Guilt of an Ardizevepa

We both stared at each other in surprise.

"What are you doing here Levy?!" I exclaimed, finally enough courage to ask the simple question that was on both of our minds.

"I could say the same thing about you," My Levy grinned back, "But I kinda been going here a lot."

She's been going to the surface?

"I wanted to see the magical sun!" I exclaimed brightly.

She squinted her eyes and pressed her lips together, "T-the magical sun?!" The girl asked in disbelief.

"Yeah," I nodded my head, "Why have you not heard of it?"

She shook her head and started laughing, "Silly, silly Ardizevepa!  The sun is what brings life to us all. You cannot take it because it is in the sky far above and what you see in the water is just a reflection of the sun's light." My face fell.

She made us sound so not magical.

"I like the magical sun," I grinned anyways.  To me it will always be magical.

She shook her head, laughter coming out of her mouth, "Actually I've been coming here a lot.  Whenever I was sad or lonely abroad, I made my way to the surface.  At first I was scared, I had no idea I had swam this close, but then when I first saw it, oh I was overwhelmed with amazing emotions." She exclaimed smiling as she told her story,

     "I would come back all the time.  It just captivated me in a way that I cannot ever explain.  Everything was so pretty by the coastal waters, the sun that reflected its light so beautifully, and all of the humans that moved so delicately." She swam with me back to the surface as she spoke.

"So this is your secret...?" I asked gingerly, it was a beautiful secret.

This place was filled with great beauty and yet those humans are unaware of,  moving and doing things so particularly without a single thought.

"Maybe, but now it's both of ours.  I have a dream that maybe I could explore it more than this far away.  I could be closer and experience all it's wonders.  Laiken said that it's impossible but I just hope maybe I could one day."

"Both of ours..." I repeated smiling, "I like that."

She giggled, "Maybe I'm being too childish for wanting to see more than from the water.  Maybe part of it is because I know everyone I care about is leaving me." When she said this, my heart tightened at her words. "Lysandria is getting married, soon Laiken will and then I'll be here alone without anyone." Her face was filled with sadness.

So I whispered and leaned by her side so that only she could hear, "I'll always be there.  I'll still be here for you, my Levy."

I hugged her and that made her feel better.

Suddenly Levy gasped, "What's that?!" She pointed over and in the distance was a human-- not just any human-- one of the humans from earlier barely alive, only hanging onto a driftwood for support.

"It's a human?" I stated, but it sounded more like a question than anything.

"Come on we must help them!" She exclaimed, grabbing my arm.

But I stood in place, not doing anything.  "But whyy...?" I asked.

I helped protect the oceans by sending them to their demise, plus they were all unpleasant anyways.

"You don't want to help them?  They could die and... and that would be sad." She started to show a sorrowful expression, "Besides this wasn't no accident.  I have a feeling some mermaids tried to do this just for fun because they enjoy causing chaos to the humans."

I widened my eyes.

Just because of it..?

No.

No!

Have I been tricked?!

I should have known better, those stupid mers.

None are to be trusted by Levy, Lysandria, and Laiken, I decided.

"Lehz?" She called my name breaking my thoughts, "Is there something wrong?"

"N-no," I told her, "We must help them.  Please make sure they don't die."

She nodded, understanding.
We both swam over to the human.  She held his head above the water as I gently held the rest of his body.

"Alehkzir follow me, I know where some land is that we can leave him." She said realizing the human was, indeed, in fact male.

"Is it close?" I asked since this was an awkward angle to be in when trying to swim.  Me and Levy were both carrying him in this weird angle and it almost made it harder to swim.

Thank goodness water was lighter and much more shallow here.

Then at last I saw land.

We laid the human on the sandy land and sighed.

"I couldn't imagine who would hurt someone like him," she muttered.

"Yeah..." I frowned, "Is he alive or... Please be alive!"

She nodded and put two fingers on his neck to check for a pulse, "It's very faint."

Her face fell and my eyes widen.

"Oh Levy," I exclaimed in sorrow, "I'm so sorry,"

"It's not your fault," she reassured me, but it was and she had no idea.

"Lalala lumi Lee eey aye..." She whispered in song, so sadly.

I looked at her and smiled as if to encourage her.

Maybe this could help.

"Hush a lumi ni
Kasana soka te

Oh the ocean breathes
The waves tell a story with these

Oh here comes the sun

With it's flame shimmering down
Like a silent star in the twilight town

Mukada nuli see
Numala fuka San tay wei

Oh of the secret it dreams each night
A Truth mustn't be spoken in the light

Hear a special song
Awaken from you sleeping along

My voice calls out to you
In deep sunken sea drowning ever be

Mun lalalai fu nami da
Sen oi tee de kan usheti kanawa

Free your soul
Evermore unkati nol oonali
From this desperate hour

This final hour dreams will fade
Darkness will develop you so
Maybe that you resides much more Oh
In a deep paradise of an ocean raid
And farewell dreams fade away
Come ever forlorn
Kuna talala etai mokante and stay"

I smiled as she sung, closing my eyes as the air blew against my scales.

