~I'm Aware~

It was impossible to ignore the blaring trumpets that seemed to be playing directly outside my window.

I hurried myself up and dressed in the uniform I had worn shortly last night. There was no reason to wear a completely new uniform as I had barely worn the other one. Better to conserve than to not, right?

I used a ribbon I found in a drawer of the vanity to make an attempt at tying my hair into an elegant bun as I had seen other students having done with their hair yesterday. To my dismay, the bun drooped sadly as if it was mirroring my own fatigue. Something about being in a new place seems to not allow me to sleep as well as I used to, even sleeping on a bed seems worse than my dirty floor back home. Sighing in defeat, I decide there is no use in continuing to fiddle with the lost cause that is my unruly, red curls.

There must still be plenty of time before I must be at breakfast, so that gives me a little bit to wander the grounds to see everything I hadn't gotten the chance to see yesterday. Opening the door to my room, I notice a golden timepiece on the floor with a note next to it reading, "Don't be late." The same gift was placed at the foot of every door on the hall. It seems as if I am the only one to have finished preparing for the day, so I pick up my timepiece, re-shoulder my bag of books, and head down to the main courtyard.

I hadn't truly taken time to admire the beautiful statues at the center of the fountain at the center of the courtyard before. The top halves of a man and a woman grew out of a shared tale connected to the base of the fountain. They were delicately entwined together as they gently caressed one another's face while gazing ever so lovingly. It seemed as though this beautiful couple had been alive until they were frozen into stone so that the love in each other's eyes could be displayed forever to loveless souls such as myself. As sill as it sounds, I almost felt mocked by the statue. Even so, something about the statue seemed to be so irreplaceably beautiful that it caused a singular tear to roll down my pale cheek. I didn't even take notice of it until a felt a gust of wind on my face, causing the streak to feel cold.

At this realization, I quickly avert my attention over to the perfectly tended flower beds outlining the paths of the courtyard. Each bed was a cluster of similarly colored flowers of varying species. It was elegant in it's own way. Even though they seemed to be without any order, it miraculously worked somehow.

A few guys enter the courtyard from the other side, most likely on their way to the dining hall from the boys dormitories. As they make their way towards the great doors at the front of the school, they pass me a few dirty looks with sneers hinting at their upper lips. It's to be expected; why would an ugly girl be at a school like this full of only the most beautiful? Exactly. Only by sheer one in a million chance.

I peek a glance at my new timepiece to see that I still have around 15 minutes before I have to be at the dining hall for breakfast. Figuring that I have nothing better to do, I turn towards the doors that the boys had disappeared through and walk into the large entrance room. I head to the dining hall and find my seat with the name engraved into it.

"Hey Gwyn!" Charlie yells gliding across the room receiving more than a few shrewd looks. "Did you get your beauty sleep?"

"Pfft, no. 'Beauty sleep' could never do a thing to help me. I am practically a lost cause, Charlie."

"Sweetheart, that's a lie."

"Do not call me that."

"Why? It's just an endearing nickname."

"The amount that I care, William-Charles, takes up about as much of space in my heart as the nail covers on my small toe." I say with a strict tone. I take in a deep breath of air and continue, "Just don't call me that, alright?"

"Alright, but wow. Your small toe must be quite big then."

"You know for a fact that it is a normal size. You are just misinterpreting my words."

"How would I know? I've never seen your toes!" Charlie lets out a sudden cackle.

"Stop laughing like that! I do not need any attention drawn to me."

"My apologies as my laughter cannot increase the amount of people looking as everyone already is."

I glance around to see that he lying straight through his perfect teeth. "What do you mean? No one is looking over here besides a few girls at this table."

"I know, I know. I am messing with you. It made your face go really red. It matches your hair now!" He let out a short burst of laughter once again, but quickly stops as I feel my face fall.

Now my face is even more hideous? "It matches my hair..." I repeat what he had said slowly zoning out.

Charlie shifted on his feet, realizing that the mood has taken a turn. "I think the food is about to come out, so I hope to see you in a class today. If not, I will see you at the astronomy club."

