I turned my head to look at Jason dahil kanina pa ito walang kibo. Parang halos wala akong kasama. He had a very anxious look on his face. I took his hand and he looked at me.

"Are you alright?" Tanong ko sa kanya.

He slowly nodded his head. "I guess so... yeah." 

I know how hard it is for him na umuwi dito sa Pilipinas pagkatapos ng nangyari three years ago. That was the reason why he decided to move to New York with me and get married. We both wanted to leave our old lives and start anew. Forget everything bad that's ever happened in the past and just move on. Ngunit hindi pala ganoon kadali iyon. Hindi ko kayang kalimutan na lang ang lahat.  

"You'll be fine." I gave his hand a squeeze of assurance and a smile spread over his lips.

Agad namin nakita ang driver ni Harold pagkalabas ng airport. He took our luggage and loaded it in the trunk. We climbed into the backseat and drove off. Nanatiling walang imik si Jason sa biyahe. Huminto ang kotse sa harap ng mansyon at agad kaming sinalubong ni Harold at Olivia pagbaba namin. 

"Welcome back, sweetheart." Harold gave me a tight hug but I quickly broke it off. Olivia looked at me with slight hesitance before giving me a hug. Agad akong lumayo sa kanila at tumabi kay Jason. He puts one arm around my shoulder and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

"We're so happy to see you again, hijo, after such a long time." Sabi ni Harold kay Jason. They made some small talk bago pumasok sa mansyon.

Naghanda sila ng pagkain and we all ate together.

"Hijo, how long are you planning to stay here in the Philippines?" Harold started the conversation while we were eating.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Jason bago siya tumikhim. "Just a couple of months."

"Ayaw mo bang manatili na lang dito sa Pilipinas? Bakit nga pala hindi ka pumasok sa pulitika? Ikaw lang ang nag-iisang anak ni Edgardo, ipagpatuloy mo ang nasimulan ng inyong pamilya." Sabi ni Harold.

"Madalas akong kulitin ni dad tungkol sa bagay na yan noon but I just don't see myself ever entering politics." Sagot ni Jason bago sumubo.

"Kung ayaw mong pumasok sa pulitika pwede ka naman magtrabaho sa kumpanya ng mga Cordova, hindi ba, Harold?" Singit ni Olivia.

"Yes, of course. You're a smart, young man. Any company would love to have you. Kung gusto mo ay kakausapin ko si James." Sabi ni Harold. James is his older brother and Phoenix's father.

"Mas makakabuti kung dito na lang kayo sa Pilipinas. Life in America is too fast-paced and busy. No wonder hindi kayo makabuo ng baby. Gusto ko na rin magkaroon ng apo." Si Olivia. The last sentence ruffled my feathers. Meron na nga dapat. But they killed my baby and now she's saying she wants to have a grandchild. What the fuck is wrong with these people? Hindi ba nila apo ang pinatay nila years ago?

"Oh you do, mother?" I asked with a sarcastic tone and a bitchy smirk. Nag-iba ang ekspresyon ng mukha niya. Nawala ang ngiti sa mga labi niya at nagbaba ng tingin. "I thought you didn't want-"

"So, Jason, what do you say?" Pag-iiba ni Harold. He was trying to hide the panic in his voice. "

"I'll consider it, dad." Sagot niya.

After that, we all fell silent. Tahimik kaming kumain at hindi na sila nagsalita pa. Pagkatapos namin kumain ay agad kaming umakyat sa kwarto ko. I started unpacking my clothes while Jason sits cooly on the reclining chair in the corner of the room.

"You have to get him to trust you." Sabi ko. "Kapag nakuha mo na ang tiwala niya, magagawa na natin ang plano natin. Kaya mo bang gawin iyon?"

"It'll be a piece of cake." He said. "Ako na ang bahala doon."

 "Have you talked to a lawyer already?" Tanong ko.

"Yes, I did. Actually, I already scheduled a meeting with the lawyer." 

"Good. I know I can count on you." I said with a smile.

"Anything for my lovely wife." 

After unpacking all my things, lumabas ako ng kwarto. I remembered na kailangan ko pa lang kausapin si Phoenix. That idiot! 

