❀❀❀ ⓒⓗⓐⓟⓣⓔⓡ  ⓢⓘⓧ ❀❀❀

WILL

Once again, I was alone in the miserable hospital's cafeteria. Gemma had called earlier, I told her we found Lia and we were just waiting for her to wake up, and twenty minutes later Gemma was walking through the cafeteria door and taking a seat next to me. She kept me company for as long as her schedule allowed and then too soon she was leaving again.

It was with a heavy heart that I watched her leave, the elevator closed and she flashed me one of her brilliant smiles, the one that could brighten up even the gloomiest of days. And once again I'm reminded that all I can do is fantasize because for some reason I have not gathered the courage to confess my love to her yet. I could write a book about that, The Tragic Love Life of a Secret Agent Who is Not Brave Enough to Confess His Love But Can Kill a Man & Not Lose Sleep Over It. Maybe I could work on the title, but the content was sure to be pathetically sensational.

I trudge over to the counter and order another cup of coffee. The coffee here was hot, and that was about as much complimentary that could be said.

"Make them three," Miles spoke from behind me, ordering two for himself. He still looked like hell, but the relief of finding his sister had clearly lifted some of the weight on his shoulders.

"I wouldn't advise that, you need at least a thirty minute recovery period from one cup," I say. The guy behind the counter shoots me a look of disapproval. "It tastes like soup," I continue, making my voice purposefully louder.

Miles shakes his head and pulls me to a nearby table, "Sit, I want to talk to you."

"Is Lia up yet?"

It's been almost twenty four hours, and she was still unconscious.

"No, not yet," he busies himself with one of the empty cups on the table. "I wanted to thank you," he mumbles, fidgeting with his fingers.

"Seriously Miles? I think we're ten years beyond that," I say honestly. "We're like brothers now, I was worried about her just as much."

"That's the thing Will, I gave up and I was ... I got drunk all the time and gave up but you didn't and if ... if it wasn't for you..." he trails. "I know I messed up, and I don't know if I have it in me to keep going, I don't know if I could-

"Miles!" I snap loudly, slamming my hands down on the table. He stopped talking immediately and gawked at me, looking quite shocked at my outburst. There was no one but a small boy who was so engrossed in his chips and comic book to care about what was going on around him. "What the hell is this about?" I demand.

There was a long pause, and then, "I don't know if I can take care of her," he finally says. "I'm not capable of it. I'm not prepared. I'm not cut out for this type of thing. I just can't."

"I know it's going to be difficult for both of you but Lia is not two, she's seventeen, she's just going to need you to be there for her," I reply. "Both of you have been through a lot, and it will take some time to ... get used to things. But you have to strong for her, Miles. I know we see a lot of horrible things in our job, and to some extent we might even be used to it, but she's not. She just came out of what is possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to her, and all she's going to need now is you by her side."

It was a very lame motivational speech, and I don't see myself winning any speech delivering championships anytime soon, but it seemed to work.

Miles looked at me like I just handed him the solution to all his problems, "Yeah," he nodded. "I can do that."

We sit in silence for some time, then he gets up to get our forgotten coffee.

"Is there even coffee in this thing? Why is it grey?" he looks at it in horrified disgust.

"I think it's better if we don't question its ingredients, and maybe not look at it, or smell it," I say, "or drink it."

✿

"Do you think if you had told me the girl's name was Lia earlier, we would've figured out things faster?" Miles asks after some time.

"I try not to think about many things that could've gone differently," I sigh. "But, yes, maybe it would've made a difference then, you know Gerard disapproved of the case because there was no real evidence. Besides, I always thought your sister's name was Amy, that's the only name you ever used anyway."

He smiles at that. "Amylianne," he says, "she always hated when I called her Amy, so I kept on doing it just to annoy her and then it kind of stuck, I got used to Amy and never called her Lia. Our parents gave her a name with about seven hundred nicknames."

