|Ch.14

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Hazel's pov|

It's been more than two hours since I disappeared. My brothers must be worried. And I can't even find them in this crowd. Maybe I should head home? What if they went home to report?

No,they must be still around here. Namjoon must have sent Jimin home to report but he would never leave without finding me. Today,I'm totally screwed. After this,they will never allow me to step a foot outside the mansion.

I went to the stalls where I left them but they weren't there. Maybe I should stay here until someone come back? Yes,that's what I should do. So,I stood infront of the food stall and waited.

As I was waiting, I looked at the sword I bought. It's so lightweighted. So comfortable to the hand. I smirked as I stared at it. This sword will open a path for me to win.

"Lady Hazel!"

I looked at left side to see a knight from our dukedom. He has blonde hair with black eyes. He works under Namjoon.

"Lady! Where have you been?! Your whole family is worked up and worried!"

Crap!

Though I knew this would happen, hearing it from him makes me even nervous. I smiled anxiously, "Is that so? Hehe,I'm so sorry~ I lost my way"

This dude looks like he had lost ten years of his life. Sorry. Didn't mean to cause a huge ruckus.

"We must hurry! Sir Namjoon is near by! Let's go meet him"

I'm officially done today. My life is over.

As we reached where Namjoon was,he came rushing to us with a panic face. He held me by my shoulders and yelled,"Where were you?! Are you injured?! Did someone do anything to you?"

"U–Uh no,brother I'm fine"

He paused and asked again,"Where were you?"

Here we go,"I –I was kinda lost? The crowd was a bit too much and...."

Namjoon's face went hard as he glared at me. He clearly told me to keep holding his hand. And I kinda feel guilty now.

"That doesn't sound convincing to me. The town was not an unfamiliar place to you. You could have come back to where we were. We were waiting there for almost an hour"

Cold sweat appeared on my forehead as I avoided eye contact. He seems a lot angrier than I expected. The clenched jaw is scaring the hell out of me.

"And what is that in your hands?"

I looked at the sword,"Oh this,I –I bought it since it looked nice"

Namjoon, "It explains a lot,lady. You went on your own to wander around,huh?"

I looked everywhere except his eyes. I can't tell him I bought it from the illegal auction place. And he would wonder why I went to such a place.

"Prepare the horses,we are leaving", Namjoon told his guard and turned his back on me.

He is upset. And I kinda feel this ache in my heart. His disappointed look does not feel good to me. He had always been kind to me and never really looked at me with such a look. Maybe I really really really fucked up a lot.

I climbed on a black horse and followed Namjoon. Namjoon's horse was running rather fast than mine. Maybe he doesn't want to look at me. The ride to home was kinda painful to me. And when we finally entered the estate,he didn't even spare me a glance and walked ahead to the manor.

I followed him with my head hanging low. As soon as I entered,I was engulfed in a warm hug which made me want to cry. I'm glad,somehow there is someone who will always forgive me. But at the same time,it makes me more guilty. Jungkook, you must have been worried sick yet you are the first one to forgive me for everything. It makes it more painful.

"Fluffball", he whispered as he stroked my head.

"Stop spoiling her too much Jungkook! Move away!",Jimin yelled in pure rage as he walked towards us. He pushed away Jungkook and looked at me with his raging eyes. "You! I knew it was a bad idea to help you! Look what you did! Because of you,I'm getting suspended for a month by father!"

He was almost about to grab me by my collar but Jungkook had grabbed his wrist before he could. His crimson eyes were glistening in pure anger towards his brother. "Touch her and I will fucking kill you"

"Fucking hell,let go! You are not the one who got suspended because of this bitch!", Jimin screamed.

"I don't fucking care bastard, don't lay your hands on my sister", Jungkook snarled. "You decided to go with her. So,that's on you! You got suspended because of your fucking decision! You could have called me if you didn't want to go!"

"Both of you fuckers,shut up", Yoongi decided to break off the uproaring tension between them. He pushed Jimin and Jungkook away before speaking again. "Father is here"

Kalisto was watching the drama silently, sitting on a couch with his criminal looking dangerous eyes. I felt chills running down my spine. All of this happened because of me. Jimin is suspended from his duties as a knight and Jungkook almost fought against him.

