CHUPEPAY- Thank you sa bagong cover ng TSGFL :)

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"Sorry natagalan ako. Pinuntahan ko pa ang baby natin, mahal ko." I caressed his cheek with the back of my hand. He looked so calm and serene yet it hurts to see him like this. I wanted to see his eyes open. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to feel his touch again.  "They had him buried... we could visit him when you wake up. You know, I always thought he was a boy when I was still carrying him." I smiled, remembering the little time I had him inside me. "I imagine him looking like you, handsome as his daddy." 

"Three years old na sana siya ngayon. I'm sorry I haven't told you anything about him yet so I will now. I was six weeks pregnant when I found out about him. I guess that's why I was so moody. Palagi akong naiinis sa'yo pero palagi mo rin akong nilalambing." I let out a small gigle. I remember getting annoyed with him for the littlest things and I remember being insecure about everything.  He would always hug and kiss me until I feel better. He would always try to make me laugh when I'm in a bad mood. He had the patience of a saint with me. He understood me even when he didn't understand. 

"You were with Valerie that day. I waited for you the whole night... I was so excited to tell you that we were going to have a baby." I choked out. "But when you came back the next day,  you weren't the same. Gusto kong sabihin sa iyo ang tungkol sa baby natin pero ayaw mo akong kausapin. I'm not mad at you anymore, Tristan, I know everything now. You pushed me away to protect me."

"My biggest regret is I didn't tell you about our baby. Hindi mo man lang nalaman ang tungkol sa kanya nung nasa tiyan ko pa lang siya. If you knew about him, I know you would've loved him too." Kung nabuhay ang panganay namin alam kong magiging mabuti siyang ama. Hindi pa naman huli ang lahat. I knew he would love the baby I was carrying. He could still be a good father... if only he would wake up.

As the weeks went on, my stomach grew bigger and bigger. I still visit him everyday, I talk and talk to him. I talk about everything. I read books to him. I tell him how much I miss him, love him, need him. If I had to do it everday of my life, I would. I will never get tired of taking care of him just like how he never got tired of loving me.

"Hello, my beautiful wife." Nakaupo si Jason sa harap ng mini bar pag-uwi ko galing ospital. There was a bottle of alcohol in front of him and an empty glass. He poured himself another drink and down it in one gulp. He was about to pour himself another one when I took the bottle from him.

"Why are you drinking again?" I asked, looking at him angrily. Ito na ang pangatlong beses na naabutan ko siyang umiinom o lasing sa loob ng isang linggo. It wasn't good for him. Jason used to be an alcoholic. It worries me that he might slip back to his old habit.    

He shrugged his shoulders. "To celebrate our divorce." And then he chuckled. Last week I gave him the divorce paper to sign and he still haven't given it back to me. I already gave him his share that I promised. Inaayos na rin ang kaso ni Meredith para makalaya ito sa bilanguan. Wala ng dahilan pa para manatili kaming kasal. "Did you ever love me, Andi? Even just a little?"

Hindi ako nakasagot. I only loved one man my whole life and that was Tristan. Our marriage was just out of convenience. Pinakasalan ko siya dahil gusto kong makalayo sa mga magulang ko, pinakasalan niya ako para makuha niya ang mana na iniwan sa kanya ng dad niya. 

He laughed like a madman. "Of course, you never did!" I was startled when he threw the glass he was holding at the wall in front of him. He turned his head to me, his eyes angry but full of hurt. "You never fucking did!" 

I never thought he would take it like this dahil kahit kailan naman hindi kami nagsama bilang totoong mag-asawa. I was scared by his reaction but I pity him at the same time. 

"Jason, please, calm down." I gently said. 

"Ako ang nasa tabi mo nung kailangan mo ng karamay. Where the fuck was he when you needed him! Wala, di ba?! Iniwan ka niya!" He shouted angrily. "Iniwan ka niya! Nakalimutan mo na ba yun?"

"He didn't leave me. You don't understand..." I shook my head. 

"What don't I fucking understand, Andi? What?!" He growled and slowly walked towards me. I swallowed in fear when he grabbed both my arms. "You threw everything we've worked for out of the window because of all that forgiveness bullshit! Tristan left you! He left you for another woman and your parents killed your child! I was the only one there when you needed someone. I'm even willing to father that child... kahit kinamumuhian ko ang ama niyang dinadala mo!"

"Jason, let me go..." I whimpered, trying to pry myself from his grip. I was scared he might hurt me. Natatakot ako hindi para sa sarili ko kung hindi para sa batang dinadala ko.  

"Alam mo kung anong klaseng lalaki si Tristan! He's a dirty gigolo! How could you love a man like him?" Jason shook me. 

"Jason, ano ba?! Nasasaktan ako!" I pushed him away, finally freeing myself. Umurong ako palayo sa kanya. "You don't know anything about Tristan!"

