I sit in the diner with my arms crossed and my bottom lip pouting in failure. Jax looks at me smirk, "Don't do that face, Milly."

I frown at him and pout harder, "I can do what I want right now. I couldn't find my thingie. I'm grumpy. I hate my life!"

Jax chuckles, "Don't be so negative. Today wasn't the best day, we'll just look again tomorrow and see what happens."

I sighed, "I know," I look down at my twiddling hands, "I just feel like I needed to find it straight away or else I wouldn't find it ever."

Jax shakes his head, "I don't think that's how it works, babe. You shouldn't be looking for your thing. I think when the time is right, you'll just suddenly find it."

I shrugged, "Yeah maybe. I guess we'll see."

A ding came from Jax's phone. He opens the message, I watched him tap on it as he replied. I tilted my head. I wonder who he's texting. Should I ask him? Nah, I trust him. I'll just leave him to it. I mean...if it were a dodgy text, he'd tell me. Nope...it's not a big deal. Just leave it. It's none of my business anyway.

I lean forward on my elbows, "Who're you texting?" 

Jax looks up from his phone. He stares at me for a moment. He shrugs and look back, "No one." What fuck does that mean?

I frowned and squinted my eyes, "So you're texting no one? What're you doing then?"

Jax looks up at me from his phone then looks back to his screen. I lean forward more, "What're you doing on your phone Jackson?" I questioned a little louder. 

"Nothing." He said simply. 

I scoffed, "Then why are you tapping on your screen like you're messaging someone! Who are you messaging?" 

Jax shrugs again, "No one."

"No one my ass!" I snatch the phone out of his hand. I look on his messages. 

LUCAS: You got training tomorrow at 9 AM. Don't be late. 

JAX: Okay.

LUCAS: There's also a party going on tonight at Mark's. You and Milly should come.

JAX: Alright. I'll ask her. 

I scowled at Jax. He was looking at, holding his mouth shut tight as if he was trying to not laugh. 

I throw his phone at him, "You asshole!"

Jax bursts out laughing. 

"That's not even funny!" I shouted, "Why would you do that! Why couldn't you've just said that you were texting Lucas!"

Jax was still laughing as he said, "Because I just wanted to see your reaction!"

I shook my head, "You are so annoying. That's not funny! The fact that you think it's funny to play around my emotions just shows how much of a dickhead you are!"

I stood up and stomped out of the diner. I walked down the street in the dark with my arms crossed over my chest. "Idiot." I grumbled. I shook my head. He's such an idiot! Why are guys so stupid and insensitive! I mean, that was the completely wrong time to do it! He's so insufferable!

As I kept stomping down the street I noticed that I was alone. I stopped walking. I look back at the diner down the road and glared at it. On the corner of my eye I see a dark hooded figure. He was standing behind the street lamp. I felt myself become tense when I see that he was looking at me. I gulped. 

I kept walking and my breathing became more laboured when he began to walk at the same pace as well. I stopped...then he stopped.

"I'm gonna kill you..."

I felt my hands begin to shake as I felt those words permanently echoing in my brain. And right now...those words are being bellowed in my ears. We both stood on opposite sides of the street staring at each other. I should've just stayed at the diner, damn it!

The hooded man slowly stepped back, but was still facing me. My eyes widen when he turned around and jumped the fence. I released a shaky breath as I was left alone in the dark street. I turn around and yelped in fright when I see a person standing there. But I quickly recognise his face. 

"Jax, you gave me a fright."

He doesn't say anything. He just stands there glaring at the spot where the man was, "Do you know who that was?" I asked shakily. 

"No." Was all he said. He steps toward me and gently wraps his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into his chest as he guides me back to the diner.

"Do you think you know who that was?" Jax asked. I became suspicious when Jax asked me that. Does he know what happened to me? About my...incident? Just the way he asked that question was weird. It was like he could read my mind. Did he know who I thought it was? 

I shook my head, "No." 

We both don't say anything as we both climbed into the car. Jax ripped out of the parking lot. I noticed his knuckles were white as he gripped the steering wheel tightly. 

I cleared my throat, "Are you okay?" I asked. 

He clenches his jaw for a couple moments before answer, "I need a drink. We're going to that party."

