LillyMHenderson-Peach 

Title 5/5

I like the title, and I'm glad I found out its origins by chapter five.

Description/Blurb 8/10

Your blurb had some parts that read a little clunkily. To say, they were a bit abrupt. For example, when you transition from, "If only her mom would stop pushing her to finally settle down," to "But Emma's track record isn't the best."

However, I don't think describing her reservations towards men is "stay away from them, that is." It seemed more like she was guarding herself until she met someone she could trust, not avoiding from men entirely.

Otherwise, is was pretty intriguing.

Cover 3/5

The cover is pretty cliché and a little (only a little) plain. However, it was cute and fit the story well.

Plot 16/20

You had a good start. However, sometimes, your writing wasn't concise. You often use words you don't need. One example is when you write about why Jack is bleeding (the bottle in the bar). And when you're discussing how hot Jack is lol. The sentences seemed to go forever and there was a way to say that in a shorter form. Some of them turned into run-ons and other times, it got to the point where it seemed like a sort internal mind ramble. I don't know how else to explain it other than, work on conciseness and saying things in ways that don't distract the reader with a bunch of unnecessary words.

Welp, I just did it too. See what I mean?

Characterization 15/20

Your characters acted pretty predictably at times. I wish there had been something special or different about Emma or Jack, but they kind of fell into the cookie cutters. You know? You were good at weaving their personalities, appearances, and values into the story.

Creativity/Originality 8/10

Well, the nice girl who falls for guy whose bad for her...kinda cliché but that was alright. I liked how Jack was a medical device engineer, and how Emma was a nurse trying to deal with her mother. I think the friendship dynamics were good too.

Spelling & Grammar 14/15

Some run-ons, comma misuse, but otherwise fine.

Enjoyability 3/5

Your story is a nice read, with a good plot, a good pace, and humor too. However, I kind of felt like I was searching for something in it, and I wish I had found what I was looking for.

Literary Devices 4/5

I noticed a lot. Often when it came to action that happening, or the MCs' internal thoughts. Sometimes, you'd just have tons of dialogue and not much devices/description though.

Description: 5/5

You describe action, emotions/feelings, and appearance. Sometimes you'd describe scenery, but only when it was needed. You only described what was important and necessary.

81/100