"Siya ang may kasalanan kung bakit nakakulong ang ina ko at kung bakit namatay ang ama ko! Siya ang sumira ng pamilya ko." He said through gritted teeth, tears forming in the corner of his eyes. I wanted to comfort him but I didn't know how.

"He had no choice. Hindi niya ginusto iyon." I said in a small voice. I knew everything about Meredith and Tristan. I knew Tristan used to be Meredith's lover. I also found out na kay Meredith niya kinuha ang perang ibinayad niya sa ospital noong nagkasakit ako. Kay Phoenix ko nalaman iyon. Ang hinala ng mga pulis, iyon daw ang dahilan kung bakit siya pinagtangkaang patayin noon. It was because of me. He chose to put his life in danger to save me. "He did it for me... I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." And I told Jason what I knew.

"Binibilog lang nila ang utak mo..." He said shaking his head.

"I'm so tired of hating, Jason... It's exhausting. I know you're tired too. Makakalaya na si Meredith. You can start a new life with her." Lumapit ako sa kanya. He was already sobbing. I cupped his face and looked at him in the eye. "I know you're a good person. I know who you really are. You don't deserve a life like this. You deserve to be happy. Makakahanap ka din ng taong mamahalin mo at magmamahal sa'yo."

He left after that night. Nag-iwan siya ng sulat at iniwan niya rin ang divorce papers na may pirma niya. Sabi niya sa sulat babalik na daw siya sa New York kasama si Meredith pagnakalaya na ito. 

The doctor said I was already five months and two weeks pregnant. Pwede na din daw malaman ang gender ng baby pero ayoko munang alamin. I didn't want to find out our baby's gender without Tristan being there.

I excitedly went to his room after my check up. Idinikit ko sa pinboard nakasabit wall sa ulunan niya ang sonogram ng baby namin. Nandun ang ultrasound picture niya mula nung one month siya hanggang ngayon na five months na siya. I wanted to show it to Tristan when he wakes up. I'll tell him everything about our baby. The morning sickness, the changes in my belly, the first kick... everything. If only he was here to experience all those things that happened. I let out a deep sigh and tried to brush that depressing thought away. I knew the baby can feel my emotions kaya iniiwasan kong malungkot. 

I sat on the chair next to the hospital bed. I gave him a kiss on the lips and stared at his handsome face. "The doctor said our baby is perfectly healthy." I said, stroking his hair like I always do. Kinuwento ko sa kanya ang mga sinabi ng doktor sa akin. That our baby was almost a pound and it already looks like a mini baby. 

I moved my fingers down his face and felt his familiar features, running my it across his brows and tracing his eyelids. "You know what I love about you? Your eyes. The way you look at me and the way they look right into mine. I hope our baby will have your eyes. They're beautiful." I brought my fingers down to his lips and slowly traced it. "And those lips... your smile, the way you kiss me, all the sweet things you say to me. There's not one thing I don't love about you." 

"It's been so long... Kailan ka ba gigising? I really miss you."  Nung una siyang na-coma, they said he woke up after two months. Bakit hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin siya nagigising? "You know you have to wake up. You will, right? Your gonna be a daddy... Kailangan ka namin ng baby natin. Kailangan niya ng tatay."

I inhaled deeply, fighting back the tears. It hurts and it was hard but I need to hold myself together for my baby, for him. I couldn't imagine my child growing up fatherless. I always thought I could do it without him but now I realize how wrong I was. I need him and I'm scared of not  being with him.

"Oh..." I felt the baby moving inside me, it probably felt what I was feeling. I took Tristan's hand and placed it on my stomach. I wanted him to feel it too. Suddenly, our baby gave a hard kick under his hand and the surprise and discomfort made me gasp. I had never felt the baby move this strong before. Dahan-dahan akong napangiti. 

"You're trying to wake daddy up, aren't you?" Bumaba ang tingin ko sa tiyan ko. I stroked Tristan's hand that was still placed on my stomach. "Naramdaman mo ba yun, mahal ko? Pati ang baby natin ginigising ka na." 

And then I felt his fingers flinch. For a moment, I forgot how to breathe. I was shocked. I couldn't believe it. Did I really just felt Tristan's fingers move or was I just imagining it? A flash of hope shot through my heart.

"Tristan..." I looked at him. His face was still the same, his eyes closed.  But I felt him move... I really did.

"Can you move again for daddy?" I asked. I was praying it would move again, baka pag naramdaman niya ang baby namin magising na siya. It was hope against hope.  "Please, baby, wake him up."

And it was like the baby understood what I just said. It shifted inside me, pressing against his hand. 

"Oh my god!" Tears began to form at the corner of my eye when I felt his fingers tightened on my belly. And I knew I wasn't imagining it. This was all real. He really moved!