Ellen_Reese- Silent Hill: Angel

Title: 4/5 

I wasn't familiar with the Silent Hill franchise or that this story was related to a pre-existing work, and instead initially thought it was a cool and creepy title. Now that I understand the reference, the title is a bit more functional than alluring. One of the troubles with stories based off of other works, even if they're not deemed Fanfiction, is that is doesn't leave a lot of wiggle room for creativity in the title. However, your title does get the job done. Those who are fans of Silent Hill are likely to be immediately drawn in by the presentation of a new character/story. Those who don't know what that is (like me) will pick up the book because the title is definitely Paranormal in nature and promises a good creepy story.

Blurb: 8/10 

You're an experienced enough author to know the purpose of the blurb and what you need to put in there to write something simple but interesting to potential readers. On the positive side, this blurb hits all three major points-- main character, conflict, and invitation to read on for the resolution-- without giving away too much in the way of "spoilers". That part of the blurb is very well done, and it's cleanly presented. In my personal opinion, everything after the disclaimer (which this book likely does need) is something that can go in an "About The Open Novella Contest" chapter inside the book. You can also put the note that it was inspired by a certain prompt in that chapter to keep your blurb fresh and clean.

I'd suggest making a reference that Silent Hill is an existing series of works and not a completely original concept. It helps people like me who have no clue. ;) The main issue with your blurb are the long sentences and the few grammar mistakes. You are not by nature a descriptive writer, so what you give the reader is very short and almost terse. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that route, but your presentation has to be flawless. Dividing a few of those sentences into shorter pieces would set the tone. You simply need to avoid the dreaded sentence fragment! ;)

Cover: 5/5 

This was another category in which my lack of knowledge of a fandom influenced my first impressions. I didn't initially care for the graffiti-scrawled font used on the title. It seemed to draw away from the imagery, and even though I know the cover of a horror book will not be "pretty", I'm a sucker for things that are aesthetically well-balanced. However, when I was judging, my boyfriend happened to walk by and say, "Ooo, Silent Hill! That's a cool cover." He then went on to explain how the things that didn't appeal to me in the cover would be better appreciated if I knew the stories. This, unfortunately, is one of the reasons that I don't judge fanfiction. It's hard to be fair to it if I have no familiarity. However, the fact that the cover jumped out and instantly captured the attention of a someone who is familiar with Silent Hill convinced me to change my decision on this cover. While it's not my personal aesthetic, it's obviously marketable, the imagery connects to the story, and it has an instant appeal to those who enjoy the original.

Plot: 19/20

Not knowing either the original Silent Hill or some of the creations it subsequently inspired, it was initially hard to tell how much of this story was an original premise and how much called back to pre-existing characters or story arcs. I am glad you included a note that explained only one character from the original appears in your story, though I did very quickly get a sense that the plot and characters were new and original creations. It deviates from "fanfiction" to "inspired by" fairly quickly--and even though those two categories are similar, they are not the same when it comes to judging plot and character work.

One would expect most horror stories to be plot-driven stories. The shock and horror often lies in the spooky, horrific plot twists that put the characters in nail biting situations. I was very much anticipating that, and what thoroughly won me over is that you took a different approach. Your brand of horror deals with the psychology of whatever the plot twist is through the eyes of the character. Your rather distinctly terse style of storytelling gives the illusion of a fast-moving and suspenseful plot with many twists and turns. This is a must-have for any horror writer, but what people don't see unless they look closely is how much this is a character-driven piece. It is not a story where the characters wait for the monster to pop out and scare them. It is a story where the characters carry the monsters within, are the monsters, and are tormented by their own demons as much as any plot device. The fact that you make the story read like a fast-burning, plot-driven horror story when it's truly the character work that moves everything along is nothing short of brilliant.

Characterisation: 20/20 

People often ask me how to make people cry, due to the number of stories and chapters in my works that make people start sobbing. I even make myself cry as I'm writing. The thing is: I don't really know the answer, It's hard to explain emotion.

I also don't know the last time I cried reading a story that I didn't write, but this one broke my heart and had tears streaming down my face. I think the art of making people cry has to do with an openness to vulnerability and recounting moments that feel inescapably tragic. Behind tragedy is realism, even if you're writing in a more fantasy-based genre. One of the things I always emphasise is that emotional immersion only happens when a reader genuinely cares and is invested in characters. That only happens through characterisation and character development. Without character work in this story, there is very little story.

You are not a descriptive writer. Instead, you manage to build these very real, raw characters through almost only dialogue and interaction. It's a hard style to pull off, but you are one of a handful of writers who grab on to intense emotion in a very simplistic way. I so rarely give perfect scores for anything, but the way you pull the reader into the psyche and emotional lives of your characters is something many writers should envy. I know I do. Fantastic and thoroughly impressive work.