"Andi..." While I was walking palabas ng bahay ay nakasalubong ko si Harold.

I turned to face him. He smiled at me but his eyes were sad. "I'm so happy you're back."

"May sasabihin ka ba? I have to go somewhere." I said in a bored tone.

"Yes." He said before clearing his throat. "Alam kong hindi mo pa ako napapatawad sa ginawa ko. Alam kong hindi ganun kadali iyon. Hindi na nga ako umaasang mapapatawad mo pa ako. But, darling, you deserve peace of mind. You have nothing to blame yourself for. I just want to see my baby girl happy again."

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. How I wish it's that easy. I think I'll only have my peace of mind kapag nakaganti na ako sa inyo.

I regained my composure. "Like I told you before nakalimutan ko na iyon. You were right, it still wasn't a baby. It was only... only a lump of cells." My voice broke a little. I'm sorry, baby. I felt really bad sa sinabi ko. I have to convince Harold na wala na akong galit sa kanila. He opened his mouth to say something but before he could get out the words I turned my back on him and walked away. 

I opened the door to his office. I saw Cassie and Phoenix sitting on the couch, their faces were only inches from each other. Agad silang nagulat sa pagbukas ng pinto at napalingon sa akin. They were both startled. That little whore! Ngayon wala si Tristan, si Phoenix naman ang nilalandi. 

I tried to keep my cool and smiled. "Hi, Phoenix."

"Andi!" Tumayo siya at lumapit sa akin.

"Missed me?" I hugged him and he hugged me back.

"Of course, I did." He answered.

"May kasalanan ka sa akin." Mahinang sabi ko habang nakangiti. He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "Anyway, I went straight here from the airport. I'm still kind of hungry right now." I said to him before looking at Cassie.

"Why don't we just eat out for lunch?" Tanong ni Phoenix.

 "No, I don't feel like going out." I said before looking at Cassie. "You're his secretary, right?"

"Yes." Sagot nito.

"Then why are you slacking off? You don't get paid to stand around." I was already in a bitchy mood since makaharap ko si Olivia at Harold. Lalo lang nadagdagan ng makita ko itong babaeng ito. I could feel my blood boiling. God, she's such a flirt. Ano bang nakita ni Tristan at Phoenix sa kanya?  "Go get me something to eat." She has to go! I want to talk to him na wala ang malanding iyan dito. He is so going to get a piece of my mind. Nakuha naman agad iyon ni Phoenix. 

"Why don't you buy her something to eat, Cassie." He said softly to her. She stared at him for a few seconds before nodding her head. Maya-maya ay umalis na ito.

"You know, you could be a little nicer to her." He calmly said but I noticed how annoyed he was.

I shook my head, rolling my eyes. "You are pathetic. Akala ko ba wala kang pakialam sa kanya?"

Hindi siya sumagot. I could tell that it was making him uncomfortable. He folded his arms and shrugged. For fuck's sake, that whore cheated on him. At ngayon ay kalandian niya pa nito si Tristan, his own friend! Walang delicadeza. I can't believe this. 

"Ikaw ang nagsabi sa kanya kung nasaan ako." I looked at him sharply.

"What are you talking about?" Kunot ang noong tanong niya.

"You know what I'm talking about. You told him about the fashion show kaya pinuntahan niya ako." Nabanggit ko iyon kay Phoenix noon. Wala naman akong maisip na magsasabi kay Tristan tungkol doon kung hindi siya lang.  

"Nagkita pala kayo." He said.

"God, Phoenix! Why did you do that? Wala kang karapata na gawin iyon. Alam mo naman na may asawa na ako, hindi ba?" I couldn't help but raise my voice. 

"Sabi niya gusto ka lang niya makausap. Wala naman masama dun." Sabi niya. Oh we did more than talk! I'm just glad na dumating si Jason bago pa may nangyari sa amin. Ang walanghiya, may nahanap agad na babae after we almost had sex. I hope he catches std from that girl he slept with and his dick falls off. 

"Ayoko siyang makausap. I don't want anything to do with him." Mariin na sabi ko. "You know what, you're desperate! Itinutulak mo sa akin si Tristan so you can have Cassie all to yourself! Huwag niyo akong idamay sa love triangle niyong tatlo."  

