Chapter 14- Past TRIGGER WARNING!
I am just warning you now, this chapter will contain graphic mentions of suicidal thoughts, you have been warned! It won't appear until about halfway through the chapter, I've made it as obvious as I can, so if you miss it, that's your own fault.
In all seriousness, when I mention suicide, I want it to be painfully clear that I am not romanticizing it, rather, I want people to see how much it can hurt those around them, I have never been in the position Jessica was in, but I've had my fair share of brushes with suicide, and believe me, it is not as nice as some people make it sound! There is help for those who are struggling with that, and if you are feeling down even slightly, you can leave a message for me and we'll talk. I have faith in you all, you can do this!
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Mori's POV
Kim sat in silence for a few moments before a smile that was obviously forced made its way onto her face, and she waved her hand dismissively, "Oh, didn't she tell you?" I wasn't usually one to pry, but the pain that was bleeding through her façade worried me, and I could tell that Mitsukuni was in the same boat as me.
"She said she caught her neck on some barbed wire, but she didn't say how," The twins were the ones to ask that and Kim looked at them in confusion, not seeming to know what they were taking about. "She told you that? That's not exactly true, it wasn't-"
Kim was cut off by the door opening with a loud bang, causing her to jump a good foot off the floor and the rest of us to look to the door in surprise (for the twins and Tamaki, it was more like terror since they all had jumped onto each other for protection), "I got it when I volunteered at the zoo, and yes, it was barbed wire." There, in all her bandaged glory, stood Jessica, smiling at all of us, though her smile did seem off, "Basically my klutziness got the better of me and I tripped at just the wrong moment." She was smiling, but I could see a darkness in her eyes that no one else seemed to notice.
Mitsukuni jumped off his chair and ran to her, hugging her around the waist while crying loudly, "Jessi-chan, I'm so sorry I didn't notice that you were hurt! Can you ever forgive me?"
Jessica visibly winced as Mitsukuni latched onto her, which prompted me to examine her to see what was wrong; yes, her head was wrapped with a lot of bandaged, but what concerned me more was her leg. Blood dotted the bandages as she stood, showing the strain that she was putting on it just by standing; Mitsukuni seemed to notice this as well since he quickly released her and helped her to a seat, ignoring her mumbling something about it being no problem.
The twins crowded around Jessica and began examining the bandages on her head, "Wow Jess, they really got you, I thought you knew self-defense, what happened?" Hikaru asked, and I couldn't help but notice a slight pink spot that appeared on the girl's cheek.
"I don't remember it too well, actually," She said while blushing and looking down at her lap, "But the reports say my head injury indicates they hit me with a rock."
Kaoru frowned and looked down at her leg, bringing up what I had already thought, "But a rock to the head wouldn't give you a leg injury, what happened there?"
At this point, I was completely befuddled by the blushing girl in front of me; since I had known her, she had done her fair share of blushing in the time I had known her, but right now she seemed much more vulnerable than she ever had been before. Perhaps being at her home brought a different side of her out, I wasn't able to tell.
She smiled slightly, and rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly, "Would you guys believe that I tripped?" The other hosts all looked at each other and nodded simultaneously, knowing her, that was completely possible, "Yeah... I don't always know where my feet are, and adrenaline doesn't help."
The twins grinned at each other, "You seem to trip at really bad times, how many scars are you going to have from these incidents?" Once again, the room went quiet and Jessica's smile once again became strained and Kim was shifting nervously.
"Hopefully just those two," Jessica said and stood shakily, "I'm going to my room now, I've still got meds in my system and need to sleep them off!"
When she did this, the twins ran to her side, "We'll walk you to your room, you promised to show it to us!" They each grabbed an arm and began dragging her away, ignoring her threats of harm if they tried anything.
The door shut, and Kim laughed lightly before walking to a chair and sitting wearily, looking at Mitsukuni and I, "Thank you guys,"
I looked on passively, and Mitsukuni sat in a chair closer to her, "What do you mean? We weren't there for when she was hurt."