Creativity/Originality: 8/10 

Most work inspired by or derivative of other stories struggles with the concept of creativity. At the very start, you're at a bit of a disadvantage in the Originality department. However, you manage to tell a story that doesn't rely too heavily on the original premise. A reader doesn't need to know the original or any of the characters to appreciate the story, though I suspect those familiar with the franchise will likely enjoy it a bit more. I think you did a wonderful job combining an existing series with a prompt given to you. However, I did ultimately have to deduct because those premises weren't originally yours, nor is one of the characters central to the action early in the story. It's tough to take points off for something an author didn't do wrong, but is influenced by how the story is constructed. It's why screenwriters have a "Best Original" and "Best Adapted", but you came up with a "Best Inspired By". I think there's a lot of creativity and originality in this story and I think most of the content comes from the dark recesses of your mind. However, the parts that come from someone else's mind can't necessarily be deemed "original".

I struggled with judging this facet of your story given the unique set of contributing factors. ARRRRGH! ;)

Spelling/Grammar: 15/15 

After giving the other key elements such high scores, I have to admit that I was reading with a sharp eye, kind of looking for those grammatical errors and misspelled words that would jump out at me. I am not an easy judge, but I am a very fair one, and it seemed unlikely to me that a story would excel in what I consider the three most important facets--character, plot, and grammar/punctuation/writing style. I looked for the errors, and I couldn't get anything significant to jump out at me. It's just an impressively clean manuscript. I'd guess this work was edited more than once, or at least the first five chapters.

If someone had to find a writer out there whose style is the polar opposite of my own, I think they'd probably choose you. ;) You write in a way that would make our old friend Ernest Hemingway proud, cutting out every unnecessary word and relying on things other than plot devices and descriptive writing tricks to tell a story. Your writing style is unique and unparalleled, and it's something that readers will either love or hate. It's very suited to the genre you write, and your writing feels full of confidence in terms of voice, tone, and style. I couldn't find a flaw worthy of a point deduction here even though I absolutely tried. This book is simply very well-executed on the technical side.

Enjoyability: 5/5

This is not normally the type of story that would jump off the bookshelf and appeal to me. However, once I started reading, I was completely immersed and I wasn't about to stop reading. Anyone who likes horror, psychological thrillers, or is the kind of person who looks for characters worthy of emotional investment will find this a page-turner. In addition, the pacing is fast enough to keep up the tone of suspense lurking around the corner an omnipresent factor. Those who are easily bored when the action cools down (and that is a fair number of readers on Wattpad) will not lose interest in this story.

Thematically, this story isn't for everyone. It is a very emotionally raw and horrifying story at the very core, but it is not overly explicit or heavy-handed with those disturbing and mature themes. Instead, they're presented to the reader in the best way possible--through the eyes of the characters. There's almost a subtlety to the horror, and it makes it all the more poignant to read. The level of darkness in the places this story is willing to go limits mass appeal. Those who do want to be read something dark and slightly scarring, this is the story I'd give them. You've really found the way to beauty through simplicity. I applaud this story for that.

Literary Devices: 4/5 

This is where the story's elements begin to weaken, though I'd argue it's not a weakness if it's a stylistic choice. However simple a writer's style, though, there are points where things can be amplified through traditional literary devices. Description is not always the path to flowery, prosaic storytelling and can add to the tone and sense of place and emotional state as much as the absence of it can. This is a very short comment, I know, but my review of Literary Devices is "This book doesn't really use them, but I don't know if it needs to do so." I think a good challenge for you would be to try your hand at a bit of cleanly executed description or metaphor, and see if it adds to the sense of immersion your story creates. I have a sense it will not. Thus, I'm scoring you on your intelligent non-use of literary devices.

Descriptive Writing: 4/5

Much as I wrote in the paragraph above, there's an absence of descriptive writing. However, I believe it to be a stylistic choice that relates to the pacing and genre-appropriateness of your work. Not every writer is going to be a descriptive writer, and that is a good thing for certain types of stories. However, I will point out that engaging the senses is key to horror While I'm not sure you need literary devices, I am fairly confident that more frequent descriptions of how things smell, taste, feel, sound, etc. can add to the story being experienced by the characters. Your simplicity in narrative is part of what makes the emotional moments so hard-hitting, but giving the reader a sense of what a character is experiencing through sensory words will amplify your writing. There is some room for improvement in this category. Most writers struggle to cut unnecessary words. Your struggle is when to add them and when to make them necessary.I know this book was not a winner for the Open Novella Contest, and I'm wondering if those judges read the same story I read. Writers who take risks and are confident in their writing are gems, and although I do not know anything about Silent Hill, I know this story is a gem. If this contest had a "Judge's Pick" section to it, this story would be mine. Excellent work! 

Total: 92/100