❀❀❀ ⓒⓗⓐⓟⓣⓔⓡ ⓕⓘⓕⓣⓔⓔⓝ ❀❀❀

WILL

"Is everything alright?" Gemma asks.

"No," I reply with a heavy sigh. "But it will be, eventually."

She looks down at her mug, distractingly stirring her minted tea.

I want to tell her I love her. No- I need to tell her that, to let it all out and tell her how my every waking thought is about her. I don't want to be just 'William her friend', I want to be more, I want more of her, I want all of her.

Then stop acting like a namby-pamby milksop and just tell her.

She looks up at me, a small smile playing at her lips.

Fuck. Did I say that out loud? Did I call myself a namby-pamby milksop out loud?

"What?" I ask weakly.

Her smile grows, "Nothing, it's just I was thinking about Miles and...

I stop listening. She was thinking about Miles. Miles. Miles?

"...It's cute," she finishes whatever sentence I missed because I was too busy being a milksop.

I look at her, our eyes meet and then I say, "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"

Please don't say you were thinking about Miles again. Please don't.

She gives me a weird look and then shakes her head.

"I was saying, I think this friendship you and Miles share is admirable."

Oh.

Way to be a daft cow, William.

"I care for Miles just like I would for a real brother, if I had one," I say truthfully. My brain didn't fully stop thinking about Gemma and how pathetically in love with her I am, but instead my thoughts were alternating between them both, the two people I care about most.

"And you two care so deeply about each other," she adds. "I saw it in him when you were... when you were unconscious, he looked so lost and broken and worried. And I'm seeing it again right now, while you were with him on the phone. You're worried about him too."

I exhale loudly, "Miles doesn't deal well with loss; he bottles it all in, separates himself from everyone and then breaks down completely. Camille's death destroyed him and now this..." I trail. It's killing me to watch his life fall apart and not being able to do anything to help.

"Where is he now?" she asks and I think about it for a moment before replying.

He's in Bristol, in one of the safe houses there. He went there specifically because of Camille; he took her there once to keep her safe from X8 before they killed her, it was at the beginning of their relationship, Miles was just twenty-one at the time. Camille loved Bristol from that one visit, despite the circumstances, and stayed there for a year and Miles would visit her every few days. He didn't mind the long distance as long as she was safe, he didn't mind driving for two hours every couple days to see her, as long as she was happy. He loves Bristol because she did.

After Camille passed away, that was the first place he went to and stayed there for three months, alone. He adamantly refused me staying with him there and even though I was worried, I had to respect that and leave. We were twenty-three at the time and I just sat down with myself and thought about the mad life we lived. We were all too young to be handling and dealing with any of this, but we did.

Losing Camille was the second time for me to deal with death so closely. Just a few months before she died, Miles and I were both on a mission together, one that I consider the worst case of my career, one that I almost died in.

A twelve year old girl named Emily Davies was kidnapped. Her father came to us, crying and begging anyone to find his little girl. He walked into The Agency thinking it's just a regular police station, since that's what it looks like to any outsider. It was a regular kidnap case that would normally be handled by regular police forces, since ISIA tried to put all its efforts in X8-related matters. But I was just walking into the building then and saw the man breaking down and couldn't not do anything about it.

I remember he just looked at me, unsure whether he should trust me with this or look for someone who doesn't look like a fresh university graduate to find his daughter. And then Miles showed up, making the man question himself even more but we couldn't blame him, most of the agents present there were young and the older ones were handling other cases at the time so if we had passed on his case to them they would've just told us to give it to the regular police instead.

When I promised the man that I'll find his daughter, Gerard, who was slightly less horrible at the time, pulled me aside and almost slapped me for what I said.

'You're fucking stupid! We don't make these kind of promises," he shouted, "things don't always work out the way we want them to okay? Sometimes you make all the right moves and it just isn't enough. That's why we do not make promises we can't keep."

I didn't want to believe him then, I told him he was underestimating us, I told him that I wouldn't make a promise if I knew I wouldn't keep it, I told him that I'll do everything in my power to bring the girl back. But things don't always work out the way we want them to, sometimes you make all the right moves and it just isn't enough.

It was not enough, we lost Emily. We had walked into a trap, Emily was there and I almost had her in my arms but she was shot at and the place turned into a living hell. I was deep in denial then that I refused to leave the place without her. I ran to where her body was and called for Miles to help, to do something to wake her up.

"Will, she's gone. I'm so sorry but we have to go, we have to go now!" he had said.

