|Ch.97

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Ethan Black's pov|

I am Ethan Black,one of the strongest knights yet here I am,so vulnerable and helpless. Never did I thought that losing her would put me in this painful state. Julia Smith,the constant in my life,the person I took granted for.

I first met her when we were teenagers. We met through a knight camping but we never had a special encounter to bond with each other. She just decided on her own to stick closer to me.Maybe meeting me was a special encounter to her? Now that I think,I met her that day,I got to know about her existence that day,thus it is special. And I only realised it after she left me.

She always had been clinging to me ever since we met. At first,I was annoyed. I didn't want her near me. I tried pushing her away. But she never left. And she never lost her smile whenever she was with me. Her smile reminded me of the spring.

As time past,we trained together and became stronger. We became knights together. And by that time,I was already getting used to having her around me. Though it was still annoying to have her nagging me all the time,it was because of her that I had my meals on time. She took care of my health even when she was dying in high fever. She hid her pain just so she could take care of me. And whenever I was down,she took it as her duty to cheer me up. And me being the asshole,never considered of doing the same back to her. I took everything as granted and accepted her care for me.

And before I knew it,I couldn't do anything without her. But I wasn't in love with her. I just needed her because I saw her my constant. And I never had to worry about her falling in love with another man because deep down i knew she loved me too much to look at another man.

So,when the subject of marriage came to my life,I didn't think of any other woman beside her. Even though I wasn't in love with her,I didn't mind marrying her. I could spend the rest of my life with her. Rather than getting used to another woman,it was comfortable for me. Thus,I didn't hesitate to voice out my thoughts to my parents. I wanted to marry Julia Smith,I told them.

But my parents were opposed to the idea of me getting married to a woman with no proper background. Smith family wasn't a pure noble family. And no one considered them as pure nobles. My parents wanted me to marry a woman from a pure noble family.

I tried again to talk to my parents because I really didn't want to marry a stranger. Julia is everything I could ever ask for. She was there for me every single day. No matter what,at the end of the day,she stood beside me with her Spring smile.

But that talk about marriage turned serious than I thought it would. It became serious to the point my parents threatened me saying they'd kill Julia.

My family has a lot of influence and even if a daughter of a fallen noble family to go missing,no one would pay attention. So,I thought it would be best to drop the matter rather than having Julia killed. It was the easiest choice. We wouldn't have to suffer with that choice of mine,I thought.

So what if I married another woman,I could still keep Julia by my side as a friend. She wouldn't have to leave even if I married to another woman. I was dumb. I was greedy. I didn't think of Julia's feelings at that time.

And five years ago,before the war,she came to me when the marriage was announced.

"Ethan,this is the last time I am going to ask you.....Do you love me?"

It was not a strange question. She had asked me the same question for years but I only had one answer to give her. Even that day,I had the same answer.

"No. I don't love you,Julia"

I shouldn't have said that.

Julia,"Then what about the night we spent few weeks ago?"

I was stupid.

"It was a moment of carelessness. An accident Julia. We were drunk. Things like that happen. Don't think so much about it. We don't have to be awkward because of that. We are friends after all"

That day,for the first time,I saw her eyes getting dark like a midnight forest about to face a storm. I was a half assed bastard,I never considered what she might be feeling. All I thought was that I didn't want to lose her. I couldn't marry her because of my circumstances but I didn't want to lose her either. I was selfish.

And the war started. Julia had been avoiding me since that day. I wanted to talk to her so badly. But she never came around. I thought I would see her during the departure for the war zone since she was a part of my knight order but strangely enough,I didn't see her. Later I got to know that she had left the Black knight order with my parents permission. And lady Hazel had recruited her to her knight order.

And I never got to see her again. I even asked lady Hazel to let me meet her but Julia had refused to see me. Thus,I never got to see her until the day Eva announced Hazel as the traitor. And she was a part of the treason. I watched with my horrified eyes as she put her blade on my neck.

Was it my fault?

Did she become like that because of me?

The reality of losing Julia hit me harder than I thought. I had taken her for granted all my life. Was this my punishment? Please,I don't want this. I never imagined a life without her. I can't lose her. I want her back. I was going insane as the reality was whipping me harshly and it felt like someone was peeling my skin away.

I was wrong. I was wrong all along!! I didn't have to put a label into my feelings. So what if I was not in love,I could have tried harder. I could have tried to treat her nice just like she did to me. I could have tried to understand that......I was indeed in love with her. I was in love with her. I love her.

Today,I came to Smith family house to meet her parents thinking I could find a way to reach Julia but what welcomed me was something horrendous. The whole family was brutally murdered. The walls were painted in blood and chunks of flesh. Just what in the world happened.

I ran my eyes everywhere and they stopped on a figure standing there with a bloody sword. She wore a black cloth to cover her mouth and nose but I could still recognise her.

"...Julia",I whispered with wide eyes.