Amy. Lia. Lianne. Anne. Mylia? Amylia? Ian? Okay I have to stop.

"It's an uncommon name, Amylianne."

"Yeah, she hates it," he laughs. Speaking about her has temporarily lifted his mood.

"But seriously Will," he continues. "Thank you for not giving up on either of us."

"Oh, god. We're back at it again," I groan. "You're welcome Miles. There, are you happy? Do we have to hug now?"

"No hugs," he looks satisfied. "But you look like death's ugly cousin. You should get some rest. You know there's a spare bed in Lia's room."

He's one to talk about looks now. And what the hell? Death's ugly cousin?

"A spare bed for patients, I'm aware, yes. Leave it for someone who could need it, I'm fine here."

"You look like you need it," he argues. "Don't make me carry you upstairs, that would not be good for my reputation," he warns.

I shoot him an amused look. "Really?"

"What? You know I could carry you, I did it before," he retorts back.

"Yes because I was shot, bleeding to death and unconscious. The situation kind of called for it."

"Your blood loss did not make you any lighter, if that's what you're getting at."

"I give up," I sigh.

Luke joins us after some time. It's weird not seeing him as his usual chattery, beaming self. He pulls a chair from a nearby table and turns it around, sitting backward, his arms resting on top. "I checked up on Lia on my way," he says. "She's going to be okay, Miles," he tries reassuring our friend.

"Do you think I should get Pamela Wright to see her when she wakes up?" Miles asks.

"The therapist? I don't know mate, maybe we should just wait and see how she wakes up, you know?" Luke replies. "What about you? How have you been ... doing?"

"Right now? It feels like there's a frat party inside my head. The headache is vicious."

"Do you want coffee? I could ..." Luke begins to get up, pointing towards the counter with the shit coffee, but I pull him back down.

"Don't. Trust me."

"Is it bad that I don't feel my family's loss?" Miles blurts out suddenly, his voice unsteady. "I got used to the thought of never seeing or living with them again. That has been my life for five years, I thought that maybe when this is all over I can go back, I'll try to explain and surely they would understand," his voice cracks; he clears his throat and finds the ability to continue, as he spoke he seemed to gather strength, and the words finally tumbled out on the heels of one another, "but I never let myself dwell over that thought for long, because things here might never be over. We may spend our entire lives hunting X8 down but they'll never really be gone. So is it bad that I feel indifferent? Is it ... something wrong with me?"

Luke looked uncomfortable, he looked at me, silently urging me to break the awkward silence that followed Miles's words, and say something meaningful to ease his worries. But I was terrible at the sort of thing.

"It ... would be understandable," I begin.

"Understandable but not normal," Miles says bitterly. "Would either of you be thinking that way if it were you?"

"Don't ask me for normal," I say. "My father is in jail and I haven't seen him in three years, and if the same rules applied to us I wouldn't be working in this agency because of that. And my mother has been on and off with her boyfriends , I lost count on how many men she's dated and I haven't seen her also in two years. So don't look at me."

The awkward silence was magnified then, and we both look at Luke expectantly.

"What? Why are you staring?" Luke looks panicked. "My parents are decent people and I love them dearly, last time I saw either of them was this morning. You know there's enough of the Kesslers to go around, we can ... share my parents?"

Miles lets out a breathless laugh and drops his head in his hands. I watch his shoulders shaking with laughter, "Has anyone ever called you a cupcake before, Luke?"

"That's insulting," Luke replies in mock hurt. "You know I could take you down in a fight, you do seem out of shape lately, but that's beside the point, I can take you down regardless."

"Me? Out of shape?" Miles exclaims loudly. "What a traumatizing thought."

Miles was laughing and joking around but none of it was real, the guy was shattered in every sense of the word. He seemed to be carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and with every step he took, it drained out more of him.

"Alright both of you, I'm too tired for this. Miles you should go home and get some rest, we'll stay here and watch over," I say as I get up. "Actually, I'm going to sleep and Luke will watch over, but, you should go back home."