"Hindi iyon ang intensyon ko. Gusto ko lang talagang makapag-usap kayo ng maayos" Phoenix said. 

"Wala na kaming dapat pag-usapan dahil matagal na kaming tapos." 

"Sa'yo siguro tapos na but not for Tristan. He could never get over you." Seryosong sabi niya. There is silence for a few seconds. I wanted to believe but how could I? He could never get over me? Right! That's why he went around screwing another girl in New York.

"Do you love your husband?" Nagsalita ulit si Phoenix.

"O-of course... of course I do." I said trying to sound convincing. "I wouldn't marry him if I don't. What kind of questions is that?" 

Nagkibit-balikat siya. "I'm just asking. Look, I'm sorry for meddling. I know it wasn't my place but I just thought you two needed to talk. Maybe he just needs closure. Maybe that would be enough for him to realize that he needs to get over you and move on."

Get over me? Move on? Hindi ba matagal na niyang ginawa iyon. Noong ipinagtabuyan niya ako dahil pinagsawaan niya na daw ako. He left me and now he wants me back? I'm not a toy he could play with whenever he feels like it. Iiwan niya ako tapos babalik siya ngayon. Did he honestly expect me to wait for him?

"You don't know anything." I said quietly but harshly.

"That's why I'm sorry. I'm really sorry." He apologized sincerely.

I just sighed and decided to let it go. Inaba ko na lang ang usapan. I don't want to think about Tristan anymore. I don't want to talk about him. Out of sight, out of mind. I promised myself I would never let him affect my feelings anymore. 

Phoenix told me he was going to Malaysia to meet up with investors who's interested in funding his business project. He was planning to open a branch in Kuala Lumpur. I want to go with him. I've never been in Malaysia. I feel like I need  to go somewhere or do something, anything to keep my mind off of things. 

Dumating si Cassie na may dalang pagkain. I'm not really that hungry. I just wanted her to leave kanina so I could talk to my cousin without her around.

"Finally! What took you so long?" I said slightly irritated. Phoenix gave me the look and I rolled my eyes at him.

"I'm sorry. Traffic kasi saka maraming tao sa restaurant." She said in a low voice. She handed me a paper bag na may laman na Italian salad na nakalagay sa take out container. 

"Whatever." I said, sounding annoyed and bored at the same time. "Come on, Phoenix. Let's it na."

"No thanks. Ikaw na lang. I'm not hungry." Sagot niya.

"Come on. Ayokong kumain mag-isa." Pilit ko sa kanya.

"Really, I'm not hungry. Baka nga kulang pa sa'yo yan." He joked. Cassie was already back, sitting at her desk. But I could feel her staring at us. Pa simple akong tumingin sa kanya. And she really is looking at us.  There was a hint of jealousy flickering in her eyes. What a greedy little bitch. She can't have all the men in the world. Bagay nga sila ni Tristan, they're both cut from the same cloth.

I decided to up the ante. I got malambing kay Phoenix just to make her even more jealous. "Fine. I'll just have to force you to eat."

I dug my fork into the salad and nilapit ko ito sa kanya. "Eat..." I said in a very malambing tone of voice while I give him the just-play-along look.

He looked at me a bit confused but then he finally got it and just laughed. Napailing siya bago nagsalita. "Damn. You know I can't say no to you."

"That's because you love me." I said in a playful, childish voice.

He laughed again and playfully rolled his eyes. "Yeah, cause I love you." 

"Bukas ka na aalis papuntang Malaysia, hindi ba?" I asked him.

He nodded his head. "Yeah, why."

"I wanna come with you. Can I?" Tanong ko sa kanya. I don't want to stay sa mansion ng mga Cordova. I need to get away from that hell hole. Bahala na muna si Jason. He knows what he's supposed to do naman.

He paused for a minute before answering. "Sure." 

"Yay! I'll pack my things na mamaya." 

After chatting with him for a few more minutes nagpaalam na ako. I just unpacked my stuff kanina, and now I'll have to pack again. Pag-uwi ko sa bahay, Jason and Harold were already bonding. They were at the veranda and they looked like they were drinking alcohol. Lumapit ako and I hugged Jason around the neck from behind and kissed him on the cheek.

