dogloverishere- I Crave You

Title 4/5

I think the title is cliché, but it's effective because it gives the reader a sense of what type of book it will be: romance!

Description/Blurb 7/10

Your blurb seems a little clunky—to say, it's not as smooth as it could be. There were some apparent tense changes and it got slightly repetitive. It did explain the premise though. I wish your blurb was as seamless as your first chapter.

Cover 3/5

The cover was also cliché...and I don't understand the point of them being in water. I feel like if they had been out of water, I would have given more points for the sheer relevance of it. The picture also seemed a little stretched.

Plot 17/20

You had a great beginning to the chapter. Nice job!

You have a good pace and things move along nicely, they come together well. My main issue was that many of your sentences were borderline run-ons. You would connect two related ideas that could have been two sentences into one. Your sentences sometimes became repetitive.

Also, the part where Sean sucked the blood of her finger was just...weird. I can't imagine that would ever realistically happen.

Characterization 18/20

I felt that your characters were pretty typical for a romance story. Nonetheless, they were well-written.

I liked that you didn't usually dump character information or personality traits in one paragraph. In general, you tactfully weaved them throughout the story where they were appropriate. So, it was easier to remembered and less awkward and unnatural.

However, sometimes you did. For example, when describing the similarities and differences between Evelyn and her sister, it was good at first. And then you kept going and it became too much, almost too obvious, y'know?

I also felt like Sean's personality wavered. You wrote him out to be this cold jerk and then he started getting soft. Perhaps the point was that Evelyn was "different" but it's not realistic to make someone who just started becoming a better person start randomly changing.

Creativity/Originality 8/10

Well, the premise of the rich CEO and the starving artist/musician/cute girl isn't new. You know, he was in a bar, turned down a hot lady, and then saw her singing and was in awe. However, you didn't write in a cliché manner.

Spelling & Grammar 14/15

Good. Some errors and maybe a couple of times you misused a word, but nothing major. For example, when describing the scene where Evelyn is woken up by her sister, you wrote something along the lines of, "'Ooof!' She scoffed." but that's wrong. Scoff is a noise of derision, not surprise. So, it wouldn't work in that case.

Enjoyability 4/5

You have beautiful writing. However, rich CEOs falling for not-as-rich girls romances aren't my thing.

Literary Devices 5/5

I definitely noticed plenty of metaphors and similes. And they were wonderfully done as well.

Description: 5/5

Your description was very balanced. You included appropriate narration, but also description of scenery, people, and action.

85/100