StormRidden-Into Shadows and Escaping Ash

Title: 5/5 

Typically, I'm not a fan of longer titles, but this one is so evocative and interesting I *have* to love it! It practically screams not only the fact that it fits in this genre, but there are likely elements of dark fantasy in it that give the story dimension. Sometimes, a title is simply powerful and memorable, even if it doesn't fit as neatly on a book cover as shorter titles do. "A Song Of Ice And Fire" is arguably a stronger title than "Twilight" because of the imagery each title provokes. The title alone has won me over and captured my interest.

Blurb: 7/10 

If the overall "marketing" facets of this book are any indication, this story may be the dark horse in a competition full of well-known authors and much-read stories that have collected almost every type of award out there. The way your book is presented (considering the title, blurb, and cover) is close to flawless. I'm wondering why I haven't run into this book before.

This book It hits every facet of what a blurb needs to cover- introduction of the main characters, presentation of conflict, and invitation to read to learn the resolution. The third mark of what a blurb needs is only barely touched upon, though, as there's no direct call to the reader to keep reading. However, it is implied in the restating of the central conflict, albeit quite loosely.

The main weakness in the blurb is the grammar and punctuation in the final paragraph. It's all over the place, and contains a number of very simple mistakes that begin to hint this book is far less refined than it looks. Phrases like "Only, if it's for better or worse" are awkward, and the oddly incorrect punctuation draws attention in all the wrong ways. Unfortunately, this blurb has made me forget how impressed I was by the title and cover. An editor will help you get the writing of the blurb on par with the title and cover, as the content is good, it's merely the execution that's lacking.

Cover: 5/5

I wish they'd asked each of the judges to choose a "Best Cover" for a special award in this competition, because I'd choose this one without hesitation. Out of all the contestants, it is the one that is the most aesthetic, marketable, and has genre appeal that ties the package together. I'm personally a huge fan of gold on book covers, but it's difficult to execute well in digital form. Inevitably, it ends up looking like a mustard-yellow colour, or it's yellow darkened by a black shadow so heavy that you cannot read the title. The fact that your cover artist chose a rose gold, almost coppery tone that matches what's used on the chains is absolutely lovely. The cover of this book is going to give you a leg up in competitions. In fact, I'm writing down the name of the artist myself. Very well done!

Plot: 18/20

If I had any doubts that this was in fact a dark fantasy story, they were eradicated almost immediately in the first chapter. It's always obvious when a book has heavy fantasy elements to it because world-building and setting of the mood of the story is accomplished very early and in a thoroughly immersive way. This book is no exception, and the opening chapter is one of the strongest in this category. Everything about it is active and although the plot is interesting enough to avoid all those "end of the world" cliches, it's the characters that are the driving force in the story. If I had one issue with the first few chapters, it's that the writing is a bit heavy-handed with the descriptive writing techniques and while the right amount is immersive, too much is just---too much.

How does that relate to my plot score? Isn't there a separate category for that? Yes, there is, but the reason that world-building and descriptive language always calls back to plot is pacing. If your story is a wagon, the heavier the burden it needs to carry, the slower it moves. Likewise, if you go a bit overboard on the modifiers and sensory details, it will slow your plot down. I get the sense this is a fast-burning book that forgoes a lot of the exposition that fantasy and dark fantasy is infamous for using (when in doubt, take the longest route to Mordor!), so while you don't want to forgo the very tactile mood set in the first few chapters--you've got to throw some of the descriptive words off of the wagon.

Characterisation: 20/20 

I'm not a huge fan of first-person POV when it comes to characterisation and development, because the result is often lacking in the emotional depth that third-limited offers. This is particularly true in genres where world-building and immersion are keys to success or failure, and Paranormal/Horror is one of those genres. However, you avoid some of the limitations of first-person characterisation through arguably some of the strongest and most powerful dialogue found in this competition. The dialogue absolutely blew me away and made me forget a bit about about how the descriptive writing is heavy, the plot has been seen before, and there are too many aesthetics on the page. The interaction between characters makes both the characters AND the world you're creating come to life and create a unique, compelling, fast-paced story. The sharpness of the dialogue and the way that descriptive language is used for reader immersion is exactly why you need to find the perfect balance in the writing style. The success of your dialogue is that you let it speak for itself, and you let it show the characters rather than presenting long and drawn-out descriptions of the characters. It's a stunningly successful technique, and it's one that moved this story from "it's good" to "It has a place on my bookshelf". I am not easily impressed, but this impressed me. Wonderful work.