With that, he strutted off, his head slightly tilted downwards at the floor. The freckles are bad enough. The last thing I needed to hear was that my face was now a horrid red color just like my hair. While in my thoughts, I had not realized that I had a steaming stack of pancakes sitting on the plate in front of me with glazed strawberries and whipped cream on top.

Upon finishing my food, I pull out the letter from last night and glance at the schedule written in neat cursive. Self-Presentation, Etiquette, and Grace. Exciting. I'm sure that will be quite pleasant considering how I actually look.

—-—

"Just find any seat that pleases you! I do not have any specific preferences for everyone to sit," a beautiful woman with auburn hair and bubble glasses, who I presume to be Professor Anderson, says.

At least twenty vanities like the one in my room were set up against every wall in replacement of normal desks leaving the center of the room completely empty. I find an empty seat between a girl with blonde hair and boy with light brown hair.

"Everyone, I would like for you all to face your mirrors and admire yourselves for a moment, and I want you each to pick out one striking feature about yourself. Something that stands out," Professor Anderson instructs everyone as class begins.

There are two things that stand out tremendously. My garish red hair and disease-like spots we call freckles, neither of which are very pleasant to view.

"Hey," the girl to my left whispers. "My name is Abigail White, and yours?"

I glance out of the corner of my eye, cautious of why such a gorgeous girl was speaking to me. "Gwynerie."

"Last name?"

"Murphy, why?"

"Just for the formality of it, nothing more." She points to my messy attempt at the elegant bun I saw so many girls with. "I'll fix it for you, if you want."

"I'm alright, thank you."

"Are you sure? It will only take a second," she insists.

I sigh considering the fact that maybe being rude and not accepting this girl's kind offer will end things even worse for me. "If it will be quick, sure."

The girl worked her hands quickly as everyone continued to admire themselves in their mirrors. I wish I was able to admire myself like that, my inner voice lamented.

"There. Done." The girl says plopping back onto her padded stool triumphantly.

I glance at myself in the mirror to see a pulled together bun perched atop my head with a simple bread wrapped around it's base. "Wow, thank you."

"You're quite welcome. I'd love to show you how if you'll let me?"

"Maybe later tonight if we see each other," I shrug, not completely wanting this girl to get very close with me as it felt rather odd.

"Perfect! We'll meet in the main courtyard after dinner then," she grinned brilliantly.

"Alright everyone! I hope we have all found our most striking feature about ourselves. How about we share, hm?" Professor Anderson scans the room. "You two, the ones who were talking, let's begin with you, shall we?"

Abigail seemingly almost jumped from her chair in excitement. "Well, I believe my most striking feature would be my crystal blue eyes. I believe they very much stand out against my olive skin."

"Very good! I believe you are quite right there...?"

"Abigail," she supplied.

"Ah, Abigail. Well, since your most striking feature is your eyes, it would be best to emphasize them anyway you can. When you are preparing your face at the beginning of the day, maybe it would be wise to add a dark color around your eyes using makeup which we will supply everyone with today. It will consist of all you will need to prepare yourself for any occasion. Boys will be receiving these as well," Professor explains, now staring expectantly at me.

"My name is Gwynerie, and I would think that my most striking feature must be my fire-like red hair. It certainly is not common, so in a crowd, one could easily spot me."

"Indeed that would be your most striking feature. Might I ask, what do you make of it?"

"I believe it to be the bane of my existence along with my horrid freckles."

"You see, I believe you are only making it out to be that way. Have you considered trying different things with your hair and treating it as a prize rather than coal? I trust viewing your hair differently may affect your overall beauty and bring out your true charm."

"I am unsure of that, Professor, but this is the first time I have ever worn my hair up in my lifetime."

"That is surely wonderful. Everyone, take this from Gwynerie over here. Rather than seeing your bad parts and trying to hide them, try to find a way to appreciate them for what they are and find a way to bring beauty to them despite what they are."

I am in complete and utter shock. This woman is the one who will be teaching me and everyone else about beauty... and she did not say I am ugly. She of all people should be able to spot someone who is a lost cause as she is an expert of sorts, right? Her glasses may be messing with her because I do not find it possible for her to have said all that she did truthfully.

