table in the common room when they'd arrived at the Inn. "Oy! What in bloody hell are you doing in here?" the man asked.

"I might ask you the same question, sir," Fabian said. "After all, I'm not the one who's weirdly inside of a barrel."

"Oh I have legitimate reasons to be in here," the man said and proceeded to let out another belch that lasted for well over a minute. Noxious fumes assaulted Fabian's face and he almost passed out for a moment before the man mercifully stopped. "I ran out of ale, couldn't find Krystal to bring me more, so I let myself into the pantry to see if I could find some. Turned out there was some ale in the bottom of this barrel, so I leaned in to try to reach it, fell in and managed to get myself stuck. Then just as I managed to right the ship so to speak, a zombie managed to wander in here somehow, so I pulled the lid on tight and hid myself. There wasn't much to do so I finished drinking the rest of the ale in the barrel. Now please explain what you're doing in here."

"Uh, same as you. Wanted more ale. Couldn't find that Krystal chick anywhere. She's really bad at her job, wouldn't you say? So anyway after I heroically dispatched the zombie you mentioned, I just figured I'd check this barrel here for ale, but it looks like you've already gotten to it."

"Well, that sounds like a plausible explanation," the man said and belched again as he pulled himself out of the barrel. "Sorry for questioning you, friend. Well, I suppose I ought to be heading home. The old lady doesn't like it when I stay out all night drinking, but that's the only way I can stand to look at her fat warty face, you know what I'm talking about?"

"Absolutely. Honestly, it sounds like you need to drink some more, and might I add you're an absolute saint for putting up with an awful hag like that. Women, am I right?"

"You are right as rain, old friend. I am a saint. And I do need another drink. I think they're out of ale here though. Some inconsiderate clod went and drank it all."

"Yeah, he sure did." Fabian gave the barrel a little test push, but it still didn't seem to want to budge. "What do they make these things out of anyway? Solid granite? Say, since you're going to have to go somewhere else, why don't you take this empty barrel with you on the way out?"

"That seems like a lot of heavy lifting. Those things weigh a ton even when they're not full of ale. What's wrong with leaving it here?"

"Don't you think it's wrong to leave empty garbage just lying around? I mean, after all you were the one who finished the barrel off. I think it's your responsibility to move it out of the way."

"Out of the way of what?" the man asked.

"Out of Madge's way, obviously," Fabian said with a roll of the eyes. "Don't you want her to be able to move around her pantry without obstruction?"

"I'm sure she pays someone to haul her empty barrels away. I'll just leave it here."

Fabian pulled out his dagger and pointed it at the man, whose name he still hadn't actually caught and didn't really care to. "Listen, why don't you stop being a rude jerkwad and take your garbage with you when you leave? Whoever kills off the barrel of ale disposes of it. Everyone knows that. I mean it's just proper etiquette. And while you're at it, maybe you could throw those two bodies into the barrel and dispose of them as well."

"Okay, fine, don't point that thing at me," the man said as he hoisted the barrel up with a grunt. "Say this one looks just like Krystal, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I'd say the resemblance is uncanny. You'd better not let her see it. Wouldn't it freak you out if you saw a body that looked just like you?"

"Yeah, you're right, that would be pretty creepy. I'll shove it in the barrel. Who's this other guy?"

"No idea. Just some idiot who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Put him in the barrel, too, and get the hell out of here already. Oh yeah, and pick up that third dead guy in the lobby on your way out."

The man grunted again as he managed to lift the barrel with the two bodies and walked out of the pantry.

"Finally," Fabian muttered. "I thought that guy would never leave. Now, let's see what's in this trapdoor." He pried it open and found a stack of parchments, which he immediately discarded as worthless. Underneath them he found a small leather satchel, which made promising clinking noises when he shook it. He ripped it open and saw the bright flash of gold. "Now there's the good stuff." He estimated there were roughly one hundred gold shillings after giving it a quick eyeballing. "Not as great of a reward as I would have hoped for considering the amount of effort I put in, but oh well. I'll take it." He dumped the contents of the satchel in his pockets and flung it aside. A quick further investigation of the space beneath the trapdoor revealed nothing else interesting, so he closed it back up and exited the pantry while whistling casually.

"Oh there you are," Madge said when he emerged. "Your tub is ready now."

"Excellent," Fabian said. "And well deserved, might I add after all the heroic deeds I've pulled off. Show me the way, good Innkeeper."

"It's just right up the stairs, second door to the right. Say, what were you doing in the pantry anyway?"

"Oh, I was just trying to be a good citizen and clear out the dead bodies. Because it's kind of gross to just have corpses lying around, especially when you're trying to run a respectable establishment such as this. Wouldn't want you to get a bad reputation among travelers."

Madge opened the door and looked in. "Hey, what happened to the barrel that was in the back?"