"I can't," I fell to my knees, cradling Emily's dead body. "I can't. I promised her father I'd get back his girl safely. I promised him, Miles! You have to help me-

"Will, look around! We have to leave, come on," he pulled me to my feet again and I reluctantly let go of her. Everywhere around us was open gunfire, it didn't look like anyone was getting out alive. I had taken off my ballistic vest earlier, in hopes to give it to Emily to keep her safe until we got out, but she died before I could reach her and I didn't have time to put the vest back on. Both Miles and I had our guns out, shooting along our way. I looked around trying to find a clear exit and that's when I saw someone aiming towards us, towards him.

"Miles! Watch out!" I called and pushed him aside, as the bullet pierced my shoulder.

I didn't need to think it through; I always knew that if a situation arises where I have to take a bullet for him, I would and I did. I didn't have anything to lose back then, except for Miles- my best friend, and a few other friends I had at the agency, but they would have gotten over it. I didn't have a family that cared about me or a girl who loved me. I didn't know Gemma back then.

"Earth to William," Gemma's worried face appeared right in front of mine, pulling me out of my thoughts. "You've been quiet for three whole minutes." I blinked from my trance, too many memories in too short of a time.

"I'm sorry Gem," I tell her and think to the last thing she said. She was asking me where Miles was, and although it was supposed to be classified information and we shouldn't share locations of the safe houses with anyone, I didn't count Gemma as just anyone and I tell her everything.

Because I'm stupid and in love. I'm stupidly in love.

"Miles is in Bristol, in one of the safe houses there, one he used to go to with his fiancée," I say.

She gives me a sad, half smile, "Is that something you weren't supposed to share? Is that why you were so quiet?"

"I trust you," I reply, honestly.

I trust you with more than that, Gemma. I trust you with my heart, it's yours. It's yours to love and it's yours to break. It's always been yours.

Now all I had to do was say these words out loud.

She's looking at me anxiously and I decided that it's now or never. Well, I had hoped my confession would be in a more romantic place but if my boost of confidence decided that now was the time; I was not going to argue.

I took a deep breath and leaned closer. She was slightly turned towards me, resting one elbow on the surface while holding her mug in both hands.

"There's something I've been wanting to tell you," I begin. My voice was shaky and it confirmed that I really was a stupidly in-love namby-pamby milksop.

I leaned even closer; my face was close enough to hers that I could feel her breath on my cheek. So close that I was not able to form any coherent words. I looked at her eyes, her brown eyes that I fell in love with the moment I saw them. She swallowed hard, making my eyes move to her neck and her cheeks. She was blushing and I loved it, I loved knowing that I have this effect on her, to know that she did feel something for me too. I watched her blush deepen and her eyes were moving frantically, refusing to keep contact with mine. I really did love to rattle her this way—to send goosebumps rippling over her arms, the way she sent them racing over mine.

To hell with the confession, I thought. Just looking at her right now makes me want to skip all the propriety of dating and break every rule of decency there is and just fast-forward to the future where she's walking down the aisle and agreeing to spend the rest of her life with me.

Jesus, did I really just think that?

And with that thought on mind, I leaned in to kiss her and the world fell away.

She inhaled sharply and for a second I thought she's going to push me away, but she didn't. She was, in fact, kissing me back and her lips parted softly beneath mine and all coherent thoughts left me after that.

I was kissing her, wet and thorough, like I had always dreamed it. It was magic, the way our lips connected and just how right it felt. Her lips were as soft as I had imagined and she tasted like mint and in that moment I decided that that was my new favourite taste.

And somehow, among all of the madness and the dizziness, I was clinging to her like a life line. She is my life line. I love her. I love her. I love her more than I thought I could ever love anyone or anything. It was a different feeling, higher than love, much, much higher than love. I could dwell upon this feeling later, when her lips are not on mine and I'm not high on endorphins because for now, I was content to feel her breath come and go with mine.

Somewhere along the kiss we had both gotten up and moved around the table, her right hand was clasped behind my neck pulling me impossibly closer, making my skin ripple with goosebumps from her touch and her left hand was splayed out across my chest, right above my thundering heart.

I bowed my head and whispered her name, "Gemma," against her neck and sighed deeply as my desire for her flared. I was leaving a trail of kisses across her collarbone, up her neck and to her jaw, dragging a moan from her and reveling in the way she leaned more against me and then I reclaimed her lips.

God, that felt good.

"Will." Her voice was like a whispered prayer.

And then I had lifted her up on the counter and stood in between her legs and kissed her more. I kissed her like she deserved to be kiss.