"Baby..." Lumingon siya sa akin. He took my head and brought me in front of him. And then, he kissed the back of my hand before I sat down at the chair next to him. "Ang bilis mo naman. I thought you would take long so Dad and I decided to have a drink."

"It's okay, babe. Pinuntahan ko lang ang cousin ko, si Phoenix." I said.

"I haven't talked to him for awhile. How is the boy doing?" Tanong ni Harold.

"He's fine, dad." Sagot ko. "Actually, pupunta nga siyang Malaysia for a business trip tomorrow. And I'm going to come with him."

"Paano na si Jason? Iiwan mo ang asawa mo?" Harold asked.

Jason and I exchanged looks before answering. "Well, marami pang kailangan gawin dito sa Pilipinas. He'll be really busy. Hindi ba, babe?"

"Yeah. Aayusin ko pa ang kaso ni mama." Sabi ni Jason.

Meredith was convicted for killing her husband, Jason's father, three years ago. That's the reason why Jason decided to go to New York with me. He'd tried to forget everything that had happened but the past keeps haunting him. The truth is, walang kasalanan si Meredith. He told me he was the one who shot his father. Nakita niyang sinasaktan ni tito Ed si Meredith at tinutukan niya ito ng baril. Jason tried to get the gun from him but accidentally fired, shooting his father in the chest. Sinalo ni Meredith ang kasalanan ni Jason. He still carries the guilt of accidentaly killing his father. And I carry the guilt of not being able to do anything to save my baby. Maybe that's why we understand each other, we both share the same pain.

I promised him na kapag nagawa na namin ang plano ko. I'll help Meredith get out of jail.  I would do everything I can para makalabas siya sa kalungan.

After that, I went upstairs to my room to pack some of my clothes up para bukas.

Kinabukasan ay nagkita kami ni Phoenix sa airport. I was surprised when I saw Cassie with him. 

"Good morning." He greeted smiling. "Coffee?" Itinaas niya ang isang cup na coffee na hawak niya.

"No, thanks." I said.

Tumingin ako kay Cassie. I eyed her distastefully. She didn't even bother to look at me. She seemed sort of spaced out. 

"Carry my luggage." I said handing it to her. I had to repeat it to her before she snapped out of her trance. Kinuha niya ang luggage ko at dinala iyon. Kinawit ko ang kamay ko sa braso ni Phoenix at naglakad kami. Cassie was walking behind us.

"You better stop that, Andi." Phoenix said in a low, warning tone. 

"Stop what?" I asked innocently.

"Stop bossing her around." 

"It's her job." I said matter-of-factly,

"Hindi niya iyon trabaho. She's not your slave." He said in a slightly angry tone.

I smiled mockingly. "Teka, teka... don't get too worked up. Luggage lang pinabuhat ko sa kanya, hindi dalawang sakong bigas."

Napalingon kami when we both heard Cassie scream followed by a loud slam. Nakita na lang namin si Cassie na nasa sahig. I rushed to her. Stupid bitch.

"Oh God! My Louis Vuitton luggage. This cost a fortune!" I shrieked. Phoenix threw me a spiteful look. He looked like he wanted to skin me alive. I helped Cassie get up bago pa ako mapatay ng pinsan ko. This bitch doesn't deserve him. God, she cheated on him! And she might be fucking Tristan. My cousin is so stupid. I guess it runs in the family. Naalala ko when I was willing na magtanga-tangahan, just so he wouldn't leave me. I was so stupid back then. I should've kicked him in the nuts or chopped his dick off or something like that.

Mabilis lang naman ang flight. It only lasted 3 hours. The plane landed on Kuala Lumpur. A limousine was already waiting for us outside of the airport to take us to the hotel. Bumaba sila sa hotel but I asked the driver to take me to the mall. I got a credit card na linked sa account ni Harold. It's time to shop til I drop! I bought bags, shoes, clothes and just about just about anything in sight. That's like a huge fuck you to him. Well, not really. Hindi naman talaga makakaapekto sa kayamanan niya ang shopping spree ko. Simula pa lang ito. Mapupunta din sa akin lahat ng kayamanan niya and he would have nothing.

