━━━ ꧁ད ✶ ཌ꧂ ━━━

CHAPTER 29

━━━ ꧁ད ✶ ཌ꧂ ━━━

When Ashton noticed the shadows' approach, he wrapped his arms around me to the point of almost suffocating me and took me with him. During the journey, an inexplicable void lodged in my chest, and from that moment on, I couldn't shake it off. Everything in front of me was engulfed in complete darkness. And though I wanted to deny it, a part of me sensed that this was just the beginning.

Seeing the town where I grew up in these conditions made me feel even further away from my parents, Vincent and Josef, and also from Thomas. I slipped upon landing. I wasn't prepared. Not for anything that had happened in such a short time. With Ashton's support, I quickly regained my balance and turned my back to him. We were quite far from the shadows now, but I didn't want him to discover how scared and terrible I felt. I also couldn't help but wonder: how could a simple circus have caused so much controversy?

Behind me, I heard him gasping. It was easy to assume he was distressed at the moment. From the beginning, he was not allowed to do anything other than hide, just like me. In the past few days, I had discovered so many secrets of the circus, but I still couldn't do anything more.

My head was in chaos after the unexpected appearance of the boy in the ravine. Ashton also felt guilty, and the worst part was that I got scared a moment ago when he surprised me at our reunion. I worried that I might misinterpret it because I wasn't afraid of him.

I bit my lips hard, and still, my jaw trembled. I couldn't see anything more than three shapes through the fog, heightening my fear. I was afraid that one of those dark silhouettes would move too much.

I didn't know where we were, but I sensed that there was still a stretch left to the town. Ashton decided that instead of continuing to Port Fallen, it was best to wait in the woods, although, to me, no place seemed safe now.

I opened and closed my hands, numb from the cold, and a sound escaped my throat when I heard him speak.

"Zara?" His voice was somewhat of a whisper of pain.

"A moment ago, I wasn't scared of you. You appeared suddenly, while the shadows did. And that guy... I didn't even know when the sky stopped illuminating everything with its powerful lightning."

"A guy?" I could feel his gaze fixed on my nape as I heard his distinct steps going around me. When he stopped, he placed his hand under my chin and lifted my face. For the first time in the present darkness, I could see how devastated he looked, and it broke my heart.

"Zara, which guy are you talking about?" he insisted.

"I don't know. He was... He was a little shorter than you, about Thomas' height, and he had stars on his pants." I suddenly started stuttering, imagining I could still see the greenish color of his eyes despite the present blackness.

"Stars on his...?" He fell silent as if he had found something of interest on my cheek that he tried to wipe with his finger. "I didn't know any guys with stars on their pants. Most of the people at the circus were adults. And it's been around half a century since the incident."

"Nobody around sixteen?" I needed to verify.

"None, either."

"Well, he had a medallion, the one with the man. He also knew about Dallas's rings, which leads me to believe that I didn't see any memory of this boy. And I think he..."

We were close enough for me to notice how his jaw tensed.

"He had a medallion?" he questioned. The way he pronounced the words sent shivers down my spine.

"Yes, and a bird with..." I had just stumbled upon another detail.

"A bird with what?" He seemed to be digging into my words.

"It was him. He sent the horse the night I met you. His bird also had the same blood-red eyes."

He leaned back and scanned around. He was delving into my words.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

"I don't understand who could have the medallion. Everything feels strange to me. Starting from the fact that the shadows didn't follow us either. They went straight to town. Why?"

The boy said they sensed the energy of whoever controlled them. They must have recognized the energy of the rings all this time, even when I used one of them to light my way on the path. They might have lost the trail the moment I stopped using them, continuing on their way to the town.

"But in a way, I'm glad they pursued that course," he continued. "The time I spent by your side made me see death with different eyes. Just feeling your restless breaths and hearing you murmur things while you slept. And sometimes, you even smiled as if something amused you. It was truly fascinating. Your skin tingled every time I got too close, and... Do you understand? For me, life is more important than death. And you are life, the representation of mine now. I can't lose you. I can't let it consume you." His hands captured mine, and he continued with bitter irony. "And even though I'm practically immortal, I disdain the cause that keeps me away from you for what I am. I wish I could be with you, no matter the situation. It would be nice."

My eyes blurred, but I took a deep breath and closed them tightly as I denied it.

"No..." My voice ended in a whisper.

"I can't protect you as I would like, and that's the main reason you've experienced so many unpleasant things. Because every time something bad happens, it's me who has to run away. I can't be there for you when you need me."

