They had been walking for a few hours when they heard the sound of a horse trotting up the trail behind them. "Ho there!" a voice called out. "Might you have some rations to spare a fellow traveler?"

"Take a hike, buddy," Fabian said. "We're low on grub as it is and we're sure as hell not going to share with some stranger."

"Then allow me to introduce myself," the man said as he nimbly descended from his horse, which was a gorgeous golden stallion. The man himself was tall and had extremely fine features. His hair was so blond it was almost white and Fabian couldn't help but thinking this dude would have made a pretty hot chick. "My name is Sir Mikael the Paladin."

"Oh no," Fabian groaned. "Paladins are insufferable."

"I did not wish to take your last rations from you. I ran out myself last night and I thought, perhaps, if you had an abundance you might find it in your hearts to share. But fear not! As that is not the case, I will resolve the situation in another fashion. I am an excellent hunter and I shall bring down some game and I shall share the fruits of my bounty with you."

"Well, if you want to give us a free meal, I suppose that would be okay," Fabian said.

"Wait here. I shall return shortly. As I said I am an excellent hunter!" He leaped back onto his horse and took off into the nearby woods.

"And a giant douche," Fabian said once Sir Mikael was out of hearing range. "You see that, Scrote? That's exactly what you don't want to become. Paladins are such goody-two-shoes. And then they like to go around rubbing that in everyone's faces. They don't lie, cheat, or steal, and they like to give to charity. Ugh. Don't get me started. Plus, I bet you that guy's never gotten laid in his life. Speaking of which, we've definitely got to get you to a brothel as soon as we can. We don't want any future paladins on our hands here. Still, if that guy wants to get food for us he could be useful. Well, we might as well take a seat and wait for him to bring us some grub."

Fabian plopped down by the side of the road and rested against a tree, hands interlinked behind his head and elbows off to the side.

"Perhaps we should hurry," Druvidia said. "There's no telling what that wizard might do to that cat while it's in his possession."

"Nobody asked you, tree lady," Fabian said. "Besides, you said it's going to take four days to get there. Taking a little break for an hour or so isn't going to make a difference and it's not like we're going to make it anyway if we don't have anything to eat."

"I have to admit I'm getting pretty hungry," Brandon said as he rubbed his tummy.

"My apologies, young Brandon," Druvidia said. "I forget that you corporeal beings need sustenance to survive. Of course we can spare a pause for nourishment." She turned to Fabian. "As for you, loser, you can suck it."

"Blow it out your non-corporeal ass, lady. I think I might take the opportunity to catch a few z's. Wake me when that paladin dork comes back with my dinner." He rolled over onto his side and began snoring loudly within a minute.

"Well this would be the perfect opportunity to ditch this clown," Druvidia said. "What do you say, young Brandon? You want to leave him here and strike off on our own?"

"I couldn't abandon Master Fabian," Brandon said. "He's been good to me. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to need his experience and guidance if I'm going to have any hope of succeeding in this quest. I mean, I've learned I'm a terrible leader. They made me a pirate captain and I lost my entire crew. And we weren't even in the water! No, I'm much better off having someone else giving the orders. And besides, I really am hungry."

"Very well," Druvidia sighed. "We shall stick with him for now. But trust him not. At the very least let's not wake him up when the paladin returns."

The clopping sound of the paladin's horse's hoofbeats were loud enough to bring Fabian out of his slumber as Sir Mikael emerged from the trees a short while later.

"Greetings friends! I have managed to capture a plump hare for our supper. Would somebody be so kind as to build a fire so that we might cook it and enjoy it to its fullest?"

"Yeah, building a fire sounds like a lot of work," Fabian said. "I've got an idea. Why don't you do it?"

"It's true that I am an excellent fire builder. So be it! I shall build a fire. But we shall need tinder and kindling. Would you at least go fetch some firewood?"

"Nah, don't feel like it," Fabian said. "Scrote here will help you though. Have fun guys. Oh, and word to the wise, don't get wood that's too green. It'll just smoke."

