Dream

The Scientist and I raced through halls together holding hands I wore an shiny Edwardian dress laughing back at him then his hand let go of mine. Even though I shook my head asking him not to two shadows dragged me into the darkness as I cried, kicked and screamed inaudibly for him to help but he disappeared.

"Nusquam Dimittunt!" I shot up from my bed shouting in another language still with the fear of the shadows so I lit up a candle on the side of my bed and went to the internet to try to find what phrase had I uttered.

"Nusquam Dimittunt, Latin for... Never let go?" I looked at the translation thinking what could have triggered me to start talking in Latin and dreaming stupid things such as these with the scientist.

02. 02. 2015.

On Monday I headed to the hospital more asleep then awake, dragging myself through the doors of that horrible cup of coffee they pumped us with. So I broke the rules for once and went into the neuro wing lounge to have coffee from their machine and everything there was shinier, newer, even the coffee wasn't the cheap Costco in bulk kind. It was odd the scientist had bothered to go get coffee so many times at the nurses lounge, this room was much nicer and they even had a couch I could easily fall asleep. So I got a breakfast sandwich and walked out to go eat in peace in one of the family waiting rooms in Peds before I was caught left-handed here.

"Congratulations, seems you won fair and square huh?" Jess was walking down the hall with her stuff.

"Jess wait let me explain..."

"Trust me it was always very well explained to anyone with eyes to see."

"Jess please I promise you there is nothing going on with..."

"Save it Stella, I don't care, I got offered to go to the Mayo Clinic as an intern and one day I'll be a surgeon on my own merit and you'll still be here. And if you're lucky enough you'll still be living off Dr. Herzberg's fame although they say he doesn't keep women around for long so enjoy it while it lasts cause it won't last forever." Jess kept walking out and I couldn't argue or I didn't want to, I was still trying to deal with the fact both of them were gone.

The Pediatric part of the hospital had this fragile ambience of new birthed life which oddly enough I found refreshing, as if by being there, talking to them I could be just part of a miracle, not the miracle of recreating but creating new life. Many people said babies all looked the same though seeing so many over the years I knew that was nowhere near the truth, every noise was different. Every little coo or cry specific to their voice, to who they were yet going to be and it was just a matter of who took home the miracle would also decide what this newly out of the over grey bowl of clay would become. Strange the responsibilities we have over others, to make them smile or cry, to make them feel protected or unsafe, to love or make them unlovable. Maybe that's why I never asked for a miracle, I was afraid what it would become if it landed on my hands.

"Good morning Gabriel, Danny, Sam and Melody. Oh melody poor you, musician for parents, you'll never have peace and quiet." I stopped after I was done eating to say good morning to the babies.

"And Isabella? You're brand new here aren't you, my God look at those round little feet how cute. You know your mommy is a smart one, she picked one of the most beautiful names out there." I had gloves and a mask on I wasn't going to risk spreading any germs so I stopped at her little bed and sat by her to talk.

"And when you grow up Isabella all the boys will come knocking 'round but you will need to be smart then. Especially if you meet one you like, you are going to have to be very smart then, probably listen to your mother if she is a sensible person. I think that should be helpful but I don't have a mother so I don't really know if that would help me so hopefully yours will help you pretty little Bella to be smarter than the rest of us." I sighed thinking of this dinner which only revealed the feelings which hid underneath my brain.

"Oh hi Stella," one of the peds nurses said to me.

"Hi Jana."

"It's time for Isabella here to go nurse."

"Oh okay, good luck Bella, stay smart," I got up and pulled away the stool.

"And congratulations on your win, glad you're staying," Jana said rolling Bella off.

"Thank you Jana," I waved but I couldn't smile, what had I won again?

Finished with breakfast, with nothing else to do I began to seek out Carrie, she was the head nurse, she also made our schedules and knew where in the hospital we were needed.

"Oh hey Carrie, where do you need me to help today? I'll be on a pretty empty schedule from now on so..."

"Yes I know, but we don't have anything for you so just stay out of the way okay?"

"Uh Carrie is everything okay?"

"Hmm I heard you liked to lend your ear and then destroy people's lives guess some rumors have truth to them."

"What?"

"Really so you're gonna pretend you didn't drive Harlan away from this hospital? From a job he loved, a job he held down for years before you got here and meddled into his life."

"Wait what happened to Harlan?"

"You know what don't ever say his name again to me or anyone else here, he was one of us, you're just a stranger and you've done enough so from now on you only do what I tell you. Or I'll make damn sure you live all of your days here on call one night after the other until you can't take it anymore and you also quit and leave us the hell alone. Now go leave this on your boyfriend's  desk," she hit the envelope against my chest and I caught it without saying another word, I wasn't about to challenge her.

Off I went slowly without anything to do, to his office to deliver it, guess it was better to end the day here, go home after delivering this heavy envelope sent in from Ohio to Dr. Herzberg.

The door of the office was unlocked so I turned the knob and just like every other day the scientist was sitting on his chair. It couldn't be him, he was supposed to be on plane to California. What was he doing here focused on the microscope writing on his journal to the left without looking at what was being written?

"Stella?" He asked though I had gotten mesmerized by his ability to write cohesively without looking and forgot to introduce myself into the room.

"Yeah, how did you know?"

"My brain is familiar with the way you sound," his eyes were still glued to the microscope then he underlined something before coming over to greet me in his open white lab jacket.

"Right, good morning," I was overcome with a small joy then with second guesses, maybe he was still leaving?

"Good morning, for me?"

"Yes for you," I gave him the envelope and looked at his neat handwriting on the paper.

"Thank you."

"Sorry but how do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Write without looking."

"Um muscle memory, I used it to my benefit."

"So you practiced?"

"Yes, like a pianist who plays without looking down, it's entirely possible, just practice."

"And practice makes perfect right?"

"Right."

"Well it's impressive."

"You think so?" He smirked and then I wanted to take back the compliment since it pleased him a little too much.

"Yeah, I do, why? Did Harlan get freaked out by your genius?" I chuckled at Harlan being in my place.

"Maybe it's what scared him out of here," he gave me a small laugh in between his words.

"What do you mean?"

"Harlan quit his job when I announced the winner to the five."

"What?"

"You didn't know."

"Not exactly, I can't believe he did it, he actually did it."

Finally it made sense why Carrie had been so aggressive with me earlier, Harlan probably told her of our talk and why he was quitting the job and since he had been here for many years before I came it was my fault he quit.

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Copyright: All Rights Reserved to A. Sena Gomes.