He begins to protest but I cut him off, "trust me, you're going to wish you had listened to me. I know Lia coming back is a huge relief, but this is far from being over, for all we know, this might be a trap because no kidnapper just returns someone a month later. We still have an ongoing case. Alright?"

"Alright, mother hen," Luke replies and I flip them off before walking away.

✿

Miles ended up crashing on the spare bed in Lia's hospital room and I on the couch. Regardless of how much we tried to fight sleep, we were both worn out and dead tired. Sleep was inevitable.

Lia was still unconscious when we woke up, it's been over twenty four hours now and Miles was becoming unsettled. When she started to stir lightly in her sleep, he went and sat beside her, looking hopeful.

Then she opened her eyes and I could clearly see Miles holding his breath, waiting for her to say anything. She was quiet for an alarming amount of time and Miles was getting more and more stressed with every passing second but he still did not speak or make a sound.

If she doesn't remember him he's going to be shattered and if she remembers him and the lie he's told and what he's put his family through, and doesn't forgive him for that, he's going to be shattered. It was a tough situation.

But on the phone she said 'I'm Lia, Miles's sister.' Surely it won't be a surprise seeing him now, so why the hell was no one saying anything?

Lia remained silent, she kept opening and closing her eyes, looking around; at Miles, at me, but never uttering a word. 

LIA

The sound of the heart monitor beeped softly beside me.

Huh?

My eyes flickered open and I looked to my side.

This wasn't real.

None of this was real.

Talon wasn't real. Nor was Diana or Holly or anyone. They were all part of a dream, just a fragment of my imagination. Something my brain made up during the time I was unconscious. But why was I unconscious for such a long time? Why am I in a hospital if none of it was real?

None of that happened because if it did then it's highly unlikely I would survive all that. Yes! Yes, that made more sense.

My family was still alive and my parents are going to come and get me any second now. They'll walk in through that door and tell me everything is okay.

Why did I think they're dead? Why did he tell me they died? And why did I believe him?

It's not real. They're alive.

There was no accident; they didn't die in a car accident, that man was lying or maybe mistaken.

I vaguely remember being in a car crash as well...

Was it the same one? Are my parents really dead? Maxon too?

"I'm going to take you to your brother in London."
"Liar! You're lying!"
"Lia please, you have to trust me. Please."
It all started with that stranger but who is he and why did I believe him?

He's a liar. None of this is real anyway.

I look to my right and meet frantic blue eyes staring right at me.
This is Miles. He's my brother. I try to remember more; more of him, more of us, but there's nothing.
Why don't I remember you Miles?

Why was he looking at me this way? Did he know? Did he know?

I closed my eyes again, waiting for the moment I wake up and find myself in my bed where I wake up to the smell of the breakfast mom is cooking and the sound of Frank Sinatra playing through the house at seven in the morning because that's what my dad liked. And then I'd hear Max's feet racing against the wooden floor to get to my room. He would barge in and jump on the bed until I wake up and kick him out.

I open my eyes again but I'm still in the hospital and Miles is still staring at me but not speaking.

I look at him. He's different. I remember him looking younger, less muscles, less facial hair.

Maybe this isn't Miles?

Am I in London? Or is he in LA?

Miles. Miles. Miles.
I don't have much memories with him. I don't know why.

He left to London when you were seven, my subconscious reminded me.

How old am I?
I haven't seen Miles since I was seven?

Why can't I remember my own age but I know for a fact that our house had wooden floors and my bathroom tiles were blue and that our dishwasher was broken? How can I remember a house but not how old I am?

None of this is real, I reminded myself.

None. Of. This. Is. Real.

I closed my eyes and waited.

I can't swim because I have an unreasonable fear of water bodies.
Why did I just think that? Is it true?
Why can't I remember much about myself or my life?

This is not real. None of that happened. This is all part of my imagination.
I open my eyes again and this time there's another pair of eyes looking at me as well. They're brown, unlike Miles's blue ones.