"The barrel? Oh yeah, I saw that drunk slob who was in here earlier walking out with it. Didn't catch his name, but he seemed very determined to sneak out of here without getting caught. If you ask me, I'd say he was up to something suspicious."

Madge ran into the pantry and flung open the trapdoor. "Oh no! LaVario stole all my gold! That bastard! Coming in here every day to eat my food and drink my ale and then he has the audacity to rob me? Well, I know where he lives. I'm going to go over to his house and slice his balls off and shove them down his throat."

"I wouldn't want to be in his shoes right now," Fabian said with a tsk. "Well, I'm going to go on upstairs and enjoy my piping hot tub. Let me know if you need anything else from me."

He went upstairs and flung his clothes onto the ground before sinking into the tub with a sigh. He sniffed a couple times. It smelled like Madge had added some lavender. "That was mighty thoughtful of her," he said as he leaned back and closed his eyes.

He heard a rustling sound next to him and leaped to his feet, reflexively grabbing for his dagger, which wasn't on his person at the moment considering he was buck naked.

Madge was standing by the tub holding his clothes. "Whoa, sit down there big guy. I'm flattered you'd want to offer your wares to an old broad like me, but I'm still true to my dearly departed husband after all these years, even if he was a no good cheat."

"Why are you holding my clothes?" Fabian demanded.

"You've been so nice to me I was just going to wash them for you while you relaxed in your tub. I figured as filthy as you were it's probably been a good while since your garments have been laundered."

"I suppose it has been a bit of a stretch," Fabian conceded as he lowered himself back into the tub and tried to resume relaxing.

"Wow, listen to all that clinking. Sounds like you've got a lot of shillings in your pockets."

"Yeah, well, I killed a lot of brigands out there and I took their gold from them. Rightfully so, I might add. To the victor go the spoils, after all."

"Won't argue with you there. I'll just empty your pockets for you so I can wash your clothes. I'll leave all your gold and possessions on this table here."

"You do that," Fabian said. "And would you mind keeping the noise down? I'm trying to unwind here."

He closed his eyes again and let out a little sigh before being rudely awakened by feeling a sharp point suddenly press against his throat. He opened his eyes again to see Madge holding his own dagger against him.

"Where did you get this?" she asked as she shoved an old, beaten up looking coin in his face.

"I told you, I pillaged the dead brigands. One of them must have had it. What's the big deal?"

"This is a rare coin from the ancient realm of Threxnia that existed on the other side of the world ten thousand years ago. My father gave me a coin just like it when I was a little girl. I kept it in the trapdoor in the pantry along with all my other gold, which just recently disappeared under mysterious circumstances."

"Oh, see, I can explain that. When that guy who took your barrel left he dropped that coin on the ground. I picked it up and tried to return it to him since I thought it was his, but he hurried out the door so I just put it in my pocket. I didn't know it was yours. You're welcome to keep it, of course."

"Oh, okay," Madge said as she pulled the dagger away from Fabian's throat. He exhaled a breath he didn't even quite realize he had been holding.

"Now if you'd be so kind as to let me return to my nice relaxing bath."

"Hey wait a minute," Madge said. "This one isn't even a coin. It's a small rock with an etching of my dearly departed husband carved into it. Did LaVario drop this one as well?"

"As a matter of fact, I believe he did," Fabian said.

"And this pendant which belonged to my grandmother, which also seems to have found its way into your possession? You seem to have neglected to mention that as well."

"That LaVario guy dropped a bunch of stuff. Sorry I didn't take the time to catalogue all of it."

"You lying filthy rat!" Madge screamed as she swung the dagger at Fabian's face. He leaped out of the tub just in time to avoid getting sliced up and grappled with Madge's arms. She was stronger than she looked but he managed to wrest the dagger away from her. Then he shoved her into the tub and quickly started gathering his clothes and as much of the gold as he could carry. He wiggled into his pants, accidentally knocking over a candle in the process, which made a set of drapes go up in flames. The fire rapidly started to spread up the walls. Madge was still sputtering around in the tub as Fabian made a hasty exit out the door.

He ran down the stairs and into the common room where Derek was cradling Sir Mikael's head in his arms. The paladin seemed to be awake but rather groggy.

"We have to get out of here, like, right now!" Fabian shouted.

"Are you crazy?" Derek asked. "This man suffered a very serious wound. He needs to rest! I expended a lot of energy healing him. I need rest as well. And young Brandon over there hasn't even woken up since the battle."

"Well, you guys are welcome to stay if you want, but I have to warn you a murderous Innkeeper is about to come storming down those stairs any minute now, and something tells me she's not going to be happy to see you. Also, I think the Inn might be on fire again."

"What? Why does Madge want to kill us?"

"I don't know," Fabian said with a shrug. "Broads are crazy. The point is we've got to go. Throw the paladin on his horse and carry Scrote if he won't wake up, but it's time we were hitting the road." He didn't bother to wait for a response as he hurried out the front door.