If there's anything that makes me feel better it's children. I love children. I love being around them and playing with them. I love just about anything that has to do with children. I used to volunteer at an orphanage in California, it's really depressing to see all those beautiful kids who had been abandoned by their parents. Everytime I look at all those children I see my baby in them. And just by spending some time with the children pakiramdam ko parang nakasama ko na din ang anak ko.   It helped me cope with losing my baby at nakakatulong pa ako sa mga bata.

"Mga bata, ito si ate Andi ninyo." Pakilala sa akin ni sister Cecilia. Siya ang namamahala ng bahay ampunan na ito. Dinala niya ako dito sa art room kung saan abalang-abala ang mga bata sa pagdrawing. They all look so adorable. Nakakalungkot na may mga magulang na kayang iwanan ang mga anak nila. Naalala ko na may mga tao din na kayang pumatay nang mga bata, katulad ni Olivia at Harold. Those are the worst kinds of people. A poor excuse for a human being.

Awtomatikong nagsi-tayuan ang mga ito. "Magandang umaga, ate Andi."

I couldn't help but smile at their cuteness. 

"Siya ang makakasama natin ngayon araw kaya behave dapat kayo, ok?" 

"Yes, sister." Sagot nila.

"May regalo nga pala ako sa inyo." Sabi ko. Their eyes lit up with excitement. A week ago, nagpunta ako dito sa orphanage na ito para paghandaan ang pagbisita ko dito. I asked sister Cecilia to ask the children what presents they wanted. Binigay niya sa akin ang listahan ng mga gusto nilang matanggap na regalo at binili ko ang lahat nang iyon para sa mga bata. "Gusto niyo na bang matanggap ang regalo niyo?"

"Ooopooo!" Sabay-sabay na sabi ng mga bata. 

Binubuksan pa lang namin ang box kung saan nandun ang mga regalo nila ay kitang-kita na ang tuwa sa mga mukha nila. The room got quiet as I took the first gift out of the box. It seemed like everyone was holding their breath. It was wrapped in pink paper. Binasa ko ang pangalan na nakalasulat doon. "Sino si Maggie?"

"Ako! Ako po!" A little girl, raising both her hands and waving them, squealed. Tumakbo siya sa akin and I handed the gift to her.

"Thank you po, ate Andi!" She hugged me. 

"You're welcome, sweetheart." I said as I hug her back.

Kumuha ulit ako ng isa pang regalo sa box. "Ito naman para kay Paulo."

Lumapit ang isang  batang lalaki sa akin at kinuha ang regalo niya. Katulad ni Maggie, he thanked and hugged me. Isa-isa kong inabot sa kanila ang mga regalo. It was so fun to see the excitement and happiness on their faces as they unwrap their presents.

Nakita ko ang isang batang yakap-yakap ang teddy bear na regalo ko sa kanya. Natuwa ako at nilapitan ko siya.

"Hi, baby. Ano'ng pangalan mo?" Tanong ko.

"Isabelle po." Nahihiyang sabi niya. Umupo ako sa tabi niya at pinalapit ko siya sa akin. I sat her on my lap.

"Isabelle, ang ganda naman ng pangalan mo. Bagay sa'yo. Ilang taon ka na?" I asked as I tuck a piece of her behind her ears.

She looked at her hand and she showed it to me with three fingers raised. 

"Three years old ka na?" Nakangiting sabi ko.

She shook her head. "Four na po ako."

"But that's only three." Natatawang sabi ko. Kids are just so adorable. Itinaas ko pa ang isang daliri niya. "Ayan four na."

She looked at her hand again. and counted her fingers "One, two, three... FOUR!"

"Wow, marunong ka na pala magbilang." Sabi ko.

"Tinuruan po ako ni kuya pero hanggang ten pa lang ang alam ko." Sabi niya habang nilalaro ang teddy bear niya.

"Don't worry. You'll learn how to count up to one hundred. Do you want me to teach you?" I slightly pinched her cherub cheek. I couldn't help but wonder what would it be like to hold my own child. Ang anak namin ni Tristan. Everytime I hold another child, palaging iyon ang pumapasok sa isip ko. 

I sighed. I've thought of adopting a kid but I still want to have one of my own. With Tristan. I want it to be his. Ours. I feel like he owes me a baby because I blame him for what happened to our first child. I want it to be a part of him like my little angel. Of course, it wouldn't replace the one I lost even if I were to conceive another. Kahit ilan ang maging anak ko siya pa rin ang panganay ko. 

