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◆ LIA ◆

Somehow I found my way to the cafeteria, well aware that I was being followed by Gemma and Alexis. I was trying to hold back my tears all the way but it was hard; my chest tightened and my throat constricted with dull ache every time. I reached the cafeteria and pushed a table to the farthest corner and sat on top of it. Gemma and Alexis sat a few tables away and stared at me with concern, to the point where it made me uncomfortable and my body fought against all efforts to relax. They're probably wondering if I'm going to break down any moment now. 

I felt shudders take over my system, making it harder and harder for me to breathe. I broke down and I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I felt empty. That was the only word that could truly encompass the way I was feeling right now. I thought maybe after sharing everything with my brother I'd feel different, slightly better maybe? 

But I was left feeling hollow and empty, as though as I was outside my own body. I hated the feeling and tried to fight against it by reminding myself I still have Miles, I still have a brother, but no matter what I tried to will myself to feel or think, I always ended in a spiral whirlpool of grief and sorrow. 

Even thinking about Miles didn't ease the pain; I don't even remember him the way I ought to and I don't know how to tell him that. I don't know how to admit that I only feel safe around him because I know he's a tough guy who knows how to use a gun and is well trained to snap someone's neck if necessary, not because he's my brother. 

But he's not trying either; he didn't try to talk to me any time earlier. He's always quiet and I wonder if he feels I'm a stranger to him as well.
I wouldn't blame him though. It's not his fault I forgot, it's not his fault I'm not easy and I made it seem like all of it was his fault. Maybe this is why he feels stiff around me? 

When my thoughts regarding my brother got too depressing I veered them in a different direction, but it wasn't any better. I try to wrap my ahead around what has happened but the more I think about it, the more absurd it feels. It leaves me feeling like an outline of who I used to be with a whole lot of gaps in my mind. 

A part of me wanted to believe that things will get better once I get back to my life; the routine, school, acting, my friends, Adam. I can easily label them all as a distraction from my thoughts, and that's the only way I can move on and this was how life is supposed to get easier; by distractions. But I realized it was only going to be easier if I wanted to loop myself into an endless cycle of disappointing everyone around me.

I don't even remember Adam. I just know that he's my boyfriend and I love him. I don't feel it. But it seems trivial in the grand scheme of things. So what if I don't remember my boyfriend properly? I just lost my parents and my little brother, forgetting my boyfriend did not even compare to that. 

But I can't help it, I can't control my thoughts or emotions regarding their death when the fact that they're dead hasn't even fully registered in my head yet. I miss them. I miss them fiercely and I would have taken it all- the kidnapping, the deaths, waking up in a trunk with a dead body, the trauma of it all, I would've taken it a hundred times over if just they were alive. And just like that I'm sent into another loop of torment and I knew that this is how my life is going to be now. It has spiraled out of my control into the realm of death, with so much that I want to remember but I can't, and so much I want to forget but I can't. 

A loud crash brings me back to the present. Gemma was now standing with the phone to her ear and her chair was toppled over. She ends the phone call and runs for the door, Alexis calls for her but she just shouts ''He's awake!" on her way out. Alexis also stands abruptly, only wincing slightly as she shifts the wrong way and her bandaged arm hits the back of a chair. She takes a step and then seems to remember I'm here too and that she shouldn't be leaving me alone.

I consider telling her that she shouldn't worry and I'll be fine on my own but I remain quiet as she looks from me to the door and then she walks back to where she was before, sits back down and starts texting awkwardly on her phone with one hand.
Well, I guess now she hates me. But I didn't ask for a babysitter.

◆ WILL ◆

I woke up feeling like I haven't been sleeping at all, I felt exhausted and my body was so stiff, almost like I was covered in a layer of thick, dried concrete. But the pain I felt before passing out was gone; I remember feeling blood rush to my face and there was so much blood coming out and with the hazy state I was in, I was convinced it was due to my head exploding. 

But all of that was gone now, my head was intact and still in place, I was in a different room, my bloodied clothes were gone and I was in a hospital gown. I was slowly regaining my strength as well, Miles administered some medications into the I.V. tube and Luke got me something to eat. 

"How do you feel?" Miles asked. 