"Enough. It hasn't been your fault. You haven't done anything wrong." Suddenly, I feared enough to think it was a lousy idea to tell him about the true reason behind the strange behavior I found in the shadows. It was supposed to happen because of the gadgets stuck in my fingers. And what would he do if he found out?

I feared he would feel responsible if things went wrong again because bad luck was becoming a damn habit, and we had no idea what else could get worse. What if we ended up being dragged to hell together? Strangely, that sounded better than nothing.

He gently moved his hands to my waist, where he pulled me against him. In a comforting embrace.

"I feel all of this, truly... It's driving me crazy."

"When will you stop apologizing?"

He sighed and shook his head, keeping the tender way he held me at bay. But suddenly, he tensed and slowly moved away when Reidar jumped over a small bush, appearing out of nowhere, and stumbled.

Over Ashton's shoulder, I noticed Reidar staring at me with his mouth open and his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath.

"What happened to Mikkel?" I asked, moving a little farther away from Ashton.

"We got separated because of the fog, but he's okay. I was worried..." He took a deep breath. "Minutes after you left, each of the shadows took their path and went away. As Mikkel mentioned, they're acting weirder than usual."

He hit one of his legs with annoyance and nodded. I didn't understand the sudden gesture, but as soon as the fog started swirling around me like a whirlpool, I knew he had just permitted me to enter his mind.

I cursed myself for looking into his eyes. But because of my disorder, I forgot there was a possibility of intruding into other people's heads. And I thought it wouldn't happen again, but it seemed intentional in showing me something.

Through his eyes, I gaze at the engraved tent medallion that my hands hold.

"The worst that could happen is that some member wants to act separately. We are a family. We work as one, and you know that better than anyone. You have dedicated your best effort," Ashton's father says.

I lift my gaze and look at Ashton's father. His greenish-yellow eyes, so similar to his son's, almost seem to gleam behind the white mask covering half of his face. He adjusts his red bow tie, waiting for my response. I'm astonished because he is a clear reflection of Ashton, but even more mature.

"I don't understand; why are you giving it to me?" I ask.

"They are good hands; they will stay in them, just there, I'm convinced. But, as a precaution, you must keep it hidden."

The image shifts through time, taking me to another place.

In this new memory, I find myself giving the medallion to Ellinor, who looks rather stunned. It's surprising to see her alive after everything that happened. I still can't believe how much we resemble each other as if we were reflections of each other in parallel worlds. Looking at her feels like seeing myself in a mirror but with a different sparkle in her gaze, a glimmer that reflects her own experiences and challenges.

Soon, I leave the small room, and very close to the entrance, I meet someone new.

"Hans," I utter.

The abstract figures he has drawn on his shaved head caught my attention. They almost look like thunderbolts descending to his bare and well-worked chest, merging with his white skin. His tight pants are ripped all over, exposing a large part of his legs. He seems ready for another performance because this is not how someone would go through life, or so Ashton once said. Anyway, there's something more... He reeks of alcohol, and he also struggles to stand upright.

"It'll only be Ellinor and me on stage. You're not fit to perform, and you know what's forbidden."

He smiles and still looks at me as I step away.

"Don't disappear for so long and leave your... charge behind once again, Reidar," he spits out, emphasizing the word 'charge' with disdain in his voice.

Then there's another memory, where Ellinor keeps moving back and forth, searching in every little corner. Occasionally, she bites her nails. She also wears a beautiful red dress that flutters under her slender hips with each turn she makes. She ties her golden hair with the help of a two-colored ribbon and continues hopping.

"Darling, what's making you so restless?" I ask, feeling strange.

"I can't do it; I have to go for her."

"Calm down; everything will be fine." I tried to reassure her. "In a couple of minutes, we'll enter and leave just like we always do. Remember, this is the last port. Then, we'll go find her together."

The curtain leading to the stage flutters, but it's not the only thing making Ellinor even more nervous. There are also the enchanted cheers of the audience, praising her stage name.

"This time, I have a feeling it'll be different. And not only leaving her is what worries me. You know, I also need the box. It's important, and after what happened yesterday with the costume tent... the fire..." Her face turns pale. "I think I lost it. Both of them."

"Are you talking about the music box the ringmaster gave you?"

"Yes, its melody helps calm my nerves just before each performance. That's why he gave it to me. It's special. It plays the music of our circus. The song itself amplifies or soothes emotions, depending on how you feel. At first, it was terrifying, but once you soften and accept them, everything changes."