I gulped, "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"Why wouldn't it be?" He said sharply. 

I shrugged, "I mean, you seem pretty angry. Do you think it's a good idea to go to that party like that?"

"Yeah I do. I can drop you home if you want. But either way, I'm going. I just want to forget."

My brows pulled together and I tilt my head toward him, "About what?" 

He shakes his head at himself and says in a low tone, "Everything."

We can hear the party before seeing it. The deep rumble of the bass. When we pull up my eyes widen. This party was huge. It was a mansion with coloured lights shinning on it. A giant crowd outside and what looks like a rave on the inside. I felt the burning sensation of my anxiety seep into my chest at the sight of it. Jax immediately jumps out of the car. He runs over to my side and opens the door. 

As I climb out I looked up at Jax unsure. He wraps an arm around my waist, "Come on." He takes me inside. It takes us a while to get through the crowd. As I walk through I began to feel under-dressed. The girls here were like super-models. All of them wearing tight short dresses. Their long toned legs strutting everywhere. Insecurity was like a poison. I didn't want it to overwhelm me, but right now it was. 

Jax takes us to the bar and orders us drinks. He gets me a soda and he gets himself a couple of shots. He throws them all back one by one. I frowned, "Jax?" I shouted over the music. 

He shakes his head and gasps as he took the last shot. He stares down at me. "I feel like we should go." I said, "Maybe it's better if we just talk for a bit?"

Jax shakes his head, "I don't wanna talk." He looked around the crowd, "I wanna party." I recognised that look in his eye. He had the crazy look. The untamed beast was about to come out and play. I felt scared. Scared of what he looked like, he was unpredictable when he was like this. I'm not sure what's gonna happen by the end of the night. 

"Jax Reed!" My head whips to the left when I see this tall blond model-like girl walk over smiling at Jackson, "It has a been a fucking minute since I've seen you."

I felt myself become uneasy when I see Jax smile back, "Amanda Warden...it's definitely been a while." She walks aright passed me to him and gives him a big hug. She hugged him tightly, intimately, familiarly. They must've slept together at some point in the past. 

Jax steps back and looks at me a little bit uncomfortably. He clears his throat and steps toward me, I tried to resist the urge to step away from him, "This is my girlfriend, Milly." 

Amanda's eyebrows shot up in surprise, "Girlfriend? You actually have a girlfriend."

Jax smirked, "Hey, a guy can change."

"Well any girl that's able to tame this wild beast has my respect."

All I do is smile and not say anything. If had nothing nice to say, don't say nothing at all. At least that's what Thumper said in bambi. They had polite conversation which I hated. They talked like old friends catching up. Or past-lovers catching up. Seeing them in close proximity burned my chest even more. I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be around him. But at the same time I did want to be around so than he doesn't do anything that could end up ending us. 

"Well if it isn't Rampage Reed." A random drunk guy said over the music. Jax began to laugh, "Mark you son of a bitch."

"You know you still owe me a girlfriend!" He shouted. 

Jax laughs, "Hey! You can't hate on me! I knew her as well as any other guy in town!"

Mark bursts out laughing, "True! The gal didn't know how to keep her legs closed."

I sneered at their conversation. I didn't like this Jax. He reminded me of what he was like before us. 

"Hey! I got a new car!"

"Why do you need another one when you already have three?" Jax laughed. 

"She was too sexy not to buy. Come with me! I'll show you."

Mark disappeared through the crowd Jax was about to but stopped and turned around as if he almost forgot I was here. He nods toward Mark, "Come on, Milly. Let's check out his car."

I shook my head, "You go. I'll wait here."

"You sure?"

"Yes!" I snapped, "Just go!"

Jax shrugs and disappears in the crowd too.  I shook my head. What would have triggered this? Surely it wasn't just because of that guy on the street. Then again maybe it was? Jax was staring at that guy like he wanted to kill. Since then he wasn't acting the same. He was irritable and snappy. 

I wonder if this has anything to do with past? We haven't discussed much on our pasts. We don't even touch the subject. Now it makes me wonder what he did? What did he do in the past that makes him hate himself so much? 

I've been waiting around for a while. I checked my phone. It almost been 45 minutes. I decided to get up and find him. I was sick of this and wanted to go home now. I moved through the crowd, searching the place. Where the hell could he be. I looked to my right and see his friend Mark chatting up some girl.