I started taking the pill because I wasn't sure if I was ready to get pregnant. I would probably go crazy kapag nawalan ulit ako ng anak. I almost did when I lost my little angel. I'm torn between wanting a baby and the fear of what would happen. Kung magkaka-miscarriage ako o kung ano man ang mangyari kung magbubuntis ulit ako I don't think I will be able to take it. 

Well, now hindi ko na dapat isipin iyond dahil wala na siya sa buhay ko. He is out of my life! I suddenly felt a hole in my heart. There it is again. I hate that feeling. I need to stop thinking about him. I've been trying to not think about him at all. Hindi siya kawalan. I don't need him... or his sperm. I could have a baby with another guy. Silly me, what was I thinking. It doesn't have to be Tristan's. 

Inaya ko ang mga bata na maglaro sa garden. Naglaro kami ng langit-lupa. This is also why I love being with kids, I get to be a kid myself. I feel carefree, weightless, without a care in the world.

"Ate Andi, taya ka na!" Agnes giggled when she finally got me.  They all ran in different directions.

"Nandyan na si kuya Tristan!" Sigaw ni Paulo. Biglang huminto ang mga bata sa pagtakbo. I froze when I heard his name. It couldn't be him. Hindi lang naman siya ang may pangalang Tristan sa Pilipinas. There was a part of me that was hoping it was really  him. I turned around to look and my heart started beating really fast when I saw Tristan.

Si Phoenix ang nagrecommend sa akin ng orphanage na ito. I'm sure he has something to do with this. He definitely knew Tristan was going to be here too. Maybe they even planned this.

"Kuuuuyaaaaaa!" All the kids ran up to him and hugged him. 

"Kumusta na kayo?" Ginulo niya ang buhok ng isang batang lalaki. 

"Binigyan kami ng regalo ni ate Andi." Sabi ni Isabelle na karga-karga ni Tristan.

"Talaga? Nagustuhan niyo ba?" Tanong niya.

"Opo, ang ganda nga po." Sagot ng bata.

"Ate Andi, halika papakilala kita sa kuya namin." Kinuha ni Ron ang kamay ko at hinatak ako palapit kay Tristan. 

"Ate Andi, ito nga po pala ang kuya Tristan namin." Sabi ni Ron. He looked at me but he quickly looked away. Itinuon niya ang atensyon niya sa mga bata.

"Nagpasalamat ba kayo sa kanya?" Tanong niya sa mga bata. Sabay-sabay silang sumagot ng opo.

"Kuya Tristan, ang ganda po ni ate Andi ano? Parang yung prinsesang kinukwento mo samin." Sabi ni Maggie.

Bahagyang natawa si Tristan at tumingin ulit sa akin. We stared awkwardly at each other for a few seconds before I looked away. "Oo nga, 'no"

"Kuya, ituloy mo na yung kwento mo! Pleeeeeease!" Sabi ni Charmaine.

"Oo nga po, kuya! Ano'ng nangyari sa prinsesa at sa prinsipe?" Sabi naman ni Lenlen.

"Mamaya na, pinapapasok na kayo ni sister. Kakain na daw." 

"Pero kuya, magkukuwento ka ah." Sabi ni Lenlen.

"Oo pagkatapos niyo kumain." Sagot niya. The kids all seem to love and adore him.

Dala ko ang isang tray na may laman na mga sopas. Isa-isa ko itong binigay sa mga bata sa mga table nila. Hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin kay Tristan, he was doing the same thing as me. Binibigyan niya ng pagkain ang mga bata. He was laughing and fooling around with the kids. Halatang komportable na sa kanya ang mga bata.

Bumalik ako sa kitchen para kumuha pa ng sopas. Nilagay ko isa-isa ang mga bowl sa tray. I stiffened when I saw Tristan walk inside the kitchen door. He just walked past me without looking in my direction. It's like he doesn't see me, it's as if I was invisible. He's completely ignoring me! And It hurts.

But isn't this what I wanted?

I picked up the tray and hurriedly left the kitchen. I couldn't stand us ignoring each other's presence. But it looks like he's perfectly fine with it. It seems like it doesn't bother him a bit and that pisses me off. How can that son of a bitch be so unaffected while I'm so frustrated and bothered?

"Hindi ka ba kakain, hija?" Lumapit sa akin si sister Cecilia. I sat in the corner pagkatapos ko magbigay ng pagkain sa mga bata. I was watching them eat.

"I'm not hungry po." Sagot ko. Napatingin ako kay Tristan. He was busy feeding the children. It's cute how he's so caring and good with kids. "Sister, madalas bang nagpupunta dito si Tristan?"

