I woke up lying next to him and didn't move. I just watched him sleep...which sounds really creepy, but it isn't. I played with his hair and kissed his earlobe. His eyes fluttered open and landed on me. I smiled and laid my head back on his shoulder.

"I love you..." He said propping himself on his elbow and kissing my lips. I placed my hand on his cheek and pushed him closer to me. He moved his lips from my neck and into my collarbones. He stopped and looked at me.

"I love you more." I said kind of delayed.

"No way."

"Are you sure?"

"As sure as anyone can be."

"I don't think you are." I said dropping my gaze and playing with the hem on the comforter.

"Hey... Look at me." He said placing his thumb under my chin. "I love you... There is no denying it. Okay?"

"Okay." I kissed him again and pulled him closer and closer. "I love you. You are so sweet. You. Are. The. Best. Man. Ever." I said in between kisses I gave him.

"Are you trying to get me to lose it with you?"

"What are you implying?" I said dropping my eyes.

"No. No. No. Not that. I mean... Unless you. Want to..." He said obviously getting nervous. I kissed him again pulling him halfway across me. I kissed behind his ear and into his hairline.

"I love you Thomas William Hiddleston."

"I love you more." He got all the way on me and straddled me continuing to kiss me as much as he could. "Are you sure about this? You only get one first chance...do you want it with me?"

"More than anything my love." I said stroking his cheekbone. He kissed me again.

Sorry ya'll... Tryin to keep it pg-13.

I woke up again for the second time that morning. Alone this time.

"That bastard." I whispered under my breath getting out of the bed. I walked into the kitchen and made a cup of tea just as he walked out of the shower with just a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Damn, I didn't want you to wake up alone."

"It's okay babe..." I said walking to him and wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him softly.

"How are you feeling?" He asked me putting his hands on the small of my back.

"Better than ever." I kissed him again and smiled. "I should probably get ready."

"Take today off... Meet me at Angelo's at 1." He smiled and twirled out of my arms.

"Okay. See you then. I love you." I said heading towards the door and back down to my flat. I showered and got dressed in my Selection sweatshirt, (you are welcome again) jeans and converse. I sat down in my chair and finished The Great Gatsby. I put it down on the coffee table and looked at my phone for the time.

"Shit." It was half past 1. I popped out of the chair and ran out of the flat, pounding on the lift button. The door finally opened and Luke was standing in the small box.

"Hey..." He said softly.

"Hey." I said looking him over. "What is up with you?"

"He. Uh. He t-told me..."

"Oh my god... How did I know that he would?" We both laughed and the door opened and I ran out and into the street hailing a cab. "Take me to Angelo's please... You know where that is right?"

"Yes of course." The cabbie said in a thick cockney accent.

"Thank you." We pulled up at the curb and I got out running into the small restaurant. I asked if Tom was there yet and the waitress said no so I sat down and ordered a glass of water. I sat studying the surrounding oil paintings of Italian landscapes.

"Miss are you okay?" A tall man came over to me wearing a red tshirt, worn jeans and a tomato stained apron.

"Yes. I am fine, just waiting for someone." I said looking around again.

"Sorry Hun, looks like he stood you up." He said following my eyes.

"No he wouldn't do that." I focussed back in him. "I am Ali, Alison Wright." I said sticking out my hand.

"Papa T." We sat making small talk for a couple minutes and then someone called him from the kitchen and i was alone again. I watched the street and hoped for his call to pull up. I texted him but he didn't answer. I got up and went back to his flat hoping that he would be there. I walked in and saw his figure sitting on the floor next to the window just staring. Not his usual glorified stare but his empty one. The one I had only seen once when I told him... About what I did to myself. I went and sat next to him. His eyes were glazed over with tears and his hair was ruffled.

"What is wrong honey?" I asked rubbing small circles in his back. He started shaking. Not a shiver kind of shaking but an shaking that can only be contained through time. His whole body rocked back and forth under the force of it. The tears poured down his face and he started hyperventilating. "Tom, Tom.  You need to calm down. Focus on me." I said laying him down on the floor and climbing in his lap. "Breathe, breathe. Honey... Breathe." His breathing slowed and he tried to lock his eyes onto mine. "That's it babe... You are safe." I held him up and he collapsed in my arms, the tears still flowing freely down his face. "Can you tell me?" He drew a shaky breathe.

"I uh. I-I got a c-call from the hospital. The last girl that she adopted c-came home from s-school. And f-found her on the floor. D-dead...Ali, Lily..." He whispered to me slowly.

"No. Oh my god darling. I am so sorry." I said rubbing his back. "I know how much you love her."

"No... You don't. She is... Was. My everything. She saved me from every single thing imaginable. From myself even."

"I know Tom, you are right."

"NO... YOU DONT KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!"

"Tom, please calm down."

"Calm down? Calm down? My mother just fucking died. You want me to calm down." He said pulling away from me. "Go please. Just go..." He said pointing to the door. I picked myself up slowly and wiped away the tears.

"I'm sorry Tom. I love you..." I pushed the lift button and walked in. He never responded.

I am soooooooo sorry...