I didn't want to break apart but we had to, to breathe. Our chests were rising heavily like we just ran a marathon and my heart was doing double time. I was taking deep breaths through my mouth to steady myself and leaned down, resting my forehead against hers. My thumb skimmed her lower lip and she touched her tongue to it, enticing a groan from me and escalating my arousal even more.

We didn't speak, we didn't need to. I was happy and content just by looking at her, standing where I was, between her legs as she sat on the counter with my hands on her waist.

A mischievous grin lights her face and she pokes at my chest with her fingers, "Took you long enough," she teases.

"Trust me, as creepy as it sounds but I wanted to kiss you from the moment I saw you," I tell her as I grab the hand she was poking me with and bring it to my lips.

"Good thing you didn't then," she smirks playfully but her blush was instant and obvious.

I nuzzle the sweep of her neck and kiss the spot where it joins with her shoulder. She arches her neck, giving me more access and I leave a trail of soft kisses all the way up until I reach her ear and then I whisper, "Are you saying I'm a bad kisser?"

Her reply to my words isn't as immediate as it is to my touch. I can feel her heart pounding, feel each breathy pant and the small tremors that rake her body as she digs her nails into my back, "I don't know," she finally says, "it's hard to tell from just one kiss."

And that was all I needed to hear before my lips connected with hers again, this time with much more urgency and desire.

I wish I could remember the exact moment I fell in love with Gemma, but I don't, all I remember is that the moment I saw her I knew she'd be the face that dominates my dreams and my every waking moment, and I was right.

Love at first sight does exist after all. And it is terrifying because suddenly you have what the whole world wants. It's terrifying because there's a possibility that you might lose this person- this love, with no forewarning.

I push back these thoughts and focus only on one thing; her lips.

MILES

I unlocked the door and walked into the apartment. Our apartment; the one that my Cami loved and spent most of her time decorating, but she was gone too soon. Too soon. She didn't even get to finish the mural in our bedroom...

I shut the door, switched on the light and looked around. I knew it wasn't possible but I could still smell her in the place, like her scent still lingered, like the walls and the furniture and the air were clinging to her, refusing to let her go just like I refuse to.

I shakily put the keys on the table and traced a line on the dusty surface with my finger. I haven't been here in almost a year now; everything was covered with a thin layer of dust.

I've been trying to hold myself together the entire drive, trying not to cry or scream or close my eyes on the highway and just put an end to this nightmare.

X8 took everything from me; the love of my life, my parents and my little brother. Max wasn't supposed to die, he was too young, he still had too much of the world to see and I was supposed to be making this world a better place for him, not be the cause of his death.

They almost took my sister too, but they left her completely traumatized and scarred for life instead. And Will, who almost died because of one of their deadly experiments that I'm still unsure how we survived. And lastly, my job; after today's talk with Gerard, I wasn't sure if I still had a place at The Agency anymore.

I was broken and defeated. Nothing in my life was going the right way; everything seemed to be tumbling down one after the other. Everything I worked for was for nothing. I put my family through the heartache of losing their son, while I was still alive, and watched them mourn for me and cry over my death, and in the end it didn't keep them safe like I had initially thought.

I have accomplished twenty-six years of nothingness, I thought as I grabbed the vase and smashed it against the opposite wall.

No no no! Not this vase!

.

.

"Cami, babe, it's just a table, pick something already!" I whined, we've been in this store for over an hour now and Cami was still unable to choose whether she wants a vase or a porcelain figure for the table we have next to the front door. I did suggest we buy both but she refused.

"It's the hormones, okay? Just shut up and help me pick one instead of whining like a little bitch," she replied.

"Alright then, the dove figure looks nice, grab it and let's go," I said.

"You're just saying that so we could leave, right?" she looked at me and I swear I could see tears in her eyes. What the hell?

Girls and their hormones are fucking weird.

I didn't want to upset her so I offered an innocent smile and said, "You got me, I was lying. It's obvious that the vase would look better on the table, how can you not see it? Let's buy the vase!"

"Miles! This is our house, both of us! You have to be more interested than this," she shook her head at me and that's when she actually started crying and I pulled her into my arms, kissed the top of her head and tried not to laugh at how she got so worked up over an ornament.

"Baby, I was interested the first forty-five minutes of this vase-or-dove discussion," I teased and she slapped my chest and pushed herself away.

"I want the vase," she decided. "I think the vase is really pretty, I'm going to buy two."

Thank you god!

I watched her happily pick two and place them in our shopping cart.

"This vase is my favorite decoration for our house! I love it," she squealed like a little girl.

This weird twenty- two year old human being who was currently hugging a vase in the middle of a store was the girl I was madly in love with.