I go up to him and tap him on the shoulder, "Where's Jax?"

He looks at me and his eyes run up and down my body, "Well hello there gorgeous."

I sneered at him, "Don't even go there. Where is Jackson Reed?"

"Rampage?" He's in the basement. He points down the hall to a random door. I follow his directions and found the basement. 

What I find has me tipping over the edge. I stand there with my arms crossed over my chest. He sitting on the couch, a girl on either side of him, pawing at his arms and chest. But he wasn't focused on them at all, he was too busy getting high as he was smoking up a giant bong. 

I storm toward him. The girls eyes widen as I approach them. They shuffle away from Jax. I stand in front of him, waiting for him to fucking notice. His eyes catch onto my feet and they slowly crawl up until he reaches my faces. His red eyes gaze upon my raging ones. He smiles, "Hi babe."

I scowl, "What the fuck are you doing Jax?"

He stands up, "I'm just having some fun! Is that a crime?"

"It is when you're being reckless and self-destructive! Come on! We're leaving!" I shout. 

"No we fucking ain't!" He shouts back, "You leave if you want. I'm exactly where I want to be right now."

I step closer, "You have once chance, Jax. We leave now."

He steps closer, "We aren't leaving...babe."

"So what you want to party like old times? You want to party like you did before us?"

"YES!" He shouts back. 

I grab his shirt and yank him forward so than he was on my level, "Do you really want to fucking do this?"

"Yes." He growls at me. 

The mature thing to do right now was to just leave. Forget him. He isn't worth this. I need to get out of this with some self-respect.

"Two can play at this game." I said at him. The only way to beat this kind of Jackson...you gotta party harder than him. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do. 

https://youtu.be/4DMOeS7TPBs

I march back up the stairs and went straight to the bar. This time it wasn't the random bartender it was Lucas, "Give me ten shots now." I demanded. 

Lucas freezes and frowned, "Milly? Why do you need that many? Where's Jax?"

"Jax is being a fucking idiot. Give me the shots now...please."

Lucas gave me a suspicious look, "Is everything okay?"

I groaned, "Yes! Everything is fine besides the fact is my boyfriend is this destructive animal that's emotionally retarded and doesn't know how to communicate and deal with his issues! If this is how he wants to deal with shit! Then I'm going to do it too?"

"Why?" Lucas asks. 

"To prove a fucking point that partying doesn't fix anything and only adds fuel to the fire! Now give me my shots, Lucas!"

He sighs, "I don't think you should do this, but I'll give you the shots. But just know...I don't support this decision because I care about you."

I sigh, "Maybe you should've been my boyfriend."

Lucas smirks, "Sorry, Baby. I'm taken."

"I know. Heather's lucky to have someone...stable."

Lucas laughs as he gives me my shots. One after another I throw my head back. My face scrunches as the disgusting liquid flows down my throat. As soon as the last shot enters my system, I already feel the hard buzz. Fuck yeah. 

***

I stumble back toward the bar and giggle. I hold up my index finger, "One more cocktail please?" Lucas's brows pull together and shakes his head, "I'm cutting you off."

I pout, "Pwease Lukey!" I plead. But I already see it. He's not gonna budge. I run off back into the crowd and dance my ass off. I look to my right and see Jax moving through the crowd toward. Oh he wanna play now? He want me now huh?

https://youtu.be/J9FImc2LOr8

I start to dance away from him. A girl looks at me dancing and her eyes light up, "Girl! You're such a hype! I love it!"

I laughed, "Thanks! I'm trying to get away from my boyfriend. He's chasing me down!"

The girl frowns and looks at Jax behind me. She smiles at me, "Shall we give him a show of what he's missing out on?"

I tilt my head in question, "What'd you have in mind?"

She gives me a knowing smile. She leans in, "One common fantasy a lot of guys is seeing two girls hooking up."

I raise my brow, "I ain't a lesbian."

She laughs, "Most girls who hook up at parties aren't!" She steps closer. She wraps an arm around my waist and started to roll her body on me. I smiled and put my arm around her neck and began to do the same. She leans, "Oh...I wish you could see his face."

