"Is everything okay?" I asked. It must have been really hot, because I immediately felt sweat forming on my palms.

"Everything is fine. It's just your mom," Dad said.

I let out a sigh of relief. She worked in the ER as a nurse, and with my intentions of following in her footsteps, there was an endless amount of reasons why she would want to see me.

I decided to go to Winterview University for nursing. With my harsh nature, it seemed like an odd choice for me, but my morbid mind liked every story Mom told me from the emergency room.

And despite my listless exterior, I did care about people. Mostly the people who mattered to me of course, like my family, Viktor, Blaine, and Arti, but even though people irritated and disappointed me to no end, I was at least interested in their problems. Nursing was just like solving them, but with more on the line.

"Do I have to get there ASAP, or is this not a pressing issue?" I asked.

"Just get here as fast as you can. Matt and the triplets are on the way."

I hesitated. That didn't make sense within my idea of what was happening. "Are you sure everything's okay?"

"Absolutely. I love you," he said and hung up.

"There's no fucking way everything's okay. Don't lie to me. Don't fucking lie to me," I muttered into the ended call.

Arti looked back at me. "What's going on?"

"I don't know. Dad just told me to get to the hospital for Mom, and then said there was nothing wrong, but Matt and the triplets are going too, so there's clearly something wrong."

"She's probably dead," Arti said.

"Oh my god, Art," Blaine said.

"Well, if her dad won't tell her the truth, I will."

"You don't even know if that's the truth." Blaine looked back at me. "Ignore her. No matter what happens, I'm here for you, okay?"

I nodded. "Thank you."

There was nothing and everything going on in my mind simultaneously, and all I heard was a layer of white noise, and something else. I wiped my hands on my shorts, trying to process the limited information I had.

The evidence wasn't looking too good, but there was a stupid Swedish accent in my head reminding me to be positive.

If that voice was giving me false hope, I was going to be pissed. It'd be just another Amanda victory, and I didn't miss those at all.

But I held onto that hope that Viktor's influence gave me. It was all I could control.

Time didn't seem to pass, and I couldn't stand it. Uncertainty was worse than bad news. It was a million times worse than anything I could think of.

"Will you go faster? Please?" I asked Blaine.

"I've had three speeding tickets, and I'm not about to get another. My hands are tied," Blaine said.

"Three?" Arti asked.

"Plus two minor accidents. And the time I totaled my car," he said.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"I like doing dumb shit. It keeps me entertained."

"You're going to end up dead or something."

He shrugged. "Everyone does."

"Hi, I'm in the middle of panicking about what's going on, so if you guys would stop talking about death, I'd greatly appreciate it," I said.

Blaine brought his hand to his mouth. "Shit, sorry."

Arti frowned. "Someone's sensitive."

"Would you stop with the bitchiness?" Blaine asked. "Seriously, Arti. This is fucking serious, and you should treat it like it is."

I looked up at the two of them. They bickered constantly, but they never made it personal. I wasn't quite sure what pushed him over the edge this time, and I bit my cheek and waited for Arti's retaliation.

Arti pointed her finger into his arm. "I'm just trying to lighten the mood, since you won't do it."

I shook my head and pushed her hand away from him.

"Lightening the mood, huh? How the fuck do you think that's going to work if you keep shitting on Amanda's situation?"

"I don't know. This normally isn't my job," Arti said. "But you're being a sensitive baby about this, which she doesn't want or need."

I crossed my arms. "This is literally the last thing I need right now. Would you two just shut the fuck up? I'm not asking for much."

"Yeah," Blaine said and stuck out his tongue at Arti.

Arti glared at him. "Um, that includes you, dumbass."

"Look, all three of us are under some serious stress, so stop saying and doing shit you don't mean. I don't know what the hell is happening, and I'm not in the mood to act as a peacemaker between you two. That's not my job." I put my head in my hands and didn't look up.

"That's Blaine's job, and like I said, he's not doing a very good job. Step up your game, dude."

"No one asked you. Just shut up," Blaine said.

I still didn't raise my head. "Just run into a tree and kill us all. Please."

Blaine didn't reply. Arti didn't say anything either.

Thank God. I couldn't take one more minute of their arguing.

Blaine's emotions usually mimicked mine whether he realized it or not, and I knew that a part of the reason he felt the need to jump to my defense was my own uneasiness. Arti didn't care about anyone's emotions but hers, and because I never asked for her support in over ten years of friendship, it had never been a problem.

But the two of them had reached a boiling point after four years of high school, and I couldn't help but think that I was a large part of it.

It wasn't my fault, of course, but it pissed me off that they just couldn't play nice for my sake the one time I needed them to.