As the professor continues to go around to everyone in the room asking them about their most striking features as she did to both me and Abigail, I remain is shock.

Finally finishing with the final person in the room, Professor Anderson concludes, "You see now everyone? You should always find that striking feature that makes you different and separates you from the crowd, and then you need to isolate and emphasize it. You should want to bring attention to yourselves! It's bring you fortune and a better well-being in the future. You may even raise in status and get to move to the capital." She pauses to let that sink in before switching topics. "Now about that makeup kit that I mentioned earlier. I'll distribute that now. The one for the boys will differ slightly between that of the girls unless you would like to request the girl kit that has a bit more to it."

When she hands me a wooden, pink makeup chest, I open it to inspect its contents. Scanning the chest's contents, I realize that I can barely name one or two, if even that many, of the supplies. I believe I noticed mascara and blush. I'm not completely sure of this though.

"Over the next few weeks we will be going over each specific makeup tool and how to use then properly on your face type. As we still have a little time left, if you would like to use some makeup to touch up your current makeup or experiment, you are welcome to do so." She pauses for a moment with a look of sudden worry. "I only ask that you all do not leave this room looking like you are coming out of an insane asylum. If you mess up, please just remove the makeup in it's entirety. Do not walk around these halls looking messy."

Knowing that I will not know the first thing to do to my face, I turn to Abigail. "Would you possibly consider giving me a slight touch up to my face? Your own makeup looks wonderful."

"Oh, sure I guess. One moment." She quickly finishes touching up the mascara on her eyelashes. "Alright hand my your supplies and I give you some blush, mascara, and lipstick.... And I might also cover up some of that pesky darkness under your eyes."

I suddenly feel embarrassed as I didn't realize I had noticeable dark eye-circles. She must notice my panicking as she whispers that we all get it and not to worry one bit because with just a little be of makeup it won't even be visible.

After a couple minutes of her struggling to apply makeup to my twitching face (I don't like people coming near my eyes) she is finally finished. I turn to myself in the mirror. There is a noticeable difference. I now have a light artificial blush across my nose and cheeks, light pink lips, black elegant eyelashes, and no dark-circles.

"Wow, thank you so much," I say in amazement.

"Oh, sweetie, don't mention it. We had to do something about that."

Well, she's not wrong.

—-—

Professor Montgomery clearly doesn't like me, although I'm not surprised.

"Murphy," the professor's attention snaps to me. "Would you like to stand and read the next passage for the class?"

I sigh under my breath as I push myself to stand. Holding the textbook I begin to read. Professor Montgomery stares at me intensely, mostly liking waiting for me to make a mistake or stumble across my words. Luckily I have plenty of experience with reading to my siblings at night from the books I would steal from the book store. When I complete the short passage, I take my seat again.

"Thank you..." he grumbles, sketching something down into his notebook. "Gilbert, stand. Next section."

As a boy stood to read the next passage as I had previously done, Charlie leans over to me. "Does Professor Montgomery seem to be out for you or is it just me?"

"It's not just you." I keep my head down looking at the textbook while sideways glancing in Charlie's direction. "He seems to just hates me for existing. I mean I can't say I blame him with my hair and all."

"Geez! Why are you so down on yourself about the way you look? Gwynerie, you ar-"

"Curtis and Murphy!" the professor booms suddenly. "Would you like to explain to the rest of the class what you were talking about?"

"We were-" I begin, but Charlie swiftly cuts me off.

"I asked the beautiful Miss Gwynerie Murphy over here to aid a poor ignorant lad like myself to understand the definition of a word that was quite frankly too long for my small brain to understand," he says elegantly.

Professor Montgomery looks unsure for a moment, squinting at a beaming Charlie before saying, "If you must ask for a definition to a word, raise your hand at the end of a passage or make use of one of our many dictionaries at the back of the room. If you think your brain to be so small as to not be able to understand simple language used in the introduction to our textbook, every class going forward I am requiring you to grab a dictionary at your desk at the start of each lesson. I would also prefer for you to not speak in class out of turn. I would expect this sort of behavior from someone like Murphy, but not you, Curtis."

"What do you mean by someone like her?" Charlie prompted.

