If you grow old, it is your own fault.

"If you grow old, it is your own fault,"

I say to Terry as we climb

the mountain behind his cabin.

Terry is wearing a device that transmits his heartbeat

by cell phone to doctors at Stanford.

Terry has a flutter, nothing serious, probably.

Terry has a great heart, actually,

something serious, warm and wise.

We ascend this hill on Tuesdays every week

discussing poetry and plumbing, our twin passions:

the gathering of mountain water funneled into pipes,

delivered to homes,

the ordering of words funneled into pages

delivered nowhere, sadly.

We discuss friends fallen or falling,

the arc of marriages, parenthood, oddball relationships,

each a story and a puzzlement,

webs woven of love and rage.

That, and motorcycles, we talk,

pacifist veterans who walk still seeking sense

of an incomprehensible war that shaped our lives.

Objectors, conscientious, we realized too late,

not an easy path but better than following orders.

We walked away from war.

He, the Air Force; I, the draft.

Branded dishonorable.

So we hike, hearts pounding,

the simple friendship of two old men

seeking the hilltop

again and again.


First published in MOON Magazine

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