Kim grabbed my cousin and pulled him gently into a hug, "Don't blame yourself, it sounded like a crazy day all around; I'm just talking about being her friend."
Mitsukuni and I exchanged glances, why did she say that? Jessica seemed to be a personable enough to me, she didn't seem like someone who would have a hard time making friends, "Why would that be anything special?"
Kim sighed and ran her hand through her short hair and sighed deeply, "You would never guess it, but I haven't seen her this happy in years, she's just a little too good at hiding her emotions; we were really worried about her for a couple of years now." Her smile was tired, to say the least.
Mitsukuni put his hand on her knee, his happy-go-lucky façade gone as his eyes settled on Jessica's mom, determined to get answers, "What happened?"
TRIGGER WARNING-Flashback- TRIGGER WARNING
I sat on the edge of the tub shivering as I stared at the object in my hands; it was ten minutes to 2am, yet I was still here, as I had been for the last hours, trying to decide what to do. Everything inside of me was screaming to put it down, but it was as though this object had some form of control over me, forcing me to keep considering it, long past the time when sane people would have walked away and gone to bed.
The metallic shine was almost comforting, and I knew that if I just did what a part of me wanted to, there would be no more pain, no more sadness, no more self-hatred, just blissful quiet. Yeah, that's right, the object in my hands was a knife, a long, sharp kitchen knife that had no place in a bathroom at two in the morning. This was the third day I had done this, and this time, more than ever, I wanted to do it; just a quick slice across my neck or wrists and I wouldn't have to feel unwanted, useless, fat, stupid, invisible, or any of the other number of things I felt on a daily basis.
My breathing sped up and the knife shifted in my grasp, shifting to point towards right to where anatomy textbooks said the vein in my neck was. I knew from studying the Old Testament that when the jugular veins were slit, there would be only a moment of pain before I would be filled with numbness and quickly lose consciousness.
At this point, I had stopped trying to wipe away the tears that were flooding down my cheeks and I had a rag in my mouth to try and stifle the broken sobs, so I didn't wake up my parents. Less than an inch away from my neck, the blade froze; my parents, my family, was I really going to make them find my body bled out in the morning? As impossible as it seems, my crying increased, driven by thought of the pain my parents would feel tomorrow.
They loved me, I knew they loved me, just earlier that evening we had sat together over the dinner table, talking about what the next day held for all of us; my parents had no idea I was in here right now, they had no idea there was anything wrong with me. They may not know it, but was I really going to punish them for not noticing something I've been working so hard to hide? I had done everything in my power to stop them from finding out that I was suffering, so this was all my fault, I wasn't worth the pain they would feel if I killed myself.
As if a dam broke, my brain filled with images of all the people I loved sitting together smiling; it would hurt all of them if I left, they would ask themselves if they were the ones to drive me over the edge, if they could have done anything different to stop me. My seat at the table would be empty and no matter what, I would never be able to take this back; overwhelmed, I buried my face in my arms, temporarily forgetting about the knife in my hands.
For a second, time slowed down and the rag dropped from my mouth, I was barely aware of anything happening, but the feeling of metal splitting skin enveloped my being, and for a moment all was calm. That didn't last long though, as my neck was slowly filled with fire and time sped up again. I cried out and jerked back, accidently pulling out the knife I had inserted deep into the right side of my neck. All I could see was the blood that was covering my hands, and I dropped the knife, not even paying attention to the loud clatter it made and the blood that was dripping of the floor as I made my way to a mirror.
Breathing was becoming difficult, my legs were barely holding me up, and no matter what I did, I couldn't get my eyes to focus enough to see the damage I had done. Beyond the ringing in my ears, I distantly heard my name being called; it was enough to get me to turn, just that movement made my legs wobble dangerously; there was no way I was making it to the door to get help. The last thing I remember was forcing out my dad's name before the sensation of falling filled me and everything went black.
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