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August 18th

LIA

I woke up to shouting and yelling just outside the room I was in. It took me a moment to re-identify my surrounding and yesterday's events were the only thing on my mind, quite literally. I still couldn't remember a thing about who I am and I couldn't help but feel terrified. 

"She's my sister; she'll know who I am! You have to let me in," a voice I didn't recognize said. 

My eyelids were too heavy to stay open and my body was still aching, and before I could even register what was happening outside, I slipped into unconsciousness again. 

The second time I woke up there was someone hunched over in a chair by the bed, his arm outstretched; holding my hand. I slowly pulled away my hand, startling the person on the chair. He lazily rubbed his eyes and looked at me. 

"Lia," he says softly with a smile. It was the same voice of the man shouting earlier. Please let me remember my brother when I see him at least. I looked at him and whatever hope I had for remembering or recognizing him vanished. There was no resemblance at all! He had blue eyes, unlike my brown ones, and his hair was dark brown and messy.  

He was wearing tattered jeans, a light blue button down shirt, and a very hopeful expression on his face. 

"Lia?" The stranger says again, more like a question, turning my attention to him. "It's Matt! I'm your brother. Please tell me you remember me?" 

I didn't want to give him false hope, so I shook my head. 

I swallowed slowly taking my time to think about what to say. This Matt next to me claims he's my brother, though I don't remember him at all. He doesn't trigger anything in my mind, not even one single memory of his face. But then again, I can't remember anything so I can't really judge. Maybe he knows what happened to me, but, for some reason, I'm too afraid to ask. 

I'm aware that I've zoned out for a while and once again Matt speaks bringing back my attention to him. "Here look," he says taking out his phone and showing me a picture. 

I was sitting on a swing and he was standing behind me, leaning on the metal bar of the swing to support his weight. A puppy was on my lap and Matt had an apple in his, the other hand was resting on my shoulder. We both looked very different that I almost thought this wasn't us. I stared at the picture for a minute or so, well aware that he's looking at me, waiting for any reaction. I don't think I had any, probably just a blank expression.

I pushed away his hand and shook my head again.

"Sorry," that's all I said. Afraid that I would break down into hysterical crying again, I stayed quiet. He mumbles 'it's okay' and puts away his phone.

I felt the icy feeling of panic begin to set in. I looked at Matt and his eyes were glazed with tears. He was shaking his head lightly, denial and disbelief evident on his features. I didn't know what to say to him, there were a hundred question running through my mind as I tried to grasp any sense of reality. I wanted to cry. 

"What happened to me?" I finally ask. 

He turns around for a few seconds, leaving me staring at his back. Then he faces me again and sits on the chair he was occupying earlier. My nerves were ticking with every silent second between us.

"You've been missing for five days now," he starts, "I wish I knew what happened to you during that time, but I don't. I'm sorry," he says. 

I almost physically felt my bubble of expectations bursting. 

Doctor Lucas walks in, interrupting this dreadful conversation. He smiles at me as he approaches us, "How are you feeling today?" he asks. 

"It feels like my left side is on fire," I reply. "And my head hurts, a lot."

His smile fades.

"How long will it take her to get her memories back?" Matt asks him. 

"I don't know, we can't be certain of anything when it comes to the brain." Lucas replies. "Let's talk outside for a minute, shall we?" 

Matt got up, kissed my forehead and followed Doctor Lucas outside, leaving me to stare at the white tiles of the ceiling, wondering how my life just completely changed overnight, or over a few nights actually.

.

.

.

"Don't worry about this memory loss, I promise you it's temporar-"

"I thought you said you can't be sure?" I interrupt. 

He sighs, "Yes, we can't. But we always hope for the best right? Just be careful and you might want to write down anything you remember. The case is still open you know and anything you tell us I guarantee you it'll be for your own good and will help us get to whoever did this okay?

To whoever did this.

Doctor Lucas was talking as I stared at my heavily bruised face in the mirror, part of me recognized the reflection staring back at me but the other part felt odd. Like looking at a familiar stranger, someone you see every day, same place, yet you don't know them. 

"William thinks you were attacked, it explains the bruises on your body, which wouldn't look like that if it was simply a car accident. And your brother says that you went to buy something and never came back, so it does really make sense. So if you... " I zone out while he continues.

"How long will this take to heal?" I turn to Lucas, interrupting him once again, and point at my face.

He frowns at first and then attempts to give me some sort of comforting smile but it came out really fake. 

