- Friday, May 27th, 2016 -

– 4 months after the disappearance –

I'm not fully woken up yet when I'm stuffing books in my locker the next day. One more day of school and weekend starts. Three more weeks until final exams. Not that I'm graduating, but I'm taking the exams anyway and after that I'll know what I still have to catch up on during summer school.

Right before I get the chance to shut the locker on my own, it's slammed shut rather forcefully.

A fuming Emma appears in my peripheral vision.

"You broke his nose." She hisses, snatching my backpack from my hold, throwing it on the flour. "Andhis jaw."

"I'm sorry, who are we talking about?" I look at her, taking in her latest change in clothes. She is in her cheerleading outfit, a ponytail reaching halfway down her back, some strains over her shoulder.

"My boyfriend," she spits out. "You broke Mike's nose and jaw."

"No Emma, I did not." I sigh deeply. "But he had it coming, you know." I'm already angry right now.

"Why did you hit him anyway? Why can't you just accept I'm popular now and you're not?"

I can't help but laugh – rather sarcastically – at her words. "You think I beat up your boyfriend because I can't stand the fact you're dense and became one of Janet's minions?" I shake my head in disbelieve. "First of all, Emma, how do you even know if it was me?"

"Because he went looking for you because he wanted to talk to you."

"Seriously Emma, are you really that stupid? I don't even know the guy. Why would he want to talk to me?"

"He said you were at his birthday party. He said you nearly fucked things up because you got drunk again because you can't handle your alcohol. You do know him."

"I don't. My boyfriend does though." I chuckle. "That's the funny thing here, Emma. You hate Stan, telling me you don't trust him. Then you go ahead and date Godzilla, who's middle name is probably "shady". Mike Shady Godzilla."

"Shut it. Why'd you hit him?"

"Emma, I didn't," I groan. "Someone else beat him up, because Mike wanted to beat me up."

"So, it was Stan?" Now she's seething, her eyes darting around the hallway, probably trying to see if Stan is around. He isn't, leaving me alone at school right now, while I'm scared shitless for any retaliation. Let's hope Jaimie's support wasn't a one-time thing.

"It wasn't Stan," I snap in annoyance. "Now, leave me alone. Your boyfriend had it coming and you really should overthink your choice for a boyfriend anyway. He's not even close to looking like Finn, you know. Jacob, I understood, because he had some similarities with Finn. But Mike isn't even close to..."

"This isn't about Finn!" She snaps, stomping her foot angrily.

"But that's the thing Emma, this is all about Finn. Do you even realize your boyfriend has something to do with his disappearance?"

"He does not." But her voice falters a bit, losing its strength throughout her denial. "Are you still playing detective? Why won't you let the cops do their work?"

"I can't help it that I'm dragged into this mess by Mike. I don't want to, but he does. And you should stay away from him."

"What are you talking about?" Her behaviour is off. She's restless, nervous, but her eyes are full of anger. "You don't even know him. Mike is a good guy."

"No, but I know you and this isn't you." I gesture towards her, trying to point out her clothes. "And seriously, what are you going to do when Finn comes back? You know he hates types like... you."

"Oh fuck Finn," she hisses in anger. "He used me as a cover to let his parents believe he wasn't gay. He's just as shady as Stan, he's a bad friend and he's really selfish. Do you have any idea what it feels like for the love of your life to use you to hide feelings for someone you absolutely hate everything about?"

"You hate everything about me?"

"Yes, Cris." She gestures towards you. "You're so dense, oblivious, think you're cool but you're not. Don't you get it, Cris? Nobody likes you." Emma laughs bitterly. "As soon as you gave people a reason to stop hanging out with you, they jumped at it like hungry lions jumping a deer."

"Oh, shut up." I groan. "I might not me popular anymore, but at least I have friends I can trust."

"Yeah, you'd think so, right? But you're not really likable. You're stupid, your obsession with Finn is really annoying, always has been. I only hung out with you because of Finn, Felix probably only hangs out with you because he likes Julia, Jaimie only pretended to be friends because you're an easy push-around. People don't like you, people use you. And you've always been too stupid to see. Finn probably used you too, so that people wouldn't think he was such a nerd. Because that's what he does, Cris. Finn uses people. He used me, he used you, he used Stan, he used Nathan. He uses everybody and he had it coming. He should have thought twice before using me, or getting in a fight with the wrong people. Finn was never your friend and he doesn't deserve for you to look for him as obsessively as you are."

"He should have thought twice?" I repeat her words in disbelieve, growing anxiously suspicious Emma really has something to do with all of this. She might actually be the one who tells Mike everything about me and Stan.

"Finn really hurt me, you know? With his lies and tricks. I hate what he did to me and it's better he's gone anyway."