I wasn't complaining about the hour we spent in this spot debating over the decorations, I just liked to tease her. I could spend all my life watching her pick house adornments and never get tired.

"Let's go get ice-cream," she blurted out suddenly while we were putting the bags in the car.

"Anything else, your majesty?" I joked.

"Yes, I want you to only call me your majesty from now on," she laughed and I couldn't help but push her against the car door and kiss the living hell out of her, not caring if we were in the middle of a parking lot.

.

.

I look at the now-shattered vase on the floor.

No! No...

I fell to my knees and picked up the broken pieces of Cami's favorite vase.

I broke it. I'm a fucking idiot!

I stayed on the floor for god-knows how long, just staring at the broken glass in front of me. I wanted to cry, I really did, but for some reason the tears refused to fall. So I just sat there, with my breathing ragged and my palm bloody from the glass shard I was holding too tightly and when the amount of blood was alarming and the physical pain was over-bearing, I dropped it and got up to clean my hand in the bathroom.

I stared at the bathroom mirror for too long, asking myself where did I go wrong?

.

.

"Miiiles!" Cami called from the other side of the bathroom door. I don't know why I even closed it, I was just brushing my teeth. "I'm coming in in three, two, one!" –the door flew open- "Dammit! You're not naked!" she exclaimed and I almost choked on toothpaste.

I quickly finished brushing my teeth while she leaned by the doorframe looking sexy in just her underwear.

She was beautiful; I stood for a moment watching her before our eyes met, her blue eyes shone like brilliant sapphires and I was positive mine were radiating with desire.

She was exquisite – from her golden hair falling softly around her shoulders and breasts, to her beautiful face and incredible body.

She was mine and I didn't understand how can one person get so lucky? How did I get so lucky?

I walked over to her and brushed my hands against her face and down her neck to her shoulders. I leaned in pecking my lips gently against hers and leaving fiery kisses along her neck and collarbone. She leaned more fully into my body and I stopped.

"And you're not naked either, so let's rectify this situation," I smirked and threw her over my shoulder. She shrieked and laughed all the way to the bedroom.

We stayed in bed all day. I called Will to make sure there wasn't anything urgent at The Agency that day and he said he'd cover for me if I was needed anywhere until I'm back.

"All yours today too, baby," I told Cami and then we rocked each other's worlds all day.

.

.

I wiped at my eyes and quickly finished wrapping my hand. Coming here was a mistake, I realize. Every room, every corner, every inch of this place holds a memory of us together.

I should leave, I thought but instead I found myself walking towards the kitchen.

.

.

"Miles I swear if you burn any of my pans again I will kick you out!" Camille threatened as she pushed me out of the kitchen. "God! Why didn't you give me a boyfriend who gets me breakfast in bed not burn our kitchen down?" she complained.

"Babe, have you seen me? I'm too good to be true, adding amazing cooking skills would just be too much now," I teased and then had to dodge the spatula she threw at me.

"Get out!"

I laughed and walked out of the kitchen to call Will.

"Hey, I need your help."

"Is everything alright?" he immediately asked.

"Yeah, yeah, everything's fine," I assured. "Can you be here tomorrow at six in the morning?"

"Miles... what's going on?"

"I need a favour so just tell me can you be here or not?"

"Bristol?" he asked. "Yes, alright, I'll be there. Just tell me what do you want?"

I hesitated, trying to sound as serious as I could.

"I ... I need you to prepare breakfast for Camille and I," I replied and had to actually clasp a hand over my mouth to not laugh.

"Come again?"

I saw Cami storming out of the kitchen, another spatula in hand. I wasn't sure if I should run or not. She did look pretty pissed, but that's understandable considering I did burn two pans and made a mess of the kitchen while trying to prepare food.

She plucked the phone out of my hand and put it to her ear, "I knew I picked the wrong friend, I should've gone for the one with the cooking skills. If you make me proper breakfast I'll start calling you baby instead, Will," she teased, looking at me challengingly. I just laughed and tried to take my phone back but she ducked under my arm quickly. " I don't drink hot drinks in the morning and I like my eggs scrambled, comprende?"

"And fertilized," I whispered next to her and she kneed me in the groin.

Fucking hell, that hurt!

Will didn't show up the next day, but I did wake him up early and had him on Skype while I made pancakes and prepared breakfast. And Cami was impressed with her breakfast in bed, but once we started kissing, the food was long forgotten. It was another one of our lazy days where we spent it all in bed.

.

.

I should leave.

I have to leave.

I reach for my keys and then drop them as I walk towards the bedroom.

Don't go in there. Don't go in there, just turn around and leave. You shouldn't have come back here.