"Hungover," I groan.

He paused, "So are you in pain or not?"

"Just a headache." 

And then Steve came in, he acknowledged them with a slight nod and then walked towards me. They all looked wired and exhausted; their faces haggard, dark circles under their eyes, but Miles looked the worst. I don't even know when the last time he got a decent amount of sleep was. 

Steve placed a gun, some papers and a card on the bed and I looked at him questioningly. 

"A new access card and a gun because all your belongings are probably infected," he explained, "how are you?"

"Thanks," I replied. "I'm much better, clearly." 

"Trust Steve to take care of the technicalities," Miles commented. 

Steve gave him an annoyed look and then pointed at the papers, "You two should read those later, it's from The Agency, I got you a copy because- because I like to take care of the technicalities." 

"What is it about?" Miles questioned.

"Just read it, I'm leaving I don't have time to explain."

"Leaving?" I asked.

"I got assigned to a case in Germany," he shrugged and walked to the door. "I'm glad you're okay Will," then he turned to Miles and hesitated, "you saved him, that's impressive," he said and with that, he walked out. 

Miles stared after him with an amused look.

"Don't," I warn. "He was being nice; you don't have to be an asshole to him all the time." 

"What? I wasn't going to say anything," Miles defends. "He was weird though." 

"Do these two always act like butt-hurt five year olds?" Luke askes

Miles flips him off. "Do you want to read this now?" he asks, referring to the papers Steve got. 

"It's from The Agency, it can't be good and I don't have the energy to deal with anything now so no," I say. "Where's Gemma?" 

"With Lexi and my sister upstairs, I'll call her," he replies. 

The room falls silent for a few seconds as Miles calls Gemma, until someone grumbles from the doorway, "You're alive! Thank god, can we leave now?" Luke steps aside and I see it's Lia's friend, Venus. "Wait-" she pauses as she looks around the room, "where's Lia?" 

"Upstairs," Luke replies. 

"She's in the cafeteria, and Gemma is on her way down now," Miles puts his phone away and looks at Venus, "does my sister hate me?" 

Venus looks at him in surprise, we all look at him in surprise, "Lia doesn't hate you. She... she barely remembers you to be honest. But she still needs you by her side and you're doing a shit job at that." 

He nods thoughtfully, not taking offense to what she said, "I'll go talk to her," he says and walks out almost crashing into Gemma who was obviously running all the way here. 

"Easy," he steadies her with his arms on her shoulder. Her eyes are frantic as she looks away from him and around the room until our eyes lock and I offer her a weak smile but my heartbeat was anything but weak. 

They all file out of the room, leaving me alone with Gemma and my frenzied heart. I don't get a chance to speak as she rushes across the room and throws herself at me, wrapping her arms tightly around me and starts crying. She's sobbing so hard that her whole body was trembling and she hugged me so tight as if I would disappear if she let go. She was crying and babbling all at once, her voice coming in deep wracking sobs. "I was so scared," she was saying. "I was terrified, Will." 

I put my arms around her and pulled her closer, we stay like that for some time and then she pushes back and puts a hand on my face, "You're here," she whispers, her other hand was splayed across my chest and I was positive she could feel how fast my heart was beating because of her closeness. She was practically straddling me and I felt like the world's luckiest man at the moment. A horrified look washed over her face upon realizing our proximity, and then it morphed into embarrassment and her cheeks flushed red. I wanted to kiss her right now. I wanted that more than anything I could remember in my life. 

"I'm still here," I say and pull her into another hug. Her head rests on my shoulder and my arm is around her body and nothing in the world has ever felt more right.

◆ LIA ◆

Miles walks in some time later. He goes to Alexis first and they talk in hushed tones and then she leaves. Then he approaches me and I take the time to wipe my tears away. He stands right in front of the table I'm sat on and takes a few seconds to study me before speaking. I avoid eye contact and look down at my intertwined hands.

"How are you feeling?" he asks and I look up.

I don't reply immediately, I just stare blankly at his face.

"How are you feeling?" I retaliate.

"I'm sorry, Lia," he replies.

"Why are you sorry?" I ask, not reprovingly but out of genuine concern.