"All righty then," Sir Mikael said. "Will you at least keep an eye on Rothchild?"

"What the hell is Rothchild?" Fabian asked.

"Rothchild is the name of my horse," Sir Mikael said.

"Oh. That's a stupid name. But he certainly is a mighty fine horse. Sure, I'll keep an eye on him. I'll keep an eye on that hare, too, if you want to leave it with me. You know, make sure the ants don't get at it. Or badgers. Badgers love to steal food."

"Now that's a cracking idea," Sir Mikael said as he tossed Fabian the hare. "This way I won't be weighed down and I can carry more firewood."

"Now you're thinking," Fabian said. "Go get lots of firewood. It'll be dark soon and we'll be wanting a full-fledged campfire as well as a cooking fire."

"I was just thinking the same thing," Sir Mikael said. "Two seasoned adventurers such as ourselves know what needs to be done, don't we old chap?"

"That's for sure. Now go get that firewood. You're wasting daylight."

As soon as they had disappeared back into the woods, Fabian turned around and inspected the horse. "Hey buddy, how'd you like to have a new owner? With a proper steed like you, I'd be riding around in style. I bet I could make it to that wizard in a couple days if I made you run hard. You'd probably like to break into a full gallop. I'm guessing that lame paladin is too scared to ever take you above a gentle trot. No, a horse like you was born to run fast. I'll give you a much cooler name, too. How about Bruiser? Or Thunderglove? We could take off now if you want. I've got this hare so I'm good for dinner. You probably just eat grass or something, right? I'm sure we'll find plenty of that along the way."

Rothchild let out a loud whinny.

"I'll take that as a yes. All right, Thunderglove. You have the honor of being Fabian's horse now." He leaped onto the saddle and grabbed the reins. Rothchild immediately bucked and Fabian went flying over the horse's head and landed flat on his back. "Ow! That's going to hurt tomorrow."

"Going somewhere?" Druvidia asked as she materialized right over him.

Fabian flinched in surprise. "What the hell, woman? Don't do that! What are you doing here anyway? I thought you went with Scrote to fetch firewood."

"While I accept the necessity of burning tree branches, and anything on the ground has already given up its life essence, I will not be party to the destruction of any part of a tree."

"Well la-dee-dah and good for you. Now that I know that it chaps your ass so much, I'm going to take extra pleasure in every fire I sit by and I'll make sure to throw more wood on."

"You are truly a jerk of epic proportions," Druvidia said.

"That's not what your mom said when I was putting it to her," Fabian replied. "Now shut up. I think they're coming back with the firewood."

Sir Mikael and Brandon walked out of the woods with a large collection of sticks and branches in each of their arms. They dropped them on the ground and Sir Mikael made a quick bow to Druvidia.

"You must be the tree spirit mister Brandon here was telling me about as we collected firewood. I am sorry I did not pay you the proper respect earlier of personally introducing myself. The truth is, I didn't see you before."

"I can vanish at will and I often do not choose to reveal myself to those I do not know," Druvidia said. "However, it is an honor to make your acquaintance."

"The honor is all mine, madam. I hope you will bless our humble little meal before we sit down and partake this evening."

"I would be delighted to bless it for the two of you. That one can choke on it."

"Yeah, whatever lady," Fabian said. "This hare's going to be some good eating. I call first dibs on whatever portion of it looks the tastiest once it's cooked. Now why don't you stop yapping with this annoying tree ghost and build the fire? And then you can cook me my dinner."

"It is a pleasure to make a fine meal for worthy companions."

"That's right it is," Fabian said. "How long do you think this is going to take? I'm thinking about squeezing in another little nap here if it's going to be more than twenty minutes."

"Well, then I will be sure to rouse you when we are ready to dine."

"You do that." Fabian wandered over to a soft patch of grass and laid down. The horse made a sputtering noise as he passed. "Shut up, Rothchild," Fabian glowered at it. A moment later, the horse decided to start munching on the very patch of grass Fabian was trying to sleep in. It ate the remains of Fabian's cloak as well as he snoozed.