"Well I am referring to her obvious social status with her red hair. She is clearly beneath every other person at this fine academy. She hardly deserves to sit in this room among elites such as ourselves."

Charlie looked as if he were about to explode out of his chair, but I lightly placed my hand on his leg underneath our desk to tell him that it was 'okay'. His looked down at the table, probably in an attempt to hide the red creeping up his neck out of anger. I understand that the professor spoke quite harshly just now about me, but he never said anything that wasn't true.

The rest of the class went mostly without incident, only the occasional kid getting reprimanded for the mispronunciation of a word. The second the bells sounded throughout the corridors and into the classrooms, everyone hurried from the room, trying their bests not to run. Meanwhile, I take my time as Charlie tries to hurry me out of the room. The second I finish packing up my few things, he practically shoves me out into the corridor.

"I could not STAND being in there!" Charlie bursts with his hands on his knees pretending to be out of breath.

"Why, what's wrong?" I giggle.

"That guy was so up tight and he insulted the living hell out of you! I was so ready to throw hands."

"Charlie, calm down. All is well now. Let's just head to the dining hall, come on."

Once we reach the hall, we split ways with a quick "see you later" and head to our different tables. The girls I pass on my way to my seat all sneer and turn away. I do my best to ignore the looks as I sit down and wait for the food to be brought out. Within minutes the school butlers began serving each student their respective portions.

I take notice of how the boys got slightly larger meals than the girls. Actually, make that a lot larger. On my plate there was a small dome-shaped mound of rice accompanied by some sliced, salted meats. I recognized only one as prosciutto. On the guys' side their places were heaped with elegantly presented sandwiches, sausages, and vegetables.

I slowly begin to eat through my meal, attempting to abide by every etiquette rule I have ever read about. It feels slightly awkward, eating with the fork upside-down in my left hand so I can cut with my right. I also feel it is quite silly to have to cut up sliced meats that are already in bite-sized pieces. Oh wait, sorry, I forgot that it is bad manners for a woman to question things.

"Excuse me, Gwynerie is it?" a girl a few seats down from me calls. I nod my head in response. "Could you please try keeping it down? Your hair is so loud that I can barely hear my friend who is right across from me." Her and the girls around her begin to laugh as if it was the single funniest thing they've ever heard in their lives.

I sigh, glancing down at my nearly empty plate. "Thank you for warning me about how distracting I am being. I will try to be better next time." I stand up and finally turn to make direct eye contact with the girl. "Next time you go to insult me on something I am already fully aware of, at least try to make it worth your breath. Maybe prepare it beforehand so it can actually be funny."

I leave the dining hall early, unsure of whether it is actually permitted to leave early or not. I notice a few other students milling about the courtyard, so it must not be against any rules. I see Charlie talking in a group of other guys leaning up against the fountain. He fit in perfectly with the others. All prim and proper... beautiful faces and annoyingly perfect-colored hair.

Charlie's eyes flicker towards me for a moment and he does a small upward nod of his head telling me to come over there. I shake my head causing him to roll his eyes and beckon me over with a hand gesture. Now the other guys were beginning to notice my presence as well, which is exactly the opposite of what I wanted as they began to gave me the same looks as the girls did in the dining hall.

Charlie gives up trying to call me over and tells the other guys he'll be back as he struts his way over to me. "Hey, Gwyn~" he says, and when I don't stop him for shortening my name, he just continues. "Why didn't you come over there?" He gestures to where the group of guys are standing, tossing us questioning looks.

"Because they clearly don't accept.... me."

"That's ridiculous. You're just imagining it, they're cool."

"No, Charlie. You don't understand. They are just like everyone else. They see my red hair and think lesser of me. Then with my freckles added on top of that they see me as scum under there fancy boots."

"Okay, first of all, no one wears boots here. Second of all, I haven't known you very long, but from what I can tell, you are the farthest thing from scum," he pauses for a moment to ponder something. "Well... that's if I overlook you pretending to be pregnant to steal some books."

I can tell he's trying to lighten my mood by his joking tone which brings a half-smile to my face. "Gee, thanks William-Charles."

He glares at me for a moment. "You're lucky you're cute because otherwise I wouldn't be so tolerating of you calling me that."