"A lot of time huh?" 

"No, it'll heal quickly if you take your medicine regularly." 

"Whatever you say," I sigh.

He gets a phone call that interrupts our conversation, "one moment," he says, rushing out. A few seconds later Matt walks in. 

"Ready?" 

"Where are mum and dad?" I ask, without turning to face him, afraid he'd see the fear on my face, but it was clear in my voice. 

"You don't trust me?" he asks and takes a seat on the bed.

"It's not that," I fumble for words. "I feel weird and it's just odd that my parents are not here, you said I've been missing for 5 days, and-

"Our mother is dead," he cuts me off. He said it so simply, the same way he'd say 'I bought a new shirt'. And what makes it even worse is that I reply by nodding. I don't feel sad, I don't feel anything in particular and I'm not sure if that's because I don't even remember her or, in some twisted way, I have lost my compassion along with my memories too. "And father is ... he's a long story, I'll explain on the way. But we really have to go."

.

.

.

He did not explain on the way. 

The car ride was silent, the low hum of the air conditioning was the only sound in the car. I didn't have anything to say and clearly Matt felt the same way, I was confused about a lot of things, mostly as to where we were headed but for some reason I refrained from asking, I took my time to admire the streets of London. 

Why am I calm? I'm in a city I don't remember ever coming to and every part of my being is screaming you don't belong here!

Why am I leaving with a stranger who claims to be my brother but I don't remember him in the slightest bit? But then again, I don't remember anything else either so why would someone pretend to be my brother? 

Run, Lia! Was this a memory or just my subconscious screaming at me basic life preservation suggestions? What about the gunshots? How do you even remember hearing gunshots and why isn't my brain interpreting the sound as anything else? 

Matt's phone rings bringing me out of my preoccupation and I listen to his side of the conversation.

"Hello?" 

"Yeah, that's me."

"William what?" he asks and gives me a quick sideways glance. 

I feel my pulse quicken. 

"Umm, no actually I can't do that... but I'll put her on the phone for you," he puts the phone on speakers and hands it to me. 

My palms are sweaty as I take the phone from him, "uh... hi?" I awkwardly say. 

"Lia, are you alright?" the person asks. It was the police-guy from yesterday, Will. 

"I'm fine yes, is everything okay?" I don't know why I asked that, it sounds stupid, but I'm surprised by the call all altogether. 

"You weren't supposed to leave the hospital," he replies and I feel my pulse going up again.

"And why is that?" Matt replies before I could. "You're on speaker by the way." 

A couple of silent seconds pass and then Will speaks again. 

"Because she can't leave with someone she doesn't remember, for one-"

"But he's my brother," I surprise myself by saying, clearly I surprised Matt too because he looks at me with wide eyes before focusing on the road again. 

"So you do remember him?" Will asks. 

"No, but I ... I don't remember him. But-"

"Matt this will be considered kidnap," Will says and Matt curses under his breath before taking the phone from my hand.

He turns off the speaker and puts it to his ear, I eye him in confusion and when he's aware of it he sighs and puts the phone back on speaker. 

"Hello?" Will says. "Lia?" 

"We're here, I just didn't appreciate you scaring her like that. Listen William, you seem like a really nice guy and you mentioned you're a cop right? So I'm guessing you have a lot of other problems you should be taking care of right now and I don't want to waste your time," Matt says calmly. "Maybe you should check with your friend at the hospital, all the tests they asked for came in with positive results alright? And the papers and official documents, everything was fine, this is actually absurd. And I didn't force her to come with me either, so- 

"She doesn't remember you," Will cuts him. "And I'm asking you nicely to bring her back to the hospital until she does because otherwise it is considered kidnap." 

"What if she takes five years to remember?" Matt asks and I give him a horrified look. 

"Then you wait five years," Will simply replies. 

Matt chuckles and looks at me, "Lia do you feel like I'm kidnapping you? Do you want me to take you back?" 

I don't know, is what I want to say. 

"No, I'm- 

I don't even get to finish what I was about to say before Matt cuts in, "See? We can continue this some other time, or not. We've got to go right now. I appreciate your concern William." 

"Wait! You can't- Where are you?" 

I look up, "The airport?" I ask and reply to his question at the same time. 

Whatever Will's response was, I don't hear it as Matt ends the call, kills the engine and turns to face me. 

"Look, I know you must be going out of your mind by now, this is hard for you, I get it- 

"Do you really? You seemed to be so eager to leave the hospital, why?" 