We arrived at the hospital, and just before I could open the car door, Blaine grabbed my hand.

He looked into my eyes. "Do you want us to come with you?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"No, but I'll live. Go get yourself something cute to wear."

"You can go. I'm staying with her," Arti said. "I'll end up in prison otherwise."

"Glad to see you're supporting your best friend selflessly." Blaine shook his head, then turned to me. "Call me when you figure out what's going on, okay?"

I nodded and leaned in to give him a kiss. Arti glared at the two of us, then stole my hand from him and lead me out of the car.

I had never minded hospitals; in fact, I liked them. There was always something happening, and I liked the rush of the chaos. Viktor told me that he admired my calmness in emergencies, but the truth was that I wasn't calm. I thrived on pandemonium.

But this time, I didn't want mayhem. I just wanted an answer served straight-up.

Arti and I didn't even make it into the building before we found Matt. He came out of the automatic doors just as we approached them, and I caught a glimpse of his tear-stained face when he looked up at the two of us.

"Well? What's happening?" I asked.

He shook his head as he spoke, which took my attention away from his words.

"Oh my god," I heard Arti mutter from beside me, and when I looked over at her, she had her mouth covered with both hands.

"What? I didn't get any of that, Matthew," I said.

Matt looked at Arti, then back at me. "I'm not saying it again." He turned and went back in the doors.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"Weren't you listening?"

I felt myself grow frustrated. "I tried, but I didn't process a thing. Just tell me again. Please."

Arti took a deep breath, and spoke with a soft, broken voice. "He said—he said they found your mom unresponsive in the break room, and, fuck, they tried everything, but they weren't able to revive her."

I laughed. "That's one of your better lies. I almost believed you for a second."

Of course, that wasn't something she should have been joking about, but I didn't mind. I could handle it.

"That wasn't a lie. Amanda, I'm so sorry. I was only joking earlier. I didn't actually think she'd—" She covered her face with her hands. "I fucking hate myself. Fuck, fuck, fuck." Her voice rose to a cracked yell, and she stomped her feet with each expletive.

"As long as Mom's okay, it doesn't matter what you said."

"She's not okay, though. I just told you that. She's—"

"That's getting old. You can stop with it."

She put her hands on my shoulders and looked up at me. "Amanda, seriously. I'm being two hundred percent real with you. Matt said that she's dead, and that's that. No bullshit. No lies. She's dead, and you're going to have to live with it."

I took in a shaky breath. The one time I needed her words to be a lie, she betrayed me.

"Where is everyone?" I heard my voice croak out. I wasn't sure who just punched me in the stomach, but they would have hell to pay once I caught my breath.

"They're probably inside. We can go in there if you want." She threaded her arm between my arm and my body, and pushed my hair out of my face with her other hand.

I shook my head and stared through the glass doors. "I just want to stay here."

"Is there anything I can say?"

I shook my head.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"I don't know. Just—just leave me alone, I guess."

She looked at me with tears in her eyes. "I'll be inside, trying to get the whole story for you, if you want."

I nodded, and she wiped off her face with her hands and went inside.

She turned around, just a quick glimpse over her shoulder, but when she turned back around, I noticed her shoulders shaking.

I watched her until she disappeared down a hall I couldn't see.

The summer heat wasn't there anymore, and I felt nothing but cold. Empty. The breeze was just strong enough to blow my hair around. Since I had let it grow from its pixie cut, it tickled my chin, reminding me of its presence. I pushed it behind my ears, but it freed itself once again, so I just let it stay there.

I didn't move at all from the center of the main entrance, and I barely noticed people brush past me, muttering about my rudeness.

I didn't care. I didn't have the strength to move my legs.

There were two people who stuck with me no matter what, called me out on my bullshit, and brought an entire room together with just a smile. My mother and Blaine. And with one of them gone, and the other leaving me soon (Maybe he had already left me. It seemed like that was the case to me.), I didn't know where to go.

So I sat down on the pavement and watched the boring ER waiting room from outside, and I prayed that it'd numb my brain just enough to take me somewhere, anywhere, else.

It didn't.

I dabbed my face to dry up tears I expected to be there, but there were none. Instead, my eyes were burning with dryness, and no matter how many times I blinked, it didn't get any better.

I would have given anything for a small rainstorm then. The sun felt incongruous with my sorrow, and maybe the raindrops would have given me the crying sensation I wanted.

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Hey guys. This was not a very fun chapter to write. Not at all.

Starting now, updates will be on Wednesdays and Sundays like usual.

How will Amanda and everyone else deal with the loss?

Shoutout to @acmesins for the amazing cover above!! Edit: I am a trash can and couldn't get it above, so here it is.