My cheeks heat up, but it might just be due to the sun. "Shut up."

"I'll respect your decision not to come talk to the guys, but you will have to learn to talk to people around here soon enough. What are you going to do if you have to do a project with someone that's not me?"

"I'll have you know that I made a friend this morning perfectly well on my own without you!"

"Oh, did you now?"

"Yes, I did!" I cross my arms over my chest, sticking my nose up in the air in protest. I hear him start to laugh, so I glance at him out of the corner of my eye. "Why are you laughing?"

"With that pose you're doing right there you'll be fitting in here no problem with the other girls."

"Hey! What is that supposed to mean?"

"If you don't get it, there's no bother trying to explain myself."

Huffing in annoyance, I begin to wonder how much time I have until History and Business starts. I check the timepiece that the school provided and see it is nearly the end of our midday meal.

"Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to make my way to my next class now," I tell him.

"Might I join you? You're walking a bit early, so I will have plenty of time to find my class to after I walk you to yours."

"Aww, what a gentleman~" I coo. "But sure, if you really want to."

"I'd carry your books for you too, but after that "gentleman" comment, I think I will just let you suffer."

"Oh please, you just don't want to burden yourself with the extra weight. Besides, I wouldn't have let you carry them anyway because I don't take myself for a weak girl. Do you?"

"I feel this is a loaded question. Might I phone a friend?"

"As if there is a telephone anywhere in the vicinity. I mean, you could if you could make it to the city to call them and back here in five minutes."

"Can I upgrade that to 5 hours?"

"Ooo, sorry, we are all out of upgrades at the moment. Nice try though! Good luck next time," I wrinkle my nose and poke his before speeding up my walking pace.

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to stop."

"Oh, so I'm a Ma'am now?"

"Oh, sorry. Miss," he says mockingly.

"Ahh, much better."

Due to my quickened pace, we arrived outside my classroom faster than we had originally expected despite the numerous wrong turns.

"Alright, I'll see you later then. I believe you still have 8 minutes to make it to your class. I think I might wait out here a bit so I'm not sitting alone inside," I say.

"See you later, then? Astronomy club, don't forget it."

"I won't!" I laugh waving as he leaves as well waving over his shoulder.

When I finally enter class, I take a seat at the back of the room. Professor Grass is a short woman who is clearly too old to be teaching, let alone being alive. I swear she must be in her hundreds.

The fragile woman raises her arms in the air and begins to croak out, "Settle down, everyone. Please say here as I call you names... Jonathan Smith?" The boy to my right lets out a weak 'here'. "Jonathan Smith?" He repeats himself only a little louder. "Jonathan, are you here?"

"Yes, I'm here," he speaks up even more.

"I guess he isn't here today... Shame to miss your first day. I hope the poor boy isn't sick."

"Professor! I said that I am here!" Jonathan finally yells standing from his desk.

"Oh! There you are sunny-boy! Why didn't you say so the first few times I called your name? Oh well. The rest of you make sure to answer when I call you the first time. Spring Summers?"

The rest of the roll-call went about the same as the first boy's did. I also began to wonder why she started at the end of the alphabet rather than at the beginning. Crazy old woman, that odd voice in my head says.

"Wow, you kids these days really aren't that great at hearing are you? You should all get your ears checked out or cleaned if you couldn't hear me calling your name." No, lady. You're the one who needs to get their ears checked.

The familiar sound of the bell echoes into our classroom. Sudden shock goes through me as I realize that it took this woman the entire class time to simply take our attendance. Oh boy, this is going to be a long semester.

I leave the room and start on my way to the final class of the day, Mathematical Sciences I. The roman numeral at the end of that leads me to believe there won't just be one semester of this. How lovely.

"You, Miss, what is your name?" A man with hair practically exploding off of his head prods my shoulder with the back-end of a pencil the moment I step into the classroom. How joyous. This must be Professor Branch.

"Gwynerie Murphy?" I say almost unsure of myself due to his suddenness.

"Are you sure that is your name, my dear? You don't sound too positive of this notion."

What notion? "Yes, I am absolutely sure that Gwynerie Murphy is in fact my name."