Suddenly I heard her gasp, "Lehz?!"

I looked at her in confusion, "What?"

"You're a.... You're a... You're a human!" She exclaimed with widen eyes.

I laughed, "No I'm not this is just an illusion spell." Then a grinned, "Though I could change my form to one if I wanted to since I am being with magic sole inside of me."

"That's so amazing!" She exclaimed in excitement, "Hey maybe you can call for help and someone could get him to a doctor!"

I shook my head at once, "I don't like t-t-talking to others- let alone humans!  Humans are weird."

Levy's face fell, "Oh come on, pleaaaase!" She had that face that made me want to do anything for her.

"Say," I suddenly thought, "So my illusion am I pretty human or like a hot human or am I handsome or what about eye-dropping gorgeous?!"

Levy giggled and shook her head, "Alehkzir you're something else.  But if you want my opinion I'd say you're more of a lovely, quite exquisite beaut."

"Really?!" My eyes lit up, "You're opinion always means the world to me!"

She laid on the sand looking close at the human and brushed her fingers through his hair that laid loosely on the sand.  She gently moved his crimson hair out of his eyes and seemed to be admiring him.

She smiled at him carefully as she felt his skin.  Levy seemed to be a bit too touchy and amazed at the human.

Little did I know what it would cause..

Suddenly we heard some stirring, I grabbed Levy's arm and quickly jumped into the sea.

Above I saw him awaken and look very confused.

"Was I..." He mustered, standing up, "The ship it..." He then fell back down, laying in the sun.  "How did I survive?  Last I remembered was a terrible storm and then... I was saved and I heard a sweet voice full of sorrow." The human began to think and talk out loud.

Levy smiled next to me, "He likes my voice!"

"He'd be a fool not to," I proclaimed, I didn't get it why was she so excited that he liked her voice, but when I did she didn't have that reaction at all.

Just then we saw a young woman will beautiful blue hair spot the prince and we knew he was in good hands.

He would be okay.

Levy seemed to be worried still as she looked up at him in a gazing expression.

"Come on," I stated, holding onto Levy's arm.  "I think we should go.. What if we're seen?"

"Oh, yeah.  All right," she said in a sad tone.

Her eyes silently said goodbye as we retreated back to the deep sea forever to be seen once more...

Or at least that was what I wished

Because nothing ever goes the way you want it, a truth I now know.

Something I learned.

Something I found out the hard way.

Because if I wasn't selfish, if I only truly never really cared what they thought of me, if I truly didn't care about their stinging words than I would never have been manipulated...