I have brown eyes too. I wasn't sure if this was a random thought or a fact. 

I'm seventeen!

I looked at the brown eyed man and recognition set upon seeing his face.
"And I'm William, I work with high complicated police stuff you wouldn't understand."
"Really humble."

But... but if I recognized him then this must be real because we met before... before all of it happened...?
It can't be. It can't be real.

I felt myself beginning to shake lightly, what was happening to me?
Why did I feel an intense throbbing pain in my left arm?

Is this real?
Did it all really happen?

Did I....

"No! No!" I started screaming.

"Amy, it's me... Lia..." someone was saying. I had my eyes closed, still trying to force myself awake from this nightmare but... everything felt too real.

I was fighting against whoever was trying to hold me down. The beeping of the heart monitor was getting faster and louder. I could hear more footsteps coming in. People were shouting all over.

I want to get out.

I want to get out.

I want to get out.

I could hear myself screaming, unable to manage the pain that I was overcome with, screaming for it all to stop, screaming for any relief. People were holding me down, trying to get me to calm down but they didn't know, they didn't understand, I want to get out!

I still refused to open my eyes and everything was dark, but then suddenly it felt like it was getting darker and quieter. How is this even possible?

"I want ...to... get ...out," I was trying to say but why did my tongue feel so heavy?

I opened my eyes then, but they didn't stay open for more than a few seconds and I was engulfed back into darkness.

 WILL  

Miles backed away slowly after the sedation he injected began to take effect and Lia stopped struggling against his hold. His eyes were filled with tears that he kept blinking away.

The nurses gave him a sympathetic glance and walked out. He was looking upwards at the ceiling, blinking ferociously and rubbing his hand over his face in shaky movements.

"Miles..." I trailed.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he swallows hard. "She's ... she's in shock."

And so are you.

He drops on the couch and I take a seat beside him, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder. He looks down at his arms where Lia's fingernails had dug in earlier. He traces his fingers across the marks and then looks back at her sleeping figure.

"I'm going out, I need a smoke," he blurts out and stands up all of a sudden.

"You don't even smoke, Miles!" I exhale. "Sit down."

He sat back down; his body was hunched over, leg bouncing, his hands tapping out a rapid, erratic beat on his knees.

"Miles," I try again. "I understand how difficult it is for you and you don't have to pretend to be strong and having your shit together all the time, but right now, for her, please try to."

"She'll wake up any minute now," he spoke in a low voice, "she might lose it like she did earlier, or she might not speak to me at all. Even if she does, she might never forgive me and there is nothing...nothing I could say or do that would ease her pain. She might wake up and decide that she hates me, or wishes that she would've died too rather than having to spend her life with the liar of a brother that I am and once she realizes that everything that's happened to her is my fault, she'll want nothing to do with me. I'm a failure, Will. The only thing I did absolutely right in my life ended up recoiling against me; my family is dead because of this damn job, Cami died because of this fucking damn job."

We weren't sure that his family's accident was associated with X8 as well, but with the given circumstances it's highly likely that X8 had something to do with it, even if it was brushed off as a usual 'car accident'.

"Don't be daft! You're not a failure and none of this is your fault. If saving people's lives and going against X8 is what makes a failure then we're all bloody fucking losers here," I tell him. "Keep this anger you're feeling, keep it until you come face to face with those responsible for everything you've been through and unleash it then. Quitting the agency will not make it easier; it won't help you move on. If you quit you lose your chance to exact retribution from those who killed your family and your fiancée," I pause to take a breath and gauge his reaction but he's giving me nothing other than a blank stare. "Look, Lia might wake up and decide she doesn't hate you for what you've done; she'll understand why you did it. If your sister is anything like you then I'm sure she'll understand. Pitying yourself won't make her forget what she's been through or make it any easier for her in any way. Go wash your face, take a walk and come back. When she wakes up you two will sit together and talk, or cry or scream or deal with it however you want to but you'll be together because you need her just as much as she needs you."