I place my hand on the doorknob and brace myself. My face was already drenched with tears. I clap a hand over my mouth, and bite my fingers, trying to will myself to stop crying.

My palms were shaky and sweaty and they slip from the knob. I was slowly losing my strength to stay upright so I lean against the door and bang my head repeatedly against it.

Why why why why me? Why her? Why did she have to die?

I don't want to open this door, I don't want to look at our bedroom and see it all again.

I can't do this.

I push myself away and cast one last look at the two locked doors before hurrying out of the apartment. I take the stairs two at a time, almost stumbling over my feet a few times as tears burned in my eyes and blurred my vision.

I could feel my erratic heartbeat, and my entire body was feeling tingly as I fought for breath, but somehow I managed to get in my car and drive for some time until it was all getting too much.

I stopped the car at the side of the road and allowed myself to break down. I cried and screamed and got out to kick at the tires and pulled at my hair and screamed and sat at the side of the road choking on my tears, shaking and wishing for some solace and respite.

LIA

I stayed in bed for a long time after waking up. My mind jumping from one thought to another, trying to figure out how to move on from this point onwards.

I almost felt like I was reborn. Here I am, with very little memories of my past, having to familiarize myself to live in a different country without my family or anything and anyone of my past life. I have to learn to do everything, all over again but without them.

It's going to be difficult and I didn't want difficult. I don't have the strength to do anything anymore, I just want to stay here in this bed and let life move on around me without having to take part in it. Nothing mattered anymore anyway, so why should I bother?

I think back to two months ago, when everything was normal and I never would have thought that in such a short period of time my life would collapse down all together.

Just thinking about that makes me feel physical ache in my chest and my breathing becomes difficult and agitated. It was an annoying feeling really, almost paralyzing.

I want things to go back to normal, even though I know that's impossible now. But I can't help but think about the possibility of normalcy the future, will there be a time when I'll be genuinely happy and learn to live with this loss?

I think of Miles and how quiet and distant he is. Does he, too, feel this visceral longing for what used to be? Does he feel how little I remember of him and that's why he's detached around me?

I think of how scary the world is. One day you have your entire life ahead of you, living in ignorant bliss and the next day you... don't? Where did it go? Why did this happen? Who gave people the right to ruin other people's lives? How can another human being be so cruel?

The thoughts never end and as much as I wanted to stay in bed for the rest of my life, I had to get up. The clock read 5:43 pm. Miles would probably be back by now and Vee would be awake and I wanted to see them both. But truthfully, it was my rumbling stomach that made me get up.

I used my finger to brush my teeth and thought about the little trivial matters like the need to buy a toothbrush. Then I looked down at myself, wearing just a shirt and thought that I also needed new clothes and to shave my legs and arms.

I almost laughed at myself right then, insignificant details, really insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

I look at my face in the mirror for some time. "You can do this, you can be strong and make it through the day," I say out loud. I try to smile but it looks really fake. I bring my face closer to the mirror and just stare at my eyes from this close proximity.

My 'poop coloured eyes' as Max would describe. I instinctively smile at the memory and then back away to look at my whole face again. This smile didn't look fake. I frustratingly rub my hand over my face and leave the bathroom.

All the rooms upstairs were empty, indicating that everyone was awake and downstairs. I took the time to admire the house as I went down.

There's no way this place belongs to Miles.

The ground floor looked... odd, like it was furnished by a sixteen year old boy. I stood on the bottom steps of the stairs and looked around. To my left was the front door. A floor-to-ceiling mirror was placed on the wall to its right while a huge window occupied the left wall. There was no foyer area like I was used to in our house, but rather you go from the front door straight into the living area. Two large couches were placed forming an L shape in front of a large flat TV screen. The screen was connected to a Play Station and the controllers were left carelessly on the floor. Next to the screen was a stereo system. On the opposite wall there was a bookshelf occupying the entire length of the wall, filled with books and CDs, and in the space in front of it, three beanbags and a coffee table were placed.

To my right there was a pool table. A freaking pool table. The furniture of this house was definitely not supervised by adults. Next to the pool table, dangling from the ceiling was a punching bag. A small table with gloves and other tools was next to it. And then there were three steps that led to a different area, probably the kitchen and other rooms. I scanned the place one more time; there were no carpets, no frames on the wall, and no unnecessary plants in corners, nothing to indicate that this was a 'family' home.

I went right, past the pool table and up the steps. I found myself standing in a small circular space with two doors to my left, one in front and an open wall leading to the kitchen on my right.