After hours of shopping, nakita ko si Cassie and Phoenix. They were together. We decided na sabay na bumalik sa hotel. Gusto ko pa sana mag-explore but I was too damn tired. Cassie went to her hotel room and Phoenix and I went to the bar sa hotel.

Nagpaalam na ako sa kanya after a few drinks and went  to my hotel room. I quickly fell asleep. When I woke up, I decided to go for a swim. Meron kasing pool sa baba and the weather was good. I put on the swim suit I bought yesterday. 

I was getting ready to get in the pool. Nakaupo ako sa pool lounge chair and I was putting on sunblock. I saw them again, Cassie and Phoenix. They sat at the table beside the pool. Nilapitan ko sila.

"Good morning." I greeted them. I hugged Phoenix before sitting beside him. He had a wide smile plastered on his face. Which is really weird dahil sanay akong nakasimangot siya. "You have 'I got laid' written all over your face." I joked.

"Cassie's pregnant with my child." Phoenix proudly said. I was shocked for a moment. 

"Really?" I asked. Cassie nodded her head.

"Oh my god. You guys had sex." Well, that was a stupid thing to say. Of course, in order to make a baby you have to have sex. But how sure is he na sa kanya yung bata? I mean, if she also had sex with Tristan- I gasped at the thought of that.  

"Andi!" 

"Akala ko ba matagal na kayong hiwalay. And what about Tristan?" I asked.

"What about him?" Phoenix frowned at me. 

"I thought they were dating. I saw them-- we saw them at the event. They were kiss-" 

"Andi, enough!" He raised his voice at me. He sounded really mad. "There is nothing going on between Cassie and Tristan."

Why do I feel like crying? I felt a rush of... some sort of envy. It was a bittersweet kind of feeling. Of course, I'm happy na magkakaron siya ng baby but there's a part of me that ached. I ached for the baby I lost. I kind of miss him or her even though I never got to see or hold my little angel. I felt robbed of motherhood.

"I heard my name." A very familiar voice coming from my back said. And I just froze.

"Tristan, c'mon, join us for breakfast." Aya ni Phoenix.

"Why is he here?" My eyes narrowed at him. 

"I need him here. He is a part of this business as much as I am. " He answered. 

"Is there any problem, Andi?" Tanong ni Tristan. Yes! You're the fucking problem! Tumayo ako sa upuan ko. 

"I think I'll go for a swim now. Congratulations on your pregnancy, Cassie." I said in a flat voice. And before I could get away, Tristan gripped my wrist.

"Andi..." Nagmamakaawa ang boses niya.

"Get your filthy hand off me!" Sabi ko bago ko pilit na tinanggal ang kamay niya. I pushed him and ran. He ran after me, calling my name. We were both panting for air nang tumigil ako. Isinandal niya ako sa wall and he cornered me with his arms.

"Leave me the fuck alone." Sabi ko sa kanya.

"Please, Andi, just listen to me. I'm so sorry for what happened in New York. Nadala lang ako ng selos." There was sadness in his eyes. "You don't know how painful it is for me to see you kissing another guy. Ang masakit pa dun, siya ang may higit na karapatan na gawin iyon sa iyo. I almost lost my sanity that night."

"You know what's painful than that? Ang ipagtabuyan ka ng taong mahal mo. Naranasan mo na ba iyon, Tristan?" 

"Andi..." His eyes watered.

"I guess not." I managed to smile despite the pain I'm feeling. 

"Sa maniwala ka man o hindi, hindi ko ginusto iyon. I got scared." His voice broke. "Nasundan tayo ng mga humahabol sa atin. Natakot akong baka may gawin silang masama sa'yo kaya pinili kong ibalik ka sa mga magulang mo."

I looked at him in disbelief. "And you expect me to believe that? Huwag mo akong gawin tanga, Tristan!"

"Mahal ko, I swear to God, I'm telling the truth." There was desperation in his voice. Lies, lies, lies. 

He clearly said na pinagsawaan niya na ako kaya he wanted to get rid of me. Na pabigat lang ako sa buhay niya. Hindi ko makakalimutan lahat ng sinabi niya ng araw na iyon. And now he's telling me a whole different story.

"Hindi na ako ang uto-uto na Andi noon. Tigilan mo na ako!" 