I add this to my implausible speeches collection at the back of my mind and watch Miles as he walks out, he didn't seem convinced but decided to take a walk either way.

He comes back shortly afterwards reeking of cigarette smoke. I shake my head lightly at him but hold back from commenting on it.

If the man wanted to smoke, even though he hates it, then let him be, I told myself.

I leave him by his sister's side and go outside to make some phone calls and check if there's any progress in the case. 

LIA

My eyes flickered open, and I inwardly groaned from the intensity of the brightness and closed them again. I recalled my episode from earlier, part of me still believed that all of this was just a long nightmare that is bound to end at some point, the other part was trying to push through reality and accept what has happened.

But... how? How could any of this happen? My awareness of kidnap was very limited to TV shows and movies; I was largely ignorant to the whole issue because I never thought, not in a hundred years, that I would be a victim.

I grew up in a good family, in a friendly neighborhood, with good friends in a proper school. Everything about my life was normal. My parents had decent jobs and rarely ever wronged anyone. How could any of this happen to us? My family was normal. My family...is gone?

They can't really be gone forever, right? It's just something my brain was not able to process. I didn't understand it, I thought I understood death but apparently I don't because every time I think about my family, I can't seem to add the word 'dead' to the same thought. It just wasn't right.

If I could visualize what was going through my head now, it would go like this; a person closing a small box, putting it in a bigger box, another bigger box, putting all boxes in a closet, locking the closet, walking out of the room, locking that room, walking out of the house, locking that house and walking away, walking, walking, walking until they find a group of people living in the present and joins them.

This is what my subconscious was doing right now, it was locking away all my memories of the past and pushing me to the present.

Open your eyes. Look around you. You're in a hospital.

Miles is here, Miles is your brother. Miles knows what you're feeling right now, maybe he has a better understanding of death. Maybe he can help you.

Open your eyes!

I did; I opened my eyes and tried to sit up but pain ripped through me, making me clutch at the sheet and squirm so as not to cry out. Lying flat on my back was the only position that was bearable, and so I did that and casted a look to my right.

"Miles?" He sat up instantly freezing with caution, watching me with wide eyes like I have risen from the dead. He was probably waiting for me to spaz like earlier. "You're still here," I heard myself say. It was barely a whisper but he heard it.

I lost mum and dad, but I still have you. I lost Max, but you're still here.

"I... I thought I'd lose you too," he whispered. Then he buried his face against my arm and cried, his chest vibrating with violent sobs. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," his voice was breaking but he kept repeating it over and over until he stopped shaking and the room fell silent.

I opened my mouth to say something, let out a long breath, and then closed it. I didn't know what to say. I was terrified.

Everything in my head was too much. The present was too much.

I tried to sit up again, startling Miles, he moved to help me and then he sat down with his arm around my shoulders. We weren't speaking. I was wondering if he was thinking the same thing, did he also have a hard time understanding death?

Why wasn't he saying anything?

I wanted him- no, needed him to say something because I ... I couldn't remember him, not clearly at least. But I knew he's my real brother, I was sure of it but why didn't I have any memories of us?

Say something, Miles!

I turned and looked at him in the eyes. Willing myself to remember anything. He stared back, looking worried but he still didn't utter another word.

A memory popped into my mind as I stared into his blue eyes. It was a memory of Maxon, my little brother, complaining about his eye colour.

Max had heterochromia, one of his eyes was blue and the other was half blue half brown and he was convinced it was entirely my fault.
"Why does Miles get a pair of just blue eyes and I have to get some of Lia's poop colored ones?" He would ask occasionally.

The thought brought tears to my eyes. The pain, the emotions, the exhaustion, it was like I felt everything all at once and I broke down. It wasn't ugly crying, just silent tears. A never ending trail of silent tears. My brother held me in his arms and let me cry.