I could hear voices from the kitchen so I skipped discovering what was behind the other three doors and went straight to the kitchen. Vee and Gemma were sitting around a table and Will was stirring whatever was cooking on the stove. My brother was not here.

"-not weird if you're not stereotyping," Will was saying.

They all straighten up when I walked in; Gemma offers a weak smile, Will had his mouth opened slightly like he was holding his breath, waiting for someone else to make the first move.

Vee looks from them to me and then says, "You two are acting like she's the one who walked in on you two making out on the kitchen table."

I didn't know what she meant by that and I didn't know what to say so I settle with a 'morning guys' even though it was six in the evening now.

"Hey," Will replies.

Vee approaches and engulfs me in a hug and then pulls me to the table where Gemma was. I sit down quietly, I don't feel like talking. I don't feel like doing anything and I just want to go back upstairs and sleep again.

"How do you feel?" Gemma asks, her eyes full of concern.

I shrug and mumble an "I'm okay."

She looks at Will and he looks at me and I just knew that this is how everyone is going to be around me from now on, treating me like a fragile porcelain doll that is constantly staggering on the brink of internal collapse. I hate it.

"If you had woken up just a little bit earlier you would have gotten front row seats to their make-out session," Vee grins, breaking the silence. I look at her, a small smile forming on my lips as I gave her a look of appreciation. Not for telling me that William and Gemma were making out in the kitchen but because she knew she didn't have to walk on eggshells around me, she knew I'd hate it, and I appreciated that.

Will seemed to catch on and he groans, "Are you going to bring this up occasionally?"

"Probably," she shrugs and grins evilly at him, then she turns to me, "so apparently William here is a badass cook," she says, "I still don't believe it but whatever, he said he's going to prepare something to prove it. But I'm starving and I think we should just order pizza or something, what do you think?"

I shrug again, "Anything, I don't mind."

"I'm going to ignore the insult," Will says, glaring at Vee. "It's almost ready anyway. It'll be done long before your pizza arives."

Whatever it was he was cooking, it smelled so good and my starving stomach was audibly agreeing.

"He really is great at it, trust me," Gemma defends him and Vee's eyes brighten up and I already know what she's going to say.

"Be more specific, what do you mean by it?" she says and cracks up laughing.

Gemma buries her face in her hand and Will points towards her with a spoon and says, "If you bring that up again I'll kick you out of my kitchen."

Vee shrugs and starts opening the cabinets inspecting their contents. Will turns back to whatever he was preparing and Gemma rests her chin on her hand as she watches him affectionately.

When my best friend is done with her kitchen-discovery tour she comes back beside me and nudges my shoulder. "We can go upstairs if you want," she suggests.

"I'm fine," I tell her and she looks at me unconvinced. "Where's Miles?" I ask instead and she nods towards Will, "I don't know, ask him."

"Is Miles not back yet?" I ask out loud.

"He was at a meeting and then something came up," Will replies without turning.

I nod. A small part of me was kind of expecting this; Miles not being here. But I was still hoping he wouldn't be gone as usual and that we could maybe sit and talk.

"Is this your place?" I ask another question to keep myself distracted. He did just say 'my kitchen' to Vee, it's probably his house.

"Your brother's and mine," he replies and upon seeing the shocked look on my face he adds, "Our job pays us very well."

"How well is very well exactly?" Vee asks as she gets up and fills a glass of water. "Aren't you guys like twenty five? Also why do you live together?"

"Wouldn't you two live together if you had the chance?" he looks at us and we both nod.

"Exactly, Miles and I moved here when we were twenty-

Vee chokes on the water, "You bought this house when you were twenty? The hell do you guys work?"

"But then Miles started travelling a lot for work," he continues as if Vee never spoke, "and I rented a smaller apartment, and this house wasn't lived in much, until recently..." he trails.

"And you live here too?" I turn to Gemma.

She looked taken aback by the question, "No, no," she shakes her head.

"What about that other guy? Luke?" Vee asks.

"This is not a fraternity," Will laughs. "It's just Miles and I. Luke lives with Candice, his girlfriend."

"Well, the house is big enough to be a frat house," Vee comments.

"Yeah, well... we had the money, we were young and excited," he shrugs and turns back to the stove.

I probably knew all of this before, I shouldn't be as surprised. Miles probably called and told us about this house he bought with his best friend and maybe even showed us pictures when he visited. It's just that I don't remember any of it and now I look stupid, thankfully though my brother is not here right now.

And I don't understand why Vee is stunned with the size of this house when she lives in one that's twice its size. I remember her father is the CEO of a large computer and software manufacturing firm, their family is pretty wealthy. Wow, I remembered that? I'm shocking myself with the random details I remember about other people but not my own.