"Palagi yan bumibisita dito. Parang pamilya na nga ang trato niya sa mga bata kaya mahal na mahal siya ng mga yan." Nakangiting sagot niya. "Alam mo, kung hindi ipinatayo ni Tristan itong bahay-ampunan malamang nasa kalye pa rin sila." 

"Siya ang nagpatayo nito?" I asked surprised. 

"Oo, nanggaling lahat sa kanya ang perang ginamit sa pagpapatayo nito." Sagot ni sister Cecilia. 

Well, at least may magandang napuntahan ang perang nakuha niya from whoring himself to rich women. That's the only good thing about it. 

After eating, the children went outside to play. The kids pulled me outside at inaaya nila akong maglaro ulit.

"O, huwag muna kayong magtakbuhan, kakakain niyo lang." Tristan reminded the kids.

"Kuya Tristan, magkwento ka na lang." Sabi ng mga bata.

"O sige, magkukuwento na ako." Sabi niya, umupo siya sa sahig. The children sat around him waiting for him to tell a story.

"Ate Andi, halika magkukuwento na si kuya Tristan." Isabelle took my hand at hinatak niya ako. We sat on the ground right in front of Tristan and she sat on my lap.  Our eyes locked for a moment, I got uncomfortable and looked down and started playing with Belle's hair.

"Nasaan na ba tayo?" Nag-iisip na tanong ni Tristan.

"Yung ibinalik ng prinsipe ang prinsesa sa palasyo niya." Sabi ni Lenlen.

"Yun na nga, binalik ng prinsipe ang prinsesa sa palasyo niya dahil alam niyang mas ligtas ang prinsesa doon. Hindi siya maabot doon ng dragon na gustong kumuha sa kanya dahil napakataas ng palasyong iyon." Sabi ni Tristan. Tutok na tutok sa pakikinig ang mga bata. "Iniwan niya ang prinsesa at naglakbay siya sa malayong malayong lugar para hanapin ang dragon. Napakadilim ng pinuntahan niyang lugar at nagsisimula nang matakot na ang prinsipe pero sa tuwing iniisip niya ang kanyang prinsesa nawawala ang takot niya at lumalakas lalo ang loob niya. Kailangan niyang mahanap ang dragon at mapatay iyon para masiguro ang kaligtasan ng prinsesa niya."

"Galit na galit ang dragon ng makaharap niya ito.  Mabilis na hinugot ng prinsipe ang espada niya at nakipaglaban siya. Pero dahil mas malakas at malaki ang dragon natalo ang prinsipe. Namatay siya?" 

"Ano?! Namatay ang prinsipe?" Sabi ni Belle. She sounded so upset.

"Oo, pero hindi pa tapos yun! May nakakakita sa prinsipe, isang lalaking may kapangyarihan na manggamot. Kinuha niya ang walang buhay na katawan ng prinsipe at ginamot nito ang mga sugat na natamo niya sa pakikipaglaban. Ilang araw at buwan ang lumipas bago tuluyang gumaling at nagising ang prinsipe. Pinilit niyang mabuhay dahil kailangan niya pang bumalik sa prinsesa niya. Dahil mahal na mahal niya ang prinsesa niya at ayaw niyang maiwan itong nag-iisa."

"Nang magising ang prinsipe ang unang hinanap niya ay ang prinsesa niya. Bumalik siya sa palasyo kung saan niya iniwan ang prinsesa niya ngunit nalaman niyang wala na ito doon. Umalis ang prinsesa niya at pumunta na sa malayong malayong kaharian."

There was a long pause and the children waited for him to say something.

"Edi sinundan niya ang prinsesa niya sa malayong lugar?" Hindi na nakatiis si Ron.

Umiling si Tristan. "Hindi niya na sinundan ang prinsesa niya dahil nalaman niyang nagpakasal na ang prinsesa niya sa ibang prinsipe."

 It hit me that the story he was telling was about us. That's why it sounded so familiar. It was a story about us laced with bullshit! He wouldn't tell the kids what really happened. That the prince left the princess because he decided she wasn't good enough for him. Well like they say, no one is a villain in their own mind.

"Ha? Bakit ganun? Hindi na ba mahal ng prinsesa ang prinsipe niya?" Malungkot na sabi ni Agnes. 

"Hindi ko alam." Mahinang sagot ni Tristan. "Pero hindi na mahalaga iyon, ang mahalaga sa prinsipe masaya ang prinsesa niya. Iyon lang naman ang gusto niya, ang makitang masaya ang prinsesa. Masaya na rin ang prinsipe kahit hindi sila nagkatuluyan ng prinsesa dahil nakasama niya at naging bahagi ng buhay niya ito. Hindi lahat ng tao nabibigyan ng pagkakataon na katulad nun."