I didn't know what to feel. The person I yearned to see is infront of me. But the deed she had done,what should I assume here? She had murdered her family. This made me froze on my feet.

"W –Why?",That's all I could choke out of my throat.

The bloody curtains swayed with the cold wind as she stood there staring back at me. The house didn't need candles to lit up because the house was already in fire. The walls were slowly getting burnt as we stood in between the bodies and fire.

Julia,"Just because"

I had never heard her voice this cold.

"You –You can't be joking. Julia,what happened?"

Julia looked at her bloody sword and cleaned the blood using her black robe. "Nothing. Just did something I always dreamt of doing"

What is she saying?

She looked at me dead in the eyes,were they always this cold? No. Where is the Spring I saw in her? Was it a nice dream I had? What is this nightmare?

"Ethan,what do you know about me?"

Huh?

Julia,"You only saw me as a puppy following around you. Have you ever tried to actually get to know me?"

I felt a knot forming in my throat.

Julia,"These are my adoptive parents Ethan. They bought me from a slave auction"

"What",I was dumbfounded.

Julia,"Yes,that's right. That's where I came from. They didn't buy me just so they could have a lovely parent daughter moment.....they bought me to sell me off every night to earn some money"

What....am I hearing.

I stood there dumbstruck hearing the story of the person who was closest to me. Hearing her saying this,I feel like we never close at all.

"It all stopped when I became a knight. After all,I earned a big sum as a knight by your side"

"Why have you never told me —"

Julia,"What would you? Get them arrested? Then what? What would you do about all those people who would look at me like a dirty little slut? And not to forget,you were never fond of me. If you got to know it,would you have let me stay by your side?"

I was tongue tied. Of course I would let her stay by my side,I wanted to tell her this. But I couldn't bring my mouth to speak at the fierce gaze she was giving me. Maybe I never gave her the impression of a reliable person. It was my fault that she couldn't believe me.

"Ethan,I loved you. I truly did. And I wanted to stay by your side for a long time. But somethings....just don't work that way. We can't be greedy. We have to choose when we are given choices...... Just like how you decided to marry another woman"

I shook my head and wanted to tell her that I never intended to throw her away. I wanted her in my life.

"I was given my choices thus I chose this for myself. I refuse to see these people getting away by just getting imprisoned. And i refused to let the god judge. I was abused thus I should be the one to judge. This is my judgement"

I gulped hard as I tried to speak,"D –Did you really have to go this far? You betrayed the kingdom Julia"

I could see her smiling under the mask. "I never loved this land to begin with Ethan. This is your kingdom,not mine. I don't have anyone in this land. So,why does it matter to me whether they die or not?"

"What about me? What about us?"

Julia snickered,"There was never 'us' between you and me,was there? Ethan,I don't regret loving you. It was beautiful. But that's all. You made it clear that there can never be anything between us. And I respected that decision of yours"

The flames are rising and scorching. I could feel the temperature in my skin. But I couldn't bring myself to think about the burning curtains or walls around me.

So,it was me who gave the final blow to her last decision. When she asked me if I loved her for the last time,it was to make her decision. If I had given a different answer,would things have been easier now? Would it have made it any difference?

My breath hitched in my throat when Julia turned around to leave. No. No no no no!!!!

Without thinking twice,I back hugged her. She halted in her steps with a stiff body.

"Please don't go",I whispered and even I could feel the desperation in my own voice. "I know I did wrong. I was wrong. All this time,I took you for granted Julia. But.....but I never imagined a life without you. You were always there whenever I imagined my future. By my side. And I only realised that I was in love with you when you left me. I know it's wrong and unfair for you when I said I realised it after you left me. I know! I fucking know! I'm a scumbag! I don't deserve you! But still....I want you back",I didn't even realise that I was crying until tears rolled down my cheeks.

I could see her eyes getting watery.

"Please,let's go back. Let's go anywhere you want. Let's get married", at this rate,i would do anything to get her back.

And I heard her whisper,".....it's too late"

"No. It's not. Let's just —"

"It's too late!!",she snapped. "Ethan,I'm a traitor of this kingdom. And you are a knight who protect this kingdom. We can never be together again"

"I can give up on being a knight"

I was determined to get her back.

Julia,"You can't Ethan. Your family is a military house with a massive responsibilities. Plus,you are engaged to another woman now"

"I can discard her"

Julia,"....Ethan,don't disrespect her. She is to be wedded to you. You are going to be her husband"

I felt her hands removing my hands from her body. She turned around and looked at me in the eyes. "We have to bear the consequences of our own decisions. And I'm ready to face any punishment for the things I've done. And I also respect the outcome of my decision. Please do the same,Ethan"

She backed away slowly. I felt like my own life is slipping away from my hands.

"We are enemies now. Next time we meet,we'll be battling against each other",she smiled. "And I don't mind dying in your hands,Ethan"

With that she left the burning house leaving me to suffer in sorrow.

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