And then she would never have seen him drowning and never would she have ask me to....

~~~

I haven't seen Levy in a few days.  Everytime I go over and wait after her tutoring, she is never there.

I stay in her room waiting, but there is never any sign of her.

Sometimes I get tired, I accidentally fall asleep and it's the next day already.

She falls asleep without waking me, without telling me, without doing anything with me.

And I don't know why and it's bothering me.

And those trickster mermaids, I confronted them about everything, but they acted clueless to what happened or what they got me to do.

They pretended that they just don't like me for being an Ardizevepa and we never met before.

It makes me mad, so mad.

And then I want to find Levy and tell her what I'm feeling and admit to her what I did or might have caused but she is nowhere in sight.

THE ABYSS!

Where is she?!

Maybe I can just ask Laiken or Lysandria, but then why is it I'm asking them?

I should know where she is, but why hasn't she come to see me.

And on the days I know she has tutoring or schooling, she isn't anywhere either.

And all these crazy feelings are building up inside, I just want to express myself to her.

I sighed.

I'm going to stay here until she comes, I decided staying in her room.

Now I wait.  And wait.

And wait and wait and wait and wait.

Until I heard someone one late night, a small giggle or laugh came from that someone.

It was Levias, but why was she giggling and laughing?

She entered her room and she looked surprised that I was there, "Lehz?  What are you doing here, isn't kinda late?"

"Where have you been?" I only asked coldly, ignoring her question completely.

"I've been trying to find you for days but it seems that you been disappearing.  I can't even find you at our usual meeting spots and it's like You're ignoring me!  What gives, Levias?!" I exclaimed, furrowing my eyes in frustration.

She widen her eyes as her mouth formed an o shaped, "I was.. away," she said softly, "I... I just been busy I guess doing other things.  Look I haven't forgotten about you...I just have-"

"Where were you anyways?  Why couldn't I find you anywhere?  Even my magic I used to locate you and you were out of range!?  And then I wanted to tell you something that I did I feel extremely guilty about that I unknowingly caused. I'm so mad some stupid mer servants tricked me and now when I confront them, they act we never met before. 
          It made me want to curse them forever but I know how that'll go if I even try to do that and the only one that seems to comfort me is you but you're nowhere to be found and what if you decide you don't like me anymore since I'm just annoying Ardizevepa anyways.
            I mean that's what everyone thinks and don't remind me how they always call me a seawitch or deamon just cause I'm different and have magic that they don't trust.  I'm just..." I broke down after ranting and exclaiming everything that has been happening.

Suddenly a pair of arms were around me, "I'm sorry," her eyes soften.  "I didn't think you would want to come anyways."

"Are you kidding me right now?" I grit my teeth, "I always want to come wherever you go!"

"I've been going to the surface..." She finally admitted.

I went back and shook my head, "Seriously?!  That's it?  We just went like last time I saw you.  What makes you think I wouldn't like it there?" I scoffed, "We both agreed that it was beautiful!"

She sighed, "I've been visiting and watching the human we saved..." She finally admitted, looking down.

And I finally got it.

She was embarrassed to be watching a human.

And she must have feelings for the human too...

And that alone made my heart tighten and pulled at in my chest.

I laid down and turned the other way, "Oh, I see how it is..." I answered not saying anything more.

I couldn't.

My voice would begin to shake and began to break if I did anything more.

I was upset.

I mean I been waiting for her to love someone that wasn't me.

I just had a feeling that she didn't feel the same, but that day in the caves almost made me question it.

I've told myself so many times we won't work out and that it is forbidden since I'm an Ardizevepa.

I always couldn't help but wonder if it would be way easier if she was engaged or married or even in love with another.

But now that it has happened I can't help but be mad, upset, and so full of bitterness.

I was jealous.

I was so abyssal jealous.

What does a stupid human have to make Levy fall for him?

Is it because that human identifies as a male-- well as far as I know- and if that's the case, that makes me so much mad!

Just because I feel way more comfortable as who I am being non-binary?

I grit my teeth, becoming angrier by the second, and hiding my tears on my face by being curled up by my body.

Why couldn't she love me?

Of course she couldn't, you're just a lame Ardizevepa that follows her around like a lovesick puppy, a voice in my head stated.

I shook my head and covered my ears, "Shut up... Go away" I thought!  "You're not real!"

That's not true...
That's not true...

That's not..

True.

I should have confessed before and kissed her in that cave and now, now it's too late...

Too late for anything...

"Lehz.." I felt her hand touch me, but I was curled up, ignoring her. "Alehkzir, talk to me.  Please," she begged me.

I said nothing for a long time.

"Alehkzir... I'm sorry I just didn't think you cared.  I mean yesterday you seemed to not be interested in humans and..." The girl trailed off as she let out a long sighed.  "Talk to me please?"

"What?" I finally gave in with a sour sounded voice.

"Oh Alehkzir!" I turned to saw her smile and suddenly hug me in a way with me in her arms.

"Look just tell me things and don't ignore me." I sat up, "Okay?"

She smiled firmly, "Alright, Lehz.  Friends?"

A tiny smile appeared on my face, "Friends..." I said, a word I never ever would use to describe us because we were more than just friends, "No more than just average friends." I told her.

"Yeah," she grinned, "Come on Lehz, let's get some sleep."

...

The next morning, Levy was awake and there still.  It made me so happy.

"Levy!" I exclaimed, filled with excitement.  "You're here?!"

Levy turned her head and smiled, he gaze, however, was focused in the distance.

She had a dreamy expression on her face, "Do you ever wonder what exactly is above the sea?  I think it is much better and fascinating.  I always wanted to try it out, but I'm unable to.. No one down here is." She sighed deeply, "Sometimes it makes me want to go there and try it for myself, live there even," she turned her head towards me, "What do you think of it all?"

"I think it is pretty." I admitted to her, "The skies are filled with such beauty and the small little towns seem so cute, anyone would like to see it up close I suppose.  Though, personally I still enjoy my time here and is content with the sea."

She grinned at me, "I'm glad you understand somewhat!  Even if you don't fully get it, I'm still glad."

"I'll always try to understand you, Levy.  That's something that'll never change." I held my hands on her shoulders, giving her my best, very honest expression.

And even now that hasn't changed because I, still, try to understand everything about her and what she did...

//Legend here, okay that was like actually really good.  I mean the argument and frustrating.  It probably the first argument I actually liked because it made sense.

She figured they didn't really care about humans and been disappearing to see them, while not telling her friend because she felt bad and embarrassed.  They, on the other hand, was upset for their disappearance and other emotional build up was coming up from keeping their feelings and the guilt from the mermaids that tricked them.

But it did make me sad because it is unrequited love, and it almost makes me want to change how I'm going to end things.

Anyways Legend tuning out\\