Creativity/Originality: 9/10

While the premise of the story is not entirely original--there are shelves full of post-apocalyptic stories where humans cause the downfall of existence--the way the story moves beyond that is most certainly an original one. This book gives the impression of being an easy read, although in fact, it's not at all. It's a very nuanced and well-developed story in terms of where the plot travels and even more so in the characterisation. Even minor characters seem real in this story, and the reason for that is the overall success of the world-building and the interaction between characters. It is detailed, it is consistent, and it's creative. It's hard to ask for more than that.

Spelling/Grammar: 13/15 

As the blurb warned me a bit, spelling and grammar is this story's weak point, although the first three chapters seem very well-edited. Once I start getting into Chapter Four, I'm distracted by some of the punctuation errors and slightly awkward phrases. Like many authors, you need to take a look at the proper use of semi-colons and commas. Sentence fragments are lost words left behind, and they are calling out for rescue!

You suffer from one of the issues I don't run into all that often, but it's my own personal nemesis: accidental tense shifts. Writing actively in present tense is less common than past tense narration, but in my opinion, it is far more engaging. However, most writers have a voice in the back of their mind that finds telling a story in past tense natural and easy. It goes back to the first stories we read as children. "Once upon a time, there was.."

People either love or hate present-tense narration, but you opt for it and very successfully. The problem is that editing can be somewhat tedious. You have to make sure your verbs don't slip into past tense when they're happening now, or even more strangely, that past participles invade the present tense. I've noticed from personal experience that present-tense writing is also more prone to slipping into passive voice. You have to work to keep it active, especially when describing a character's emotional state. Editing will be key to the success of this story, and there's nothing wrong with that. Some writers simply benefit immensely from the right editor.

Enjoyability: 5/5 

There's no question in my mind that this story is marketable, and though it offers enough for readers of certain genres, it also has cross-genre appeal. There's a kind of sophistication to the language and the characters that may have younger readers and those who count on fast, easy reads turning away--but the typical Wattpad demographic is not your audience. Your audience will skew a bit older, and Paranormal is a wonderful genre when you have a book that calls for more experienced and thoughtful readers. While I don't think it's a Paranormal story per se, Dark Fantasy typically appeals to lovers of Paranormal/Horror. However, you'll also find those who love traditional Fantasy and even Sci-Fi (apocalyptic/dystopian works actually fall under the Sci-Fi umbrella, even without any aliens!) as devoted readers. Enjoyability is certainly something this book covers well.

Literary Devices: 4/5 

This story does make good use of traditional literary devices, and while the descriptive language sometimes borders on the ornate, it's not the fault of things such as similes and metaphors. On the contrary, the writing does a very good job of blending them into the story and using them to advantage. The key to this book is knowing when to be overly descriptive and when to let "what is" speak for itself.

Descriptive Writing: 4/5 

Though it wasn't a huge issue for me personally, many readers will find the descriptive language in this book heavy-handed. It's one of those scenarios where something that adds elegance to your style and power to the creation of your world also alienates a certain type of reader. One of the things that I've found useful in using descriptive writing to maintain a beautiful style without being heavy-handed about it is to alternate paragraph length and structure. A favoured trick I use is to follow a longer or very ornate passage with a simple, emotional statement. The technique gives the eyes a break from long to short and doesn't make the reader feel daunted. It also lends a strange sort of power to that simple sentence, whether you want to put tears in a reader's eyes or send a chill down the spine. The contrast works beautifully.

This is a very well-done story that will appeal to a rather wide base of readers. The key to its success is balance in all things while keeping true to your exquisite style and well-developed visit. Edit, edit, edit. It's important to think about the importance and impact of every phrase and every description, and be a bit ruthless about what you really need and what's actually a bit redundant. While I don't believe in the old addage of "Show, don't tell", I do know that you don't need to both show AND tell.

This book has an amazing future ahead of it, and though I haven't seen it until now, I wonder where it's been hiding!

Total: 90/100