"Does Miles have a girlfriend?" I ask, taking the opportunity to get to know what I forgot about my brother.

Will turns to face us once again and shakes his head, "No, he did ... he had a girlfriend but... she died three years ago."

Oh god.

He's living through losing someone he loves all over again...

I hate myself for not knowing that- for not remembering, even though it's not my fault, but I couldn't help it.

Vee looks shocked as well and I find it strange, surely I must have mentioned to her that my brother's girlfriend passed away when he told us three years ago, right? So why was she acting like it's her first time hearing this?

For a second I think that she's pretending for my sake, so that I wouldn't feel bad for not remembering but that's just ... plain stupid?

"We didn't know," she whispers when she sees me looking at her strange. "You didn't know that his girlfriend passed away, Lia. He never told you before, it's not something you don't remember, you really didn't know."

I felt many things at once; I was relived, sad, scared, angry and worried. But most of all I was annoyed and tired. I felt like I'm too much for everyone around me; making them continuously watch their every word, and have them explain things I forgot. And on my part I didn't feel like wanting to take part in any conversation, I didn't want to have to put up a fake smile to make them worry less, but at the same time I didn't want to stay alone with my thoughts and I also wanted to know more about my brother at least so that it wouldn't be awkward between us. I was basically annoyed with myself for being so distracted and not knowing what I really want.

Maybe I should try to make sense of the present before I worry about the past.

I rest my head on my arm on the table and close my eyes. I was not crying, thank god. I feel like I'm going to go mad with the direction my thoughts were heading and I try to force myself to think about something else, only to realize that trying to deliberately distract yourself is actually really hard.

I open my eyes and look at my bouncing leg and notice how thin and bony and ugly my knees look. How can I lose so much weight in such a short period of time? I pull the shirt down trying to cover it but it barely does. I can still see how horrible my leg looks and I can still see the bruise just above me knee. How did I get this one? The moment I ask myself that I'm pulled back to the eventful nights I spent being taken from one place to another, unconsciously. I shake my head so violently to rid it of the images I see; things that happened and things I don't want to think had happened.

I'm aware of how silent the kitchen has become and I know that if I lift my head now I'll find three worried, expectant, pairs of eyes looking at me.

My attention is diverted to my arm instead, the one I'm not currently resting my head against. My wrist has become so skeletal and scraggy it actually looks disgusting.

I think about how, not only has my past been affected by this, but so has my future and my dreams of becoming an actress. I know I lost all the confidence I had to join The World's Arts Institute and maybe even lost interest now. I don't have the mental wellbeing to take part in something so huge. My picture has been on the news and in the papers, some people may recognize me and all they'll want is to get details and ask questions, they'll always ask questions. Pitiful eyes are going to follow me everywhere I go. And in the end, I'll find myself being recognized for all the wrong reasons.

And then there's my body; I know for a fact that I don't have the physical standards required by The Institute anymore. Even though I am already accepted and I'll probably have healed some by the time it starts; three weeks from today, I just know that my life is not going to be the same so I might as well accept it and let go of the things that used to be.

My knee is still bouncing and the kitchen is still quiet, so I decide to put everyone out of their misery and just go upstairs to my room.

I raise my head and as expected they're all staring so I say the first thing that comes to mind.

"Vee, where's your bag? Clothes ... luggage, anything?" I ask. I wasn't actually interested to know where her bag was, not really, I just wanted their pitiful stares gone. But I wouldn't mind getting something to change to other than my brother's shirt, until I wash my other clothes at least.

It takes her a moment to compose herself and wipe the blank stare off her face. "Luggage?"

"Yeah, I'm assuming you brought some clothes with you, I just didn't see you carrying a bag anywhere."

"Oh!" she exclaims. "I actually left my bag at the airport and came straight to the hospital."

Now I'm interested because what the hell?

"You just ... left it there?"

She shrugs, "I was in a hurry and didn't have time to book a hotel and all that, so I left it there and now it's in the lost and found property waiting for me so it's fine."

"That's actually stupidly smart," Will remarks.

"Proper!" Gemma chuckles and then her phone rings and she takes the call outside the kitchen.

"I can have someone send it here," Will continues.

"You don't have to," Vee replies, waving her hand dismissively. "I was going to take an Uber tomorrow and get it anyway."

Will dramatically rolls his eyes at her with a shake of his head and turns back to check the food.

I get up too, intending to go upstairs like I had originally wanted to before starting this random conversation.

"I'm going to sleep," I announce.

Vee raises her eyebrow in question, "You just woke up."

"And you should eat," Will adds.

