I nearly collapsed at the sight of Oskar pacing the mossy, cobblestoned path. All the bravado I'd put on seemed to evaporate at the sight of the man. My knees were suddenly wobbly. I was sweating. My chest hurt. It took everything in me not to spew all over the floor.

An anxiety attack? Or had my terrible habits finally come to bite me in the rear?

"Theo!" The creases on Oskar's face vanished as his eyes met mine. As he let out a long, deep breath of air. He rushed towards me and had barely placed a hand on my shoulder when my legs gave away. "Hey," his tone was softer, gentler, "easy!"

"I'm okay," I said more to myself than the man holding me up, "honestly!" I added when Oskar's frown didn't seem to fade. I patted his chest with my free arm, the arm that wasn't wrapped around his shoulder, anchoring me to solid land. "I think I'd like to head back to my lab though."

I caught a small jerk from the hulking man out of the corner of my eye, "You—what?"

"Please!" My voice was a little louder than a hoarse whisper. My world had begun to spin out of control too. This was definitely a panic attack.

"Sure," Oskar's tone turned gentle again, "let's go."

Someone snorted from behind me, just as I had been pulled back up to my feet. Even through the dizziness, I could see how Oskar squeezed his eyes shut at the sound, breathing very audibly through his nose, clenching and unclenching his fists.

I watched my bodyguard for a few moments before averting my gaze to the floor, "Don't," I said, calming considerably at the sound of the thugs. Pushing my anxiety aside was easier than going without food, and I could go without food for a while if I needed to. All bullies wanted was validation after all, and any reaction would give them exactly that.

Oskar arched an eyebrow at me, the smallest hints of a smile tugging the corner of his lips, "Are you telling me not to be an arrogant prick, Dr Gilbert?"

I rolled my eyes, "Hilarious," I muttered as I attempted to stand on my own. I could still see Oskar hovering near me, like a worried mother, "I'm fine," I insisted, "just got a little light-headed." Lying had become second nature to me too. Easier than falling asleep.

Although it seemed that even if Oskar had caught the lie, he didn't pursue it. My bodyguard nodded instead and took a few steps away from me, his sights darting from my face to my feet every so often. But he smiled.

I smiled back, but the guilt of how I'd treated him the past week came crashing down on me with nauseating weight. I wrapped my arms around myself as I moved on, feeling very naked without my lab coat.

We trekked the entire journey back to my lab in silence. I caught Oskar's head scouring all directions as soon as the fountain was in view but I didn't pay it much attention. I wanted to talk to my mother, to apologise for being a terrible son. But more than that I wanted to throw up.

I could hear my bodyguard snap his fingers at someone just as we reached the mirrored building. I sped in, regardless, making a beeline for the first door across. I had only just managed to get to the toilet bowl when I hurled the contents of my stomach. Which, unsurprisingly, was nothing but bile.

"Theo?" A loud rap sounded on the locked door before anxious whispers, "I'm telling you, something's wrong!" Oscar insisted in an attempted undertone. He was so loud that everyone outside the lab could probably hear him too.

"What am I supposed to do while he's inside?!" a second voice hissed. It was a familiar, deep voice, and I had already begun to smell the fruity, floral citrus somehow.

"Theo, open the door!" A louder rap.

I retched again, heaving some more bitter bile into the toilet bowl. A bead of sweat rolled down my drenched forehead invoking a shiver. I would wipe it away but I was afraid of ruining the bathroom if I pointed my face anywhere but directly inside the bowl.

"Oskar, stop hounding him!" A sigh, "Go to the cafeteria and get some coconut water." I could hear the strain in Eli's voice.

"Coc—what?!"

"Oskar!" Eli's voice cracked, it usually did when she got too loud.

"Fine, fine!"

I sat up straight for a minute, waiting, listening ... my stomach definitely seemed calmer now.

I took a tentative step back, standing upright. The toilet bowl flushed itself while I moved to the adjacent sink. A splash of cold water would help soothe my face a little, and I was in some desperate need of mouthwash too. Especially if Eli was here.

When I finally exited the bathroom, I found her leaning against the wall by the front doors, staring at her feet. "I'm okay," I repeated as her head shot up in my direction.

But she had already begun her stride towards me, running a hand and through my temple with her slender fingers, "Remind me again which one of us has an MD?" Eli demanded, and even though her eyebrows were arched, she was smiling.

I could definitely smell orchids now, no imagination this time. The pull I felt in my chest had nothing to do with my anxiety either. In fact, my panic had all but vanished. I watched Eli's other hand go to my wrist where she placed two fingers for a moment. Listening. Timing my heart rate.

Eli's eyebrows creased as she looked up at me again, "That's not a normal pulse, Theo!"

She was worried, that affected me more than it should have. I was fully aware my pulse wasn't normal but I wasn't dying either. In fact, there were several reasons for my heart to beat as fast as it was, the largest of which was holding my hand. Staring right into my eyes with her perfectly almond-shaped, grey ones. Worrying about me.

I didn't really wait for an excuse this time. I traced the back of my hand down the side of her face, tenderly, as if she were made of silk, "I'm fine," I whispered. My voice had almost caught in my throat, but Eli's rapid swallowing assured me hers had too. "It was just a mild panic attack, happens all the time." My gaze lingered on her bobbing Adam's apple for a few moments before I looked away.

Another frown, "That's not normal either!"

I let my hand drop to my side with a small sigh, "I know," I confessed, sliding down to squat against the wall with a grunt. Standing for as long as I had was exhausting, "but I don't have time to see therapists."