I let the alcohol control me and take the lead. We ended up having a lot of fun. I began spinning around bending over and twerking on her. She grabs onto my hips and screams, "Yuzzz bitch! Shake that ass!" I laugh as we hyped each other up. 

Suddenly a circle of girls we were around us, hyping us up! It was kind of funny that I was dressed like a bum and yet was partying with a whole bunch of super models. I look over and See Jax standing there his eyes darkening. I smirk. Take that asshole. He stares and shake his head. Scoff, as if he has the right to be like that. 

I turn to my dance partner. I give her a look and her one brow raises knowingly. I smirk. I grab her face and smash her lips to my own. I felt her smiling against my lips as if she knew this would get him. 

I'm suddenly pulled back, spun around and pushed into a big chest. Jackson glares down at me, "Okay that's enough."

I laugh and then give him a death stare, "I say when it's fucking enough."

I turn around and began to grind against him. I hear him groaning in my ear. He holds my hips and began to push against me. I bend over and throw it back. I turn around roll against  him. His leg ends up between my legs as I grind and he does the same. I pull in, about to give him a kiss. His eyes were dark with a burning lust and I smile. I shove his face and strut away. I hear him grunt in frustration. 

https://youtu.be/z4_lzaMdLo8

My party best friend looks at from across the room and winks at me. I poke my tongue out. I look over my shoulder and see Jax was shoving people through the crowd. I squeal and ran away.  I find a guy doing some lines on a coffee table I smile. I plop down beside him, "Can I have some?"

His red eyes looks at me. His eyes run up and down my-self and smiles and nods. I bend down and line it up. I sniff it all up. I hurt a lot, but in an instant I felt my mind go on a spiritual journey. I look at him and smile, "Is this cocaine?"

He shakes his head, "Nah, it's acid."

I frowned. Isn't that a hallucinogenic? Was that okay? I shrugged. I don't really give a fuck. All I had to do was party hard. 

Soon a whole bunch of guys came in with a keg, "We need Jax the king!" They shouted. Oh my gorgeous boyfriend merges from the crowd laughing as he was preparing to do it. I get up. My world becomes a little topsy turvy. I shake it off as this confidence flood my system. As I walk the coloured likes began to look lightsabers. That doesn't look safe. 

I step in front of Jax before he could do anything, "He may be a king...but a king ain't a king without his queen." He glares down at me and I glare right back. 

The boys then left me up on top of the keg, put the tube in my mouth and began to shout, "chug! chug! chug!" 

By the time I was sitting back down I thought I was going to throw up. But I didn't want to do that in front of Jackson. I refuse to. I see him standing there glaring at all the guy that lifted me up. His dark stare turns to me. He didn't look drunk anymore. He looked pissed. He moved to make his way over to me. I turned around and ran away. I didn't want to see his hypocritical ass. 

As I was walking, I gasped as I saw that the rug on floor turned into a sea of worms, "Gross!" I screamed. 

I ran off the rug almost spewing. What the fuck? I turned to walk into a room. Oh my goodness...Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall are having a wizard fight. I tilted my head...Harry Potter was a true story? 

I quickly closed the door. I didn't want to be hit by a spell. My world continued to spin as I walked down the hall. I frowned when the hall became longer and darker. 

"What the fuck?" I mumbled to myself. At the end of the hallway was a red door with a black stripe in the middle. I reached out my hand and slowly opened the door, not sure if I wanted to go in, but it felt like I was in auto-pilot. 

My breath hitched when I found I was outside. Flashes of red and blue. I gulped as I took in the scene. There was a black van smashed in by a giant white freightliner truck. I look over to the ambulance. I became very still when I saw her lying down on the road. Me. I slowly walked to her. Her hip was bleeding out. She was white as a paper sheet, staring up at the stars as everyone made a fuss over her. She was never the same. I was never the same. 

Then I see a hooded figure stomping over from the police car. My brows pulled together. I don't remember this? But I suddenly began to stumble back when he walked past my injured self on the ground and straight to me. "Whoa! Hey! Wait a minute!" I shouted. 

The guy grabs me roughly by my clothes. He takes his hood off and I thought I was going to faint. It was him. His dark eyes piercing into me, "You thought you could go free without me?" He growled down at me, "You thought you could actually be happy? Find love and live happily ever after?" 