He hesitates, "Because I'm not the brother you need right now."

"Miles, no-

He doesn't give me a chance to speak though, "No hear me out. I know you're hurting, I know you've been through a lot and I know you miss them and I... I haven't been there for you, not when you were growing up and not now when you need me the most. I'm not making excuses for why I'm- for why I'm distant but I'm just as confused and I don't know how to shape myself around this Lia, I truly don't but it's selfish of me to let you go through it alone," he pauses to take a breath, "I'm sorry and I know that nothing I could say or do now will take this pain away, but I promise you will not have to go through it alone, I'm here for you and I'll always be here for you."

He pushes himself up on the table and sits next to me taking my hand in his. "You're my family, Lia. You're all I have left. We have each other and we will heal from this together." His grasp on my hand tightened, "Please tell me you're here for me too because I need you. I need you more than you can imagine. Say you forgive me, please just say anything," his voice cracked and I still couldn't find mine. All I could do was lean against him and let him hold me as I cried, and then he broke down too.

◆ WILL ◆

Neither of us spoke for what seemed like hours, Gemma and I we just sat in silence, holding each other. Sometimes there was no need for words and this was one of those moments. I had no words to convey the tumult of my emotions and nothing to express the depth of my commitment to her, love is such a small word for the way I feel about her and I didn't want to give her a rushed confession. 

I had imagined this differently in my head, I had thought that the first chance I get to tell Gemma how I really feel would be in spoken words. I would tell her how hard it was to pretend that we're just friends, how I imagine waking up to her face every day for the rest of my life, how I knew she'd be the one to own my heart the moment I saw her. I would've let her know that my feelings for her are so strong that I can no longer control my own emotions; just the thought of her was consuming my mind; my every waking thought and my dreams. 

A knock on the door breaks the calm and before Gemma climbs off the bed I pull her close one more time, "I'm so tired of wasting time," I whisper as the door slowly opens and Lexi comes in. Gemma gets up and makes way for Lexi, but the smile never leaves her face and I couldn't look away from her, she was just so gorgeous and it made my chest ache with want. 

"I don't suppose he woke up grinning this way, did he?" Lexi teases as she looks between Gemma and I and then takes a seat at the other end of the bed, "welcome back, lover boy." 

"Hey Lex, how's your arm?" I try to change the topic and she rolls her eyes knowingly. 

The conversation takes all sorts of directions as Lexi updates me on what has happened during my comatose period and then Gemma's mother calls and she was clearly upset that her daughter was not back home yet as it was way past midnight. 

"My mother definitely thinks I'm still twelve," Gemma rolls her eyes after ending the call. 

Then Luke and Venus join us again with coffee and Miles and Lia follow shortly afterwards. 

We were all deep in discussion when Dillon stumbles through the door balancing two wrapped boxes on one hand and carrying balloons in the other. 

"I am very glad that you did not die," he says, "I would not have stayed in The Agency without you." 

We all stare at him in silence and then Luke coughs and gives me a pointed look urging me to say something.

"That's ... Wow Dillon, that's very sweet of you, thank you," I say. "What's in the boxes?" 

"Take the balloons first," he replies. 

We all wait for him to open the boxes and I sit there awkwardly holding balloons. Dillon's oddness didn't bother me, I was beyond grateful for my life right now that nothing could have bothered me. Here I was, in this tiny hospital room where I was surrounded with those who matter the most to me, Gemma was still here, Miles's drug worked and I was still alive. Nothing else bad happened in the past twenty four hours and that might have seemed like a wretched situation to some but in the moment this was more than enough.

.

.

After that, there was a collective agreement that we should leave the hospital. Miles ran a few more checkups and then announced I was good to go. We haven't heard from Gerard or The Agency at all, and I was notified that this has been the case for the past twenty four hours, it was weird, very weird but I didn't say anything, I'm sure everyone was thinking the same. Besides maybe there's an explanation in the papers that Miles and I are yet to read.

We paused by the cars underground, trying to arrange who goes with whom. I was too tired to drive and Lexi couldn't because of her bandaged arm, so we were left with two cars; Luke's and Miles's. 