Eli sat cross-legged beside me, her brows still furrowed in concern, "Theo, that's not healthy!"

I shrugged, still staring expressionlessly at the sparkling tiles, "My health took a backseat when my mother got ill." I ran a hand down the grout between the tiles, making aimless lines. Talking about my childhood wasn't just hard, it was like plunging into the devouring darkness.

"So that's it then?" There was no judgement in her soft voice, no spite as she reached for my mousy hair and ran a finger through them. I shut my eyes again in an attempt to disregard the ache in my chest. Her hands felt warm, soothing even. "You're going to work yourself to the end?"

A part of me wanted her to understand why my life wasn't as important. Yet I didn't think she'd be too fond of my self-loathing. "Do you think it's stupid?" I croaked, my voice a hoarse whisper. I opened my eyes to look up again, only to be aware of how close we were. My mouth was suddenly dry, like I'd eaten chalk.

Eli, however, shook her head, completely distracted by the mousy curls she was still tucking behind my ear. "I think it's a little self-destructive," she said, as gently as ever. She let out another soft exhale and turned her attention to my face again. Though her own seemed to be crumpling, "you're literally working yourself to death, Theo."

Perhaps she was right, there was nothing but concern on her face after all. I shut my eyes again as she ran a thumb up and down my jaw, caressing it gingerly, as if I would crumble to dust if the force of it was any greater. I probably would. The ache in my chest, the pull seemed to have increased ten times at her touch.

"Have you considered what she would go through if you died first?" Eli asked next, her voice barely a whisper now, "It would break her heart! She'd blame herself!"

It was my turn to shake my head, dismiss her concerns once again, "My mother has dementia, a rare form of Parkinson's and a heart condition." I shrugged, but I continued talking, even if my jaw clenched at the admission, "She has flukes but ..." I took a breath to force myself to continue, "but usually, if she's not staring at the ceiling, she's mortified of me." I swallowed, hard, to get the next words out, "She won't miss someone she doesn't recognise."

Eli's face fell again and I looked away. I didn't want pity, I wanted a solution. I shut my eyes once more, resting my head on the wall behind me. Trying to ignore the weight in my chest, pulling me down, drowning me. Trying to ignore the single thought I had constantly been pushing away.

What if I could never save her?

As soon as I calmed down a little, I decided, I was going to head straight back to the lab. Even if I did nothing here in two days, I could brainstorm. I had to!

I felt the hot breath on my cheek first, like a light tickle on my bearded skin. Right before her lip brushed against it, planting a single kiss. My eyes bolted open, there was far more than just an ache in my chest now. My insides were knotting, twisting, screaming.

I turned my head not knowing what to expect. Her face was so close I could see every crack in her lower lip. I could still feel her breath on my face. I could almost taste oranges.

Eli traced the length of my jaw with her thumb again, slowly, tenderly. I could melt in her hands alone, with her touch, under her compassion. Nothing else seemed to matter.

BANG!

A resounding clatter ensued.

CRASH!

I jumped at the sounds, swearing at the unexpectedness of the intrusion more than the act itself. I could hear my heart thudding away in my chest, racing so fast that my throat dried up.

A soft 'beep,' followed before Oskar dashed in, swearing and holding far too many plastic bottles in his arms.

"Sorry," he said hastily, not looking at either one of us. He seemed far too busy trying to balance the bottles that kept slipping out of his arms and crashing below.

I got to my feet to take a few of them off his hands, "How thirsty did you think I was?" I chuckled.

Even though Oskar had intruded during a very intimate moment, I wasn't mad at him. Besides, I doubt he realised what he had just done either, given his trembling hands and the fact that he kept dropping every bottle he picked.

Much like my last real conversation with my mother, however, Oskar's entire posture shifted as I spoke. He froze mid-squat and looked up at me, scrutinising me with his piercing gaze. And then he relaxed, letting out a breath of air as his shoulders slackened.

"You're okay!" My bodyguard breathed another sigh, louder and longer before letting the remaining bottles clatter as he clutched his knees, "I thought they gave you something."

I shook my head still smiling, "Just a panic attack." His concern touched me, both of their worries did. I'd not even known these people for a full week and they were running around grabbing a zillion bottles for me to drink.

"Wait—Stop!" Eli called, her voice had begun to crack again, there was an edge to it that I'd never heard before either, "You thought who did what to Theo?"

Oskar's eyes went very round as they darted from Eli to me, "You didn't tell her?"

"Umm no," I admitted, avoiding eye contact as my face began to heat up, "I got a little ..." I cleared my prickly throat, "Distracted," I concluded, swallowing again and again to get rid of the sudden, unexplained taste in my throat. I could taste oranges again, impossible as it was.

A bottle whizzed past my ear 'splat' onto Oskar's face, "You didn't either!" she raged, marching up beside me. My face grew even warmer, Eli taking my side like that was very attractive. "I thought he had a panic attack on the plane!"

The hulk of a man, nearly as large as the two of us combined rubbed his face, with a pointed glare at Eli, "Why do you always hit me, you psychopath?" He tossed a bottle back in her direction, straight at her face.

I instinctively raised my hand to block the plastic projectile, but my hand had barely begun to lift when Eli had already caught the bottle, with a wink and a grin. Her smile faded just as instantly, "Now," she demanded, turning to me with arched eyebrows, "who did what?"

I cleared my throat again, "Well," I began, trying to find the easiest way to the rip off the bandage, "I quit."