EndingAtTheWillows- The Call

Title 5/5

Nice. Short. Sweet. I'm interested to see how it relates to the story.

Description/Blurb 7/10

You had great uses of metaphors. However, you said their names too many times. It became clunky. Your blurb contained too many things that seemed unnecessary/repetitive/uninteresting/cliché-ish.

Cover 4/5

I liked the title, color, and font, but I thought you could have chosen different photos. They seemed a little corny/out of place, so I thought you could have used different photos or none of them at all. Especially because you had the phone in the background already.

Plot 14/20

Your writing would get clunky and awkward at time. In other cases, it was repetitive.

For example, you wrote:

"I appreciate that about Inara, despite being an overachiever herself she always saw me for who I was, not just the son of a local pastor, but she saw me for me and I was eternally grateful that. She often reminded me I was destined for more than this small town dreams."

This sentence was cool, but it wasn't concise at all.

You have nice writing. But the run-ons are too much. I docked several points because of this. Sometimes, just put a period in it. Just stop the sentence because then your writing loses its rhythm.

Going back to the clunky thing, another example was the introduction of Donny. When he was explaining what happened with Inara and her mom, it was almost done perfectly, but then the dialogue got too long and it became obvious. It turned from context to an information dump.

A good thing was that every chapter had a hook and cliffhanger, which was good. It kept me interested.

Characterization 18/20

You do it really well! Eye color, internal thoughts, settings—yes!

Howeverrrr, I wish you had kept this consistent. Sometimes, it was awkward. The characters occasionally talked in a way that didn't make sense. E.g. Donny talking to hatcher about Inara's mom or the scene where Hatcher and Lacey began arguing in front of Inara—about her. They were unrealistic

Creativity/Originality 8/10

Love the aesthetics, headers, covers, songs, all of it. Very creative and original. Obviously, the story is a best friends romance situation, but you added a twist. I especially liked that you added the element of mental health and its importance.

Spelling & Grammar 11/15

Run-on in the first sentence. Not a good way to hook the reader.

Run-ons. More run-ons.

Missing commas.

Slight tense changes.

And more run-ons.

Enjoyability 5/5

Hated the run-ons. Almost drove me nuts. Lovely story though. Great description, great plot, great premise.

Literary Devices 5/5

Definitely there. You have a knack for describing internal dialogue, emotions, and feelings in a way that isn't bland.

Description: 5/5

Beautiful description. Vivid, lovely imagery. And it was incorporated very well.

82/100