"You can't be serious," I hiss. "You think it's good he's gone? Do you have any idea what he's going through right now!?"

She simply shrugs. "Like I said, he asked for it." She starts to walk away, before turning back to face me. "And you should watch your back for beating up Mike."

* * * * *

I constantly have a feeling of being watched; every second of the day. I couldn't focus in class, I was constantly checking my surroundings and worst of all, I was all by myself.

Sure, Jaimie acknowledged my presence and whenever we'd pass each other in the hallway he greets me, and so do the rest of the boys in the team, but they don't hang out with me, or sit with me during class. Felix has a broken ankle and stayed home, Stan hasn't showed up in school and doesn't answer any of my texts or phone calls.

I'm fully paranoid and I have no idea who I should look out for. Or if there even is someone keeping an eye on me right now. I'm sure by now someone took Mike's place to stay within range to hurt me whenever Finnley steps out of line.

Eventually, I felt so scared and restless I called Nathan and asked him to pick me up right after school. I don't want to go home by myself, walk in the streets on my own. I'm too scared for people to wait for me to be really alone and take revenge for Mike's current injuries; even though I wasn't the one to hit him.

Nobody knows it was Jaimie and like Stan said, Jaimie could get expelled for fighting again. I simply can't tell people it was him, because I simply don't know who to trust.

"What's going on, Cris?" Nathan steers the car onto the road after I hopped in. I hung around the library with Julia until he texted me he was there to pick me up.

"Mike came up to me last night, after the match," I mumble while fiddling with my fingers, slumping down in the seat a little. "Jaimie beat him up because he wanted to hit me and now I've got a feeling someone is going to take revenge any second."

"Jaimie?" Nathan frowns, looking thoughtful. "Doesn't ring a bell..."

"He used to be one of my friends. We played soccer together. We had a huge falling out a while back and I haven't really spoken to him ever since."

"Ooh, is he the guy with a lot of big words, sleeping around, playing wingman for you every so often?"

"He used to be my wingman, yes." I nod. "You know him?"

"Finn liked him a lot, said he was funny. Told me some stuff about whatever the two of you always told him." Nathan shrugs. "You know, Finn could sometimes be really jealous of your friendship with Jaimie."

"But Finn would always be my best friend."

"But since he wasn't really allowed to do those things with you, he felt like he was too boring for you."

"Wasn't allowed? I thought he didn't want to go out with us."

Nathan shakes his head again, slowly driving through the village towards my house. "He wanted, but his parents wouldn't let him. That's why his relationship with his parents got worse every week." Nathan shortly turns his head to look at me. "Finn started to go out with Stan and James, because they just picked him up and didn't accept no for an answer. He had fights at home nearly every week... eventually they found out he was gay and that's when nothing he did was good enough for them. One grade lower than an A, not good enough. One second late for dinner, not good enough..."

"Wow, I didn't know that at all."

"He tried to handle it by himself but he sort of lost himself in the process. Started taking more drugs while going out."

"That sounds bad. And so not like Finn."

"But that's who he was shortly before he went missing. I even wondered for a while if he didn't just run off on his own."

"I wondered too, after I found out he was gay, you know. But he wouldn't leave without letting me know he was fine."

"That's what I think too. He would've let some of us know." Nathan nods, parking the car in the driveway in front of our garage.

"Wanna hang out?"

"I need to get to work." He smiles shortly. "But I'll call when I'm ready and maybe we can hang out then, or tomorrow."

"Sounds good. Thanks for driving me home. You might have saved my life."

"You're welcome. Just, try to reach Stan today. He can't leave you on his own. Not right now."

"I will, and I'll talk to you after work."

I watch as Nathan nods, before I head up to the front door and enter the house, locking the door behind me. Call me scared, I feel safer with all doors locked and all windows close until my parents are home.

* * * * *

I've tried to call Stan a couple of times, but his phone is turned off all day. I even tried to call Finnley, but his phone is turned off too and it's making me go crazy a bit. I'm restless, pacing up and down my room, wondering if Jaimie beating up Mike got Finnley in trouble. I also wonder if it's the reason why Stan won't answer his phone or let me know what's going on.

Normally I would go out on Friday, or even attend the Party at Evan's place tonight, but my mind is too occupied with worry about my friends.

Felix has a broken ankle, but despite the fact he needs crutches to walk, he told me he is going to the party anyway so I can't hang out with him either. Everybody is going, except me; because I'm too afraid to leave the house.

Instead of doing any of the things I would normally do, I try to catch up on some homework. I'm far behind for most classes since I missed a lot and haven't done much to catch up before. Julia helped me with Math's homework, but that's about it.