We stay like that for some time, it wasn't uncomfortable silence, it wasn't comfortable either, it was just silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

I think about Miles, what it was like for him. He lived with the news of our family's accident for much longer than I have. I didn't even know who I was during the time I was taken, even after realizing Talon wasn't my real brother, I didn't know that my real family was dead. I didn't know anything until the last day, right before Talon came back and got me out. Why did he do it? Why did any of this happen? Who are these people?

Someone walks in and I immediately recognize him, William.

He looks between us for a second and then says, "Good to see you again Lia," he says with a smile. "Not sure if you remember me but...

"William the complicated police stuff dude, I remember you," I say. I didn't mean it to be funny, but he laughs and Miles turns to him and says "Is that what you told her?"

Do they know each other?

They probably met because of my case.

My brother moves from beside me to the other end of the bed, facing me. William remains standing, leaning against the wall.

"Amy- Lia," he begins. "I know you might not ... you might not forgive me but.." he seems to be struggling for words.

"Forgive you for what?" I ask.

Surely he doesn't blame himself for what's happened; none of it was anyone's fault.

He looks discomposed, looking briefly at William and then back at me.

"I... I mean...I wasn't there for the past five years," he swallows, his hands fidgeting nervously and I'm still confused.

"Miles, you left because of your work here, there's nothing to apologize about," I say. I don't even remember you all that well, Miles.

I know with everything going on, his emotions must be all over the place, and he might feel guilty for not being there more, not being there when it happened but if he was then maybe he would be dead as well.

He gets up abruptly, looking shocked.

"Miles..." William calls after him, looking equally shocked.

"I can't," he whispers, shaking his head and walking quickly out the room.

I stare behind him in puzzlement.

Before either William or I could say anything, he walks back in just as quickly and slams the door, muttering under his breath all the way and then grabs William by his shirt, pulling him to far corner of the room where they talk in hushed voices.

MILES

"What the fuck?" Will curses, I let go of his shirt and he looks at me like I'm insane.

"There are news reporters outside, lots of people with cameras, the place is a mess, somebody must have told them she's here, I want that somebody fired."

Will rolls his eyes at me, thinking I must be over reacting. "No listen; I don't want my sister to be put through any of this. I don't want her picture in the papers and people following her everywhere trying to get something to make a good headline story; I want none of this for her. I want her to be able to have a normal life after what she's been through, do you get me? These people are just going to make it worse."

He nods in understanding and places a hand on my shoulder; I was almost shaking with rage and shock.

"I'll see what I can do about it, alright? You need to calm down a bit, you scared her with you going off like that."

"She doesn't remember, Will! She doesn't remember me being dead and ... and she's... have you seen how she is right now? After what happened earlier and now she's acting completely normal, I'm worried. And she doesn't remember!" I hiss. "What am I supposed to do? I can't tell her -

The door slams open, interrupting us, and both Will and I move our hands to our guns ... force of habit. Lia looks just as startled as a nurse rushes inside, looking all sorts of panicked and out of breath.

"Dr Shaw," she pauses to catch her breath. "You have to come with me right now, there's something you have to see downstairs."

"I know, the newsrepo-

She motions with her hand dismissively, "No, not that! Something else!"

I look to Will, silently communicating my thoughts, do you think this is a trap, and surely he was thinking the same. He shakes his head lightly.

"Oh, for god's sake!" the impatient nurse exclaims. "Someone left a decomposing body in front of our entrance, with a note addressed to you. It said, 'Ce n'est pas la fin' along with an identification card of the dead body. Now can you follow me?"

Lia looks like she's about to be sick and I really wish I had followed the nurse out before she said anything in front of her. Will already has his phone out, dialing somebody.

We both follow the nurse outside and I shut the door behind me, hating to leave my sister alone right now but also not wanting to freak her out even more.

"What name is on the ID?" Will asks.

The nurse looks down at the card in her hand, "James Wilkinson."

✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿✿

A/N

THANK YOU FOR READING! xx