Jungkook walked and stood behind my back giving me a reassuring pat on my shoulder.

"Hazel,you sneaked out from home in the middle of the night and caused a huge chaos. Anything you have to say to defend yourself?",Kalisto asked.

I looked down clutching the sword to my heart. I really don't have anything to say to defend myself. I'll accept any punishment.

"No", I mumbled.

"Alright, then because of you,Jimin will be suspended from his duties and Namjoon will be sent to North borders for a month —"

"Wait papa! It was my fault! I dragged them to my own selfish actions. Don't punish them! Give me any punishment", I exclaimed desperately. I don't want them to receive any punishment.

But looking at Kalisto's expression, I don't think he'll change his decision. I know Kalisto is so fond of me but he is the type of person who wouldn't change his decisions over any personal feelings. It's hard to deal with him.

"That is....your punishment. They are getting punished because of you. So the feeling of guilt is your punishment"

So....cruel. Yet,I understand Kalisto's point. That's his way of teaching me. He is trying to tell me that one day my actions might seriously cause a big damage and crying over the spilled milk will not solve anything.

Kalisto, "You need to remember this feeling of guilt, Hazel. Engrave it to your heart. So, when you want to do something dangerous, always remember this feeling. It will help you to think clearly next time",....."And today if something happened to you,the pain we feel would have been thousand times fatal than what you feel now"

I –I should have been more careful. I'm doing everything for them but during the process, if something bad happens to them,then my every effort would go to a waste. My ultimate goal is to keep them safe.

"You may go to your room now", Kalisto ordered.

"...Yes papa", My voice cracked a little as I mumbled.

I didn't even have guts to look at my brothers,so I quickened my pase and ran to my room. After entering the room,I locked the door and placed my back on the door while sliding down with the sword in my hold.

Why do I feel like crying? I already knew things will turn ugly once I left,but why do I still feel so sad?

I looked at the sword and removed the sheath revealing its blade. It reflected my eyes. My eyes look dull and gloomy. I clenched my jaw as i gripped the hilt of the sword. It's all because of this damn sword.

"Hazel", I heard Seokjin's voice the other side of the door.

I don't want to open the door and show him my sorry state. I just hummed loud enough for him to hear.

"Will you open the door sweetheart?", He sounds so soothing but if he entered,I will cry because of his gentle voice.

"...no", I mumbled.

I heard him chuckling a bit,"Alright, then let me talk from here....are you hurt anywhere?"

"No"

"Hungry?"

"...no..."

He stayed silent for a moment before speaking again,"Are you alright?"

"...."

I am not okay,I guess.

Seokjin sighed as he got my answer through my silence.

"Brother..."

Seokjin, "Yes"

"Will brother Namjoon be fine in the northern borders?"

Seokjin,"He will be fine. He just has to get rid of some bandits. That's all"

"Hmm...when will he leave?"

Seokjin, "After your debutant ball"

I need to apologise before he leaves. But will he see me? What if he is still angry with me?

"Is he a lot angry?"

"No sweetheart. He was worried a lot. It's just that he is upset"

"What about Jimin? He must be pissed at me"

Seokjin chuckled, "I guess he is",...."But he freaked out a lot when you disappeared. He really cares for you"

"Yeah?"

Seokjin, "Yes"

I need to apologise to him too.

"Hazel,go freshen up and sleep. Let's talk about it tomorrow,hm? Don't think too much"

"Alright"

Seokjin, "Good night sweetheart"

"Good night"

"Good night fluffball"

I jumped startled hearing Jungkook's voice. He had been with Seokjin all this time? Why didn't he talk?

I smiled a little realising he doesn't know how to comfort a person. He only knows how to shower me with his affection and love.

"Good night Jungkookie"

"Good night", Taehyung?

He was there too?

He absolutely doesn't know how to comfort a person.

"Good night Taehyung"

I feel much better now. Maybe this close door conversion works better than confronting face to face.

Maybe I'm growing a lot fond of them? I want to love them but I feel so scared. Never in my life I have ever loved someone. Since I was an orphan, I never had a parent, neither had a lover to love.

Now I think about it,the life I thought was completely normal was a life filled with loneliness. My previous life,I always thought it was normal. I thought it was normal to be alone.

But this family is making me realise what I missed.

I....so badly want to live now.

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

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