"You know, you're eighteen." My dad is setting the table while I'm clearing the table by moving my notes and books to the side. "Why are you at home on a Friday afternoon, instead of hanging out with your boyfriend, or any other friends?"

"They're all busy and I needed to catch up for school anyway."

"Do you think you're able to graduate after taking some classes during summer?"

"Honestly? No." I chuckle, staring at my to-do list. "I've been doing homework for an hour and my head already starts hurting."

"Your mother and I talked about this." He hands me some cutlery, a silent hint for me to help him set the table. "What if you just retake the year? Take some time to recover without stressing yourself out over this."

"I really don't like the idea of being in highschool another year, without any of my friends around..."

"We know that doesn't sound too appealing, but does summer school sound nice?"

"No." I grin. "I wanted to just have two months off like any other teenager."

"Look, most of your friends are leaving after summer anyway. Do you really want to spend the last two months you have with them going to school? While they all are out there, enjoying the summer?" He smiles wearily. "We all would have loved to see you graduate this year, but your health is more important and your mother and I are worried about you."

"Worried? About what?" I watch as he puts down the last plate in front of me, still holding the cutlery, which he grabs from my hold since I didn't really help to set the table anyway. "I'm fine."

"Well, you don't look fine." He takes a seat opposite from me, looking at me, while my mom enters from kitchen, putting down some food.

"You seem tired and a bit... depressed." My mom brushes her finger through my hair, staring at me with worry in her eyes. "We think it's all a bit too much right now. You're only eighteen and you've had a lot to deal with lately. Finnley's disappearance, your friends turning their backs on you for dating Stan, the fight you got in with Jaimie..." She sighs. "You're not eating enough, you don't seem to sleep a lot."

"I'm just... stressed." I shrug it off, trying to convince them I'm fine, but I think they might have a point. Maybe I'm not doing fine at all. Maybe retaking the year would release some stress. That would mean I only have to focus on classes I can finish this year. It would give me time to relax some more. But it would also mean I'll be here all by myself next year.

I wouldn't have Stan, Felix or Julia in school. I wouldn't be able to hang out with them each day whenever it pleases me. I would have to make new friends at a school that is shunning me for dating a boy, in a town with probably the most homophobic people in the country. I want nothing more than leaving this place behind and move to the city.

I have no idea if Nathan will be around next year, I have no idea which schools my friends are going to. I don't know anything because all I've been focussing on, is finding Finnley and figuring out ways to keep contact.

But he's dictating the contact, he's the one that decides if it's okay to call, he won't give me an address to send notes, he decides when we meet. All the while refusing to explain to me what exactly was going on until recently.

"Maybe retaking the year is the best..." I whisper, watching both my parents piling food on their plates. "But I hate to be all alone next year. I hate this town and I want to get out of here."

"Cris, answer my question in honesty." My mom puts down the knife and fork, sharing a look with my father. "Are people still bothering you for being gay?"

I shrug, staring down. "Not directly, but I see them staring, I hear them whispering..."

"Is it the reason Jaimie and you fought?"

"Partially, yes. But he told me he's sorry. Not that we're back to being friends, but yeah..."

"Does the school know? Does any of your teachers know you're being... bullied?"

"I'm not really being bullied." I roll my eyes. "I still throw a pretty decent punch so people mostly just pretend I'm not there. They mostly ignore me. Teachers leave me alone in class. But they are full of judgement, even the teachers, mom. You know most of them go to church and you know Finn's parents aren't the only ones who think it's wrong; who think I'm sick."

I see the disappointment in their eyes, not because I'm dating a boy, but because it's making my life really difficult in this town. Because they know how people talk about it. They saw what happened when word got out Finnley is gay. How people told his parents he just needed to be cured, saved, and all would be okay. That his disappearance was probably God intervening with his sinful life. That we had to freaking accept God's mysterious ways and pray for Finnley to get better.

And now they pray for me too, and for my parents. They pray for us to realize it's wrong and shouldn't be accepted. How the hell does Stan keep up with that shit? How does he deal with it?

"Cris, would you be happier if we moved? To a place where people would be more accepting? Where you can start over in school?"

Would I be happier? Definitely. Do I want to move? Not so sure. This is where Finnley will return whenever this shit is going to end and I don't want to be far away.

The ringing of the doorbell wakes me up from my thoughts and I slowly get up to answer the door, postponing my answer to my mom's latest question.

"Cristian Evans?" Two cops are in front of me, staring at me seriously. "We have some questions we hope you can answer for us."

I slowly nod my head, moving to let them enter, wondering what this is about. The answer to that question surprises me anyway, even though it was in the back of my mind the second I saw them in front of our door.

"It's about Finnley Lund."