"What?" he looks genuinely confused. 

"Back there, you were in a hurry to get me out. You even said it, word by word; we really have to go, why?"

"Our stay in this country... you could say it's not entirely legal at the moment." 

This really is just getting worse. 

I don't say anything back; just continue staring silently out the window, trying not to cry. He sighs loudly, shutting his eyes momentarily. 

"I guess I started off the wrong way, maybe I re-introduced myself in the wrong way. I just ... I didn't think you really forgot all about me. I mean, the nurse told me you couldn't remember anything when you woke up but I didn't think it was that bad. Lia...you and I were so close and now you have no idea who I am, you probably won't even recognize our father when you see him now, and on top of that, you don't trust me and I don't know what to do. I really don't," he trailed off, staring ahead, his knuckles turning white from gripping the steering wheel too hard. 

I pressed the heels of my hand onto my eyes until I was seeing nothing but sparkles. I didn't know what to say to him, it felt as if my brain short-circuited and needed to be rebooted. Taking one long breath and gathering whatever is left of my courage, I ask him, "Why are we at the airport?" 

"Our father is here," he explains, if that counts as an explanation. 

What I understood was that our father has arrived from wherever destination he was at while his daughter was lost and my first thought was what the actual fuck? Turns out that he works there as an airport maintenance worker and he isn't some unfeeling, hard-hearted human being. 

I was, however, baffled by his greeting... or the lack of it. 

"Hey Lil, I'm glad you're alright little one, I would hug you but I'm all sweaty right now, ya wouldn't appreciate it." 

Maybe he is an unfeeling, cold-hearted person after all. 

Matt glowered at him but he just shrugged and got into the backseat leaving me half out of the passenger seat and confused as ever. I get back in, slam the door and pretend that I don't notice Matt's concerned glances every now and then as he drives back home, or wherever we were headed. It was only when his snores were heard from the backseat that Matt decided to break the silence. 

"He isn't always like that, probably had a rough day at work," he says.

A rough day at work?!

"Does he know I've been missing for five days? Does he even care about us? Did he even notice that I didn't recognize him? He doesn't look so ... fatherly to me," I don't make any attempts to lower my voice; I was actually hoping he'd wake up and hear us. 

"He does care but he's not very expressive."

"Oh okay, I feel so much better now." 

"There's a speck of concern somewhere in his withered heart, he just doesn't like to shine a light on it, and it'll take you sometime to get used to that... again. He's a good man...sometimes... I promise." 

"I can feel the love radiating from the back seat."

"Stop with the sarcasm, this is not funny!"

Yes, it's not funny. It's terrifying. 

"Whatever. I would've appreciated some sort of heads up you know, the 'I'll tell you on the way' story I was promised, or something," He gives me an annoyed look and I roll my eyes. 

That was the last thing said and we spend the next twenty minutes of this ride in silence until he parks in front of a rather shabby apartment building. 

"We're home," he announces and gets out, slamming the door behind him. 

I scramble out of the car quickly and follow him, taking in my surroundings. 

The street was littered with food containers and cigarettes and the place reeked of rotten food, mixed with smoke and sweat; it was nauseating. 

Matt sniggered at my expression, "let's go princess, I'm sorry if this disappointed you," he says and leads the way to one of the buildings. 

"What about him?" I ask, referring to our father. 

"He knows the way up, he'll follow when he's awake," he replies bitterly. "Welcome back sister," he says as he unlocks a door on the second floor. 

I hug myself as I walk past him and into the apartment, trying to convince my rambling mind that everything is going to be okay. I open the first door in the hallway and immediately shut it as I was consumed by the stench of something so horrible, like dog urine; the toilet. Matt sighs loudly but doesn't say anything; the hallway was wide enough for one person to walk comfortably so Matt trailed behind me, watching silently as I explored our home.

"My room?" I ask when I reach the last door. 

"Go ahead."

My room was about the size of a small walk-in closet. There was a window set really high on the wall I wouldn't reach it even if I stood on the bed. The bed wasn't any better than anything in this apartment, it was tiny and made loud squeaky sounds as I sat on it. Within arm reach from where I was seated was the other wall, with a wooden clothes hanger nailed to it and a couple of books were piled in the corner, next to small box that had clothes spilling out of it. That was about everything in the room, Matt watched from the doorway as I took in everything.

I don't remember any of this. 

" Fantastic."