Luke had some clothes in the boot of his car which he keeps for 'emergency cases' but really he's just too lazy to empty it out. I borrow something to change into and when I come back I see they've all settled in. 

Lia and her friend were obviously going with Miles and I, Gemma's place was on the opposite side of the city where Luke was headed and so she went with him and Lexi was staying with a friend in an apartment within walking distance and didn't want anyone to drop her off. 

I walked to Gemma to say goodbye. Something between us has changed and we're both aware of that but neither of us felt the need to acknowledge it with words right now. 

"Call me when you get home," I tell her as I pull her closer. 

Standing on her tiptoes, she places a soft kiss on my cheek. "I will ,I'll see you tomorrow." 

I watch her walk away and get into Luke's car. And then I go back and get into the passenger seat next to Miles.

"About damn time," he smirks.

"Shut up," I tell him as we drive away. 

"God! We're finally out of this god forsaken hospital," Venus comments from the backseat. 

Lia falls asleep almost immediately and Venus stays awake watching the city as we drive, she comments on something every now and then but other than that the ride is mostly silent. 

The drive normally would take about twenty-five minutes but Miles takes a different and a much longer route to make sure we're not being followed. 

His eyes keep darting from the rearview mirror to the side mirrors and I notice something is wrong. 

"What is it?" I whisper. 

"I think we're being followed," he replies and I look at the side mirror, "Red car on the left." 

"We really can't take a break, can we?" I groan as I check for myself. 

"Is everything okay?" Venus asks. 

Miles hesitates and then decides to tell her what's really going on, "I think someone is following us. We'll take care of it though, don't worry."

"Cool," she replies and I turn in my seat to look at her.

"Cool?" I question.

"Yeah I mean it's not like you guys aren't practically trained ninja turtles, just go do your thing it's cool," she explains.

"You're so strange," I mumble and turn back.

"I heard that!" 

"Good," I shoot back and then turn to Miles. "What are we doing?"

"There's a drugstore on the next turn, I'll stop there and if they do too then suspicions confirmed and they're tracking us," he replies.

"And then?"

"And then I'll take my gun and shoot them all dead and we go back home," he continues. 

I let out an exasperated sigh, "Really, Miles?" 

"I'm serious."

"We're not shooting anyone; it's too risky right now, just drive and try to lose them."

Venus pokes her head between our seats, "I liked his plan better," she points at Miles.

I call Luke to make sure they're not being followed either and Miles calls Lexi to check on her. 

"It's times like these when I seriously regret being your friend," Luke jokes. 

"I'm serious Luke, be careful." 

"Okay, mother." 

"Seriously Kessler, you better get Gemma home safely." 

"What about me? Why is no one ever worried about me? I dont even work for your god-forsaken agency!" he whines. 

"You can go to hell, cupcake." 

He laughs and says something that I don't quite catch and then hangs up. 

I call him again after some time and he assures me they were not being followed and Gemma was dropped off safely. Miles drives around for another twenty minutes before he finally heads toward his place. 

"False alert," he says, breaking the silence. Venus had also dozed off in the backseat some time ago and the car fell silent since then. 

"What?" 

"The red car, it wasn't following us," he explains. "I saw it stop a few houses down and turns out there were two children in the backseat. We weren't being followed it was just some dude and his kids." 

"Some dude and his kids made you go around like a headless chicken for an entire hour," I mock him. 

"That was your idea," he returns. 

"Yours was shooting an innocent man." 

"I missed everything back here except this," he chuckles, referring to our usual car banters. 

"Everything is the same yet different, isn't it?" I say. "Did you talk to Lia?" 

"You fall unconscious as a William and wake up as Socrates?" he teases. "My drug works wonders." I take his jokes as not wanting to talk about that right now so I drop it. And the car falls silent again. 

I take the time to think back on all the times that Miles saved my life. Starting from the day we met, when I was just a runaway kid with a bruised face, some cash and nowhere to go. Until today, where if it wasn't for him I would have been long dead. I think about that and send a grateful, silent prayer thanking God for sending me Miles as a friend and a brother that I never had.

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A/N

 I hope it was a good chapter! Opinions? 

Thank you for taking your time to read this, I can never thank you enough !! x

23.02.18