He drags me to some warehouse. I whimper and thrash about to try and get out of his hold, "Leave me alone! I didn't do anything to you!" 

He stopped spun me around and pulled me in. He shouted, "Didn't do anything to me? You ruined my life!" 

He steps back. That's when I noticed the heavy black piece of metal in his hand. He raises the gun, pointing at my head, "Now it's time to ruin yours."

My eyes widen, "Wait! Wait!" I turned to run away, "Jax!" I screamed. But it was too late. I heard the echoing sound of the weapon going off.

I whip up right from my bed screaming. My skin was slick in a cold sweat. My hands were shaking and my ears were still ringing with the sound of a gun going off. As I try to catch mu breath I look around the room. I was in my old bedroom. My room at the Reeds. I look out the window and saw only Jax's car was there. I must've passed out and he took me back here. 

I got up on shaky legs. I look at the time. It was 4:56 AM. I groaned. That's the worst time to get up. I sighed and was repulsed by the icky sticky feeling of my sweaty clothes being stuck to my skin as well as the nauseated sensation that was rising from my stomach. 

Beside my bed was a giant jug of water. It was then I noticed how dry my mouth was. I threw my head back as I took giant gulps of water, hoping it will rejuvenate my insides. On shaky legs I walk to the bathroom. The sight of the shower almost made me collapse in relief. 

I closed the door, turned the shower on, and pealed my clothes off my body. When I stepped in the shower, I leaned against the wall and slowly slipped down to the floor. I pull my knees into my chest and let the beautiful hot water beat down on me. 

I closed my eyes. I'm such an idiot. What the hell was I thinking? I shouldn't have done that. I should've left. I should've left Jax there and went home, waiting for the next morning and talked to him. But no, I had to react...and quite extremely at that. I had to try show him that he wasn't top dog. But I only made things worse for myself. 

I sighed and leaned against the wall. I looked down at my hip...my screwed up hip. 

"Now it's time to ruin yours..."

That was the last time I'm taking drugs. Those hallucinations felt so real...too real. My heart was still beating over-time as if I was running a marathon. 

I wonder where Jax was? I guess I got the reaction I wanted from him. He sobered up and was busy running around after my crazy ass the whole night. I won...but it didn't feel like I did. I feel like I'm sinking, deep...into a dark hole, a dark place where I was alone. I felt like I was losing Jax. If he kept wanting to party like that, sooner or later he'll cheat on me. Then what? Do I just go with my parent's plan and go to university to study business? Then what? My purpose for life seems to be getting smaller and smaller. 

I climbed out of the shower and dried myself. I wrapped a towel around myself and opened the door. I'm met with a small stack of folded clothes. I look up at his door, it's open slightly. I bend down and picked the clothes up. I quickly went back to the bathroom to get changed. 

My hip was sore. I opened their medicine cabinet and found that there was some moisturiser. I rubbed  some on my hip and gently massaged it around. Once done I walked out. 

I contemplated whether to just go back to my old bedroom and slept or go to Jax's room. I sighed, I guess I'll have to face him sooner or later. Might as well get it over with. 

I slowly opened his bedroom door and frowned when I was met with an empty space. My eyes caught on his open window. I look up at the roof and smirk. Of course he's up there. 

I went back to my old room, climbed out of my window since it was closer to my tree. I smirked as I considered it 'my tree.' I climbed up and just as I suspected, he was sitting up there on the roof looking a the sky with a cigarette. I hopped on and crawl next to him. We both sat there in silence as we saw the sky slowly become lighter. 

"I'm sorry." He said. 

I didn't say anything as I let him continue. But I did glance at him. He looked exhausted. His eyes were bloodshot. He had giant bags under his eyes, his hair was dishevelled, and he was clenching his jaw before speaking, "I know I was in the wrong, Milly."

I nodded my head, "You scared me," I said in a quiet raspy voice. 

He nods his head, "I know."

I look down at my twiddling hands, "You looked like the old you. The crazy one where you didn't care about anything or anyone...including me."

Jax kept clenching his jaw, "I know. And I was trying to do that."

My brows pulled together slightly, "Why? Why would you want to do that?"

