Mystery/Thriller 1st Place Winner- MichaelShivaSurya

MichaelShivaSuryaThings Not Subject To Gravity

Title - 3.5/5

It's original and goes with the description, but it's not very mysterious. Considering this is the mystery genre, you'd expect the title to have more suspense.

A quick tip: only capitalize important words in a title, meaning all nouns, no articles (a, the, and, etc.), and no prepositions (to, with, from, for, etc.).

Description/Blurb - 7/10

I really like everything that you have going on in the description. Starting off with a couple of questions is always a strong start, and your character descriptions add suspense without giving too much away.

I know you combined the dashes together to form an em dash, but it isn't needed. All except for the last phrase with em dashes should have commas instead. Also, the last sentence needs a comma.

The biggest flaw is that I'm not really sure what the story's about. How do their paths intertwine? What's the overall plot? These questions should be answered, but they aren't.

Cover - 4/5

It gives me an anime vibe, which is a bit different from most mystery covers. The man's dark eyes and this mysterious hand kind of draw me in. However, the title doesn't stick out at all. If anything, it's the last thing I noticed when I saw the cover, but it should be the first.

Plot - 19/20

From what I read, I really loved the plot. There were a few minor places where I got lost, specifically the interviews, and it's not an easy story to keep up with. Readers are constantly having to recollect what they learned in the previous chapters. There were many tiny things that you wouldn't realize were a hint to the plot or a certain character if you didn't remember other pieces of information, which isn't exactly fair to the reader. While it encourages readers to binge the story, the long chapters can't be easily binged. I suggest adding a few helpful hints at the top of the chapters to help readers jog their memory of what happened before, kind of like a "Previously on ..." section.

Having a book bounce between three perspectives isn't the easiest thing to do, and it left me confused at times. I wasn't sure what was happening, especially during the interview chapters. Switching from the interviews to David's thoughts was very confusing. One reviewer suggested to possibly put two or three interviews at the beginning of the story and explain David's thoughts later on, and I like that idea.

Besides that, I didn't have any real problems. It was a very good read, and I had difficulty thinking of many things to improve.

Characterization - 19/20

I love your characterization. I love how you reveal the characters through dialogue and inner thoughts. You put a lot of thought into a character, and I respect that. If there's one thing you can improve, it's when you reveal information about a character. Many things are hidden from the readers, so when you reveal something, it seems a bit like info-dumping. Try to think of more creative ways to reveal some of the information.

Creativity/Originality - 10/10

This is very creative and original. I've never read a story like it. Good job!

Spelling & Grammar - 14/15

There was a minor error here or there that made a sentence sound unnatural, but other reviewers commented ways to fix them. You use em dashes a lot, and they can easily be replaced by commas. Em dashes are supposed to set off phrases from the rest of the sentence, but you use them way too often.

Enjoyability - 4/5

I really enjoyed reading this. For my sake, I don't like having to review extremely large chapters like yours because they're so time-consuming, but I really enjoyed reading this nonetheless. I just wish I hadn't gotten that lost while reading.

Literary Devices - 2/5

I don't really like judging this section because it's not as easy to include literary devices in a mystery novel than a general fiction or romance novel. There weren't many, if any, literary devices like metaphors and similes used, but there weren't many places to include them. You can try adding them to the dialogue where the people were explaining Vain's appearance, and in the future try to include them when describing people and scenes.

Descriptions - 5/5

Despite the lack of literary devices, the descriptions were very clear and nice. I got a good feel for what was happening and what Set and Vain looked like.

Total - 87.5/100

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