"Alright, alright! Hurry up now we haven't got all day for you to stand here and tell me about your name," he says whilst shooing me away to find a seat.

I choose an empty seat nearest to the windows so I'm able to gaze down upon the courtyard on days where the lesson doesn't quite fancy my utmost attention. Of course this is simply a nice way of saying that it'll be easier to zone out during these boring lessons if I have something pleasing to look at.

Professor Branch hops upward as he sits down on top of his desk. "Alright! Settle down class. Did you guys complete your homeworks and study for the test today?"

Besides the whole room going completely silent and the sudden air tension full of rigid fear, one boy raises his hand in the back of the room before beginning to speak. "Um, Professor? It's only the first day of class. We haven't gotten any assignments or materials to study yet."

"Oh! That's right. I almost forgot. I'm always mixing up what day it is. How am I supposed to know whether it's summertime or mid-winter?" Maybe try looking outside, my mind interrupts him. "The world expects too much of us feeble humans... Well you all must at least be prepared for a pop quiz right?" The tension barges right back into the room with his new question. "Geez, you guys are so uptight. I'm only joking! Really you all need to calm down a bit." The class lets out a collective sigh. "There is no possible way you could have prepared for this pop quiz. Good luck!"

Not one student in the entire classroom is left without their mouth and eyes agape in such a way that makes it look as thought we just all watched an entire cemetery rise from the dead. Professor Branch finishes passing out a single sheet of paper to each student before giving a prompt, "Begin!" for everyone to start.

I look down at the paper in front of me and read the first question: Which below is the birthplace of Professor Branch?

His birthplace, really? How should I know that? I guess now would be a good time to start using those keen observation skills of mine and make my best uneducated guess here. I look at the answers and just choose the only one I recognize the name of: Pennville. It's some small town near the capital.

The rest of the questions on the quiz were all similar to that one. Asking about his height, age, marital status, and even about the whereabouts of his lost poodle. Don't even ask me how I expect him to be able to grade that question.

Upon completing the pointless quiz, I stand from my desk to walk to the front of the room and hand it over to the Professor. He takes is silently with a nod of his head as I return to my seat. I watch my classmates' faces contort into different levels of confusion while waiting for each to complete their quiz.

"Good job, everyone! I'll have those back to you probably at some point in the next month or so. I rarely take time to sit and grade things," he says as the final student hands him their quiz. Oh, really? And you're supposed to teach us? "Open your textbooks that I hope you all have brought with you as the school informed you would be needing to purchase them beforehand." He waits a moment before continuing. "I would like for everyone to carefully read through everything through chapter 1 of this book. While you do this, take notes and make sure to section them properly into each part of the chapter. I recommend keeping a page in your notes specifically for terminology. Finally I would like you to have all 40 review questions at the end of the chapter completed and ready for submission at the start of next week when we will have our test. Understood? Great. I recommend you all should take some time now to begin this as you have the rest of class to work on it."

Everyone looks around at one another in confusion once again, and the boy from earlier raises his hand and begins to speak. "Professor, are you ever going to actually instruct us? Like teach the class?"

"Well, no," he says curtly. "I have found over my years that students learn better when they actually have to teach it to themselves. Don't misunderstand me, I will be here every class for if you have questions. Other than answering questions and giving only necessary help, it is up to you all to learn the material before each test. How you go about doing this is up to you all. The class is yours, run it how you see fit."

One girl speaks up, "Are we allowed to choose one person to teach a lesson each class after studying it at home enough to teach. This way only one person per class has to do the hard work of learning a lesson on their own."

"Well, that's a fine idea and all, but say that one person learns something completely wrong. Are you fine to doom yourself and the rest of those in the class besides you? Sometimes things are better if you just do it all for yourselves," Professor Branch says as he turns to lay down across his desk, knocking things off to make himself more comfortable. "But by all means! Do what you believe is the best course of action."

A series of mumbles echo across the classroom of uncertainties on what to do for the class. I for one know that I plan to just learn it on my own because I cannot put my faith into someone else and trust them to learn and teach something correctly.

I'd rather just do it by myself. That's what I'm used to anyway.