I was just about to lie and say I'm not hungry but my stomach rumbled loudly enough to make Vee laugh.

I glare at her and then stubbornly say, "Not hungry."

Will rubs his hand over his face, but he was smiling, "It's like dealing with sixteen-year-old-Miles all over again."

I sit back down at the table and Vee walks up to him.

"It smells so good!" she praises as she lifts the lid. "What are you making?"

"Scouse," Will replies and we both look at him dumb.

"What the hell is a Scouse?" Vee turns to look inside the pot and then shouts, "Dude! This is beef stew!"

"Americans," he shakes his head laughing as he opens a cupboard and pulls out bowls.

The food was good. It was better than good, it was great. I was actually surprised because in my previous stereotypical life, I don't remember coming across a guy who could actually cook, this good at least. I never asked to see the chef in any of the fancy restaurants I've been to so I don't know if the food there was cooked by a male or a female and that leaves me with the male chefs I saw on TV. But that was on the TV and the food they make might not even be that good and no one will ever know. But Will was impressive.

Vee obviously thought the same and had already exaggeratingly told him how this was the best stew she'd ever had. "Do you take orders?" she jokes and he ignores her.

"No seriously, where did you learn? Because I can't see you balancing between cooking classes and archery or whatever it is you guys do in this weird police academy of yours," she presses.

Gemma chokes on her food and Will immediately grabs her a glass of water and taps lightly on her back.

He looks at me and says, "Your friend is truly something else."

"I'm right here," Vee complains.

"It's not a police academy, it's an agency. Something I'm not supposed to be talking about but since you got involved in this mess already..." he trails. "Anyway, I learned to cook when I was a seven or eight I think, for survival, because I had neglectful, pathetic excuses of parents, so I had to make do without them."

Our faces drop and I say, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," he brushes it off. Gemma leans closer to him and whispers something and I notice his finger absently drawing patterns on her hand next to him so I look away from their intimate moment.

If only Adam was here...

I surprise myself with that thought because within everything I was feeling and thinking, I never thought about wanting my boyfriend here right now. I sometimes wondered what he was thinking, doing and feeling. Vee told me that he thought I had died, how did he react to that? What is he thinking now? How the hell did he even get the news? How did any of them get the news?

They both knew I wasn't with my parents on their trip so surely when the police or whoever it was announced the car accident they shouldn't have thought I was in it too, right?

I nudge Vee with my shoulder and motion for the door with my head. She nods and gets up, taking both our bowls to the sink and rinsing them quickly.

"We're going to be upstairs," I say, startling the couple who are too busy flirting with each other not so subtly.

"Sure... uh... do you need anything?" Gemma asks.

"Thanks," I reply on my way out with Vee closely behind me.

"Good job on finding someone who cooks, Gemma girl!" she shouts when we're out of the kitchen.

We hear them laugh and then Vee is next to me, putting her hand around my shoulder. "What happened back there?" she asks. "You were ... banging your head against the table..."

"The thoughts were getting too much," I tell her.

I drag my hand along the length of the pool table as we pass by it. I still can't believe that this is my brother's house. And then we reach the stairs, the freaking extravagant titanic stairs and I turn to Vee and ask, "Did I ever mention that my brother lives in a freaking mansion with his best friend before?"

Her arm drops from my shoulder and she halts, "No, I don't think you knew that he lived in a freaking mansion with his best friend."

I shake my head at her, "How come? What exactly did I know about my brother because it seems that I really know nothing and I ... I barely remember him. I don't know Vee, I feel like I don't even know the guy and he's not here most of the time and it's just not helping I guess," I exhale loudly, "yesterday at the hospital he came to me and apologized and told me things are going to get better but..." I trail and she puts her arm around me once again and pulls me towards the bean bags.

We sit and she keeps on shifting until she finds a comfortable position and then she starts speaking. "Your brother hasn't visited in the past ... four years I think? Yeah four years, and maybe that's why you feel like you don't remember much about him. You told me he didn't have Facebook, Twitter or any other social media account. He's a fairly private person and now that I actually know what he works as, it all makes sense. You don't remember him all that well because he didn't share anything not because you forgot."

I take a moment to let what she just said sink in.

So Miles never told us what he works, never told us that his girlfriend died, never told us where he lives and with who, didn't have social media accounts and rarely visited? Then what the hell did we know about him?

I leave those questions for Miles since he's the only one who can give me an answer and decide to ask Vee about what I was thinking earlier.

"Let's go upstairs," I tell her. "I have so many questions and so much going inside my head and I could really use another well-functioning brain since mine isn't cooperating."

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