"The prince was an ass." I didn't even realize those words slipped out of my mouth until Tristan looked at me. Nasabi ko na, paninindigan ko na. There's no turning back. "Sarili niya lang ang iniisip niya. Wala siyang pakialam sa nararamdaman ng prinsesa. He just left her! What if the princess wanted to fight the dragon with him? Hindi niya ba naisip yun? He never thought about it, did he? Dahil naisip niyang pabigat lang ang prinsesa sa kanya that's why he left her!"

"Hindi totoo yan." Sabi niya. "The prince loves the princess so much. Ayaw niyang malagay sa panganib ang buhay ng prinsesa. He did it for the princess"

"No, he did it for himself! Paanong nakakasiguro ang prinsipe na hindi malalagay sa panganib ang buhay ng prinsesa habang nasa palasyo siya. The princess could've died of sadness. Or someone could've climbed up the castle and kill her. The princess isn't going to wait for him forever, she had to save herself. She had to save whatever was left of her."

"I'm sorry." He said. I've heard him say it a hundred times! Kahit ilang sorry pa ang sabihin niya I won't forgive him. His sorry won't change the past! 

"You should be because it was a really stupid story! I'm so glad princess married another prince and didn't end up with that stupid prince."  

"Galit ka po ba, ate Andi?" Tanong ni Belle.

I had to force myself to smile and calm down. "No, sweety. Hindi ako galit."

"Kung may prinsipe na ang prinsesa dapat humanap na din ng ibang prinsesa ang prinsipe para hindi na nalulungkot ang prinsipe. Para masaya na ang lahat." Charmaine said innocently. 

Tristan smiled faintly. "Siguro nga tama ka. Kailangan niya na nga sigurong humanap ng ibang prinsesa. Kailangan niya na tumigil sa kaaasang babalik pa sa kanya ang prinsesa niya."

He left without saying a word after that. He didn't even say goodbye to the kids. Hinanap nila ang kuya Tristan nila but he already left. What if he does find anothe girl? Psh. What do I care? He can do whatever the fuck he wants. That's what I'm telling myself but I can't pretend it doesn't hurt, I can't pretend I don't care. Just thinking about him finding another girl kills me.

"Giiiiiiiiirl!" Aiko screamed and ran to me with her arms wide open. "I missed you!" She gave me a hug. 

"I missed you too." I hugged her back. She just called me last night to tell me to pick her up at the airport. She was sent here to model for a famous local clothing line. 

"We have alot of catching up to do! And you have to take me to the hottest club here in Manila." She exclaimed excitedly. Of course! Clubs are her home. She lives and breathes party. 

"I will. But, girl, you have to get some rest. You're probably jet lagged." I said.

"Yeah, you're right. I have to get my beauty sleep. May photoshoot pa ako tomorrow." Sabi niya. We put her luggage in the trunk of my car. I got in the driver's sit and Aiko hopped into the passenger's.

"May dadaanan lang ako. Okay lang ba sa'yo?" I asked her while driving. I looked at my wrist watch. Phoenix texted me this morning to meet up with him at the boutique. Kung ihahatid ko pa si Aiko, I will never make it on time.

"Sure, saan ba tayo pupunta?" She asked.

"I just need to get my measurement taken. Ikakasal na kasi si Phoenix at kinuha nila akong matron of honor." I answered.

She let out an exaggerated gasp. "Phoenix? Phoenix Cordova? Your cousin? No way!"

"Yes way." I was so surprised too when he told me he was going to get married.

"Really? Sayang naman. Ikakasal na pala siya." She pouted like a disappointed child. " I was so excited to meet him pa nama because I've heard alot of good things about him. A girl he slept with told me he had a big cock and that he's a monster in b-." 

"Ew, Aiko! Stop it. That's disgusting. He's my cousin!" I said trying to suppressing a chuckle.

"Do you know any hot single guys who I can have fun with?" 

"Don't tell me you broke up with the band guy." 

"I did. I got tired of him. All he talks about is music. And the sex was bad, I do all the work. I must have sucked him a hundred times but he never went down on me, ever." 

"TMI, Aiko. Too much info." I said with a laugh. She's very open and blunt about her sex life. But we've been friends for years and I'm pretty used to it.

"So do you know any hot single guys who are good in bed?" She grinned.

"Well, I know a few hot guys but I don't know if they're good in bed." Sagot ko. Phoenix's group of friends are hot as fuck.

"Introduce them to me and I'll find out." She giggled.