He took another drag of his cigarette, "Because it's what I always used to do. I didn't want to deal with myself, I didn't want to deal with all the shit that was constantly circling around my head. So I'd party hard so than I didn't need to think about it." He finally looks at me, looking so...lost.

"I'm not good at communicating. It wasn't how I dealt with stuff. But being in a relationship has changed that. I need to be better and I know that," He looks down at my twiddling fingers and covers them with his, "I'm sorry, Milly. I'm sorry for scaring you like that. It won't happen again. Next time I get triggered...I'll try to put it into words."

I nodded my head, "Okay...but what were you so triggered about? Was it that guy?"

Jax gulped, "I haven't told you everything about my past, Milly and I'm not ready to talk about it. But yes, that guy triggered something from my past and I felt myself losing it."

"But you will tell me though? At some point?"

"Yeah. I will."

"Okay then." 

He holds his hand out, "Are we good?" He says. 

I smirked and shook his hand, "Yeah. We're okay."

He finally smiled, "Good." He instantly wraps his arm around me and pulls me tightly to his side. I lean my head on his shoulder as we both saw the sun rise. 

https://youtu.be/p-eS-_olx9M

"I'm quite shocked at how much of a party animal you are." He said with an amused tone. 

I cover my face and groan, "No!"

Jax began to laugh as bury my face in his chest, "Never again!" I said, "I will never ever do that again! Don't ever let me touch any alcohol or drugs...ever!"

Jax laughed and rubbed my back, "I was very surprised to see you grinding on another girl."

My nose wrinkled as the shameful memories came flooding back, "Please don't remind me. I can't handle that right now."

Jax chuckled, but then he his smirk slowly slipped away, "Did you take acid?" He asked. 

I winced, "Ummm...yeah. But it was by accident! I thought it was coke but...then the guy told me it was acid."

"When I brought you home you kept whimpering like you were wounded."

I gulped as the sharp sound of a gun going off was still ringing in my ears, "I began to hallucinate things from my past."

"Like what?" He asks as he looks down at me. 

I sighed and looked up at him, "I'll tell you when I'm ready."

Jax's eyes soften and he nods his head, "Okay." He climbs up and sits behind me. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me closer to him where my back was pressed against his chest. Jax  kisses the side of my forehead as we watch the first light of the sun shine upon us.

I giggled, "We're so fucked up."

Jax snorts and laughs, "Speak for yourself, sweetheart."

***

It took me a couple of us to recover from that tragic night. Jax and I just chilled together. Watched movies, stuffed our faces and went for walks when he wasn't training. Soon everything felt a little more normal once Monday came around.

I woke feeling totally hopeless once again. I don't know why knowing my hobby has become an obsession. Maybe it's because I see it as a way of staying with Jax. If I find what I love to do, I can go and do that and be with Jax! Instead of being forced to move to Harvard University. The thought of being away from him created slow and sore burn in my chest. I can't let that happen, but I feel it's already happening. I look to my desk and saw the letter that could change my whole life if I let it.

But how am I gonna do that when I don't know what I wanna do! It's been a week and I haven't found anything that sparked my interest at all. I rolled over in my bed and groaned. Why can't I find anything that I like!

I climbed out of bed and got dressed for school. I just wore my leggings and hoodie. I literally never dress nice. I always dress comfortably. Maybe I should start making an effort to look like a girl again and not this depressed, emotional, insecure, damaged little boy. I looked at my closet and stared at the nice dressed...yeah...no.

I walk outside and felt a little better at the sigh of Jax leaning against his car outside my house. It seemed he sensed me coming since he moved his attention to me and immediately smiled.

"Morning," I said with a tired voice. 

His arms pull me into his body. He gives me a quick peck of the lips, "Morning, baby." He guides me in the passenger seat, and then ran around to his side. 

"You okay?" He asked, "You seem pretty quiet."

My gazed moved from the window to his face, I smiled, "I'm okay. Just a lot on my mind."

"Like what?"

I sighed, "Nothing you have to worry about. I'm okay, it's fine."

Jax shakes his head, "You can't do that, Milly."

I frowned, "Do what?"

"You can't just not talk about stuff. If certain thoughts are weighing down on your mind then it's worth talking about instead of letting it sit in your head."