"I thought I was the reason they soothed."

"You are, of course, because I fell in love with you. But I also got used to having it. And now I need it more."

I approached her.

"Everything will be fine, you'll see." I squeeze her hands and kiss her knuckles. The discomfort torments me every time I do something like this, and I've come to understand that I can't control it.

"I don't want to make another mistake," she whispers. "I already had enough of leaving her. Now, I also lost the box, and..."

"We'll do it right, okay?"

Mikkel, with Mango perched on his head, emerges from the curtain, dressed as a gondolier. The circus music starts playing; it has a characteristic and joyful tune. The lyres trill along with the powerful trumpets, the grave power of the tubas and trombones, and the martial brilliance of the drums, compose the characteristic melody of Stjerne Circus.

Another jump in time, and we find ourselves hanging from the ladders, each climbing up their independent platforms.

Nerves overwhelm me because I already know the end of this story. I experienced it from another perspective.

The lights go out, and the swings shine almost as much as the spotlights point in our direction.

Ellinor is there, standing on the other side of the abyss, struggling to remain calm.

"Sirio!... Sirio!" Her stage name rises above mine.

The excited crowd cheers until, suddenly, silence falls.

I grip the trapeze with my hands and push forward. I breathe vigorously as I perform the first flip in the air and reach the next trapeze. Then, with the same meticulousness, I return to the initial swing, leaving one of the trapezes swinging back and forth.

I'm dizzy; Reidar probably doesn't feel that way, but it's Ellinor's turn now.

I hang upside down, always keeping my eyes on her, luckily. However, she's in a trance, and when it seems like she won't jump, she does. It's the signal for me to do the same, and we both change trapezes. So I let go.

I spin one, two, and three times, and just before reaching the swing, everything goes dark.

The lights had just gone out, and that wasn't part of the act. Alarmed, my fingers manage to graze her trapeze, and that's all they do. Shortly after, the void plunges blindly, unbearable and unsettling at the same time, because Ellinor has also let go.

In the next few minutes, amid the silence of an audience unaware of what is happening, an unbearable thud resounds. But there's also the sound of a fracture as if a log were being split in half.

I couldn't contain the scream of pain when I felt my knee after falling awkwardly on the safety net. My leg embedded itself and bent the other way.

In agony, I let myself fall on my back, but despite the terrible pain, I crawl as best as I can and search through the distance covered by the net.

She's not there.

"Ellinor..." My voice falters as I notice the motionless lump on the floor, and the lights suddenly come on.

My eyes look, but I don't see them in reality. The physical pain has almost completely disappeared. Everything seems dysfunctional, static, rejected, and broken in its entirety. I realize that, somehow, I'm also looking for something specific, and that's the cause, the reason...

I hear nothing but a loud ringing in my ears. The audience looks terrified, the pair of swings still swaying like specters above me, and next to the stage is Hans, his head invaded by those red rays that appear phosphorescent from my position.

Like a devil himself, that man watches the scene without expression. Rage takes hold of my system as I notice his hand on the switch inside the fuse box.

I was trembling when I came to my senses, but I had managed to stay on my feet while invading his memory, probably because all the rings were together on this occasion. On the other hand, Ashton revealed to me that there were three trapeze artists in the group: Ellinor, the most beloved by everyone; then there was me, Reidar; and finally, the shadow, that faceless entity that, thanks to the memories shared with me, acquired a clear identity in my mind.

The shadow was named Hans, and besides causing Ellinor's death, he was also the one who poured alcohol into the costume tent and took Ashton's life.

"Zara, what's happening?" I was in Ashton's arms when a tear ventured down my face, but I couldn't take my eyes off Reidar.

"I'm sorry you were forced to relive my pain," the man apologized.

"He did it." It was hard for me to say. "Hans is the shadow and Ellinor... she saw when the ringmaster gave me the medallion, and out of envy, he took her life. Hans and I were in love with the same girl, but she chose me. I don't blame you for not trusting anyone. Anyway, I thought it would be better if you saw it for yourself. I know who you are." His voice softened, and in his brown eyes, I could perceive a certain sadness that had gone unnoticed until then. His words echoed in my mind, leaving me with more questions than answers, but also with a glimpse of understanding of his complicated situation. It was evident that he had been through difficult experiences and somehow felt connected to me, to our similarity, and to the mystery that surrounded us.

"Zara," I replied, and he smiled while shaking his head. His expression seemed to mix incredulity and a certain melancholy as if he were remembering something he could no longer have back.

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