I parked my car in front of the boutique. Bumaba kami ng sasakyan at pumasok sa loob. We were greeted by the assistant. I saw Phoenix seating on a single seater sofa and reading a magazine.

"Hi Phoenix." I said with a smile. He lifted his head up from the magazine and smiled. He got up at lumapit sa amin. He gave me a quick hug. I looked around the room and noticed Cassie wasn't here."Where's Cassie?"

"She's still inside. Sinusukatan pa." Sagot niya.

"Oh my god. He's so hot." Aiko whispered to me through her teeth.

"Oh by the way, this is my friend, Aiko." I introduced her to him.

"Hi Aiko, nice to meet you." He said with a smile. 

"Nice to meet you, too." Aiko replied. 

We sat all sat on the couch and talked. Cassie stubbornly wants a black wedding dress. I know modern na ngayon at kung anu-anong kulay na ang sinusuot ng mga bride. But black is just too much for a wedding dress. I tried to convince Phoenix na pilitin si Cassie na ibahin ang kulay ng wedding dress niya pero ayaw niya. He said he doesn't want to ruin Cassie's dream wedding.

"Na late ba ako?" Napalingon ako ng marinig ko ang boses ni Tristan. 

"No, you're just in time." Phoenix answered.

"Oh my god! Ang hot din niya. Is he single?" Bulong ni Aiko sa akin.

I was tempted to say that he isn't so that she wouldn't make a move on him. 

"Is he?" She repeated.

"I... I don't know." I finally answered.

"Hindi mo ba siya kilala?" Tanong ni Aiko. Oh I know him and I know every inch of his body.

"I know him but we're not close or anything. We're just acquaintances." I said, hoping she'd stop asking about him. And she did but she started talking to him.

"Hi!" Sabi ni Aiko when Tristan sa beside her.

"Um, hey." Sabi ni Tristan.

"I'm Aiko." She said holding her hand out to him.

He smiled and took it. Gusto kong paghiwalayin ang mga kamay nila. 

"Tristan." He said with a warm smile. I hate how he smiles at her and how he looks at her. And I hate that he doesn't even look at me when I'm sitting beside Aiko.

Lumabas si Cassie mula sa isang kwarto. She sat down next to Phoenix. I said hi to her but she ignored me. She sat next to Phoenix. Cassie was always warm kahit na sinusungitan ko siya dati but now she rarely smile or talk to me. Sabi ni Phoenix ganun din daw sa kanya si Cassie at baka naglilihi lang daw. Naiintindihan ko naman siya. It's probably just hormones. Ganun din ako noong nagbubuntis ako. 

Ako na ang sumunod kay Cassie. Tinawag ako ng designer para sukatan. Kahit na nasa parehong kwarto si Cassie at Phoenix hindi ko pa rin mapigilan ang mag-alala. I want to hear every bit of their conversation, I want to see what they're doing. 

"Miss Andi." Tawag ng assistant sa akin.

Tumayo na ako at pumasok sa kwarto. The designer took my measurements and she showed me a few sketches of some of the dress styles. Nag-uusap pa rin sila paglabas ko.

"Come on, we need to go." Sabi ko kay Aiko.

"I'll call you later." Tristan said. I've only been gone for about ten minutes and they already exchanged numbers? 

"I'll be expecting that call later, Tristan." She said in a flirty voice with a giggle. I could feel myself getting annoyed.

Nagpaalam na ako kay Cassie at Phoenix at umalis na kami.  

"You gave him your number?" I asked when we got in the car.

"Yeah, why?"

"You don't know him, Aiko." I rolled my eyes at her.

"I know he's single." She squealed. "That's why I gave him my number so we can get to know each other better."

"There are alot more better guys than him out there." I said.

"I think I like him. He's so handsome and nice and sweet and... he's just perfect." She said smiling dreamily.

"Girl, you just met him. Lahat naman ng lalaki ganyan sa simula." I said irritated.

"Nuh-uh! Hind lahat ng lalaki handsome sa simula." She joked.

"My point is you don't know anything about him other than he is single. What if he's terrible in bed?" Which he isn't. "Or what if he has a small dick?" His dick is far from being small. "Or what if he's a violent asshole who beats women?" Definitely not.

"Gosh! You're such a downer, Miranda!" Inis na sabi niya.

"I'm just being realistic. Anyone can be a wolf in sheep's clothing." 

"I still want to get to know him though. I'm going to find out if he's terrible bed and if he has a small penis. And I don't really mind being beaten in bed, I think I might even like it. He can be my Christian Grey anyday." She giggled. I know Aiko is my friend but right now I just want to  put her inside her luggage, drive her to the airport and send her back to Los Angeles.