I frowned and crossed my arms, "Says the guy that bottles everything up!"

He sighs, "Yeah, but I told you I'm working on it."

I looked down at my fidgeting hands, the memory of the letter I got has been weighing down on my mind, "I'm okay. I just had a bad sleep and my nightmares seem to be getting worse." It was the truth, it has been getting worse. It's just not the truth I should've told Jackson. 

"Are you sure that's whats on your mind?" He presses. 

I nodded my head, "Yeah."

He sighs, "Why don't you come to me when you have nightmares? Or at least call? Because you can, I hope you know that. I don't care what hour of the night you call."

I smiled, "I know, Jax. I just don't want to burden you all the time with my crap."

Jax turns into the school and puts the car in park. He turns to me and his browns were drawn together in a serious expression, "That's bullshit, Milly. You're not a burden to me."

I gulped and felt my hands fidget, "You say that, but I can tell when you're tired Jax. I hope you know that you can talk to me as well. Like about you're dad and..." I look down at my hands, "You're mother too."

Jax became quiet when I mention his mother, but his eyes were still on me. I took his hands in my own, "Jax?"

His jaw clenched, but his hand tightened around mine. He turns and gets out of the car. I watch him walk around the car to my side and he opens the door. He ushers me to climb out. I stand before him and he looks down at me. He leans in and kisses my forehead, "How about we make a deal to talk about stuff that we struggle with. Be more honest with each other."

I smiled, "Okay, deal."

His mouth turns into a small grin, "Good. That means you have to tell me about what really weighing on your mind because I know you're keeping something from me."

I rolled my eyes, "Fine."

He chuckles and pulls me to his side as we enter the school. 

***

"Why is there nothing on your canvas, Milly?" The teacher asked. 

I sat there staring at the white canvas, "Because Mrs Davies, all we've been doing the last few weeks is paint fruit and I don't want to do that anymore."

Teacher tilts her head, "I know it can be boring, but it's about developing skills more than actually painting a picture of fruit. Does it make you feel better to know that you're the best in the class?"

My head whips to my teacher, "I am?!"

Mrs Davies giggles, "Yes, Milly you are. I am actually quite impressed with how you picked it up so fast. It comes quite naturally."

"It does?" I said incredulously. 

Mrs Davies stares at me in thoughts. She looks around the class room at everyone else attempting to paint a bowl of fruit, "Milly, I want you to take your canvas to the back of the room and I want you to paint anything that you want to paint for the rest of this class."

My brows shot up in surprise, "You really think I'm good?"

Mrs Davies smiles, "I think you have a natural artistic talent. Now go paint."

I did as I was told, still a little shocked. I went to the back of the room and began to paint again. This time there were no rules. My mind fired up as I looked at all the colours, and I could anything I wanted with them. 

I began mixing, painting, dabbing, brushing and wiping. Time went by fast because before I knew it, class was done and so was my painting. 

Mrs Davies came around to have a look. I got nervous because she didn't say anything for quite a while.

"Umm Mrs Davies? Is everything okay?"

"Y-You did this in an hour?" She stuttered with her eyes still fixated on my art.

I frowned, "Yeah? Is that bad?"

She gulped, "Milly, I think you have a gift. This is absolutely beautiful." 

"Really?" My brows shot up, "You really think I'm good?"

Mrs Davies chuckled, "Honey, I have worked at some of the best art galleries in New York. I know a good artist when I see one. And you are one."

I felt my heart beat, not with anxiety, but with hope and excitement. I look at my painting and tilted my head. I had painted the other day with Jax, I wonder why I didn't really feel anything toward it. 

Maybe it's different when an actual art teacher tells you that you have you a gift. I smiled at the painting of a sunset on the mountains. Maybe I could really pursue this? 

I quickly pack, realising I was late for lunch. 

***

"Painting?" Jax said with a raised brow, "We did that the other day Milly and you said you didn't feel much toward it."

I flopped on the couch, "I know I know! But I was painting in class today and I don't know! It just hit a little differently."

Jax crosses his arms, tilts his head, pondering about it, "Painting...sounds good to me."

I instantly broke out in a smile. I jumped in his arms in a squeal! "I'm gonna become an artist!"

Jax laughs and holds me up, "Milly the artist. It suits."