SETTING

We are in the living room of PANTALONE's home, a gorgeous mansion in a residential area in Italy. The living room, however, is quite a gloomy and clean place. PEDROLINO often dusts in here, and hears arguments between the Masters.

AT RISE

The Masters are having an argument again. LA SIGNORA wants to buy herself a house, but she doesn't have enough money to do this. So she asks PANTALONE to support her financially by giving her some money. But as a stingy man, PANTALONE doesn't want to spend any euros getting a house for his wife, besides he suspects she is having an affair with someone, and that she tries to take his money to give it to her lover.

PANTALONE

Oh please, don't talk to me about that stuff again. We've been discussing about it since the Renaissance Wars, and I'm so sick of it, my dear! Why are you so interested in buying a house for yourself? And how many times do I have to tell you that I can never help you do that, huh?

LA SIGNORA

Lying, you're lying to me again, Pantalone. You are like - the richest and wealthiest man in this whole town. I don't know why you can't even do that little thing for me...

PANTALONE

Oh, you call that a little thing? Do you know how much it costs to buy a proper house?

LA SIGNORA

I know, I know. But please I really need your help... I desperately need your money, darling...

PANTALONE

Did I mistreat you or did I do something wrong that you started to hate me and wanted to move out? Why do I feel like you're trying to avoid me?

LA SIGNORA

No, no, no, darling. Please don't think like that. You didn't do anything wrong and I still love you. I need my own house just because I want my life to be a little bit... you know, different.

PANTALONE

But I'm sorry, the answer is no, dear. My money isn't for helping you buy a house.

LA SIGNORA

Look, I know you are mad at me because I always ask for your money, but can you please just spend a second thinking about me? I'm a miserable woman, and I don't want to live a boring life like this anymore. I need to make changes, darling, and I need your financial support. I promise this'll be the last time I ask for your money.

PANTALONE

Ugh, stop it. I know you'll never keep your promise. Are you in a relationship with someone? Are you trying to take my money in order to give it to your boyfriend? Cause if that's true, you're going to be kicked out of my house, and I'm going to tell the whole town that you are such a disgrace, a curse, and a shame of this family.

LA SIGNORA

Wha... what are you talking about? I'm not cheating on you. I just need money to buy a house, and that is it. I know that I'm not that kind of person who always keeps their promise, but please trust me this time... give me a chance to fix my problem, please.

PANTALONE

Darling, you're making me crazy... I really want to help you to buy a house, but I can't because I... I can't trust you. I'm sorry. The answer is no.

LA SIGNORA

You don't trust me? Why not? Please, think again, dear. You are everything I have now. My life will be nothing if I don't have your financial support...

PANTALONE

(PANTALONE closes his eyes then yells at her.)

Oh my God, will you stop? What part of no don't you understand, puttana?!

LA SIGNORA

Wait - did you just call me puttana? Are you "cereal"? Do you know what it means?

PANTALONE

(PANTALONE shakes his head.)

No, no, I didn't call you that.

LA SIGNORA

(LA SIGNORA chuckles.)

My God, I can't believe an uneducated person like you knows Italian that well. All right, you know what? Since you have no respect for your wife, and trust none of her words, I think it's time for us to get a divorce.

(LA SIGNORA begins to leave the room.)

PANTALONE

What? No, wait. You can't do that.

LA SIGNORA

I've made up my mind. We are getting a divorce.

PANTALONE

But why? Hey, hey, hey!

(PANTALONE runs to her then holds her hand.)

LA SIGNORA

Don't you dare touch me.

(LA SIGNORA gets his hands off of her.)

Get out of my sight.

PANTALONE

Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry for calling you that...

LA SIGNORA

No, I don't want to hear your apology.

(LA SIGNORA tries to leave the room again, but PANTALONE holds her back.)

PANTALONE

Darling, darling! Please, please don't leave me... You are everything I have now... Our marriage is all I've got... Please don't... don't leave me...

LA SIGNORA

Let me go, you freak!

PANTALONE

All right, all right, all right, darling. You want a beautiful house? Fine, I'll buy you a beautiful house. You want my money? I can give you my money. As long as you stay, I will give you everything you want... Please...

LA SIGNORA

Stop lying to me. I know you're stingy, you don't love me, you have no respect for me, you called me puttana, and suspect that I'm cheating on you... Our marriage is over, Pantalone, and I'm leaving.

(LA SIGNORA pushes PANTALONE backward then gets out of the room.)

PANTALONE

No, no, you can't leave... La Signora! La Signora!

(PANTALONE runs after LA SIGNORA.)

(BLACKOUT)

(END OF SCENE)