He buried his face into my neck. "Mahal ko, please believe me... I love you, I never stopped loving you."

God, he's so good at lying. I really wanted to believe him but I just don't. There's too much damaged done. Hinding-hindi na ako maniniwala sa kahit ano man ang sabihin niya. 

I pushed him away from me. And then I ran again, umakyat ako sa room ko at nagkulong doon. I spent the whole day inside my hotel room. I opened a bottle of wine and drank it. Kung hindi niya ako binalik sa mansyon, the abortion wouldn't have happened. I lost a baby dahil sa desisyon niyang iwan ako. 

Nang mag gabi na ay lumabas ako sa hotel room dala-dala ang isang bote ng wine. I went to the pool area. Wala nang tao doon. I sat on the edge of the pool with my feet in the water. Hindi ko maiwasan ang mapaiyak as I thought about my little angel. My baby never even got a chance to live.

"Are you okay?" Napalingon ako sa nagmamay-ari ng boses. Cassie was standing beside me.

"Cassie..." I was kind of startled ng makita ko siya. She sat down beside me.

"Ano'ng problema?" May pag-aalalang tanong niya.

I forced a smile as I shook my head. "Nothing. I-I just needed a good cry." I poured wine in the empty glass and offered it to her. "Want some?"

"No, thanks." 

"Oh sorry, I forgot. Buntis ka nga pala." I laughed, I knew I was already drunk. It was the wine.  After a while my laughter died down and my tears began spilling out of my eyes again. "You're so lucky, do you know that? You're lucky to have that baby. Kayo ni Phoenix."

 She gave me a smile.

"He isn't as cold-hearted as you think he is. He cares about you, Cassie. He cares about you so much." I said before taking a sip of wine. "Sorry for the way I treated you."

"Alam mo, kalimutan na natin iyon." She gave me a warm smile.  

"Ilang months na ba siya?" Tanong ko.

"We're still not sure." 

"I'm so excited na makita ang pamangkin ko. I've always wanted to have a baby." I told her. Hindi ko mapigilan ang bibig ko. I shouldn't tell her this but I think it's the alcohol working. "You know, I got pregnant once."

 "So, may baby ka na?" 

I shook my head. I feel like I'm about to cry again. "Wala." My baby's an angel now.

"I'm sorry, I'm such a mess." I laughed despite the tears that were flowing down my cheeks. Marahas kong pinunasan iyon. Tumayo ako at pumasok na sa hotel.

I felt really dizzy from all the alcohol. Napakapit ako sa wall habang naglalakad pabalik sa room ko. And then I felt a hand on my waist. Napalingon ako, it was Tristan.

"Mahal ko, lasing ka na." He said softly.

"Leave me alone..." 

"Ihahatid na kita sa kwarto mo." He pulled me towards him. Wala na akong lakas para lumaban sa kanya so I just let it be. He lifted me off the ground and carried me.

Tinanong niya ang room number ko at sinabi ko iyon sa kanya. And then I gave him my key card. Hiniga niya ako sa kama pagpasok sa kwarto.

"What are you doing?" I asked him when I felt him lift my shirt up.

"Huwag kang mag-alala. Hindi kita pagsasamantalahan." He chuckled. He took my shirt and my jeans off. Pagkatapos ay kinumutan niya ang katawan ko.

"Tristan..." I called him when I felt him get off the bed.

"Yeah?" 

"Tabihan mo ako." 

And then I felt his weight on the bed again. He pulled me closer to him.  

"Tell me hindi mo anak ang dinadala ni Cassie." 

"What?" There was a mix of surprise and amusement in his voice.

"It's not your baby, right?"

"No!" Agad na sagot niya. "It's not mine. Walang nangyari sa amin ni Cassie. Wala kaming relasyon."

I smiled nang marining ko iyon mula sa kanya. Kung magkakaron siya ng baby, it should only be ours. He can't give his sperm to other women. Only me. 

I felt him kiss my forehead. "I love you, mahal ko." That was the last thing I heard before I drifted to sleep. 

_______________________________

Guys, sorry talaga sa bagal ng update. I know I promised na mag-uupdate ako ng madalas sa sembreak pero hindi ko nagawa. I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me. lol